Transcript Assessment & Clinical counseling for christian

Michele D. Aluoch
River of Life Professional Counseling LLC
www.rolpc.org
(614) 353-4157
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Falls under the rubric of multicultural competencies and meeting the
client where he/she is at
While most counselors recognize the value of having some awareness
and training in the role of spiritual issues in counseling (60-90% in
nearly all literature), very few (10-30%) state that it was any significant
part of their coursework
“Spirituality” mentioned in CACREP standards for counseling
programs
Falls under multicultural counseling domain in ACA Ethics“Counselors must learn and acknowledge how their own
cultural/ethnic, racial identities affect their attitudes and behaviors.”
AAMFT Code of Ethics: “MFTs provide assistance without
discrimination on the basis of race, age, ethnicity, socioeconomic
status, disability, gender, health status, religion, national origin”; “are
aware of their influences”, ; “advance the welfare of the client”; “use
appropriate services”
Questions For Clinical Counseling
Students To Consider Regarding Their
Own Spirituality:
1. What are your views concerning
religion and spirituality?
2. How do you believe these views will
affect your counseling role?
3. How will you be able to empathize
with clients who have differing spiritual
values than your own?
4. How will you keep your own spiritual
values/beliefs from inappropriately
influencing the counseling relationship?
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1. Intervention skills
2. Assessment approaches and techniques
3. Individual and cultural differences
4. Interpersonal assessment
5. Theoretical orientation
6. Problem conceptualization
7. Selecting treatment goals and plans
8. Professional ethics
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“worldviews are like sand- they get into everything”
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How we interpret events, our rationales, why conflict, etc.
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Saying or doing good and what blesses and encourages
supervisees toward professional development
Speaking the truth in a context of Christian love
Correcting supervisees with an attitude of graciousness,
kindness, gentleness, and humility remembering that we
once were there
Accurately appraising ourselves
Being good stewards of the gifts and talents we have
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Supervisor as teacher:
 1. Assess supervisees spirituality/practices
 2. Provide resources to supervises for integrating
spirituality with clients when appropriate
 3. Give supervises opportunity to assess client’s
spirituality
 4.Give supervises feedback on their attempts at
integration
 5. Show supervises how to use spiritually integrated
interventions
 6. Offer ongoing instruction on use of Christian
clinical models.
Supervisor as facilitator:
 7. Help supervises differentiate between their own and their
client’s belief.
 8. Encourage supervises to integrate spirituality into case
conceptualization.
 9. Discuss with supervisees the client’s religious experiences in
supervision.
 10. Use questions to spark discussion of religious an spiritual
elements in cases
 11. Brainstorm which religious techniques could be used by
supervises in sessions
 12. Identify religious transference and countertransference
issues that may need to be addressed.
 13. Talk about refer to religious leaders when necessary.
 14. Encourage supervisees spiritual development.
Supervisor As Model:
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15. Use parallel processes to show how to address spirituality and
religious issues.
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16. Share self disclosures with supervisees.
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17. Role play Christian clinical counseling approaches in supervision.
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Internal methods for supervisors:
18. Introspection, examination, and refection
19.Spiritual disciplines
20. Involvement with a faith community
21. Prayer for clinical supervision sessions
22. Prayer for client situations.
Exercises:
Write definitions of:
Spirituality
Church
Religion
Heaven
God
Hell
Spiritual development
Spiritual maturity
Mercy
Justice
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Narrative story about your spiritual journey (factors
that shaped it, people/places, significant events,
where you believe you are at today versus where
you’d like to be/think God wants you to be, etc.)
Role play with different types of clients what it might
be like to counsel a person from differing faith or
spirituality beliefs.
Consider what a “holistic” approach means to you.
What skills would you need to develop competencies
to work with people of different ages, races, beliefs,
religious, spiritual approaches?
(Turton, 2004; Belaire, Young, Elder, 2005; )
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Expected respect for their worldview and acceptance
Expected that religion and spirituality would definitely be included as a significant
part of the counseling process. May include (determine on a case by case basis):
Moral teachings Scriptures or Bible verses Praying in Session
Listening to story of their conversion or changes from past conversion, current
struggles, etc.
Hearing some thing about the counselor’s spiritual experience, moral beliefs,
lifestyle, or conversion experiences
Collateral consultation with clergy pastors, or religious “authorities” that the
client can relate to or is accountable to
Use “religious language” in session Use religious examples, stories, or parables
Be willing to learn about client’s personal spiritual experience, denomination,
journey.
Refer client to someone who understands or can better empathically relate if n
able to relate to it or understand or respect that
Accept the religious practices and rituals that are part of client’s experience.
What Evangelical Christians Want From Counseling
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Prefer Non Directive Approach
Expect to leave the counseling session with their lives “spiritually stimulated”
Expect to be encouraged to apply and further Biblical understanding
Goal of Counseling: Closer relationship with God, more fervent prayer life, a
lifestyle that is consistent with traditional Biblical values, direct
