Transcript Day 2 Alberta 2014 DRAFT APRIL 4

Welcome to Day Two
Follow Up from Day One
Warm -up
 What is one thing you think you might need on a
Kinship Support Plan?
OR
 Comment on one thing you learned yesterday.
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Agenda
 Child-Rearing Practices
 Parenting Plus
 Working with Child Intervention Services
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Child-Rearing Practices
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What’s Changed Since You Parented?
 previous role of parent as disciplinarian now is as
teacher/nurturer
 safe sleep practices
 issues about immunizations/vaccinations
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
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What’s Changed Since You Parented?
cont’d
to
 technology – children using it at an early age
 access to information – web, social media
 access to support – may be less family support if
families are smaller and more distant from one
another
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Safe Sleep Practices
 always put babies to sleep on their backs
 a crib is the safest place for a baby to sleep
 do not let a baby sleep for extended periods of time
in a car seat, swing, playpen, or stroller
 do not expose the baby to second hand smoke
 do not share the bed
Parent as Teacher
Problem solving
Understand how children think and
feel
Provide warmth
Identifying long term goals
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Long Term Goals vs Short Term Goals
 Identify five things you need your child to accomplish
before you leave the house in the morning.
 These are short term goals – things that need to
accomplish now.
 Now…Imagine your child at 20?
 What kind of person do you want your child be?
 What kind of relationship do you want to have with
your child?
These are long term goals – things that take years to
accomplish – they are the heart of parenting.
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Providing Warmth
 be kind and caring even
when your child does
something wrong
 encourage them when
they have to do
something difficult
 listen to them
 tell them that you believe
in them
 look at the situation from
their point of view
 laugh and play with them
 support them when they
are facing challenges
 recognize their efforts and
successes
 show them you trust them
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Providing Structure
We are all more successful when:
 we are given the information that we need
 the rules or expectations are appropriate for our skills
and abilities
 the reason for the rule is explained in an age
appropriate way
 someone talks calmly with us about our mistakes
 someone shows us how to improve next time
 everyone follow the rules
Punishment makes us afraid to try and doesn’t teach
us what they need to know to do better.
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Physical Punishment
“ Hitting is an ineffective discipline measure because
it often inhibits rather than promotes learning.
When a child is being hit, it is not possible to focus on
what was wrong and on ways to do better.
Instead, the child who is being hit is busy feeling fear,
pain, resentment, and humiliation. Since their energy
is being used to understand and cope with these
feelings it cannot be expended on ways to fulfill the
parent’s instructions.”
Physical punishment cannot be used on children
in care.
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Understanding How Children Think and
Feel
 the adult is responsible for considering the big picture
– expectations, child’s skills and abilities, how the
child learns best, the child’s stress and insecurities,
and the child’s previous experiences
 success is challenged when our expectations do not
match our children’s abilities
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Understanding How Children Think and
Feel – cont’d
 it is sometimes easy to believe the child is being
intentionally “bad”– this may be very short-sighted
 when we see the world through the eyes of a child we
can begin to understand the real reasons for their
behaviour
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Imagine…
You’re hurrying out the door to an appointment and your
3 year old is refusing to get in the car seat.
What might he be thinking and feeling?
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car seat is uncomfortable – needs to be readjusted
not dressed for the weather
afraid of the appointment
needs to pee
doesn’t think he has to listen you
missed breakfast
tired
lonely or sad – missing his parents, friends
feeling sick
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Imagine…
Your 9 year old is acting out a lot lately and now you
have found out he deliberately didn’t tell you about a
meeting with the teacher last night.
What might he be thinking and feeling?
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in trouble at school
being bullied at school
afraid you will give him up
missing his regular school
may have learning difficulties
missing his family or friends
he may be afraid of your reaction based
on experience with other adults
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Imagine…
Your 14 year old wants you to extend curfew to 11:00
p.m. on weekends. You have resisted because you
are afraid it will lead to getting in trouble. Tonight she
was due back at 10:00 but is already an hour late.
