How to Make Your Common Application a Lot Less Common • A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common Application Do My Application.
Download ReportTranscript How to Make Your Common Application a Lot Less Common • A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common Application Do My Application.
Slide 1
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 2
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 3
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 4
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 5
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 6
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 7
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 8
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 9
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 10
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 11
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 12
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 13
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 14
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 15
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 16
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 17
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 18
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 19
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 20
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 21
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 22
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 23
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 24
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 25
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 26
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 27
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 28
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 29
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 30
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 31
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 32
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 33
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 34
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 35
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 36
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 37
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 38
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 39
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 40
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 41
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 42
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 43
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 44
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 45
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 46
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 47
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 48
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 49
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 50
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 2
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 3
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 4
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 5
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 6
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 7
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 8
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 9
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 10
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 11
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 12
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 13
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 14
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 15
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 16
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 17
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 18
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 19
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 20
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 21
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 22
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 23
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 24
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 25
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 26
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 27
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 28
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 29
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 30
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 31
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 32
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 33
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 34
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 35
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 36
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 37
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 38
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 39
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 40
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 41
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 42
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 43
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 44
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 45
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 46
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 47
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 48
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 49
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!
Slide 50
How to Make Your Common
Application a Lot Less
Common
• A Step-by-Step Guide to the Written Sections of the Common
Application
Do My Application Essay’s
Even Matter?
Application essay’s
are make or
break…
Decisions are all about GPA and SAT
results….the application essay’s are
meaningless.
The Read Process…
The Committee System
• Admission Officer Advocates for Competitive Applicants
• Officer Will “PULL” Relevant Information from the
Application
• Officer Will Often Read or Pull Quotes from the
Applicant’s Essays
• Final Vote
Do My Answers Matter…..
• Context to an Applicant’s Report Card
• Provide the Reader with another Tool to Measure the
Intelligence and Vitality of the Applicant
• Can Give Context to the Applicant’s Life
• Can Give Insight into the Applicant’s Choices
• Can Push an Application toward the Admit (or Deny) Pool
• The Common Application is the only chance the applicant
has to – for better or worse – support his/her cause
The Common Application
• Let’s review that Common Application and get a feel for the
writing requirements.
List principal activities in their order of importance to you!
Start with the activity that you could never imagine your
high school career without and work your way down from
there.
Details and Accomplishments
What About Hobbies?
The Short Essay
Let’s Re-Phrase the Prompt
• Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular
activities or work experiences in the space below (1000
character maximum).
• My advice is that you treat that question as if it actually reads:
• “Please tell us something interesting, unusual or
personally meaningful & compelling—preferably
something we don’t already know—about one of the activities
you’ve listed.”
Common Mistakes
•
•
•
•
•
•
Re-telling your history of involvement in the activity
Re-telling the history of the activity
Too many words/Characters
Clichéd revelation
Dull opening
Flat Language
From the Admission Office…
• “What you want to avoid is spending 1000 characters
(somewhere from 140-180 words typically) describing that
football is hard, or how volunteering at one blood drive was
rewarding, or that being the president of the student body
proves you have good leadership skills. Admissions officers
know that football is hard. And nobody will be surprised that
community service feels good when you help others, or that
being on the student government involves leadership skills…”
Short Essay: Structure
Opening
• Quick &
Short!
• Introduce
the Activity!
Narrative
• Bright
Language
Personal
Truth
• Compelling
• Interesting
• Meaningful
The Importance of
Opening Lines…
• “Entering the stage with the flair of a diva, I imagined myself
under the lights of Broadway before delivering a soulful
rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive…”
• “Soaking in the sight of the turquoise, scintillating water, I
stand on the edge of the pool, ready to dive in.”
• “I was perched on Einstein’s arm when it hit me.”
• “Playing doubles tennis is my most meaningful activity.”
Evaluate…
• My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small
in middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. I have been in the Varsity
Football team for three years and was named Captain in
September. As Captain I lead the summer workout program
and coordinate the weightlifting sessions after practice. After
all my years playing football I can say that the sport is hard
an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.”
Well….
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Was the revelation about the activity
interesting or unusual?
• Did you learn something new about the
applicant, something you would not have
learned from the activities section?
• Cliché?
My Assessment….Opportunity Lost
My path to the football field began in middle school when I
signed up to play on the local flag football team. I was small in
middle school so I played wide receiver, but in high school I
grew and now play linebacker. (Nothing dynamic here)
I have been on the Varsity Football team for three years and
was named Captain in September. As Captain I lead the
summer workout program and coordinate the weightlifting
sessions after practice. (In the Activities Section - rehashed)
After all my years playing football I can say that the sport is
hard an violent, but I have loved every minute of it. The bonds I
feel for my teammates are like a brotherhood and the
friendships I have made are irreplaceable.