discouragement and challenging of lifestyle and behaviors inconsistent with
the values they are stating they espouse
Overall: Less likely to attend counseling of the counselor is not a Christian and
does not share their religious orientation (95%); Religious/spiritual beliefs
affect my daily decisions (98%)
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Enhances the counselor’s empathy and sensitivity
toward the client’s unique experiences
Can support the counselor’s diagnosis about
healthy or unhealthy spirituality
Can help the counselor identify outcomes that
would be considered healthy spiritually for the
client
Can help adapt counseling interventions
personally to the spiritual needs and background
of the client
Level One: Client
Perceptions & Self
Descriptions
Level Two: Specific Eval. Of
Any Significant Spiritual
Issues Client Mentioned
Counseling Process: Doing
Therapy
12 Sample Questions:
1. Do you wish to discuss spiritual issues in counseling when
relevant?
2. Do you believe in God?
3. What is God to you?
4. Is spirituality important to you (scaling)
5. Do you have a religious affiliation? Imp.to you? (scaling)
6.Do you attend a church, synagogue, or another gathering
place?
7. How closely do you follow the teachings of your religion?
8. How do you experience God’s guidance in your
personal life?
9. Are you aware of any spiritual resources or practice
sin your life that could be used to help you cope with or
solve your problem? What are they?
10. Anything about your spirituality or religious
community that concerns you?
11. Would you like your counselor to consult with your
spiritual/religious leader if this could be helpful to you?
12. Are you willing to consider trying religious or
spiritualty based suggestions from your counselor if they
could be helpful to you?
Level Two- Standardized Measures
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Orthodoxy: How letter of the law and by the book a person is
based on the traditional teachings of their religion
Spiritual Identity- The client’s sense of worth in relation to God
Level of Religious Commitment- extrinsic (to meet own ends)
or intrinsic (internalized belief system)
God Image- The client’s perception of who God is
Value/Lifestyle Congruence- How consistent behaviors are with
what client says he/she believes
Spiritual Well Being- Sense that life has meaning and purpose
Religious Problem Solving- 1) Self directing, 2) Deferring,
3) Collaborative
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Effective Therapy
Not just about technique but about the
therapist’s character and relationship with the
client
About therapist’s individual and professional
awareness and differentiation
Includes encouraging the client’s narrative of
his/her spiritual journey
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Questions To Facilitate Client’s Sharing Their Spiritual Narrative
(Hoogestraat & Trammel, 2003)
How has your spirituality/religion influenced your life?
Tell me about God.
What does your spirituality mean to you?
Help me understand how you learned about spirituality/religion.
How do you think God view you?
Tell me about spiritual/religious traditions in your family.
How do you define spirituality/religion?
What spiritual/religious messages were handed down through your
family?
Do you believe spirituality/religion causes more harm than good or
more good than harm?
Questions For Cultivating A Spiritual Autobiography
(Sociocultural Clinical perspective):
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What is your earliest memory about God?
Were you raised in a religious family? What was that like?
What are your current religious views and beliefs?
How would you have described God when you were a
child/teenager?
Who had the greatest spiritual or religious influence in you as a
child/teenager?
What influenced your faith the most?
How would you describe your faith today?
What was your worst/best spiritual experience?
Spiritual Differentiation
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Client or therapist identifying and describing self as separate as
distinct from others, necessary for healthy emotional and spiritual
development
Higher differentiation associated with:
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Greater capacity for intimacy
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Allowing others to be themselves
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Emotional stability
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More open to discussing spirituality
(Answer these same spiritual autobiography questions about
yourself)
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What is your earliest memory about God?
Were you raised in a religious family? What was that like?
What are your current religious views and beliefs?
How would you have described God when you were a child/teenager?
Who had the greatest spiritual or religious influence in you as a
child/teenager?
What influenced your faith the most?
How would you describe your faith today?
What was your worst/best spiritual experience?
Exercise: Developing Self Awareness & Differentiation as a Therapist
What are your thoughts, views, beliefs on each of the following words? Can
you counsel someone with differing views from your own?
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Abortion
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Death Penalty
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Drinking/Drugs
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R-rated movies
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Premarital sex
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Spanking or physical disciplining a child
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Cohabitation
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Pornography
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Promiscuity
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Domestic violence
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Dancing
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Piercings
Etc.
Four statuses:
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1) Diffusion- lack of interest in the spiritual, religion or who have a selfserving religiosity, may have had limited exposure to such or may view God
as mean and unjust or nary