What might she be thinking and feeling?
 first issue is we don’t even know it was deliberate – but that is
often our first assumption
 could be a power play - showing she can stay out late and not
get in trouble
 missed bus
 trying to establish her independence
 conflict with parents rules and your rules
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Problem Solving
Including the child in the discussion about what to do
teaches them to:
 collaborate
 compromise
 see the relationship between the rules and the
consequences
 learn there are always multiple ways of responding to
problems
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Parenting Plus
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Why does he do that??
There are many reasons for a child’s behaviours and
some children will need assessments and support
from professionals. Some reasons may include:
 temperament –personality differences
 prenatal exposure to alcohol or drugs
 exposure to family violence
 trauma from emotional, physical, or sexual abuse
or neglect
 attachment or grief and loss
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Behaviours
Underlying
Emotional Problems
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When is a behaviour a concern?
What behaviours are the hardest for you to deal with?
 they can all be normal at various developmental stages
 they may be of concern when the behaviours…
 are frequent
 are severe – interfering with daily life
 don’t improve as the child ages
 don’t respond to a nurturing supportive
environment
 resistant to change
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Our Reaction
 we may take it personally
 we feel the child is deliberately acting out
 we feel the child challenging our authority
 we feel overwhelmed
 we may yell, punish
 we may push the child away emotionally
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Temperament – what’s it all about?
Temperament describes how we approach and
react to the world.
 it is our personality
 we are born with our temperament
 temperament is not right or wrong
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Temperament - cont’d
 our temperament may change slightly from one
situation or environment to another
 we can learn to adapt to different situations as we
mature
 temperament can be impacted by trauma
 we cannot deliberately change another person’s
temperament
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Aspects of Temperament
Aspect
Low level
High level
Activity Level
likes to be quiet and
calm
likes to be on the go
Response to
“new”
shy and/or anxious
loves new
experiences/people
Adaptability to
change
needs warning of
changed plans
goes with the flow
Distractibility
able to focus for a
long time
needs to change
activities frequently
Persistence
loses interest quickly
sees things through until
they are completed
Intensity
unexpressive
emotionally
extremely expressive
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Prenatal Exposure to Alcohol
or Drugs
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FASD: Whose Fault is it?
 FASD is a diagnosis for two – Mom and child.
 Admitting that “I drank while I was pregnant can be
too hard to bear. Maybe I can’t admit it…not yet.”
Let it go….
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Forget about fault, it’s in the past now;
Don’t blame yourself;
Don’t blame the child’s mother;
Don’t blame the child – it’s not that they won’t behave,
it’s that they can’t.
Remember – the child comes first. That’s why
we’re here.
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
FASD UMBRELLA
FAS - Fetal Alcohol
Syndrome
Full syndrome; growth
deficiency; classical facial
features, significant
dysfunction.
ARND - Alcohol
Related
Neurodevelopmental
Disorder
Significant brain dysfunction
but no physical defects.
PFAS - Partial Fetal
Alcohol Syndrome
Does not portray all the physical
features but still has disability.
ARBD - Alcohol Related
Birth Defect
Development of heart, kidney,
eyes, and auditory system as
well as brain function are
affected.
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The FASD Brain
Drinking alcohol while pregnant does physical damage
to the baby’s brain.
 Primary disabilities are a direct result of the damage
done to the brain
 Secondary characteristics can occur because the
person has FASD
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Primary Disabilities
 memory problems
 intellectually impaired
 impaired executive
functioning (day to day
functioning)
 issues with fine and gross  problems with attention
motor skills
and/or learning
 language delays and
deficits
 behaviour regulation
challenges
 impaired social and
emotional development
 sensory impairments
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Secondary Characteristics
 mental health issues
 substance abuse
 disrupted school
experience
 trouble with the law
 inappropriate sexual
behaviour
 dependent living or
homelessness
 problems with
employment
This is the area where positive caregiving can
potentially influence outcomes.