(Cliché, no surprise, no interesting revelation)
How About ….Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. There are the lungbusing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in pushing myself to
my limit. There are the week long tours where I relish the
change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides
that best capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much
more mundane scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands
around town. Now that California has armed me with a driver’s
license I could drive instead. But as long as the emissions from
my car’s tailpipe speed up the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather
ride. I truly believe that the personal is political; I may not yet
qualify to vote for my values on a ballot, but I can vote with my
two wheels. Besides, there is nothing quite like the rush of a
bike ride to put a smile on my face.
My Assessment…Bike
I’ve spent much of my life on two wheels. (Wonderful, unique opening)
There are the lung-busing, leg burning bike rides where I revel in
pushing myself to my limit. There are the week long tours where I
relish the change of pace from my everyday existence and explore my
world, reliant on nothing but my own two legs. But the rides that best
capture the meaning of biking for me are on a much more mundane
scale – to school, friend’s houses, errands around town. (Strong,
colorful narrative)
Now that California has armed me with a driver’s license I could drive
instead. But as long as the emissions from my car’s tailpipe speed up
the melting of the ice caps, I’d rather ride. I truly believe that the
personal is political; I may not yet qualify to vote for my values on a
ballot, but I can vote with my two wheels. Besides, there is nothing
quite like the rush of a bike ride to put a smile on my face.
(WOW…mature, honest, clear revelation…)
Classical Piano…
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. But, the most triumphant reward has not
been the steely discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce
determination – empowering as those lessons have been. A
Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
Classical Piano – Assessment
Classical Piano is like Quentin Tarantino’s Pai Mei: a small
Chinese Slave-master. (Incredible Opening)
But, the most triumphant reward has not been the steely
discipline, cleaning humility, or fierce determination –
empowering as those lessons have been. (Acknowledge the
Cliché)
A Chopin nocturne requires a wealth of knowledge about the
Polish revolution and French technique, but more importantly, it
fosters the ability and passion to challenge conventional
readings and in a greater sense, break the bindings of society.
And that ability to think outside the box, paint the box polka
dotted pink, pick it up and throw it away is an incredible gift.
(Revelation is inspiring & mature)
SPARK…
Winston Churchill once said, “You have enemies? Good. That means
you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” A year ago, I
would have disagreed, at least, until a documentary called Miss
Representation walked into my life. Since then I’ve spoken out about
the hypersexualization of women by the media, the reality of the
gender gap in science, the necessity of equal pay for equal work, topics
that have earned me both friends and foes. Being a feminist activist
isn’t easy; I’m constantly fighting flippant “That’s just the way it is,”
comments with factual insistency. I’m lucky to have found SPARK, a
group of teenage activists who campaign against sexism. After
successfully petitioning Seventeen to stop photoshopping, we’re now
challenging Teen Vogue to cater to more than one race or body type.
My voice is out there, be it on the internet or in an interview on the
radio. As an agent of change, I’m a firm believer in the impact of taking
a stand.
Short Essay Writing Steps • READ!
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE ACTIVITIES YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SCHOOL
ACTIVITY – BUT IT SHOULD BE A RECENT ACTIVITY, SOMETHING
YOU WERE COMMITTED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL
• ASK –
WHAT WAS INTERESTING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
WHAT COMPELLED ME TO DO THIS ACTIVITY? WHAT WILL I
REMEMBER ABOUT IT YEARS FROM NOW?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
The Personal Statement
New Set of Prompts…
• Some students have a background or story that is so central to their
identity that they believe their application would be
incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share
your story.
• Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did
it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
• Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
• Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content.
What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to
you?
• Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that
marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your
culture, community, or family.
Choosing Your Essay Topic
• Please indicate your topic by checking the
appropriate button below.
There is no strategy to picking one topic over
another.
Simply find your “best story” and apply it to
whichever prompt fits best.
It’s almost always the first “Tell Us Your Story”
prompt.
Sounds easy right….
Re-Phrase the Prompt
You story can
serve as a
metaphor for a
larger truth
revealed
Your story can
serve as a
teaching tool,
helping you
solve an
important
dilemma
Perhaps
your story
helps
reveal
something
about your
unique
upbringing
?
Tips from the Admission Office
• Focused on Belief or Insight About Life that is significant
to the writer
• Development is based upon the writer’s personal
experiences
• Can Be Informal in tone, language and subject matter
“Your essay leads
the reader to
someplace a bit
personal…you
reveal something
about yourself,
your philosophy
Tip…Reveal Something an
Adult can Relate to!
