Transcript Sex Wise Parents: Raising Sexually Safe and Healthy Children PRESENTED BY: DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG.

Sex Wise Parents:
Raising Sexually Safe
and Healthy Children
PRESENTED BY:
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG
One Child ~ One Grown-up
The ultimate metric
for child welfare:
Is every child in your
state connected to
at least one adult
with access to all of
the resources
necessary to raise a
healthy and
productive child?
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Intro
Link to vintage 1966 Youtube video on talking to kids about sex https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qx0LuPJ91o
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Perspective
Started in 1978, in East Tennessee
Sexuality issues were incorporated into all of our staff
training, and community presentations to parents, teachers
and others.
Authored a chapter in a text book entitled: Human
sexuality issues in the treatment of child sexual abuse
(Flanzer, J The Many Faces of Family Violence. Charles C
Thomas Pub Ltd ,August 1982)
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
The neutered 90’s
Megan's Laws NJ, 1994 (first) federal 1996
◦ Sex abuse prevention became checking registries
◦ Adults were concerned about being falsely accused by a child or parent
Abstinence only education funding 1996
◦ Limited topics to be presented in classes
Jocelyn Elders 1994
Dr. Joycelyn Elders, the highly qualified US Surgeon General was forced to resign after
replying to a specific question at a World Aids Day conference asking if she "thought that
masturbation could serve as a useful tool to help discourage school children from
becoming sexually active too early" by saying: "With regard to masturbation, I think that is
something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be
taught".
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Megan’s Laws
First passed in states, 1994 (NJ) feds 1996
Consequences of being labeled a sex offender now much more serious,
including life time registration
Public became over-reliant on Megan’s Law registries for ‘prevention’
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Jocelyn Elders
1994 Dr. Joycelyn Elders, U.S. Surgeon General, was forced to resign
after replying to a specific question at a World AIDS Day conference.
When asked if she “thought that masturbation could serve as a useful
tool to help discourage school children from becoming sexually active
too early” she stated, “With regard to masturbation, I think that is
something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that
perhaps should be taught.”
Foes of Elders’ superior, President Bill Clinton, repeated this one
sentence out of context, seeking to paint a dedicated public health
official as a pervert who wanted curricula on how to masturbate taught
in grade schools.
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Restricted Sex Ed
Abstinence only education:
limited finding 1982
massive infusion, 1996
Funded both schools and youth serving agencies
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Judy Blume…..
“When I began to write, thirty years ago, I didn't know if anyone would publish my books, but I wasn't afraid to write them. I was lucky. I found an editor and publisher who were
willing to take a chance. They encouraged me. I was never told what I couldn't write. I felt only that I had to write the most honest books I could. “
There were few challenges to my books then, although I remember the night a woman phoned, asking if I had written Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. When I replied that I
had, she called me a Communist and slammed down the phone. I never did figure out if she equated Communism with menstruation or religion, the two major concerns in 12 year
old Margaret's life.
But in 1980, the censors crawled out of the woodwork,
seemingly overnight, organized and determined. Not only
would they decide what their children could read, but
what all children could read. Challenges to books
quadrupled within months, and we'll never know how
many teachers, school librarians and principals quietly
removed books to avoid trouble.
Read Judy Blume on censorship
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
One Result??
Adults, even well-intentioned ones
STOPPED TALKING TO KIDS ABOUT SEX!
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
My Goal:
To promote sexually safe and healthy families by
focusing on parents.
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Sex-Wise Parenting
at home
VALUES, NORMS AND ACCURATE INFORMATION FOR ALL!
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Parents as a source of sexuality
information
Parents consistently underestimate the influence they have on
the children's decisions about sex
“Teens continue to say that parents (46%) most influence their decisions about sex. By
comparison, just 20% say friends most influence their decisions.”
Parents generally overestimate the amount of information their
children get from health education classes
Fewer than half of all states require some type of sex education in school, and the content
varies greatly
Source: Albert, B. (2010). With One Voice 2010: America’s Adults and Teens sound Off About Teen Pregnancy. Washington, DC: The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and
Unplanned Pregnancy
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Sexual health and safety..