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Parenting the Child with FASD
 give one instruction at a time
 use lists and pictures to help the child be organized
 prepare the child for changes
 have consistent routines
 use simple rules that are concrete
 limit choices to two – keep them simple
 watch for signs the child is tired or frustrated and
intervene
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Parenting the Child with FASD cont’d
 decide what is most important and focus time and
energy on that
 use the when/then rule -- when you clean up then you
can watch TV
 expect to teach the same things many times – talk
about them, demonstrate them, help the child do
them, etc.
 avoid overstimulation
 set realistic expectations based on ability not age
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Impact of Drug Exposure
Depends on the drugs used:
 withdrawal
 low birth weight
 prematurity
 delayed speech and motor skills
 sensory impairments
 possible long term developmental effects
 problems with attention, hyperactivity, and mood
control
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Exposure to Family Violence
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Exposure to Family Violence
 prenatally, the brain structure is altered by the Cortisol
production of the mother
 Cortisol is produced when the person is stressed
and is more damaging to the developing brain than
is alcohol
 families typically are isolated from helpful social
support
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Impact of Exposure to Family Violence
 skills may regress when
exposure begins
 unhealthy expression of
anger
 at risk for bullying or
being bullied
 mental health issues –
anxiety, depression are
common as the child ages
 school issues - problems
learning or become the
perfectionist
 parentified child – takes
responsibility for younger
siblings
 stress related health
issues often continue
through life
 at risk for unhealthy
coping as teens –
alcohol/drugs, gangs
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First Impressions
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Keep in Mind
 all children in care have faced challenges and some
may have had little support from their parents
 they may have learned that adults are not to be
trusted
 our expectations may be totally unlike those of their
parents and we cannot assume they know our
expectations
 punishment pushes the child away without
discussion of how they are feeling … what are
they thinking?
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Effect of Abuse & Neglect on
the Brain
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
The Amazing Brain!
(Doesn’t look like this at all)
Sophisticated
(It looks like this:)
Social - Emotional
Safety
Sensory
Brain Facts:
• Develops from bottom to top
• 90% of the size of the adult brain by
age of three
• Brains have “sensitive” periods
• Brains start “pruning” during
adolescence
• The brain has plasticity
• Brains aren’t finished developing until
the mid-twenties
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
What Happens in the Brain
• Logical thinking
• Planning
• Socialization/affiliation
Sophisticated
Social - Emotional
Safety
Sensory
•
•
•
•
Attachments/Relationships
Emotional reactivity
Large/fine motor skills
Reward
• Sleep
• Appetite
• Arousal
• Blood pressure
• Heart rate
• Body temperature
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Repeated exposure to abuse:
“I WILL SURVIVE”
CALM
Sophisticated
ALERT
Social - Emotional
ALARM
FEAR
Safety
Sensory
TERROR
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
EXERCISE: Where are you?
CALM
ALERT
ALARM
FEAR
TERROR
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Helping the Child with their Trauma
 Regulate
Calm voices, calm touch,
sensory items
 Regulate
Walking, swinging, rocking
 Relate
Side by side and one-on-one
 Reason
Problem-solving and self-talk
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Neglect and Children
Neglect can occur in a variety of ways:
 not enough food, clothing or shelter
 not keeping the child safe enough
 not meeting their emotional needs
 not meeting their cognitive needs
 not meeting their social needs
There is a lot that goes into creating a healthy person!
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Neglect and the Brain
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Helping the Neglected Child
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nutrition is very important
routine, rules and boundaries
good sleep habits
lots of positive attention
rich environment – reading to the child, listening to
calming music
 limit TV and video games
 involvement in outdoor activities
 recreation – swimming, biking, (non-competitive)
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Recommended Training
 Safe Babies – Caring for Prenatally Exposed Infants;
Working with ADD, ADHD, ODD and other
Diagnoses; Understanding FASD, Child Sexual
Abuse, etc.
 Parenting Our Special Needs Children; Parenting
Tool Box; Goals of Misbehaviour, etc.
 Courses on Maintaining a Child’s Culture
Contact your kinship worker about the Core Caregiver
training available in your area.
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
The Goal of the Kinship Parent
To provide a child with a safe, nurturing environment
where she can experience physical and emotional
growth and a feeling of security and self-esteem.
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Building the Child’s Tool Kit
 Resilience - the ability to survive and thrive despite
experiencing trauma.
 Self-confidence - a feeling of trust in one's abilities,
qualities, and judgment.
 Security – trust, safety, dependable, reliable.
