Transcript Domestic Violence - Christian Reformed Church

Domestic Violence
AKA: Relationship Abuse
Interpersonal Abuse
Intimate Partner Violence
Family Violence
What is it?
Domestic – refers to relationship
Blood, Marriage, Residence, Intimate Partners
Violence – refers to harm
Physical, sexual, emotional
“Any attempt to impose my will on another
human being is an act of violence”
- Mahatma Ghandi
Listen to The Voices
Video: When Love Hurts
and/or
Video: Battered Hearts
And/or
Dramatic Reading
www.theraveproject.com
www.restoredrelationships.org
Power & Control
Domestic Violence is NOT (Myths we believe)
• An anger management issue
• A small problem that only affects a few people
• Caused by substance abuse
• Happening somewhere else, not in my church
Domestic Violence IS
• Hidden, happening here, even in my church
• ALL ABOUT POWER & CONTROL
A Definition
Domestic Violence:
A pattern of behaviors used to establish control
over another person through coercion, fear,
intimidation, emotional abuse, social isolation,
or other methods, which often (not always)
includes the use of, or the threat of, physical or
sexual violence
A hierarchical
relationship in
which one
person seeks
to dominate
and impose
his/her will on
another; using
various means
to maintain
control.
A mutual
relationship
expressing
value, dignity
and respect
toward one
another.
Though not
lived out
perfectly,
equality is the
shared goal.
What About the Children?
Behavior, Social and Emotional Problems
– Aggressive/ antisocial
– Depressed/anxious
Cognitive and Developmental Problems
– Lower assessments (verbal, motor, etc…)
– Limited problem solving
Long Term Impacts – As Adults
– Higher DV involvement as adults
– PTSD/risk factors/premature death
The Way of our Lord
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
Rather, in humility value others above yourselves…
In your relationships with one another, have the
same attitude of mind Christ Jesus had: Who, being
in very nature God, did not consider equality with
God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing … he humbled
himself by becoming obedient to death— even
death on a cross!
- Philippians 2: 3- 11
Two Kinds of Power
The kingdoms of this world place their trust in
whatever coercive power they can use over
others … The “power of the sword”
By CONTRAST, the Kingdom of God refuses to
use coercive power over others, choosing
instead to rely on a power shown in humble,
self-sacrificing love … The “power of the cross”
Transforming, Ultimate Power = The Cross
Why do Churches Care?
• We are a light to the world
– We are not representing Christ well when
abuse exists in our communities
– Our marriages are a reflection of Christ and the
Church
• We are one body
– When one part hurts it hurts the whole body
– We are called to love and to care for one
another
Signs – Take Notice
•
•
•
•
Unexplained bruises or injuries
Absences from work or school
Low self-esteem – lack of confidence
Trouble identifying feelings and expressing
needs
• Fear of conflict – gives in easily
• Self Blame
• Making excuses
How Can Churches Help?
Be a Safe Place, a sanctuary from abuse
– Understand Abuse Dynamics
– Speak Out! It’s OK to talk about it here
Listen, Listen, Listen!
– Two ears; one mouth
– You don’t need all the answers
Point to resources
– Provide “walk-alongside” support
– Be available over time
Top 10 Checklist for Churches
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Do you offer a listening ear?
Is there abuse information in the restroom?
Do you partner with the local shelter?
Is abuse discussed in youth group?
Do you make appropriate referrals?
Is abuse discussed in pre-marital counseling?
Do you realize the importance of spiritual resources?
Do you offer ministry opportunities for those who
have received care to give back?
• Do you hold those who abuse accountable?
Resources for Churches
Restored – Packet for Churches:
www.restoredrelationships.org
RAVE – Religion and Violence E-learning:
www.theraveproject.com
Faith Trust Institute: www.faithtrustinstitute.org
Safe Church Ministry: www.crcna.org/safechurch
– SCM: A Church Leader’s Role
– Wheels; Survivor Stories; Etc…
DV Continuum of Care
1
2
3
Level of Danger Guarded – General Risk
Symptoms
Level of Care
Goal of Care
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Elevated – Significant Risk
Extreme – Severe Risk
Occasional incidents of
belittling, name calling, and
truth twisting. May believe
partner is caring but feels like
“walking on eggshells”.
Frequent incidents involving
yelling, screaming, hitting,
stalking, making threats. There
is isolation from friends and
family and fear of partner.
Frequent incidents of being
beaten physically and verbally,
threats with a knife, gun or
some other weapon,
strangulation, or destroying
property. Fear of death from
partner.
Minimum
Moderate
Maximum
Offer the one victimized
education and counseling
resources so that she or he
can learn about DV and be
proactive in thinking about
safety
Safety is a priority. Education
about DV and counseling
resources are needed, as well
as a safety plan so the one
victimized is empowered,
knowing how to get to safety.
Safety is the top priority. This
is a dangerous situation. Offer
resources to help the one
victimized get to a safe place
like a shelter. Help from police
is recommended to gather
belongings.
What can
WE do?
From what we’ve heard today:
• What would we like to see in our churches?
• What are possible next steps for action?
• What are we willing to do?
Questions?
Thank YOU!