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2) Foreclosure- Learning to accommodate to the requests of others around
you to gain acceptance and approval, obedience perspective
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3) Moratorium- Sincere self reflection and self examination, often through a
time of great uncertainty which causes the person to re-evaluate things for
self
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4) Achievement- internalized religious and spiritual beliefs, often based on a
conversion experience, that which becomes a person’s core spiritual values
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1. Illumination- an awareness of possibilities
2. Individualization- learning to esteem oneself,
who am I? Who was I created to be?
3. Separation- exploring and seeking answers to
God questions
4 Inspiration- A sense of purpose in life,
reassessing how behaviors fit in with who I was
called to be
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Differences between mental health professionals (e.g. Morrison, Clutter, Pritchett,
& Demmitt, 2009; Walker, Gorsuch, Tan, & otis, 2008;Young, Wiggins-Frame, &
Cashwell, 2007; Carlson, Kirkpatrick, Hecker, & Killmer, 2002): Only 25% of counselor
educators deemed important to have classes on this ; very few social workers and
psychologists- as little as 5-10% in some studies felt spirituality should ever be
involved; 73 % of PCCs deemed important but felt not enough training; Highest
percentages of training and involvement among marriage and family therapists- as
much as 80-90%; Least concerned with spirituality personally or in sessions=
psychologists (“80% never discussed with a client”- Walker et al.)
86%of participants say spiritual training is important to develop competency in
understanding dif. clients.
Only about 25% or less of mental health professionals in most surveys received any
integration of spiritual/religious issues into their counseling training programs
In the counseling literature of social workers, psychiatrics, psychologists, marriage
and family therapists, & counselors on surveys done in the last 10 tens asking clients
“is spirituality important to your emotional healing showed 70-98% of those per
survey said ‘yes’ with most percentages around 80-85% in secular and medical
settings even and 85-98% among those specific requesting Christian/spiritual
counselors
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The culture of a client’s spiritual/religious/God experience
Meeting the client where he/she is at may involve understanding the
language, images, and ritual by which they experience God
Process Of Incorporating God Images:
1) Conscious conflict- noticing difference between what I was taught
and what I seem to be experiencing
2)Time of Pause- Evaluating the contradiction
3) Image/insight- coming up with some explanation or insight to
explain the contradiction
4)Repatterning/reframing- recomposing meaning
5) Interpretation on dialogue- new insight about one’s spiritual image
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Definitions Of God Image
Love---------22
Creator----------21
Always Present-----------20
Friend-----------16
Jesus Christ----------11
Strength------------11
Peaceful------------11
(Others: comfort, support, forgiving, a guide,
compassionate, patient, a mystery, a spirit, powerful, etc.)
(Asses client’s definitions and experiences; Don’t assume
or base on your experiences or God concept
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For both men and women mother or father nurturance led
to self esteem or self reassurance
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Differences- Girls whose parents used power oriented
discipline (yelling, threatening, spanking) saw themselves,
parents, and God as less powerful and less nurturing but
for boys power-oriented discipline was not related to self,
parent, and God concepts.
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In disruptive homes young children learn God to be a
comforter and helper but they struggle with God as
intimate and personal to them.
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For self reflection, understanding of spiritual and religious practices
and family systems and multi-generational dynamics
Charting a spiritual family tree
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Using proven REBT- Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (Albert Ellis)
but incorporating client belief systems and spiritual worldview
A-Activating
Event
B- Belief
about A
CConsequence
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Using proven REBT- Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (Albert Ellis) but
incorporating client belief systems and spiritual worldview
Common Thinking Errors:
1. Awfulizing- ____ is awful, terrible, catastrophic or as bad as it could possibly be.
2) Low Frustration Tolerance- I can’t stand _____; _____ is too much and is
intolerable or unbearable.
3) Self Downing- I am no good, worthless, useless, and utter failure, beyond hope
or help, devoid of value.
4) Other downing- You are no good, worthless, useless, an utter failure, beyond
hope, of no value
1) But God can never separate us from His love, Romans 8:39
2) But those who endure are called blessed, James 5:11
3 & 4) But my/others’ sin does not determine me to be a worthless person the rest
of my life. I can change and turn around if not by my will power by God’s grace.
My life is still meaningful and significant, Titus 3:4-7
Common Misbeliefs in the Counseling Literature:
 God must answer my prayers as I’d like them to be answered.
 I absolutely should always be loved unconditionally by all my fellow
churchgoers/Christians.
 I ought to undeniably be obeyed by other when I quote Scriptures to
defend my position.
 I must never be judged but totally accepted as I am.
 I must always be judged
 If only I work hard “enough” then God will see that I deserve _____.
 Good people should always have “good” things happen to them and
“bad” people should have “bad” things happen to them. (justice
perspective)
 People should have mercy on me but they should get what they
deserve (justice).
 I must spend the rest of my life paying back for what I said, did, etc.
Five Common Belief Systems of Conservative Christians
to be Aware of in Counseling:
 1) Self- focusing on oneself is selfish and is a sin
