Transcript Gender Roles and Relationships

Psychology 321 - Psychology of Marriage
Dating, Cohabitation and Mate Selection
Dating, Cohabitation and
Mate Selection
Part I: Dating/Courtship
Psychology 321 - Psychology of Marriage
Dating, Cohabitation and Mate Selection
I. Overview of dating practices
II. Brief History of Dating in America
A. In the 1700’s and 1800’s1. Unsupervised meetings between men and women were
condemned.
2. If a man wanted to meet a woman, he had to meet her family
and obtain permission to court her. Couples were
chaperoned.
3. No transportation existed, so men had to walk miles to visit
with a woman, and often had to spend the night, which led
to a practice called “bundling”.
4. If a young man wanted to marry, he had to ask her father’s
permission.
Psychology 321 - Psychology of Marriage
Dating, Cohabitation and Mate Selection
B. In the early 1900’s
1. People arranged a time and place to meet but dating still
formal.
2. Several changes occurred leading to common dating
practices:
a. industrial revolution
b. the rise of public schools
c. invention of the auto
d. increased wealth and leisure time
e. women’s equality movement
Psychology 321 - Psychology of Marriage
Dating, Cohabitation and Mate Selection
C. 1930’s and 50’s
1. People compared themselves by social background, economics,
age, ethnicity, etc. and dated those who matched.
2. Dating proceded to going steady and then marriage.
3. No birth control so serious dating often led to marriage by early
20’s.
4. More women in the work force from WW II lead to increased
informal contacts between men and women and more social
contact without as much social judgement.
Psychology 321 - Psychology of Marriage
Dating, Cohabitation and Mate Selection
D. “Dating” today 1. begins younger
2. often begins informally as in group settings.
3. less formal (dress casual, people go out without calling it a date)
4. more informal sexual contact (“hooking up”)
5. no set progression of intimacy and commitment from initial meeting to
marriage
6. reasons for dating have changed
a. dating for recreation
b. fulfills need for companionship
c. socialization and personality development
d. sexual experimentation and satisfaction
e. fulfills need for love and affection
f. allows for mate sorting and selection, ultimately - however, dating
can actually be counterproductive for marriage, especially if it
emphasizes personal qualities that are not important in marriage
(extrinsic vs. intrinsic qualities).
Psychology 321 - Psychology of Marriage
Dating, Cohabitation and Mate Selection
III. Finding and Meeting Dates –
A. Survey of College Students
B. Internet
C. Dating Services
IV. Changing Gender Roles – Women are more assertive and participate
more in the dating process, and offer to pay for dates, but in general
more females expect men to call them, pay for first dates, and propose
marriage. Men initiate the first kiss more than women.
Psychology 321 - Psychology of Marriage
Dating, Cohabitation and Mate Selection
V. Problem Areas in Dating
A. Problem Areas - Studies
1. East Carolina U. Study
2. Top conflict areas study in book
B.
Infidelity – frequency
C. Commitment issues –
1. another problem is when one person gets more
serious than the other
2. sometimes partners make premature commitments
and then want out
3. sometimes something feels wrong and one is afraid
to tell the other
D. Monitoring closeness and distance can be a problem
E.
STD’s and AID’s remains a problem – people are not
totally honest.
Psychology 321 - Psychology of Marriage
Dating, Cohabitation and Mate Selection
VI. Sexual Aggression –
A. College date rape scenario (in class handout).
B. Date rapes have been reported by up to 25% of the population
of dating college students
C. More stats to be given in class.
D. Many date rapes are never reported.
E. Dating and marital violence occurs in 25% of marriages and
dating relationships, especially if exposed to it in your own
family, lower SES, substance abuse is involved, history of poor
dating or relationship success, work success and stressful life
events.
F. Violence usually gets worse as a relationship progresses.
G. Therapy programs exist to help these problems.
Psychology 321 - Psychology of Marriage
Dating, Cohabitation and Mate Selection
VII. Breakups
A. Very painful, especially if unilateral.
B. Mutual discussion minimizes pain.
C. Women initiate breakups more than men.
D. If you are thinking of breaking up, communicate. Weigh pros
and cons carefully, consider therapy, discuss feeling truthfully
and tactfully, break off cleanly.
E. If someone breaks up with you, accept their feeling and don’t
force continuation, time will help, get social support and get
involved with new activities, don’t get involved in another
relationship for a while, consider therapy if you have extreme
emotions that do not subside or thoughts of hurting yourself or
another person.
Psychology 321 - Psychology of Marriage
Dating, Cohabitation and Mate Selection
Dating, Cohabitation and
Mate Selection
PART II: Cohabition
Psychology 321 - Psychology of Marriage
Dating, Cohabitation and Mate Selection
I. Frequency
A. has increased 10 fold in past 30 years
B. affects 2 in 5 children
C. 60% of those considering marriage live together first
II. Reasons –
A. Linus blanket
B. Emancipation from parents
C. Convenience
D. Testing
III. Chance of Divorce – 1/3 higher if you have lived together first
A. Selection Effect
B. Does it change your attitudes toward
commitment/marriage?
Psychology 321 - Psychology of Marriage
Dating, Cohabitation and Mate Selection
Dating, Cohabitation and
Mate Selection
PART III: Mate Selection
Psychology 321 - Psychology of Marriage
Dating, Cohabitation and Mate Selection
I. Theories of Mate Selection
A. Parent image theory – we marry those who resemble opposite
sex parent
B. Instrumental Needs theory (explains complimentary
relationships) -people seek relationships with those who
provide maximum gratification and minimum penalization of
needs (dominant with submissive, nurturing with one who need
nurturing, extrovert with introvert, etc.)
C. Exchange theory – we seek valued resources from a relationship,
we should get more from the relationship than it will cost, we
seek equity in relationship- a fair exchange of resources
Psychology 321 - Psychology of Marriage
Dating, Cohabitation and Mate Selection
D.
Filter theory – See overhead
1. Similarity Filter – Which similarities are important
a. socioeconomic status
b. education/intelligence
c. ethnic background
d. religion
e. age
Psychology 321 - Psychology of Marriage
Dating, Cohabitation and Mate Selection
II. Personal characteristics in Mate Selection
A. Danger signals – see overhead
B. Couples should generally agree on employment issues,
residence, money, family, social life, religion, values, sex
and affection, children and gender roles (see handout)
C. Reasons for choosing the wrong mate (given in lecture)
Psychology 321 - Psychology of Marriage
Dating, Cohabitation and Mate Selection
III. Transition to Marriage
A. How do you know you are ready?
1. Timing
2. Social background
3. Willingness to assume responsibility
4. Readiness for sexual exclusivity
5. Emancipation from parents
6. Educational and career readiness
B. Premarital classes and counseling can help