Transcript Kingdom of Right Relationships

Kingdom of Right
Relationships
Part 5b: Loving Self Correctly
Matthew 22:34-40; Ephesians 3:20
2 Timothy 3:2-4
Living in Four Relationships
• You can’t escape the necessity of living in four
relationships
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To God
To Self
To the significant others in life
To the world
• The good news of the gospel
– Jesus Christ can enter into a human life and redeem
it in all four of these relationships!
God
Other
believers
The World
The most important relationship in
life = God and me!
The vertical relationship
carries all the weight of the
horizontal relationships
Me
The Most Important Relationship
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The one between you and God
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There are 3 dimensions of this love
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Love of God the Father
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Love of God the Son
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Love of God the Holy Spirit
They are One
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Deuteronomy 6:4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our
God, the Lord is one!”
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We show our love for each of them differently!
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We relate to each person in the Trinity differently!
The Commandment
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Matthew 22:37-38
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Scribe: “Which is the great commandment in the
law?”
Christ’s answer - “Love the Lord your God”
Love Commanded Is Controllable
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The greatest of all commandments
Is it possible to command somebody to love?
Yes, love is an act of the will!
Agape Love
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Romans 5:5
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Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of
God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy
Spirit who was given to us
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“love” = the distinctive Christian word - agapao
Agapao is totally unselfish love
A love of which we are capable only through the Holy Spirit
A love which desires only the highest good for
its object
Loving God
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The Father’s Highest Good - John 17:1-5
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To glorify Him
The Son’s Highest Good - Philippians 2:9-11
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Exalt His name above every name
Bow your knee to Him and worship Him
Confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the
Father
The Spirit’s Highest Good – Philippians 2:13
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To allow Him to do His work in our lives!
• Do Not Resist the Spirit – Acts 6:10; 7:51
• Do Not Quench the Spirit - 1 Thessalonians 5:19
• Do Not Grieve the Spirit - Ephesians 4:30
• Be Filled with the Holy Spirit – Ephesians 5:18; John 12:3
Loving Self
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Your Highest Good = Obeying God!
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Do you want to please self or please God?
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Ephesians 3:20-21
20. Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly
abundantly above all that we ask or think,
according to the power that works in us,
21. to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to
all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Loving Self
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The focus of your life is either to please self or
to please God
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Mark 8:34-35
34. When He had called the people to Himself, with His
disciples also, He said to them, “Whoever desires to come
after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and
follow Me.
35. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but
whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will
save it.
Loving Self Is Not Commanded
Matthew 22:36-40
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Jesus gives two great commandments:
1. Love God with all your heart, soul, and mind
2. Love your neighbor as yourself
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There is no third command to love yourself!
– Jesus is saying, "as you already love yourself"
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Indicates a state of current existence, not a command
– Jesus knows we already love ourselves
– He commands us to love others the same way –
with agape love
No One Hates Himself!
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Rather, he loves, cherishes, and nourishes
himself
– Ephesians 5:29 - For no one ever hated his own
flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord
does the church
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Man’s problem is that he pays too much
attention to self, not too little
– Philippians 2:21 - For all seek their own, not the
things which are of Christ Jesus
– When we seek our own, we are always falling short
of God’s glory!
The Issue of Self-Esteem
• The wisdom of this world teaches
• That many of our problems are rooted in a “bad
self-image” or “low self-esteem”
• That you must learn to love yourself before you
can love others
• That your “perceived” needs must be met so you
can help others
– All of these views are false - they conflict
with the truth of God’s Word
The Issue of Self-Esteem
• Webster's Unabridged Dictionary
– Self-Esteem: Undo PRIDE in oneself
– Pride: Over-high opinion of oneself; conceit
– Humility: Absence of PRIDE or self-assertion
The Issue of Self-Esteem
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"High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)
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Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty
spirit before a fall
"Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)
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Matthew 10:34-39 - If you try to save your life by focusing on
self, you will lose your life instead of saving your life
Self-belittlement, self-exaltation, and self-pity all indicate a
preoccupation with self
Inordinate attention to self = the exact opposite of God’s
commandments to love Him and others
Self-focus prohibits the development of a Christ-like servant
attitude
The Issue of Self-Esteem
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"High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)
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"Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)
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"No" Self-Esteem - No self-concern (true humility)
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1 Peter 5:5 - Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves
to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another,
and be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, but
gives grace to the humble.”
