Transcript Loss and bereavement

Loss and separation
An Introduction for schools
Empower Plus
Why consider loss?
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It affects children’s learning
Behaviour
Friendships
Children will respond in different ways to loss
depending on their past experiences and their
current situation
Excluded children
• Many children excluded from school have
experienced a significant family bereavement.
• Family breakdown
• Many changes of school
Some statistics
• 92% of young people in the UK will experience
a significant bereavement before the age of 16
and 4-7% will lose a parent through death.
(Ribbens, McCarthy & Jessop 2005)
• 54% of young offenders have experienced a
significant bereavement in the 2 years before
their offence. (Excellence & Enjoyment 2005)
More statistics
• Approximately 1 in 3 marriages ends in
divorce.
• 1 in 4 young people report physical violence
between those caring for them.(Cawson 2002)
• 920,000 children live with parental alcohol
misuse (Bancroft & Wilson 2004)
• About 150,000 children experience
imprisonment of a parent each year. (Social
Exclusion Unit Report 2002)
Role of schools
• We are a universal service that can recognise
and respond to loss and its effects.
• We are in partnership with other services and
are in an ideal position to:
‘lay down the foundations for later success,
not just in education, but in supporting the
welfare of the whole child’ DfES 2004
Every Child Matters agenda
What losses do children experience?
• TASK
Spend a few minutes with your partner or in a
small group and jot down any losses that you
think children experience.
Feedback to whole group
What is loss?
• Loss is losing someone or something that was
loved or important to the individual.
• Loss can be of:
• Relationships – people or pets
• Secure familiar environment
• Objects that give comfort or have significant
connections
• Self – image e.g. Aspirations, status, credibility
• Skills or abilities
Losses / obvious or not?
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Parents divorcing
Moving country, house, home or school
Changing teachers /TA
Parent/carer in the armed forces
Being held back a year in school
Personal or family health changes
Being a young carer
Being hospitalised
Not being chosen
Death of a close person
More losses?
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Loss of friendships
Living with an alcoholic parent
Change of family financial situation
Friends or relatives moving away
Death of a pet
Long term illness of someone close
Abuse
Being laughed at
Changing class/tutor group
Being excluded from school
Reactions to loss
• These reactions may manifest themselves:
• Physically – preoccupation, headaches, lack of
sleep, slowing of reactions, accident prone
• Behaviourally – aggression or being very quiet
and withdrawn, thumb sucking, bed wetting
• Emotionally – mood swings, anger, sadness,
anxiety
Winston’s Wish
Schools Information Pack (1)
• This valuable pack contains information on
how children react to loss according to their
age. Under the section ‘What are they
feeling?’ you can see the reactions for
children under 2 years old, 2-5 years, 6-9
years, 9-13 years and adolescents.
Winston’s Wish
School’s Information Pack
The pack also contains:
• Aids for speaking with a pupil about death and
specifically death in their family.
• Learning ideas for the classroom with national
Curriculum references.
• Assembly and whole school communication
ideas.
• Ideas for memorial activities.
Effects on learning
• Intrusive thoughts
• Preoccupation
• Feeling angry
• Feelings of helplessness
• Sleep disturbance
Questions: What might we see? How would this
affect classroom performance? What could we
do?
Effects on social interaction
• Intolerance
• Feelings of difference or isolation
• Feeling ashamed or embarrassed
• Detachment from reality
• Aggression or defiance
Questions: What might we see? How would this
affect classroom performance? What could we
do?
Two DVD examples
• Teenage Grief created by Leeds Animation
Workshop.
• You’ll always remember them even when
you’re old (Child Bereavement Network)
What can we do to help?
• Prepare ourselves now for what we may have
to do at some time in the future.
• Ensure we have contact points and materials
for when our help is needed.
• When our help is needed try the following:
1. Acknowledge the child’s bereavement ‘ I was
sorry to hear about .............
More helpful strategies
2. Maintain normal structures and routines, but
temper expectations with kindness and
understanding. If necessary provide
alternative practical activities.
3. Create opportunities for the child to talk if
they wish, but do not press them to talk.
4. Ensure you have the facts about the situation
so you can speak factually to the child.
To be avoided
• Don’t use platitudes, such as ‘You’ll soon get
over it.’
• Don’t say ‘I know exactly how you feel.’
• Don’t minimise the loss.
• Don’t dwell on the event.
• Don’t talk about the child with other adults in
the room, as if they weren’t there.
The needs of bereaved teenagers
William Worden (1996)
1. Adequate information
2. Fears and anxieties addressed
3. Reassurance they are not to blame
4. Careful listening and watching
5. Validation of Individuals’ feelings
6. Help with overwhelming feelings
7. Involvement and inclusion
8. Continued routine activities
9. Modelled grief behaviours
10. Opportunities to remember
Parents splitting up
• www.itsnotyourfault.org is a wonderful
website for children and young people. It
acknowledges children’s feelings, provides
practical advice, helps children to realise they
are not alone and makes it abundantly clear
that they are not to blame! More details are
to be found in your handouts.
Children’s responses to significant
circumstances involving loss
• “It was the worst part of my life – constantly
being shouted at, frightened, living in
fear,..thinking that every day could be our
last” (Mulinder et al in Children and Domestic
Violence, Gorin 2006.)
• “It took me a year and a half to get over it.
‘Cos I missed my dad.” (Facing Family Change
– Wade & Smart, 2002)
What may children want?
• They are most likely to talk with relatives
and/or friends rather than professionals.
• Appropriate information and where to get
help.
• Kindness and comfort offered in a general way
from adults at school.
• A good starting point could be to ask ‘What
could we do to help?’ What would help
most?’
Reflections
• What we have done today may have been
enough for you to reflect on your skills and
knowledge. You may have gained some new
thoughts, skills and awareness of where to go for
help.
• We are all on a journey and I hope that this short
workshop has provided you with something to
take with you and will help yourself and the
young people you care for. Thank you for your
time.
• John Fardon June 2008 www.empower-plus.co.uk