Start at home!
The earliest and most primal lessons
leaned about human touch, self worth,
empathy, pleasure and pain set the
foundation for sexuality.
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
The Fragile Families Studies
“At the time of the birth, most parents [in fragile families] are
romantically involved and have high hopes that they will get married;
most, however, are not able to establish stable unions or long-term coparenting relationships. Five years after birth, a third of fathers have
virtually disappeared from their children’s lives. New partnerships
bringing new children are common, leading to high levels of instability
and complexity in these families. “
http://www.futureofchildren.org/futureofchildren/publications/docs/20_02_01.pdf
Sara McLanahan, Irwin Garfinkel, Ronald B. Mincy, and Elisabeth Donahue Page 6
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
P L I S S I T model
Permission
◦Limited Information
◦Specific Suggestions
◦Intensive Therapy

Developed by therapist Jack Annon in 1974, and adopted by AASECT
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
“PLISSIT”
A tool we can offer parents!
Professionals can role model the
“permission” and “limited information”
aspects with colleagues and clients.
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
“Permission”
Articulating Family Norms
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Assessing family values about
What do we mean by NORMS?
“Adults come to relationships with expectations or norms about every
aspect of sexuality and sexual behavior and it would be very rare for
two people to have exactly the same norms when entering a
relationship. Part of building a strong foundation for a relationship
includes working to clarify and articulate these expectations, then
agreeing on a compromise when differences are discovered.”
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Norms about Language
What words will we use for all body parts?
What words will be used for urination and
defecation?
Caution not to refer to the genitals as the
‘dirty parts’!
If families choose to go with ‘private parts’,
teach kids the name for each of the parts.
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Language
Sexual safety and health is enhanced
when we raise kids with an appropriate
level of language about each of their
body parts, having integrated the values
of their family which can transform as
the child develops and the family
dynamics change.
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Norms about dress
Be very clear about who sees whom in underwear
(or less); this becomes a particularly important
question in two circumstances—
◦ when a child approaches puberty and
◦ when new members are entering the household,
such as the blending of families.
It’s not uncommon for both of these things to
happen around the same time.
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Norms about privacy
Bathroom and bedroom doors opened or
closed?
How will we handle visitors used to different
rules? How will we handle visiting homes
with different rules?
◦Friends and family willing to host kids for
an overnight visit are a GIFT, but parents
need to know the norms and discuss them
with their kids
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Before we leave families --
A word about siblings
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Older siblings are an important source of information about the ‘facts’
of sex and the family values.
◦ Some parents engage an older child as a partner in sharing
information with the younger ones
Older siblings can also be terrifying bullies
◦ When kids fight (which is normal) determine if the younger/smaller
one is mad or terrified.
◦ One widely cited study found 13% of a college population reported
sibling incest. (1)
◦ Adolescents between the ages of @ 12 and 15 appear to be the
highest risk for impulse-driven sexual acts with younger kids (2)
(1) Finkelhor. “Sex Among Siblings: A survey on prevalence, variety and effects.” Archives of Sexual Behavior (9), 1980: 171–194.
(2) Maia Christopher, Association for the Treatment or Sexual Abusers (ATSA) http://www.safetocompete.org/Watch NCMEC conference
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Goal:
parents who can tell kids ….
Names for all body parts
The difference between privacy and secrecy
It’s always O.K. to ask questions
Sexual arousal is NORMAL
What behavior is acceptable at home
What behavior is acceptable outside the home
That it’s always OK to bring ANY concern to them
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Quotes to borrow and share:
From a Dad on Glee, whose son was balking at having a sex
conversation
“I’m uncomfortable too, but we’ll both be better men for having this
conversation.”
From minister and his wife to their 7 year old son after a discussion
about sex and reproduction:
“We hope you realize how special this information is.” It’s about love
and families and that makes it a parents special privilege to tell their
kids in their own way. So keep this in our family; you need to let your
friends’ parents explain things to them in their family's way.”
