Transcript History - Manalive - Men Against Violence,Placer County

Men Against Violence
A non-profit men’s program committed to
helping men age 16 and older stop violence
to themselves, their intimate partners, their
families and their communities.
History
The MAV program uses the Manalive
curriculum originally designed in 1980.
Today the program has expanded to the
communities of San Francisco, Marin,
Sacramento, Placer, and Nevada counties.
The Manalive model is used in San
Quentin State Prison, as well as the Marin,
San Francisco and Sacramento county jails.
Penal Code
The Manalive curriculum was used as the
model for State Assembly Bill 226 which
defined the parameters for all batterer’s
intervention programs (BIP) statewide.
Solution
We provide a structured environment where
men can re-educate themselves to live a
non violent life.
Awareness + Action = Change
A 52 Week
Three Stage Program
First Stage
Stopping My Violence To My Partner
Second Stage
Coming Back to Your Authentic Self
Third Stage
Creating a Fulfillment Plan
First Stage
Stopping My Violence
To My Partner
Accountability
It’s the first step to stop your
violence, and the first agreement
we ask the men to make:
“I agree that I am violent to myself and
others.”
Types of Violence
Emotional
(Space, Time, Energy, Material)
Verbal
(Trivialize, Thingify, Threaten)
Physical
(To / Around)
Sexual
Legal System
Transformation
New Policies Being Enforced
Towards Domestic Violence
Zero Tolerance
ProArrest
Dominant Aggressor
Off the Focus
Denial
Blame
Minimize
Collude
Impact of Domestic
Violence
Partner
Children
Family/Community
Self
Gender Based Analysis
Patriarchal, Cultural and Conditioning
“Men are superior over others, including
other men.”
Why I Become Violent?
Enforcing the Male Role Belief System of Being
Superior Over My Partner
* Remove the Mystery of Your Violence
* Violence is a Method I Use to Make Me Feel
Like a “Real Man”
* A Method of Getting Your “MRBS” Needs
Fulfilled
The Male Role Belief System
Training Beliefs
Get love and respect if we stay
in our box.
Get love and respect if we make
sure she stays in her box.
Feel
Act
Communicate
Think
Sex
Feel
Act
Communicate
Think
Sex
The Male Role Belief System
My Role
Acting the part of a Real Man
Being who I have been trained to be
Training
Conscious / Unconscious
I am Superior
She Holds Up Your Box
Her job is to make me feel like the
man I have to be.
Feel
Act
Communicate
Think
Sex
Feel
Act
Communicate
Think
Sex
Fatal Peril
Deadly Fear of Image Dying
False Alarm
Body Signs
Tense
Tightness
Contraction
Head Tapes
Story
Feelings
Fatal Peril
Use of Violence
Force partner back in the box
Subtle
Escalate
Intimidate
Coerce
Abuse
New Coping Skills
Learning New Actions and Communication Skills That
Takes Us Out Of The Box To Connect Safely
My Partner
Nurturing Myself
Taking Care of My Needs
All In A Peaceful Way!
Tools for Building Intimacy
The 4 A’s
Attention
Acceptance
Appreciation
Affection
Tools for Building Intimacy
QTIP = Quit Taking It Personally
What others say is a projection of their own reality.
Based on their past experiences, their interpretation of
now or their imagined future.
When you are immune to your “MRBS” training
you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Peace Maker
No matter what she does… No matter how she does it
No matter what she says… No matter how she says it
No matter what she thinks… No matter what I think
No matter what she feels... No matter what I feel
It’s up to me to create peace ...
Peace Maker (cont.)
It’s up to me to create peace ...
In my heart, with my partner, and in my home
No matter what
I will shift my energy, relax my body, replace my thoughts,
and connect safely.
Stage 2
Don’t Forget Stage 1
Come Back to Your Authentic Self
Your Shift Occurs
When You Learn…
How To Be Authentically Human In
Seeing Her and Seeing Yourself
As EQUAL
As VALUABLE
As POWERFUL
To Shift Your Beliefs Based on Fear, Blame,
Judgment, and Victim
The Shift of Perception
My Perspective Changes…
to one of equality
Perspective Changes…
Changes my story
Different Perspective…
Creates a different me
The Shift of Perception (con’t)
My Partner Is Free To Pursue In the Style
and Timing of Her Choosing
Her LIFE
Her LIBERTY
Her HAPPINESS
Her SAFETY
Discover Your
Authentic Self (con’t)
Soften Yourself
Relax Your Body
Replace Your Hit-Man’s Story
Discover Your
Authentic Self (con’t)
Stop – Look – Listen… From your heart
Declare and Respect Boundaries
Conscious Breath, Conscious Choice
Blow out the candles / Smell the roses
Discover Your
Authentic Self (con’t)
Identify Feelings Under Anger
Fear
Sadness
Pain
Express Safely
Style and Timing Is Critical
Authentic Self
- Sincere and Honest
- Gentle
- Adaptable
- Patient
- Ability to stand under your own and other’s
experiences with empathy and compassion to
connect safely
Choose Skills that
Work for any Situation
Compassion
Empathy
Love
Respect
Stage 3
Create a Self Fulfillment Plan
&
Restore Intimacy
Rescue Triangle
Co-Dependency
Rescue
Victim
Perpetrator
Creating Fulfillment
Without depending on others…
Drugs, Alcohol, Sex, Money, etc.
Tools for Restoring Intimacy
Create Balance Through: Exercise, Diet,
Sleep, Positive Thinking and Spirituality
12 Step Programs, Support Groups,
Parenting Classes, Self-Help Classes and
Community Service
Tools for Creating a Self
Fulfillment Plan
Fascination
When I Can Choose Fascination In Every Situation
Negotiate
When I Can Negotiate Safely With My Partner
Collaborate
When I Can Collaborate As An Equal
Manifestation
When I can allow our efforts to Manifest freely
Celebrate
When I Can Celebrate The Love and the Power Of Each Of Us