Transcript Document

Attachment, family relationships and
the importance of siblings
Dr Sarah Mares
November 2004
Conference Themes
• Individual resilience
• Whole of family approach
• Not reinventing the wheel
• Can attachment theory, knowledge about
sibling diversity and relationships and family
systems theory contribute anything?
Tolstoy
• All happy families resemble one
another but each unhappy family is
unhappy in its own way
• Anna Karenina 1875-7
Adversity is not an equal
opportunity experience
Siblings share on average 50% of the same
genetic material
Contribute to identity formation
and life story
shared origins,
Longest relationships
Family stories and myths
• Based on expectations and
experience,
• Influenced by trans-generational
memories and stories
• Influence the roles individuals have
in a family
• More or less flexible or fixed
and
family “niche” or role
The importance of sibling
relationships?
• Protective factor during family
separation or other adversity
• Commonest request of adoptee is to
trace siblings
• In older age those with sibs have
– Higher life satisfaction and lower rates of
depression
– Provide emotional and practical support despite
physical separation
Attachment Theory- identity
development, resilience and
family relationships
Experience dependent
maturation of the brain
• Development occurs in the context of
care giving relationships
• Rapid brain growth in early years is due
to increasing neuronal connections
• A pruning back or consolidation of brain
“pathways” occurs as a result of social
interactions and experience
Neurochemistry of Attachment
• Endogenous opiods released with
mutual gaze
• Regulation of dopaminergic and
serotinergic systems
• Regulation and development of
Autonomic nervous system
• Brain - Brain regulation of arousal and
affect
Being meaningful to someone
important is what a young child
strives for from the first
protoconversations”
(Trevarthen 2001 pp118)
John Bowlby and
Attachment Theory – an integrative theory
• Developed out of psychoanalytic theory,
evolutionary theory, ethological
observations, cognitive developmental
and other infant research
• Attachment : An enduring emotional
bond characterised by a tendency to
seek and maintain proximity to specific
figure(s) particularly when under stress
• Primary biological function
Marvin Cooper Hoffman and Powell 2002 “The Circle of
Security Project” Attachment and Human Development 4,
107-124
Felix Vallotton Le Ballon 1899
Attachment Theory – an
integrative theory cont
• Parental protection acts as a provider of
vital support and external emotional
regulation for the young child
• Maternal sensitivity and infant
attachment security are linked to
subsequent social competence
• Children develop a hierarchy of
attachment figures
Attachment theory
• From early experiences with
attachment figures we develop
Internal Working Models of self,
others and relationships that
influence social competence,
parenting style,partner choice, and
responses to grief and loss
Attachment Theory
( Holmes 2001)
• Universality hypothesis: all cultures
• Normality hypothesis: 70% secure
• Sensitivity hypothesis: attachment security is
dependent on sensitive and responsive caregiving
• Competence hypothesis: Social and
emotional competence predicted by
attachment security
• Continuity hypothesis:patterns persist and
impact over the life span
Attachment classifications –
community samples
INFANT
• Secure
• Insecure
– Avoidant
– Ambivalent
– Disorganised
55-70%
20-30%
5-15%
10- 18%
Disorganised Attachment
• 18 % controls- up to 82% high risk sample
• Children exposed to parents who are frightened or
frightening
• Parent or carer as source of child’s distress
• Conflicting impulses to seek comfort and closeness
and to avoid further distress
• Disorganised pattern in infancy becomes increasingly
controlling behaviour with age
• General risk factor for maladaptive behaviour
• In combination with peer rejection, predicts later
conduct disorders, delinquency, personality disorder
It seems to me the family is often thought of as
a structure maintained by the parents, in terms
of a framework in which children can live and
grow. It is thought of as a place where children
discover feelings of love and hate and where
they can expect sympathy and tolerance as
well as the exasperation which they engender.
But what I have to say has to do with my
feeling that the part played by each child in the
function of the family, in respect of the
children’s encounter with disloyalty, is
somewhat understated.