 2) Truth- Christianity is the only true way to God
 3) Answers to problems- the Bible is the answer book
 4)Feelings-joy and peace are only acceptable
 5) Social issues- divorce, homosexuality, abortion are
not to be participated in
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How would you handle someone who possibly
espouses any of these beliefs?
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Do the level one assessment suggested earlier to
get spiritual background
Incorporate prayer and Scripture when
appropriate
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When Beneficial to client
With consistency in their worldview and self talk
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Focuses on the interpersonal exchange
Goal- Increasing the number of exceptions to the problem:
Observations of times clients are without the problem,
observations of times where the problem is more resolved
(client as expert observer in his/her world)
What treatments are effective for whom and under what
circumstances”
Helpful questions:
Was there a time you coped better?
How did you manage?
The miracle question
Consistent with Christian spirituality: God intervening from
the future to impact the present & humans as agents in
collaborative partnership with God (Frederick, 2008)
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NOT the same
SPIRITUAL DIRECTION
COUNSELING
Spiritual assessment
Spiritual experience,
not psychopathology
Spiritual Transformation
Psych Assessment (may include spiritual history)
DMS IV diagnosis- may be psychopathology
Triadic Rel. Improvement
Direct Advisement
Discernment
Spiritual Resistance
Symptom reduction, Increased functioning,
Personality/Character changes
Dyadic Therapeutic Alliance
Therapeutic Interventions
Mutual collaboration
Psychological Resistance
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“taking people to the healing waters”, “Do you want to be
healed?”
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Key Questions: “What hurts?”, “What heals?”
Steps:
 1. perceiving
 2. compassion for the client’s story
 3. reaching out to the hurting person
 4. asking clarifying questions
 5. engaging the will- drawing on the client’s resources/strengths?
 6. embracing the client’s stuckness
 7. encouraging connectedness- behavioral goals to help the
client get connected to what is spiritually uplifting for him/her
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Secure or insecure
Often interactions with significant
caregivers/guardians lay a foundation for how
people see God as attachment figure (similar or
directly opposite)
Correspondence hypothesis- if a person’s
attachments growing up were secure they will be
securely attached to God
Compensation hypothesis- A person tries to redo
or undo unhealthy attachment issues with a
relationship with God
Steps in group therapy:
 Grace, Safety, Vulnerability, Truth, Ownership
Grace- all need to know God’s unconditional love kindnes
who acknowledge their need fro Him.
 Group members model the heart attitude of comfort,
mercy in the face of brokenness
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I what ways have you experienced the grace of God in the
midst of your brokenness?
In what ways have you experienced grace from others?
What are some of the barriers you faced? How did you
work through them?
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Safety- Freedom from fear anxiety, and
apprehension as group members open up
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Knowing that each group member can share
vulnerable info. and it will be safe within the
group (confidentiality, lack of judgment, each
doing own work, pass if you want, consistent
attendance and commitment to the group)
Boundaries- clear expectations
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Vulnerability- Self disclosure, listening, and validation
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Sharing and risk taking for the benefit of the group
Accessing feelings in session so that group members together can
carry each other’s burdens
Truth- What God says about the situation, hearing input for others
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Key- speaking truth in an attitude of love rather than one which
produces increased hurt and damages more
Ownership- responsibility for each one’s own part in healing process
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Includes telling the whole story, reducing blame on others, and
refocusing on personal solutions
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82% wanted audile prayer in session
Most wanted the therapist to broach the subject of
whether spirituality is important in counseling and
what that includes
Religious conservatives expected prayer more often
and regularly compared to others
Studies that prayer can increase a sense of emotional
well being in those who advocate it
Is prayer appropriate?: Only 11% in secular agencies
compared with 78% in Christian agencies and 100% in
Christian private practices
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“If we don’t let clients know that we are willing to
talk about their spiritual lives if thy feel it would
be helpful to therapy, then what we don’t say is in
effect telling them that it is not okay to talk about
these things.”
Prayer showed statistically significant results in areas
of conflict resolution:
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Softening
Developing a
healing perspective
Changing responsibility
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Reconceptualizing problem-bound stories
Helping the client re-assemble unique alternative
outcomes
Helping the client make the new alternative
endings and strong and as possible as the
problem bound ones
Partnership in the story between the client, the
counselor, and the support system (affirmation
strength, strengthening)
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85% call self “religious”
44% have changed backgrounds from upbringing
Over 60% are part of a congregation yet only 38% attend weekly
Very significant for African-Americans
Latinos often strongly involved in Catholicism although more turning to
Pentecostal and Charismatic churches for direct spiritual experiences, emphasis
on tradition with dead relatives
Latin Americans, Africans, and Asians- spirituality is significant to daily life