The Issue of Self-Esteem
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"High" Self-Esteem - Self-aggrandizement (pride)
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"Low" Self-Esteem - Self-degradation (false humility)
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"No" Self-Esteem - No self-concern (true humility)
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1 Peter 5:5
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2 Corinthians 9:8 - And God is able to make all grace abound
toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things,
may have an abundance for every good work.
Biblical Self-love
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Loving ourselves correctly means seeing
ourselves as God sees us
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The Bible exhorts us to look to Christ, not to self,
for the solutions to life
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This will never happen automatically!
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To genuinely believe the reality of who we are in
Christ requires
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Consistent exposure to the Word of God
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Fellowship and encouragement of like-minded believers
Without these, the visible will overcome the
invisible
Loving Self Incorrectly
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2 Timothy 3:2-4
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For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money,
boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents,
ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable,
malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal,
haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited,
lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God
Loving Self Incorrectly
2 Timothy 3:2-4
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Paul is specific about the dangers of loving
self incorrectly
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In this context, men does not refer to mankind in
general but to members, especially leaders, in
Christ’s church
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These are men who claim the name of Christ and also
claim to be His ministers, but this can and does happen to
anybody!
They hold “a form of godliness, but have denied its power”
(v. 5)
Paul lists 18 characteristics of ungodly people, who
have corrupted themselves with self love
“Lovers of Self”
• The root or overriding characteristic - men will
be lovers of self
– The pride of self-love
• A deadly sin
• Grips the human soul
• The foundation of all sin
– John Macarthur, “It might be called the sewer out of
which the rest of these ugly sins are discharged”
“Lovers of Self”
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Greek word philautos
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The verb phileō = to have great affection for
The pronoun autos = self
Phileō is not a wrong kind of loving
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Frequently used positively in the NT
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John 16:27 - used both of the Father’s love for believers
and of the believer’s love for the Son
John 20:2 - used of Jesus’ love for John
It is not the kind of love that is evil but the wrongly
elevated object of that love - self
“Lovers of Self”
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Whenever love for self is raised, love for God
and the things of God is lowered
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Started with Lucifer
Then Adam and Eve
Love of self over the Lord
The City of God, Augustine
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“Two cities have been founded by two loves, the
earthly by the love of self, even to the contempt of
God. The heavenly by the love of God, even to the
contempt of self. The former, in a word, glorifies
itself, the latter the Lord.”
“Lovers of Self”
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Some psychologists and psychiatrists are challenging
the myth that man’s basic problem is low self-esteem
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Psychology Through the Eyes of Faith, David Meyers and
Malcolm Jeeves
Chapter titled “A New Look at Pride”
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Time and again, experimenters have found that people readily
accept credit when told they have succeeded (Attributing the
success to their ability and effort), yet they attribute failure to
external factors such as bad luck or the problem’s inherent
“impossibility.”
These self-serving attributions have been observed not only in
laboratory situations, but also with athletes (After victory or
defeat), students (After high or low exam grades), drivers (After
accidents), and married people (Among whom conflict often
derives from perceiving oneself as contributing more and
benefiting less than is fair).
“Lovers of Self”
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Later in the book
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Samuel Johnson
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“the most common error in people’s self-images is not
unrealistically low self-esteem but rather self-serving pride;
not an inferiority complex but a superiority complex.”
Even putting yourself down, is a thinly disguised attempt to
get others to build you up
“He that overvalues himself will undervalue others. And he
that undervalues others will oppose them.”
Self-love alienates men from God and from each other
What a contrast self-seeking love is to the self-giving
love that God requires!
