Transcript Evaluating & Managing Conflicts Conflict Response Modes Competing Assertiveness Collaborating Compromising Avoiding Accommodating Cooperativeness Conflict Styles Exercise Quickly review Instrument 1 Go to one of the 5 locations, according to.

Evaluating & Managing
Conflicts
Conflict Response Modes
Competing
Assertiveness
Collaborating
Compromising
Avoiding
Accommodating
Cooperativeness
Conflict Styles Exercise
Quickly review Instrument 1
Go to one of the 5 locations, according to your
highest score:
– Competing: left front
– Accommodating: right back
– Avoiding: left back
– Compromising: middle
– Collaborating: right front
Do round with your names
Discuss in group some of following questions…
Questions for Groups
Some advantages of this conflict style
Some disadvantages of this conflict style
How are your advantages unfavorable for
others?
Situations in which this is a good style
Situations in which this style probably
shouldn’t be used
Conflict Response Modes
Competing
Assertiveness
Collaborating
Compromising
Avoiding
Accommodating
Cooperativeness
Three Basic Options
Try to change the other person
Try to alter the conditions
Change your own communications,
perceptions, conceptualizations, reactions,
behaviors
Conflicts
“Most of us are notoriously inaccurate at
describing our own behavior in a conflict”
We also misunderstand others and
inaccurately attribute intentions to them
Often, self-fulfilling prophecies are enacted
in a spiral (we provoke the very behavior
we accuse the other of perpetuating, then
we each make ourselves out to be the
victim)
Assessing Conflicts
Use same conflict situation in which you
looked at goals (or different one)
Use conflict episode model to diagnose and
understand what is happening
Use conflict episode model to identify
possible opportunities for intervention,
especially at the conceptualization stage
Conflict Episode Model
States of
Individuals
Frustrations
Conceptualizations
+ Stimulus
Outcomes
Behaviors
System Considerations
Conflict serves the system in some ways –
although not equally for all members
Usually rules are tacit and undiscussible
Understanding the system can help
identify ways to intervene and manage the
conflict
Using Systems Theory
Assess the workings of the overall system
(everyone connected to the conflict)
Determine recurring patterns associated
with conflict
Identify individual contributions to the
system and patterns
Some Systems Principles
219-222
1. Conflict occurs in chain reactions (don’t
look for villains or blame)
2. Each member gets labeled or type-cast
in a role
3. Takes more than one to keep a conflict
going
4. Coalitions & triangles often form
5. Systems develop rules for conflict that
are followed even if they work poorly.
Usually, there is a rule against knowing
or stating the rules directly
6. The conflict serves the system in
some way (even if poorly)
To Deduce System Rules
Need to deal with specific events, e.g.,
“microevents” (p.256)
Observe verbatim words and actual
actions
Describe behavior accurately, separate
from inferences and attributions
Inquire
Look for patterns
System Rules (cont.)
It helps to identify & list the rules explicitly
State them as prescriptions for behavior,
e.g., “When in context X, Y must (or must
not) occur.”
Good ways to elicit system rules on p.235
Then discuss how the rules help or harm
conflict management, and consider
changing some of the rules
Your Live Case – cont.
Identify tacit system rules and payoffs in
your conflict case (make use of some of the
questions in Application 7.1, p.222 &
suggestions on p.235)
Write individually
Share in group and inquire to obtain
additional insights and ideas
Metaphors
Creating a metaphor or drawing a picture
that represents a conflict provides a
different form of data
– Whole
– Visual
– Nonverbal
– Symbolic
Metaphor Exercise
1.
Use your ongoing conflict case (or another one in which
you are a participant)
2.
Generate a metaphor for this conflict (write
individually): “We are a….”
3.
One person shares her/his metaphor with the group,
which asks clarifying questions, using the images in the
metaphor
4.
Group brainstorms about ways to resolve the conflict,
still using the imaginary mode
5.
Group translates these imaginary resolutions into
practical steps for conflict management
More Ways to Assess Conflicts
Briefly review the text sections on triangles
and coalitions (p.226-233)
Individually, analyze your conflict situation
for possible triangles and coalitions
Triangles & Coalitions Cause Problems
Block direct, constructive communication
between individuals who should have this
Produce toxic relationships and poor
communication
Escalate conflict
Cause important issues to be unresolved
Are self-justifying & self-reinforcing
Summary of Tools to Assess Conflicts
Conflict episode model
Conflict response modes
System patterns and rules
Metaphors
Analysis of triangles and coalitions
Conflict Case
Individually, analyze and make notes,
using some of the tools you haven’t used
already
(Possibly) discuss in group
Short debriefing in total class
Emotions in Conflict
Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from
coming, but we can choose which one to surf.