Potential Areas to Assess and Address (frequent systems concerns):
Interfaith marriage, child rearing, death and loss, rituals and traditions or
practices, connectedness with nature, involvement with creative arts,
involvement with social activism
Gaps between belief and practice- e.g Over 90% of American homes have a Bible
but 58% of Americans cannot name the Ten Commandments and do not know
who the 12 Apostles are
NOTE: Can use similar questions regarding above areas and self and meaning in
life with atheists.
A narrative and journaling approach using the
Psalms
 A means to process emotions, including the
unpleasant ones (anger, questions, doubt,
depression, anxiety, etc.)
 Giving voice to internal concerns
Format:
Feeling, questions, BUT
pos. self message
Emotions
spiritual resources,
faith statement
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Reference to Scripture
Therapist keeping them in prayer privately
Religious/spiritual assessment
Religious/spiritual self disclosure
Religious/spiritual imagery
Religious/spiritual confrontation
Therapist/client prayer in session
Encouraging forgiveness
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Supporting client involvement in religious
community
Client prayer at home
Religious bibliotherapy
Encouraging client confession
Spiritual journaling
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All previous approaches were outlined in clinical
counseling literature and shown to be effective
All approaches shown to be as effective as clinical
(secular) counseling but not all were consistently
shown to be superior to clinical counseling
We are to only use treatments in clinical
counseling which are shown effective in the
literature
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Spiritual bypass- “the use of spiritual experiences
to avoid or bypass psychological wounds or other
unfinished business”
Spiritual versus natural polarization
Seeing spiritual as a higher realm and natural
work as lesser
A defense mechanism to compensate for low self
esteem, anxiety, narcissism, depression, or
dependency
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Exs: spiritual person who is isolated spending all day
reading spiritual writings to justify detachment
Teachings that justify never feeling or expressing any
emotion (even in healthy ways)
Spiritual ego inflation to feel superior to those who
“are not as enlightened”
Signing up for every ministry or outward involvement
possible to keep busy but not have to receive ministry
or help to self
Allowing others to treat you any way without
boundaries or expectations because boundaries
“would be unloving”
DCT Therapy
 Make sure all 4 domains are addressed:
 Sensorimotor- body or felt sensations (what are you
seeing or hearing now?)
 Specific examples- describing a sequence of events
related to those sensations (what happened? What
was going on before” and “How did it end up?
 Identifying patterns- helping client note how often
senses, storylines, and their reactions to them are
interconnected. Then helping give client work
through option and formal operational thinking to
problem solve potential alternatives
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Counselors are not to give the impression of being religious
authorities
Maintain focus on the well being (good) of the client
While clients may be interested in our values we are not to
impose them.
We are not to focus spiritually to the absence of clinical
counseling goals
We are not to misuse spiritual interventions, prayer as a way of
avoiding important clinical issues
We should refer to appropriate spiritual resources in the
community when appropriate
It is our obligation to seek education and training to develop
ongoing competency in this area particularly if client
populations we serve consider religion or spirituality to be
crucial issues
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Discuss confidentiality at beginning of therapy-98.3%
Obtain informed consent-97.3%
Consult with peers/colleagues on dif.cases-97.5%
Being sexually attracted to a clinet-95.5%
Obtaining regular supervuison-95.3%
Consult with specialists in mental health field -95.1%
Providing therapy to a friend- 94.6%
Choosing to take clients that have problems beyond your scope of practice-94.3%
Referring clients to specialist in the mental health field-94.1%
Requesting favors from clients- 93.4%
Discussing things with clients without release- 93.3%
Using self disclosure when appropriate- 92.0%
Providing therapy to coworkers- 91.5%
Referring clients when they are not making progress- 90.5%
Administering psych tests you do not have training for- 90.4%
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Accepting client gifts worth more than $50- 89.6%
Disclosing info. to church leaders without signed release if clients89.2%
Accepting goods in lieu of a fee- 89.1%
Socializing with a client after terminating therapy- 87.9%
Providing therapy to someone with whom you had a previous social
relationship- 87.3%
Discuss clients with friends, without using client names- 85.6%
Purchasing goods from clients- 85.1%
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Share with a client that you believe he is engaged in immoral behavior- 59.4%
Provide treatment to homosexual who is seeking to change their orientation- 59.3%
Share in general with a client that you believe certain behaviors are immoral- 58.7%
Use Scripture though not requested- 56.9%
Obtain prior informed consent from a client before using faith practices in session-54.8%
inform clients wishing to change homosexual orientation about risks of this- 53.6%
Provide therapy to a minster who refers clients to you- 53.5%
Attend church with a former lover or ex-spouse of an ongoing client- 52%
Rely more on the Bible than ethics- 49.1%
Talk with your employer and religious practices in therapy- 49.1%
Avoiding certain clients o you won’t be sued- 49.1%
Seeking support from a minster- 48.7%
Advertising yourself as a Christian counselor though you have no training in this- 47.7%
Confront or report a Christian therapist wh0 you believe is misusing faith practices-47.2%
Tell clients that you believe God answers prayer or heals- 46%
Hesitate to refer to someone without Christian values- 45.2%
Without quoting the Bible use stories from the Bible- 41.6%
Use exorcism in your sessions- 35.3%
Counselors/theorists
Avg. person/client