DW Winnicott 1986
There has been little systematic
research into siblings as
attachment figures.
M Salter
Ainsworth 1991
Why?
• Family relationships are complex to study
• Attachment theory developed initially as a
response to the inner drive/conflict model of
development that characterises
psychoanalytic thought
• The focus was on the bonds that develop as
a result of the care and protection provided
by a parent figure.
• It was only later that meaning and shared
enjoyment were also acknowledged as
central.
Attachment Theory
J Bowlby “A Secure Base: Parent-child Attachment and Healthy Human
Development Basic Books NY 1988 pp121
• The capacity to make intimate emotional bonds with
other individuals, sometimes in the care seeking role
and sometimes in the care giving one is regarded as
a principal feature of effective personality functioning
and mental health.
• Exploring the environment, including play and varied
activities with peers is seen as the third basic
component and one antigenic to attachment
behaviour’
sibling relationships
identity
including gender identity,
security
and continuity
play and shared experience
Shared Identity
Birth Order
• Controversial research
There is evidence that sibling
relationships meet attachment
needs and can promote
resilience during adversity
Following separation from parents
Distress is alleviated by a sibling ….and some
comfort is obtained even when the sibling is
only 2 years old and the younger of a
pair…….
Inanimate objects, such as favourite toys and
personal clothes are also known to provide
some measure of comfort.”
John Bowlby “Attachment Separation and Loss” 1973
• …..Indeed
this role may actually help the
older sibling to feel more secure
himself, whether because care giving
makes him feel less helpless, because it
diverts him from his own feelings of
distress or grief.
M Salter Ainsworth 1991
Siblings, family separation and
reconstitution
• More emotional intensity (affection and
quarrelling) in biologically related sibs
• New step sibling overall rated as a positive
event
• Sibling negativity a factor predicting
increased externalising problems
“Well being and the enjoyment of life
depend on how private experience is built
into memories of events that have been
shared” (Trevarthen C 2001)
Impact of a new sibling
• The birth of a brother or sister must in itself
involve a major shift of a symbolic kind – a
change in the child’s conception of
themselves within the family, and indeed of
himself as a person. …. The baby as a
person with wants, intentions, likes and
dislikes, with rights, possessions and gender;
as a rival for the attention, love, approval and
disapproval of the parents.”
• Dunn and Kendrick 1982 p 56
Elizabeth Jolley “My Sister Dancing”
“Children are not produced essentially as gifts for each
other; but since they come like gifts, unasked for,
very often as surprises to the existing children, as
something special to be kept and not broken and
discarded, I suppose it is true to say that there is not
gift that quite equals the gift of a sister born when you
are ….. still holding a precious first place in the
household. Even the displacement, which is bound to
occur, provides a certain independence and an
undisputed status, that of ‘the elder sister”.
in “Sisters” ed by Drusilla Modjeska. Angus and Robertson Australia 1993
Impact of a new sibling
• At first the older child will aim his anger
at the parents for desertion. Then as the
baby begins to get mobile and to get
into his toys, he will find ways of
torturing the baby in order to involve a
parent in his rivalry. He will manage
somehow….. No first child ever wants
the invasion of a second child”
Brazelton p 199 p375
Behavioural disturbance shown by first
born in response to birth of baby is related
to:
•
•
•
•
age and gender of first born,
quality of interactions with parents
manner in which parent prepared first born for arrival.
It is a time when child’s attachment is vulnerable to
change. Average security scores declined following
the birth of the baby
• 1st borns whose mothers reported more psychiatric
symptoms showed a larger decrease in security.
Teti et al 1996
Disruptions following arrival of
the new baby
• Physical health of mother or baby
• Baby who arrives is not the baby who
was imagined and expected
• Parent who is traumatised , grieving or
otherwise preoccupied
Regression, behaviour problems,
jealously in children under 5 yrs old is
common
Birth of sibling and attachment
security
Bosso O 1985, Teti DM and Ablard KE 1989
• Children’s care of younger siblings is
influenced by their existing attachment to
their mother and that attachment to an older
child reflects that child’s attachment status.