“Lovers of Self”
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Lovers of money
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Boastful
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This term represents materialism
The craving for earthly possessions
Covetous - KJV
The outward manifestation of self-love
Boastful = a noun meaning “braggart”
Plato defined “person who claims greatness that he does not
possess”
Know-it-alls who try to deceive people into thinking they are
brilliant
Arrogant
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Huperēphanos = “placing above”, the idea of superiority
Always self-exalting and determined to have their own way
“Lovers of Self”
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Revilers
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Blasphēmos = being abusive and slanderous
When you elevate yourself, you automatically lower others and
will eventually revile them
Disobedient to parents
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The cause of disobedience of children to parents is not hard to
find
Children are born with a bent to self-will and disobedience
Children who will rebel against their parents do not hesitate
about rebelling against anyone else
“Lovers of Self”
• Ungrateful
– Elevates self above all others then feels he deserves everything
good he receives and therefore feels no need of gratitude for it
– The ungrateful person despises the very idea of grace goodness received that is undeserved
– This is a terrible sin against God!
– Romans 1 says that God’s wrath is revealed against sinners for
being unthankful (vv. 18, 21)
• Unholy
– anosias, carries the idea of gross indecency
– Driven by self-love to gratify his lusts and passions
– No thought to propriety, decency, or personal reputation
“Lovers of Self”
• Unloving
– Astorgos - a negative adjective form of the verb storgē
– Storge is used of family, social, and patriotic love
– It is not natural for people to love God or the things and people of
God, but it is natural for them to love their own families
– “Without natural affection” KJV, to be heartless
• Irreconcilable
– Those who refuse to change, no matter how desperate their own
situation becomes
– Determined to have their own way regardless of the
consequences
– Even to the point of knowingly destroying their own lives and the
lives of their families
– They do not forgive and do not want to be forgiven
“Lovers of Self”
• Malicious gossip
– Gossip is thought of as being relatively harmless
– “Malicious gossips” = diabolos
– Diabolos = “accuser”, 34 times in the NT a title for Satan
– Malicious gossips make a point of harming others
• Perverse pleasure in destroying reputations and lives
• Engulfed and blinded by self-love, they do the very work of Satan!
• Without self-control
– Has no inhibitions and shame
– Akratēs = incontinence, a moral and spiritual kind
– The lover of self eventually becomes a slave to his passions and
ambitions
“Lovers of Self”
• Brutal
– Savage, like wild beasts, attack enemies and tear them in pieces
• Haters of good
– They hate what should be loved and love what should be hated
• Treacherous
– Turning against even their own families and friends
– Comes naturally to a person who loves money, is boastful and
arrogant, ungrateful and un-holy, unloving and irreconcilable, a
malicious slanderer who has lost self-control, and who is brutal
and hates what is good
“Lovers of Self”
• Reckless
– Careless, negligent, and rash, often manifested unconsciously
– Preoccupied with self - simply does not notice people and things
around him
• Conceited
– A much higher view of self than is justified
– Root meaning of being enveloped in smoke, or clouded
• Lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God
– Philēdonos = philos (loving) and hēdonē (pleasure)
– Pleasure not limited to the desire for comfort, fine food, sexual
satisfaction
– The self-centered person takes pleasure from malicious gossip,
brutality, and treachery!
– He enjoys the pain and misery he inflicts on others, including
parents and friends
– Not loved more than God, but rather than… God
How to Love Self Correctly
What You Need to Know
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There is a godly love for self that is natural and
pleasing to God
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It stirs a strong self-image, confidence, and assurance
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It even helps in preventing some illnesses
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Godly love of self comes from knowing 3 things
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You are actually the creation of God
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The highest creation possible
You are actually the object of God’s love
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The most supreme love possible
You are actually the trustee of God’s gifts
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The greatest gifts possible
How to Love Self Correctly
What You Need to Know
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John 13:3-5
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Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His
hands, and that He had come from God and was going to
God,
rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel
and girded Himself.
After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash
the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which
He was girded.
God’s plan focuses on a denial of self
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So that you can please Him and be a blessing to others
It esteems others better than self - Philippians 2:3
It walks humbly before others - Philippians 2:3-7
How to Love Self Correctly
What You Need to Do
1. Take the focus off yourself in daily situations and
relationships
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Matthew 22:37-39
2. Delight yourself in the Lord, commit your ways to Him,
and wait patiently for Him
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Psalm 37:1-9
3. Know that you are not your own
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You have been bought with the precious sacrifice of Jesus
Christ - I Corinthians 6:19-20; I Peter 1:17-19
4. Examine yourself continually
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Matthew 7:5; I Corinthians 11:26-32
Ask God for grace to help you in all that hinders you from
serving Him and edifying others