Cognitive commitment to
forgive initiates the treatment
and forgiveness process
Do the work of forgiveness
and then decide later about
commitment to forgive

Commitment to forgive is an
“easier” early stage
Commitment to forgive is
the most important part of
the entire forgiveness
process and also the most
difficult.

Bearing the pain is necessary
and positive step in healing
Have to act civil but don’t
have to bear injustices if
not client’s responsibility

Social support systems necessary
during the deeper work phases of
forgiveness
Social supports necessary
to even start and go through
every phase of forgiveness
Hurt party deals
Offender Participates
Reconciliation
Cheap
Forgiveness
no
no
no
Refusing to
Forgive
no
no
no
Acceptance
yes
no
yes or no
Genuine
Forgiveness
yes
yes
yes
 Individuals quickly do an action to behaviorally seem as if they have
absolved someone but does nothing to foster genuine interpersonal
healing and improved relational dynamics
 Considered inauthentic, cover for hatred and contempt and other
emotions not dealt with
 Premature
 No processing of emotions
 Common among those who want to keep relationship at any cost:
(E.g. Overly compliant, conflict avoiders, codependent caretakers)
 Can lead to moral superiority
 May set hurt party up for health and emotional problems
 When you think forgiveness is not possible without
reconciliation
 To send a clear signal that you won’t accept a
violation
 Control and punishment based
 Fosters sense of impotence and invulnerability
 Common in people with all or nothing polarized
thinking
 Feels all the emotions and does not bypass the emotional work
of the wounded party
 Promotes healthy self care- overcome revenge, ensuring your
safety, restoring self worth, resisting obsession
 Especially when the offender is not an active part of healing
process
 When reconciliation is not healthy or possible
 Able to empathize with the offender
 Looks at both parties parts in things

“An intimate dance between offender and the offended”

Offender recognizes and verbalizes need to be forgiven

Each takes responsibility for his or her part

To assess the injury together and reprocess

Not just automatic but is work and is earned, conditional

Offender express genuine remorse and specific plan to avoid behavior in
the future

Offender hears the depth of the pain caused and listens to the offended
then works to make amends and get the relationship back on track

Allows for detailed discussion of all parts of the pain without debating or
cutting off or correcting the other’s experience/perception

Involves behavioral requests and responses
 1)With responsibility for each persons’ part in the offense.
 2) Personal: (When ___ happened you felt ____. You needed
_____ and in the future you hope for _______).
 3) Specific behavior plan for the future- how we will handle
triggers again.
 4) Deep apology, not just surface level.
 5) Genuineness in interactions
 6) Direct apology without a bunch of other stuff
Avoid:
 Sorry.
 I am sorry for whatever hurt you.
 What else do you want now?
 I am just like this. This is how I am but I am sorry.
 This is my personality, culture, etc. It is not likely to
change.
 I’ll say I’m sorry if it will help but I don’t know why.
 I cannot believe you need me to apologize for that.
 I am sorry for ___ BUT ….
 Unforgiveness/Woundedness (Revenge Based
Cognitions)
 Versus Forgiveness (Changing Cognitive
Attributes and Perspectives)
Negative Cognitions
Forgiveness-Based Cognitions
Violation occurs
Violation occurs
Negative emotions follow
Negative emotions follow
“I will get even”,” I want revenge”,
“They will not get away w/this”,
”He/she must pay for this”.
I can’t stand this pain”,
“I cannot tolerate this,”
“I must get even.”
“I will choose to forgive this person.
The violation no longer has control over me.”
The object-image changes from
friend to enemy.
Negative emotions are alleviated.
Aggressive energy is directed
toward the object which produces
inner conflict.
The object-image is less threatening or
remains non-threatening. Freedom from inner
conflict is enhanced, peace restored, and life
renewed.
 Therapist recommends forgiveness and
reframes as a healthy choice.
 Therapist explains object formation as an
inexact and incomplete representation of the
person viewed through our own emotional
lenses.
 Therapist assists the client in learning how
to identify toxic thoughts and change
cognitions.
 Therapist reminds client that forgiveness
may have to be re-chosen each time the
unpleasant emotions resurface.
 Translating thoughts into narrative makes emotional
processing and forgiveness more manageable
 Look at the frequency of words- increase the frequency of
positive and neutral words (attribution retraining)
 Helps a great deal with rumination aspects of both self
forgiveness and other forgiveness
 The longer the intervention the larger the effects
 Gains maintained over time
 Strengths- when therapist directed and with perspective taking
can promote empathy
 2 groups in study- writing about traumatic
experiences including deepest thoughts and feelings
vs. mundane things like what belongings are in your
closet or describe your outfit today
 Meaning making hypothesis was supported:
facilitating someone’s cognitive processing of
events through narrative means eventually gives rise
to changes in situational meanings, global meaning
or both, produces less distress
 Simply identifying a traumatic event but not writing
about it or focusing on some other mundane thing
shows no significant changes
 Narrative interventions produced similar effect sizes
to those produced by aerobic exercise
 Immune function and physiological stress reactions
were less when people write about distressing
events
 Linguistic Word Count studies: Three Significant
Factors:
 The more positive words a client used to describe
an event
 The less extreme words (either very positive or
very negative)
 Increase in casual/neutral words or insight words
 1. Teach clients to promote at least a 5 to 1 positive to negative
interaction ratio.
 2. Teach empathy- First person speaks followed by a valuing
empathy statement of the second person before second person
responds.
 3. LOVE- L=listen to your partner
O=observe your effects on your partner
V=value your partner
E=evaluate common interests
 4.Incorporate intimacy building exercises (e.g. Gestalt moving
closer, solution focused interchanges and valuing statements)
 5. Coupes write a love letter to each other.
Therapeutic Tasks:
 Ask each person in the family or group or relationship to
describe from his/her point of view and facilitate hearing and
empathy by others
 Follow up with assisting others to think based on the initial
comments about what may please the first communicator
(perspective taking)
 Help the “group” speak to common feelings and perception
 Facilitate each admitting his/her part and verbalizing
commitment to ongoing healthy relationship
Five parts:
 1. Empathize with the offender to promote forgiveness.
 2. Humility (choice of the offended) as the offended recalls
times when he/she has received forgiveness from the person
who offended them.
 3. Shift from blame and resentment to willingness to forgive.
 4. Commitment aloud to forgive the offender.
 5. Maintenance- discussion of how the offender may prove
him/herself on an ongoing basis.
“ I see my offender’s motivations and understand
his or her point of view. I feel what he or she might
have been feeling. Further, I have felt similar
feelings. I see that I have done things or wanted to
do things as wicked as the other person. In those
instances of my own weakness, I would like to have
forgiveness extended to me. I want mercy for my
own foibles. Who am I to demand justice for this
person when I want mercy for myself? I know that
the other person is needy. I want to help this person.
I want to release him or her from the hate, anger, and
desire for retribution that I feel. That is the decent
thing to do. That is the right thing to do.”
 Secure attachment styles associated with forgiveness.
 Linked to degree to which people can:







Tolerate negative affect
Experience pain
Communicate feelings
Reframe the offender
Have better internal emotional regulation
Demonstrate broader emotional expressiveness
Have less idealized expectations and more flexibility in
relationship interactions
 Insecurely attached: avoidance, difficulty working through the
relationship, physiological problems
The FREE Program taught to parents of 0-9 year olds:
 Helping better understand child development
 Putting the child’s behaviors in context
 Dealing with adult relational issues that may affect
parenting
 Stress management for parents
 Teaching behavioral parenting strategies
 Ultimately: replacing negative emotions of anger,
bitterness, hostility, and fear with empathy,
sympathy, compassion and parental love






Positive psychology- not what happens as much
as a person’s reaction to it
Forgiveness and gratitude leads to increased
optimism and well being
Empathy for the transgressor
Recognition of one’s own flaws and shortcomings
Generous attributions and appraisals for the
transgressor’s behavior
Reduced rumination


Gratitude
 A cognitive-affective state
 Not earned or deserved
 Drives us to respond in kindness
 Inhibits destructive responses
 Intentionally given
 Produces greater satisfaction in life
Imagining forgiveness:
 Higher levels of gratitude, hope, and empathy
 (Bassett, Bassett, Lloyd, & Johnson, 2006)


More differentiated= more forgiving, less prone
to polarizing situations and instability problems
due to lack of emotional regulation, more secure
attachments, gratefulness, empathy, loving God
and others, flexibility to new ways of telling the
story
Unforgiveness= grudges, negative imagery,
greater muscle tension, arousal, high blood
pressure, rehearsing memories of hurt,
vengeance

Decisional forgiveness- behavioral intention to
resist unforgiveness

Emotional forgiveness- replacement of negative
emotions with positive, other-oriented ones

Which does the literature show is generally more
effective?





R- Recalling the event
E- Empathy
A- giving and altruistic gift of forgiveness
C- Publically committing to the forgiveness
H- holding onto gains received
Three “R”s:
 Rapport
 Reframing
 Release
Rapport
 Counselor’s responsibilities are strong here- counselor as
psychoeducational teacher
 Counselor to teach idea of “empathy as dialectic imagination”-
talk to client about learning a way of moving away from self
perception being applied onto other (transgressor) toward
reaching outward toward other instead
 Counselor to teach empathy and perspective taking skills and
move client away from chronic self focus inward
Reframing
 Assist one of the parties in making a statement to
break the cycle of unforgiveness and selfish (e.g. “I
know we have recently not been understanding each
other very well but I would like for us to try and hear
each other better so we can have a more peaceful
home.”)
 Reframing in terms of a cooperative problem solving
solution-focused team venture.
Release
 NOTE: Berecz talks of “release” instead of “reconciliation”
 Belief that in some cases it may be “psychologically harmful” to try
and reconcile (repeated infidelity of a spouse, abuse, addiction)
 Allows for disjunctive forgiveness whereby the offended can “accept”
the understanding of the personhood, context, and personality issues
of the transgressor but the offended can move on without letting them
have a hold on the hurt party.
 Releasing bitterness even if there will never be reconciliation or if the
offender never repents or apologizes.
 Helpful when the transgressor refuses to change his or her ways and
sees nothing wrong even when you know what the offender did was
wrong.
 Four Stations
 Station 1 &2 = Exoneration (attempts at removing culpability
and ending condemnation toward the wrongdoer)
 1) Insight



Understanding of possible casual factors
Minimizes future damage in relationship
Looks at objective facts
 2) Understanding