• Securely attached siblings directed more
positive and less negative behaviour towards
the infant sibling at home and in the lab
Siblings and identity
• Social learning theory suggests that
we are most likely to copy a person
we see as powerful, warm and
loving.
Siblings and Identity (Atkinson MP 1989)
• ….. when an individual feels bonded or
connected to another, when no individual can
be substituted and when the relationship is
expected to be lasting.
• These bonds are contingent upon interactions
that enhance self esteem. They are formed
when a person assimilates the qualities of
another into his or her self concept
• … because these bonds are expected to be
life long, parents and children invest in each
other and make commitments that are future
oriented.
• Parents and children are connected to and
part of each others self concept
• One reason family members interact
throughout their lives is because they
reciprocally provide information about
each other.
It is not
always
comfortable ,
the
information
that siblings
provide to us
about
ourselves
Gerhard Richter Betty
1988
Our identities are formed and maintained
in relation to significant others
• Qualities of the other may be
internalised or borrowed
• Disavowed parts of self may be
projected
• Siblings can be particularly potent
triggers for strong and sometimes
unwanted feelings because they are
likely to be closely linked to our sense of
ourselves
Identity and Sibling Relationships
• Correlation in temperament and
psychological characteristics of MZ twins
living apart was higher than those living
together
• Sibling relationships show surprising
continuity in quality and nature over time
• Relationships develop mutually reinforcing
qualities
• This is linked to family roles, myths, stories
•
Stillwell R and Dunn J 1985
Siblings and identity development
• Behold Esau my brother is a hairy
man, and I am a smooth man
•
Genesis 25:11
The impact of parents upon sibling
relationships and identity
• Children notice and respond to
differences in the the way parents treat
them. Parental discrimination is likely to
be more influential than the overall
characteristics of the family
environment. in individual differences
between sibs
•
Rutter M and M Developing Minds Challenge and Continuity across the
Life Span Penguin London 1992 p48
Sibling Rivalry and Conflict
Dunn 1988
• Normal part of family life
• Family structure, age gaps and gender have
no impact on the quality of relationships
• Temperament is linked to conflict
• Emotional climate of the family is linked to
sibling conflict
• Behaviour of parents in response to conflict
is related to the frequency of the conflict
Sibling Rivalry
• Observable sibling rivalry ….was
significantly related to early
attachment insecurity
(Main et al 1985)
Attachment and Family systems
• Adaptive –mutually sensitive, open
communication, supportive while respectful of
development and autonomy
• Disengaged: avoidant or under involved,
angry, insensitive
• Enmeshed: over involved, intrusive,
ambivalent, disrespectful of appropriate
autonomy and boundaries.
• Some empirical evidence that specific types
of family systems will be linked to particular
attachment patterns.
•
Marvin RS and Stewart RB 1990
Paula Rego The Family 1988
Parents and Sibling Rivalry
• Conflict avoiding parents -mediate constantly
negotiate for the children, oversensitive to
conflict, overprotective. Kids don’t learn
negotiation and compromise and are
deprived of opportunities to vent aggressive
and angry feelings
• Conflict amplifying parents–subtle
encouragement, parents meeting own needs
for conflict and aggressive impulses.
Sibling Density or
“The advantages of being spaced
out” B Powell and Steelman LC 1993
• Sibling density more significant than sib
ship size as a risk factor for educational
disadvantage perhaps because parental
attention and economic resources are
spread thinly in the child’s early years
especially when associated with lower
socioeconomic status
Resilience after childhood
adversity
• The child mattered to someone
• Being good at something
• Relationships with others outside the
family
• Continuity in social and personal
spheres
• Therapeutic relationship of at least 12
months
• Stable adult partnership
Whole of Family Approach
• Families differ in their needs and
their resources
• Tailor interventions and support to
that particular family’s style
• Identify the strengths that can be
built upon
Thank you