Transcript Relationships - Porcupine Health Unit

Healthy Relationships
SELF-ESTEEM
RELATIONSHIPS
DATING & INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS
High School
Adapted From: Beyond the Basics: A Sourcebook on Sexuality and Reproductive Education.
Canadian Federation for Sexual Health, 2005.
Self-Esteem
Self-Esteem:
Self-esteem is the value we place on ourselves. It is the
knowledge that we are lovable, we are capable, and we
are unique.
Good self-esteem means:
• having a healthy view of yourself,
• having a sense of self-worth,
• having a positive outlook,
• feeling satisfied with yourself most of the time,
• setting realistic goals.
Points about Self-Esteem:
 Self-esteem is crucial to our personal wellness.
 Self-esteem is based on life experiences and
personal relationships.
 Self-esteem changes over time depending on life
circumstances.
Can anyone think of examples
to prove these points?
Healthy Self-Esteem Includes:
 The ability to develop
healthy relationships
 Having healthy thoughts
and feelings about your
body
 Awareness/acceptance of
personal strengths and
weaknesses
 The acceptance of one’s
sexuality
 The ability to accept
responsibility for one’s
behaviour
 Feelings of competence,
independence, selfcontrol and respect for
others
 The ability to set limits
for oneself and to create
boundaries
How is Self-Esteem Developed?
 By our environment?
 How others see us?
 Personal awareness of strengths?
 Support from significant others (family, friends)?
 Body image?
 Mental health?
 Physical abilities?
 Stereotypes?
 Culture?
 Gender?
How Does Self-Esteem Contribute to
Healthy Relationships?
Self-esteem and relationships are really two sides of
the same coin. . .
• Having healthy self-esteem allows you to develop
healthy relationships
And
• Having healthy relationships helps to develop
healthy self-esteem.
Relationships
Relationships Defined:
 A relationship is simply a connection
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between two or more people.
A relationship does not have to be a romantic
relationship.
Relationships are based on some commonly accepted
values (e.g., respect, honesty, fairness, consideration,
commitment).
A healthy relationship is a shared responsibility and
requires effective communication.
A relationship can be affected by controllable and
uncontrollable factors.
Types of Relationships:
 There are many different types of relationships that
serve many different purposes.
Can you name some different types of
relationships?
Examples of Relationships:
 Friendship
 Boyfriend/Girlfriend
 Acquaintance
 Neighbor
 Parent-Child
 Teacher-Student
 Teammate
 Boss-Worker
 Mentor
 Co-worker
 Sibling
 Classmate
What do you think these people get out of
their relationships?
Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship:
Closeness
Communication
 You are caring and loyal
 You are honest with each other
 You trust each other
 You listen to each other
 You share your feelings
 You support each other
Shared Goals & Beliefs
 You share beliefs & values
 You recognize & respect each
other’s differences
Shared Experiences
 Share interests & friends
 Talk about your experiences;
accept & respect each other’s
differences
Respect
 You use respectful language and
actions with one another
 You understand each other’s
wishes and feelings
 You can compromise
Humour
 You enjoy being with each other
and can laugh together
Caring
 You show each other you care
Unhealthy Characteristics in a Relationship:
 No trust
 Unfair fights
 No respect
 Lack of understanding
 Jealousy
 Little or bad
 Abuse:
emotional/physical
 Low self-esteem
 Power issues
 Fear
 Lies
communication
 Manipulation
 Based only on physical
attraction
 Partner tries to change
you
Stress and Pressure in Relationships:
 Unhealthy characteristics in a relationship will lead to
stress and possible pressures in a relationship.
 Some of these characteristics may only apply in a
dating relationship, but many can apply in all sorts of
relationships (best friends, acquaintances, siblings).
 Remember, if you find yourself feeling pressured or
controlled in a relationship, talk to someone you trust
about the situation. Always ask for help when you
need it.
Making Positive Decisions:
If you are faced with stress or pressure in a
relationship, it is important to make positive decisions:
1) Think of all your choices
2) Think of the most likely results of those choices
3) Think of the risks involved with each choice
After you have made a decision, learn from it. Did it
work? Why or why not?
Case Study:
Tina is out with her friend Cheryl, Cheryl’s
boyfriend Tony, and another friend named Chris. After a
while, Cheryl and Tony start to kiss. Chris then starts
kissing Tina. This feels pretty good to Tina. But then
Chris tries to get Tina to go into the bedroom. Tina says
“NO”, but her friend Cheryl tells Tina not to be so lame.
What should Tina do?
Communication Skills:
 Communication is an important part of all relationships.
 We all communicate verbally and non-verbally. Listening
is also an important part of communicating.
 It is important that we all learn to communicate directly
with one another.
Types of Communication:
1.
Passive: giving in and saying yes when you don’t want to;
keeping your concerns to yourself
2.
Aggressive: using threats or force; dominating others;
putting yourself first at the expense of others
3.
Passive-Aggressive: giving in or keeping your concerns
to yourself but will later get back at the person in a sneaky
way
4.
Assertive: standing up for your rights without denying
the rights of others; asking for what you want in a
straightforward manner
How to be Assertive:
In order to communicate in an assertive manner, it is
important to make eye contact and to speak in a clear,
firm voice. Try using “I” messages.