 Attachment – builds strong emotional bonds with
others.
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Resiliency
Children need your help developing these seven
qualities of resilience:
1.relationships with healthy
adult role models
2.self-confidence
3.feeling in control of their
lives
4.problem solving skills
solve problems
5. equal opportunities for
success
6. safe places to sleep,
healthy food, clothing
and more
7. a feeling of belonging
within their community
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Self-Confidence
“Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in
the world.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
 help the child try new things without fear of failure or
making a error
 role model how you react when a mistake is made
 be specific in talking about their strengths – avoid
“you are a good boy” instead try “you are so helpful
when you make your bed” “you are so kind when you
share your toys”
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Security
 don’t assume their trust – plan to earn it
 keep your promises
 be consistent
 discuss rules/expectations that may be different than
at home
 keep them informed in an age appropriate way –
avoid surprises when it directly affects their life
 be honest
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Attachment
 attachment is critical to healthy child development –
having a warm, trusting relationship with an adult
predicts future healthy relationships throughout the
child’s life
 attachment begins at birth – lack of attachment will
require the caregiver establish trust through
consistent, loving parenting
 trust must be earned in the new relationship with the
child
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The Arousal-Relaxation Cycle
Need
Relaxation
Displeasure
Trust
Security
Attachment
Needs Satisfied
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Positive Interaction Cycle
Parent initiates positive
interaction with the child
Self-worth
Self-esteem
Child responds positively
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Child Intervention Services
(the System)
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Myths and Facts - Criteria
Myth
Fact
Being a kinship care provider
has stricter rules and
requirements than a foster
or adoptive home.
While there are rules and requirements in
place to make sure the children are safe,
the requirements are the same as for
foster and adoptive homes.
An individual is not eligible
to be a kinship caregiver if
they have a criminal record
or if they have a child
intervention history.
Each applicant is assessed on an individual
basis and applicants should not rule
themselves out before applying.
A kinship caregiver must
Expectations are reasonable and focus on
provide a bedroom for each the importance of each child having his or
child or youth in their home. her own bed but not their own room.
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Myths and Facts – cont’d
Myth
Fact
Kinship caregivers
must maintain a
spotless home, free
from clutter and mess.
Homes that house children are full of activity
which can lead to disorder. While it is necessary
to maintain a cleanly home, we know busy, happy
children don’t worry if the laundry isn’t put away.
Kinship caregivers
must be employed.
Kinship caregivers do not differ from other
Alberta families. Sometimes both parents are
employed, sometimes one parent is employed, and
sometimes parents rely on other sources of
income. What is important is that kinship care
should not be considered as a source of income
and caregivers must have the ability to provide for
the needs of their family.
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Myths and Facts – cont’d
Myth
Fact
The sexual orientation
of kinship caregivers is
a consideration.
The most important factor to consider when
making a placement is meeting the needs of the
child or youth. Any home where the child will be
safe, supported, and cared for will be considered in
the application process.
Kinship caregivers are
not eligible to access
relief/respite supports.
Relief/respite care is available to assist kinship
caregivers. As part of a team, kinship caregivers
are supported to take a break when necessary.
Kinship care support workers, along with
caseworkers will assist caregivers in accessing
respite care.
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Supports
 Children in care receive therapeutic supports,
education supports and recreation funds as well as
vacation/camp allowances.
 Child’s parents receive therapeutic supports, for
example, family support, parenting support, etc.
 Kinship caregivers receive basic maintenance, child
care (babysitting, relief), start up and ongoing
supports, & supports to attend training. A Kinship
Care Support Plan is negotiated to provide the
supports and services kinship caregivers need.
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Who Can You Call for Support?
 Kinship Care Support Worker
 Child’s Caseworker or Casework Supervisor
 Alberta Foster Parent Association
 Other Kinship families
 Office of the Child and Youth Advocate, to advocate
for the child
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014
Next Steps
 Review the Kinship Care Guidebook for Caregivers
with your kinship support worker.
 Consider the supports your family will need to
provide good care for the child and advocate for your
child.
 Don’t forget to ask for help if you need it.
 Thank you for becoming a kinship caregiver!!
Kinship Orientation Training – Alberta 2014