Common Sense rules the day! The
“truth” you choose to reveal at the
end of the essay should be
something I understand and can
relate to. Not something that
makes me question your maturity,
intelligence or, for lack of a better
word, “likability.”
Structure of the Personal Essay
Opening
• Grab the Reader
• Connect to the
end of the essay
Narrative
• Interesting
• Golden Details
• Forward
Movement
• Dialogue
Personal
Truth
Reveled
• Share
Something
• Cliché
What Do You Believe or
Understand about yourself?
About the World?
I am not paid to think!
Teachers tell me what to think
Love conquers
all…
Life in high
school lacks
clarity…
Killing is
wrong…
The Point…
• Students DO have a rich set of beliefs, opinions and insights. It
is just that – well – school stopped rewarding personal
reflection long ago!
• Perhaps a few questions, prompts or exercises will help you
re-discover your reflective and insightful nature!
I do think the
Common
Application is a
pain in the …
Exercise…
• Find a quote reflecting the beliefs of both famous and not so
famous individuals. See if you can make a text-to-self
connection based upon your own life experiences.
“Large groups of
girls scare the
crap out of me…”
“The greatest problems in
life are all insoluble. They can
never be solved, only
outgrown.”
“How you
act in a
crisis shows
who you
really are…”
“Money CAN
buy
happiness…”
“If you
smile long
enough,
you
become
happy…”
Or…Write a reply to these simple prompts
•
•
•
•
What is one thing you have learned about life?
What is one thing you have learned about love?
What is one thing you understand about food?
What have you learned about parenting?
I’ve learned that I am always
trying to lean, I just do not
always like what is being
taught…
So, what is in a
name? For some, a
long history of
family tradition. But
for my mother and
I, a shared
realization that
there would be
some things I will
have to figure out
for myself in
Pittsburg.
Show Me the Money…
• Once a student has discovered a belief that feel strongly
about (or, if belief is too strong, a realization may be a nice
substitute) then work backwards! Tell a story that either
shows the belief in action or explains why the storyteller
believes what (s)he does.
Show me
the
money!
How Do I Make My Writing
More Real & Believable?
•
•
•
•
•
OWN YOUR STORY!
Think About Specificity
The Value of Personal Observation!
Details – Golden, Useful, Clichés
Example: Describe Your Parents Old Van…
• 1. animal crackers stuffed between seat cushions
• 2. the odor of McDonalds kids meals
• 3. doors dented by foul balls
Just read
Minnow…
From the Admission Office…
• “Great stories are equal opportunity employers. They belong
to the A, B, C and even D student. The issue is one of time – the
student who takes the time to explore and reflect and has the
courage to share in an honest, even personal way, can write a
great application essay.”
Getting Off To A Great Start…
Opening
• Write the
lead last!
Narrative
• Story
behind the
realization
Personal
Truth
•
•
•
•
Believe
Understand
Realize
Personal Truth
Openings for the Personal
Statement
• The opening for the Personal Statement will be a bit different.
It should still grab the reader, but usually introduces themes
that will be touched upon again in the revelation/realization
portion of the essay.
I am actually
understanding
this…Scary
Opening Hooks that Work
•
•
•
•
•
Question
Quotation
Strong Statement
Metaphor
Description
“Comet HaleBopp came and
went too fast”
“I didn’t really
have a name
until my first
day of
elementary
school”
“Literature
child rock
bottom is my
name directly
translated into
English”
“I am a
gambler…”
“When was the last time you
went without a meal?”
The Test …
• Did the opening grab you?
• Dynamic, mature and exciting word choice?
• Is the lead something you might be able to refer
back to in the realization/personal truth section
of the essay?
Personal Essay Writing Steps • READ
• LIST ALL POSSIBLE PERSONAL TRUTHS YOU CAN THINK OF (OR
BORROW SOME FROM OTHERS!)
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!
IS THIS PERSONAL TRUTH SOMETHING THE READER WILL RELATE
TO? UNDERSTAND? RESPECT?
• SHOW ME THE MONEY!
HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS REALIZATION?
WHAT WAS MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?
USE LIVELY LANGUAGE!
• WORK ON OPENINGS!
• WRITE NUMEROUS SAMPLES..
Thematic Red Flags…
• Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
• Adversities that are not all that adverse
• Foolish Risks
• Leave the Sand and Surf at Home
• Political References can be Tricky….
A Good Test….
• Is the theme or story something I would share only with my
best friend
(too personal)
• Is the theme or story likely to offend someone from a different
socio-economic or ethnic background?
(too edgy)
• Is the theme or story something found on Fox Channel?
(too political)
• Is the theme or story something I would feel comfortable
sharing with my favorite teacher?
(Might be just right..)
Questions/Discussion
Thank you!