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
‘Limited Information”
Everything parents should have learned in high school but probably
didn’t:
Basic sexual and reproductive
anatomy and physiology
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Anatomy: What parts are
where inside and outside
FEMALE
MALE
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Physiology: How things work
Key to this discussion is a clear
understanding the sexual response is an
autonomic response
People experience arousal at least from birth
Pedophiles prey on the fact that they can
induce a physically pleasurable sensation in a
child to convince them that they were a
willing participant in a sexualized act.
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Great summary…..
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Other important topics
Stages of psychosexual development
How children acquire language
Sexual archetypes -- associations and
arousal
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
What adolescents must know:
Puberty will bring physical, emotional and social changes.
Don’t be afraid.
Sexual arousal is normal (and frequent!)
Sometimes people lie to get sex.
STD’s are for life.
Everybody is NOT ‘doing it’(and so what if they are)
Good websites for accurate information. e.g. SIECUS.org
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
What parents must know:
Names for all body parts
The difference between privacy and
secrecy
It’s always O.K. to answer questions..
Even if the answer is “I don’t know!”
Sexual arousal is normal
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
What young kids need to know
Names for all body parts
The difference between privacy and
secrecy
It’s always O.K. to ask questions
Sexual arousal is NORMAL
What families can do to promote
sexual health and safety
 Recognize developmental capabilities of
children
 Teach children about boundaries and
limitations
 Give children language about ALL body
parts, including genitals!
 Normalize Sexuality
Teach the “Golden Rule”
Sex-Wise
Parenting in the
community
SCHOOLS AND OTHER INSTITUTIONS SERVING KIDS
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
“Children should not have to
prevent sexual abuse by
themselves. That’s our job. We
can do much more to protect
children than teach them to tell
us when someone has acted
inappropriately. It is our
responsibility as adults to learn,
to notice, and to say something
when we see behaviors towards
children and teens that make
them vulnerable or are sexually
inappropriate.”
www.StopItNow.org
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Current focus in prevention:
Adult Responsibility
•Promoting adult responsibility for recognizing signs that an abuser is at work and feeling
empowered to intervene.
•Removing the sole responsibility for children to protect themselves from ‘stranger danger’
and ‘good touch bad touch.’
Developed in Massachusetts, now active in 5 states, including New York
More information at:
www.PreventChildAbuseNY.org or
www.EnoughAbuse.org
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Early Identification and intervention
for dysfunctional behavior
Static Risk Factors: Attributes of a someone who is sexually acting out that
have become deeply ingrained and are not likely to change.
Dynamic Risk Factors: Attributes of a someone who is sexually acting out
that are situational or age-related and ARE likely to change.
A Sex-Wise community includes access to professionals who know the
difference, and policies that support intervention with youthful offenders
The overwhelming majority of juveniles who sexually offend do not go on to
become adult offenders.
Lets make it safe for them to seek treatment.
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Issue -Should there be resources where people who have sexual
feelings towards children can receive help and remain
anonymous?
◦ The Stop It Now Movement was not well received in NJ--prosecutors believed it was shielding offenders; clinicians
questioned the value of anonymous treatment for a compulsive
behavior
Communities…..
Sex Offender Registry Laws have been established to keep track of people
who have been convicted of sexual offenses and have moved back into
communities. Most are required to register with authorities and in some
instances their names and addresses are made available to the public. But
community notification laws can give us a false sense of security. Most
sexual abuse, nearly 88 percent, is never reported, let alone brought to
trial. (Hanson, R.F., Resnick, H.S., Saunders, B.E., Kilpatrick. D. G., and Best,
C. (1999). Factors related to the reporting of childhood sexual assault. Child
Abuse and Neglect, 23,559-569)
So the police and the courts can't warn us about the people responsible for
most of the abuse that is committed across the United States. They don’t
know who they are. But most likely, we do. Chances are, those most at risk
to abuse our children are people we know in our families and in our
community, who have horribly lost control.
