Transcript The Parental Regard model: An Australian example of

FRSA Conference 2014
How to help your client to
relinquish the need to be right
Bill Hewlett
Clinical Services Specialist,
Post-Separation Practice
Relationships Australia NSW
www.nsw.relationships.com.au
Good enough parenting
“It is rare to find a child who is able to be still and
centered and feel safe in the presence of chaotic adults.”
Winnecotte 1962
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Children and wellbeing
“Around 25% of children whose parents separate will
experience mental health issues (compared with 12% from
families that never separate).”
Sawyer et al, 2000; Kelly and Emery, 2003;
McIntosh, Wells & Long 2007
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Attachment Theory
“What we get exclusively from the family is love, and the
capacity to form intimate attachments...
Emotional security does not lead inexorably to good
character or good citizenship, but insecurity interferes with
the formation of every social connection…
It increases the chance that we will react to others with
avoidance, fear, anger and hostility.”
Rosenblum, 1995
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Attachment Theory
“One of the consequences of poor attachment, is that there seems to be
less space or spare mental capacity for accessing emotional and cognitive
information about relationships.”
Rudi Dallos
www.storyofneo.com.au
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Attachment Theory
A child has a relationship with the parent’s relationship.
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Neurobiology
“Our focus as children, on our short term survival, has superseded
attention to all long term maintenance. This is akin to burning the furniture to
survive a freezing winter.”
Louis Cozolino
“It is important to understand that the brain altered in destructive ways by
neglect and trauma can also be altered in reparative, healing ways.”
Bruce Perry
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We are all a product of
our environment
It is less painful to remember something happening even if it is terrible, than
to remember nothing happening when you needed someone to be with you.
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Trauma
“To the child… traumas are not experienced
as events in life, but as life defining.”
Christopher Bollas
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Evolutionary theory
“Unfortunately evolution has not seen fit to invest
much neural circuitry into self-awareness.”
Louis Cozolino
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Cortico-Hippocampal help
The Social brain, given the opportunity, is always happy to help resolve a
distressing relational situation, willingly providing data for insight and reflection.
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Facilitating the creation of neural pathways
Ideal learning
environment
Not enough stress
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Too much stress
Key structures of the brain
impacted by trauma
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Top down self calming
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Top down self calming
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Fast and slow circuits
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‘J’ Curve
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The ‘J Curve’ Model
Dumb and curious form of enquiry to elicit information of intent, impact
and effect on others.
A
Attunement
E
Engagement and Empathy
I
Intent and Impact
O
What do others see?
U
What else could you do?
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Contact us
Relationships Australia NSW
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Australian Institute of Relationship Studies (AIRS) Training and Research Division
www.airs.edu.au
The Story of Neo
www.storyofneo.com.au
Bill Hewlett
[email protected]
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© Relationships Australia NSW 2014