I feel _______ when ______ and I want ______.
Try using an “I” message for these situations:
1) A friend keeps asking to copy your homework and
you don’t want to give it to him/her.
2) Your partner tells you that he/she wants to have
sex, but you just don’t want to.
Dating & Intimate
Relationships
Dating Situations or
Qualities of a Relationship
CLASS ACTIVITY
Adapted from: White Ribbon Campaign in a Box: Promoting Healthy, Equal Relationships.
Toronto: White Ribbon Campaign, 2007.
When You Decide to Date:
 A healthy relationship makes you feel good about yourself
and your partner.
 You have fun together and you and your partner can be
yourselves.
 All relationships are different, but healthy relationships
share at least five things in common - the S.H.A.R.E.
qualities.
S = safety
H= honesty
A= acceptance
R= respect
E= enjoyment
Source: Healthy Relationships. SexualityandU.ca, 2010.
Bad Reasons for a Relationship:
 Because many of your friends have girlfriends or
boyfriends
 Because you are lonely
 Because you want to seem more mature
 Because you want to prove something
 Because your friends are pressuring you into dating
someone
 Because someone is pressuring you about having sex
Creating Boundaries in Relationships:
 Boundaries:
These are like invisible lines that you set around
yourself to separate “you” from others (your romantic
partner included). They also set limits to protect
ourselves physically and emotionally. They let us and
others know what we are comfortable with and what
we are uncomfortable doing.
Pressures to be Sexually Active:
 Pressure from partner
 Social pressure (perception that “everyone’s doing it”)
 Media images and advertisements
 Portrayal of teenagers on television and in movies
 Poor decision-making abilities due to alcohol and/or
drug use may lead to added pressure
Relationships and Sexual Activity:
 There is no simple answer or checklist to tell you that
you are ready to have sex.
 You need to look inside yourself to know if you are
ready to have sex. You also need to be comfortable
talking to your partner about sex, risks and how to
have safer sex.
 If you’re not comfortable talking about sex and/or
preparing to have safer sex, you’re not ready for it.
Always Ask Yourself:
 Will I feel good about myself if I have sex now?
 Does my partner want to have sex now?
 Am I being pressured to make a decision?
 If the relationship breaks up, will I be glad that I had sex
with this person?
 If we have sex, will I use effective birth control and/or STI
protection every time?
 Am I afraid of anything?
 Am I prepared to deal with the consequences of not
practicing safer sex?
If You Decide to be Sexually Active:
What you need to plan for:
 STI prevention
 Contraception and pregnancy prevention
Skills to develop:
 Ability to communicate with your partner
 Ability to negotiate with your partner
The decision whether or not to become sexually active or to
cease being sexually active (if you said “yes” once does not
mean you have to say “yes” again) is one that each individual
needs to consider.
Reasons for Not Engaging in Sexual
Activity:
 It is normal and okay to wait as long as you want before
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having sex.
The decision is yours to make, and it is going to be yours
to live with.
Make sure it is the right decision.
Sex is a personal issue. It’s something that you should
discuss with your partner, yourself and maybe your
doctor. It’s your choice, and that’s all that matters.
Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing;
independence is a sign of maturity…having sex is not.
Other Reasons to Wait:
 Religious beliefs
 Concerns about reputation
 Possibility of pregnancy
 Possibility of sexually transmitted infections
 Personal belief in abstinence
 Waiting for the right partner
 Lack of trust in your partner or the future of the
relationship
 Not feeling ready
A Note on Age of Consent in Canada:
 In Canada, individuals who are younger than 16 cannot legally
consent to any form of sexual activity.
 There are 2 exceptions to this law:
 A 12 or 13 year old can consent to sexual activity with another young
person who is less than two years older. (Close in age exception)
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A 14 or 15 year old can consent to sexual activity with a partner as
long as the partner is less than five years older. If the partner is 5 years
or older than the 14 or 15 year old, any sexual activity will be considered
a criminal offence. (Peer group exception)
 Any sexual activity that occurs between an individual under 18
and a person who is in a position of authority over the youth
(e.g., teacher, babysitter) is a criminal offence.
Source: Department of Justice Canada, 2010.
Duty to Report Child Abuse:
 If an individual who is under 16 tells a professional that
he/she has engaged in sexual activity and the age of his/her
partner does not meet either the close in age exception or the
peer group exception, the professional has a duty to report
the information to the Local Child Protection Agency.
 Professionals include: health care professionals, teachers and
principles, social workers, religious leaders, child care
workers, peace officers, youth workers, and anyone else who
works closely with children and youth.
 If you need help reporting an incident of sexual abuse or
exploitation, tell someone you trust.
Source: Ministry of Children and Youth Services, 2010..
Risks of Dating Older Partners:
 Sometimes people date younger partners because they feel
they will be able to manipulate them
 You may grow apart from friends and stop doing things that
are normal for your age (e.g. school dances)
 You may start or increase drinking alcohol because your
partner is 19 or older
 You may find it harder to say no to sex because your older
partner is used to having sex with dates
 You may be at an increased risk for STIs because your older
partner has had other sexual partners
Source: Teen Relationship Workbook. Kerry Moles, 2001.