Where Should We be
Observant?
Youth Serving Agencies
Schools
Neighborhoods
Wherever adults have access to children
Within our own extended families….
Sexual Climate
WHAT I T I S A N D HOW TO
P ROMOT E A HEA LTHY ON E !
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
What is sexual climate?
Based on research on education:
School culture is the written set of rules and policies
School climate is how it actually FEELS to be in a school building
School climate has been shown to be related to academic
achievement, incidents of violence and other important outcomes for
children and youth.
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Sexual Climate/Sexual Culture
Terms borrowed from researchers/scholars in education
Extensive research on the impact of school climate on discipline, performance,
achievement, staff turnover and other issues; see for example Tableman, Betty and
Adrienne Herron. Please read more at:
School Climate and Learning.” Best Practice
Briefs, Number 31 University-Community
Partnerships @Michigan State University:
2004
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Climate can be a difficult concept to
grasp
Because most adults have spent time in very few schools!
People who work in multiple schools can attest to the fact that two
schools in the same district, with the same formal culture can ‘feel’
entirely different.
Climate is specific to an individual school – highly dependant on the
PEOPLE.
These issues also hold for early care and education centers!
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Sexual Climate
Refers to how a group or organization actually deals with sexual issues
Language and terminology
Privacy
Respect
Boundaries
Dress Code
Graffiti
Others?
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Sexual Climate in Schools
At least 5% of kids report sexual contact with a school employee
sometime during their school years
With young kids, we’re concerned with pedophiles.
By middle and high school we’re concerned with adults who exploit
their power and status to seduce kids.
Shakeshaft, Carol. Educator Sexual Misconduct: A Synthesis of Existing
Literature. Washington, D,C.: U.S. Department of Education, Office
of the Undersecretary, 2004.
Access the report, Educator Sexual Misconduct here.
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Examples of issues in sexual climate
An organization/school where children are punished for ‘hands in the pants’ at nap time.
A summer camp responding to a parents charge that an adolescent lifeguard fondled her son in a
locker room by suggesting that the parent find another camp for her son.
A organization/school where staff develop romantic/sexual relationships with adults in client
families.
A organization/school where staff dress in sexualized ways.
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Link to bullying
Sex abuse is bullying taken to a grotesque extreme.
The perpetrator cares only for their own satisfaction with absolutely no
regard for the impact their behavior has on others.
Bullying prevention programs, when done well are an important
component to community sexual health and safety.
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
What you can do!
Promote empathy
◦ ‘How do you think that made your friend feel?”
◦ Encourage sharing
◦ Toddlers are not developmentally capable of really internalizing that
concept, but constantly presenting it as a lesson builds a solid foundation
◦ Encourage parents to reinforce this at home
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Websites with Good
Information
www.StopItNow.org
www.EnoughAbuse.org
www.SIECUS.org
www.AASECT.org
http://www.healthychildren.org/spanish
http://www.healthychildren.org
http://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/Pages/Talking-to-YourYoung-Child-About-Sex.aspx
http://www.nsvrc.org/es/saam
http://nsvrc.org/publications/en-espanol
http://nsvrc.org/publications/en-espanol-nsvrc-publications-sexual-assault-awarenessmonth/SAAM2013
www.SexWiseParent.com
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Other ideas for Parent
Engagement
Consider offering a Q and A on your website
Old school – have a ‘question box’ and post selected questions and answers on a
bulletin board visible at the pick up/drop off/ tuition payment location
Parent meetings –
o How to talk to their kids about sexual health and safety
o Family Norms exercise
o Channing Bete booklet: Teaching Healthy Sexuality to Help Prevent Child Abuse
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM
Ideas, Inspiration, Innovation
I hope the idea of sex-wise parenting has left you inspired – and this
presentation was filled with resources to bring innovations to your job,
your communities and maybe even your own family.
These slides will be posted for one month at
www.SexWiseParent.com/resources
DR. JANET ROSENZWEIG WWW.SEXWISEPARENT.COM