When reason ends, then anger begins. Therefore, anger
is a sign of weakness. - Dalai Lama
Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry
with the right person, to the right degree, at the right
time, for the right purpose, and in the right way... that is
not easy. - Aristotle
Happiness is good health and a bad memory
- Ingrid Bergman
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
- Victor Borge
People are just as happy as they make up their minds to
be. - Abraham Lincoln
Feelings are facts …not right or
wrong …
What you do with those feelings is a
key element in managing conflict
(p.194)
Reverse Usual Sequence
Usually: Perceived threat -> Fear -> Anger
We feel angry, often without understanding the
cause (frequently, without recognizing the fear)
In groups, one person shares a recent incident in
which he/she got angry
Together, analyze what was the fear, hurt, or felt
vulnerability
Then, try to recall the originating communication
verbatim (at bottom of the ladder of inference)
Repeat, with another person providing the example
Managing Anger and its Expression
Manage fear-anger cycle
Use your best communication skills,
including “I-messages”
Receive anger effectively
Remember, we do not have to act the
way we feel
The midrange zone of
potentially effective conflict
management
Neither extreme works well:
– Suppressed, ineffectively avoided
conflict
– Unrestrained, escalating conflict
Moderating & Managing Conflicts
Three Basic Options
Try to change the other person
Try to alter the conditions
Change your own communications,
perceptions, conceptualizations, reactions,
behaviors
Self-change has prerequisites
1. I have to care about the relationship
2. I am willing to accept that my own choices
are influencing the conflict process (even if I
can’t yet identify the effects)
3. I am willing to give up whatever I am
currently gaining from the conflict (even if I
haven’t yet analyzed this)
4. I choose not to avoid
5. I don’t wait for the other to change first
Some Helps in Managing Conflicts
Evaluate situation well (previous 3 topics):
– Use episode model to diagnose situation
– Use episode model to ID opportunities for action
– Identify tacit system rules & payoffs
Apply excellent communication skills throughout
Improve personal centering
Manage conflict interaction dynamics
Manage Conflict Interaction
Dynamics
Engage in the mid-range between avoidance and
unrestrained conflict
Deal with fear-anger cycle
Manage escalation and de-escalation of conflict
Break conflict into manageable fractions
Balance power
Reframe (including from complaints to requests)
Managing Anger and its Expression
(repeat)
Manage fear-anger cycle
Use your best communication skills,
including “I-messages”
Receive anger effectively
Remember, we do not have to act the
way we feel
Symptoms of Escalation
(repeat)
Competition
Righteousness
Not listening
Spreading to new issues and situations
Dealing in personalities
Violating social norms
Intentional hurt
Insults and threats
De-Escalating
(repeat)
Breaking into manageable portions
Listening, trying to understand
Showing concern for others’ feelings
Appealing/suggesting de-escalation
Goodwill gestures, concessions
Expressing feelings
Finding integrative alternatives
“Recognizing” the other human being
Prevent Destructive Escalation
Use previous materials
Set and keep ground rules for interactions
Limit issues, not expand them
Look for ways to reframe the other’s
behavior in positive ways
Talk about the process and spiral
Power Inbalance
Badly unbalanced power can lead to:
– Abuse
– Passive-aggressive behavior
– Withdrawal
– Destructive spiral
– Unstable agreements
Power Inbalance
Often, both parties feel low power
Then, continually make moves to increase
their power at the other’s expense
Constructive realignment of power is often
helpful, even necessary
Power Balancing Approaches
By higher-power parties:
– Restraint
– Enhancing power of others
By lower-power parties:
– Focus on interdependence
– Assertiveness, calm persistence
– Stay actively engaged
By both: talk about the process
Make use of reframing
- including bridge frames
- and moving from complaints to
requests
Additional Things to Help
Identify and focus on causes
Deal with avoidance (yours and of others)
Use dance metaphor
(Throughout) improve your interpersonal
skills and reactions to conflict
Identify & Deal with Causes
Rescue crew fable
Need to find out what is causing the
problems
Put energy into preventing further
problems
Deal With Avoidance
Create safety, ease, comfort
Frame discussion as relationship-building
Vary mode of communication
Take breaks
Initiate discussions
Ask for help when needed
Dance Metaphor
Can vary closeness
Need to get close enough to engage
But not too close, too quickly
Go toward smaller, rather than larger
scope (for romantic ending)
Conflict management focuses on
preventing and reducing the negative or
destructive aspects of conflict, while
preserving and enhancing the positive
aspects.
Let’s Process Recent Sessions
What was useful about the class materials
and process – and should be done in the
future?
What could be improved in the future?