The wrongdoers limitations, development, efforts, and
possible intents
Placing things in larger context
Looks at subjective experiences and motivational factors
 Station 3 & 4= Forgiveness (actions regarding
responsibility, wrongdoer admitting his/her part
and trust being re-established)
 3) Opportunity for Compensation
 Re-entering the relationship in a new way
 Victim must agree to have the pain addressed
by the perpetrator and allow self to be healed
 Victim must decide if he/she is willing to trust
the perpetrator and to what degree in the
future
 Addressing interactional systems patterns
 4) Overt Forgiving
 Relational ethics applied- what entitled to
receive versus what obligated to give
 Defining what the relationship will look like from
here
 Largely cognitive based
 Primary burden placed on the counselor as facilitator and
educator
 Forgiveness seen as an act of the will by the client and a
deliberate decision to work through emotions and have
mutual respect for the other person
 Does not necessarily have to involve the offender but
seen as more successful if it does involve the offender
 Two phases:
 1) Psyhoeducation
 2) Face to face processing of forgiveness
 Phase One: Psychoeducation
 Considered the preliminary work
 Counselor responsible for setting the client up
and assisting him/her in understanding the work
of forgiveness
 Forgiveness framed as a choice
 Reconciliation seen as possible and intentional
when it wound be healthy
Steps of Phase One:
 1) Teach client that forgiveness is a choice.
 2) Frame as a process.
 3) Assist the client in receiving the offense. Forgive
because you will remember the offense. Allow and
facilitate grief and mourning.
 4) Forgive for yourself, not the offender.
 5) Help the client conceptualize forgiveness in light
of both mercy and justice.
 6) Help client understanding and differentiate
between the intent of a person and his/her actions
and to consider possible positive intent.
 7) Help the client permit the re-evaluation and
modification of relationship when necessary.
Steps of Phase Two:
 1) can be phone call or letter or in person
 2) not for use with possible re-offenders
 3) not for use if offender does not seem to buy into tenants of
intentional forgiveness
 4) use body language and positioning- facing each other, open
posture, welcoming facial expressions, and calm open tones of voice
 5) assist the client in naming the offender’s behavior while assisting
the offender in listening (do not allow for excuses)
 6) be directive toward the client’s engaging the offender’s care,
concern, and loving expression toward the client
 7) help the offender ask forgiveness directly
 8) help the client respond specifically by offering forgiveness
 9) teach less defensive ways of communication between the two
parties (e.g. I statements)
 10) use therapeutic touch and positioning between the parties when
appropriate to affirm closeness again and openness to redeveloping
sense of “us”
 Four stages of forgiveness:




1) Uncovering
2) Decision
3) Work
4) Outcome
 Uncovering- explore past grievances and areas that need forgiveness,
regrets, and disappointments
 Decisions- Examine the consequences of holding on to past hurts versus
letting them go
 Work stage- Helping process with the client the thoughts, feelings, and
images regarding forgiveness of the key issue(s)
 Outcome- Create a ritual between the client and other for providing closure
to this process and plan for dealing with things from here
Uncovering Phase (Steps 1-8)
 1. Examination of psychological elements
 2. Confrontation of anger; the point is to release, not harbor the
anger
 3. Admittance of shame, when it is appropriate
 4. Awareness of catharsis
 5. Awareness of cognitive rehearsal of the offense
 6. Insight that the injured party may be comparing themselves with the
injurer
 7. Realization that one may be permanently and adversely changed by
the injury
 8. Insight into a possibly altered “just world” view
Decision Phase (Steps 9-11)
 9. A change of heart/conversion. New insights
that old resolution strategies are not working
 10. Willingness to consider forgiveness as an
option
 11.Committmnet to forgive the offender
Work Phase (Steps 12-15)
 12. Reframing, through role taking, of who the
wrongdoer is by viewing him or her in context
 13. Empathy and compassion towards the
offender
 14. Acceptance/absorption of the pain
 15. Giving a moral gift to the offender
Deepening Phase (Steps 16-20)
 16. Finding meaning for oneself and others in the
suffering and in the forgiveness process
 17. Realization that one has needed others’ forgiveness
in the past
 18. Insight that one is not alone (universality, support)
 19. Realization that one may have a new perspective in
life because of the injury
 20. Awareness of decreased negative affect and, perhaps,
increased positive affect, if this begins to emerge, toward
the injurer; awareness of internal, emotional release




Explicit knowledge- apology and expressions of
remorse
Nonverbal assurance- actions aimed at showing
the event is not likely to re-occur
Explanation- give full details, motives, and
reasons
Compensation- persistent willingness to comply
with the partner’s wishes to do what the
offended wanted





Coping- thoughts and behaviors individuals use to
manage internal and external demands of particular
situations they appraise as being personally relevant
and stressful
Early on use avoidance and in middle and later stages
of recovery use approach
Avoidance- regulation of one’s cognitions and
emotions
Approach-problem solving
When this pattern emerged people were better able
to assign constructive meaning in spite of the hurt






Developmental stage
Attachment
Emotional regulation
Coaching from their parents
How they appraise situations
The religious/spiritual environment at home
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