Transcript MEAN Girls - Byram School District

MEAN Girls
Gina Cunningham, School Psychologist
Gabriella Whitbeck, School Counselor
February 7, 2007
Why are we here?
• 80% of a child’s relationally
aggressive behavior is due
to environmental factors such
as poor parenting and negative
peer influence (2005)
• Girl bullying starts as early
as preschool (2005)
• 25% of students report that teachers intervene in
bullying situations, while 71% believe that they
always intervene
• Children are the targets of bullying about once
every 3-6 minutes from the start of kindergarten
to the end of first grade (NIMH, 2003)
• 70% of girls have been mistreated by their
friends (2002)
Exploring Relational Aggression
• Defining MEAN Girls
– Relational Aggression, i.e. “Female bullying”
• Dr. Nicki Crick defines RA as, “emotional violence
and bullying behaviors focused on damaging an
individuals social connections within the peer
group.”
• RA can be any act that actively excludes a person
from making or maintaining friendships or being
integrated into the peer group
– TWO primary components
• Imbalance of power
• Intent to harm
– Value friendships but also used as an effective weapon
Understanding the Female Teen
Brain
• Development of female brain
• Structural differences
– Language & Hearing
– Hippocampus (memory and emotion)
• Primary Values
-Create connections with female peers
-Develop cliques with secret rules
• Role of hormones & reaction to stress
Types of Relational Aggression
• Covert Aggression – indirect hidden acts of
aggression, social isolation and excluding
• Physical/Overt Aggression – direct, blatant acts
of aggression, can be physical or verbal
• Verbal Aggression – obvious and hidden verbal
acts of aggression towards a child such as
threats, putdowns and name calling
• Proactive Relational Aggression – proactive
behaviors are a means for achieving a goal for
example, a girl may exclude someone to
maintain her own social status
“She’s the queen bee – the star, those other two are just her little
workers.” (Mean Girls)
The Teen Royalty
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The Queen – she’s manipulatively affectionate. She defines right and
wrong by the loyalty or disloyalty around her. She won’t take responsibility
for hurting another’s feelings. She seeks revenge. She feels power and
control over her environment. She can be arrogant, materialistic, selfish
and superficial. She gets a rush from being superior. She’s charming to
adults.
– “She’s the queen bee – the star, the other two are just her little workers.”
The Sidekick – second to the Queen, but also can be the victim. She
always supports the Queen because this is where the power lies. She feels
the Queen is the authority figure in her life telling her how to think, dress
and what to do; she allows herself to be pushed around by the Queen, and
will even lie for her.
The Gossip (the gatekeeper) – extremely secretive, tries to bring in gossip,
gives the perception of being a good listener and trustworthy, seems to be
friends with everyone. Rarely excluded from the group. Seemingly nice,
then uses confidential information to improve her situation.
The Floater – moves freely among cliques, avoids conflicts, higher selfesteem because her sense of self is not based on just one group. Does not
want to exclude other girls, not competitive. Has some power, but does not
equal that of the Queen.
The Teen Royalty, con’t
• The Bully – defiant, outspoken and tough. Outwardly cruel to
weaker people. Bullying is mostly covert, i.e. “accidentally” bumping
into them or hitting.
• The Bystanders – girls who are not aggressors or victims but are
caught somewhere in between. She finds herself having to choose
between friends. She is the peacemaker.
• The Wannabee – she will do anything to be a part of the inner circle
of the Queen and the Sidekick. A gossiper and pleaser. Does not
have a personal opinion outside of what the Queen thinks.
Indecisive and reluctant to go against the group. Often gossiped
about and used by the Queen.
• The Target (victim) – she feels helpless to stop the other girl’s
behavior. She feels excluded, like a loser or a nobody. Gives a
defensive stance that is designed to shut people out in order to
mask her hurt. Feels humiliated by the rejection she feels from
other girls. Feels exposed and vulnerable resulting in temptation to
change herself in order to fit in.
How well do you understand the
roles?
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…continued to pass on a rumor that you knew wasn’t true
– Bystander
…been turned away from a lunch table by a group who did not want you to sit down
– Victim/Target
…made up something to get someone in trouble
– Bully
…”don’t tell anyone I told you this, BUT…”
– Gossip
“Do you know what people say about you? They say you are a homeschooled jungle
freak who’s a less hot version of me!”
– Queen
…”hey Sarah, I’m not going to be able to go to town today with you guys because I
am going to the mall with Katie, Jesse and Meg.”
-floater
…”No Jackie, Regina really did like want to invite you; her parents are like so totally
lame that they only allowed her to invite 50 people! (to self….”Is she kidding? Regina
would NEVER invite a loser like Jackie to her hot party)
– sidekick
…(Jackie to self)…”I would do anything to get invited to that party…I mean,
anything!”
-wannabee
Short and Long-term Effects of
Relational Aggression
• Short-term effects
– Loneliness/Isolation
(#1)
– Feelings of rejection
– Anger
– Frustration
– Inability to trust
– Feelings of
powerlessness
– Low self-esteem
– Poor relational skills
• Long-term effects
– Poor academic
performance
– Hopelessness
– Depression (#2)
– Substance Abuse
– Self-injury
– Eating disorders
– Suicidal ideation (#3)
– Stress/Anxiety
– Separation anxiety
“The weird thing about hanging out with Regina was that I could hate her, and
at the same time, I still wanted her to like me.” (Mean Girls)
Methods of Relational Aggression
• RA girls are very creative in their methods of
behavior and their motivations drive them to
always be one up on everyone else.
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Exclusion
Ignoring
Spreading Rumors
Verbal Insults
Teasing
Intimidation
Eye Rolling
Taunting
Negative comments are like a
stray cat. The more you feed
them, the more they hang
around.
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Manipulative Affection
Three Way Calling
Videophones
Cyber Bullying
Cyber-Bullying
• What is it?
– Using the internet or other mobile devices to send or
post harmful or cruel text or images to bully others.
• 18% of students in grade 6-8 said they had been cyberbullied at least once in the last couple of months; and 6%
said it happened to them 2 or more times
• 11% of students in grade 6-8 said they had cyber-bullied
another person at least once in the last couple of months
• Girls are about twice as likely as boys to be victims and
perpetrators of cyber-bullying
“But you do have to watch out for ‘frenemies’.”
“What are ‘frenemies’”?
“Frenemies are enemies who act like friends. We call them frenemies.”
Cyber-Bullying and Girls
• Girls use various methods to cyber-bully
each other.
– Kowalski (2005) reports that of those who had
been cyber-bullied:
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58% were victims of IM
28% were bullied in a chat room
20% were bullied on a website
19% were bullied through email
14% were bullied through text messaging
Parent Tips for Cyber-Bullying
• You must know what your child is doing
online.
• You must have access to their email,
MySpace and IM accounts.
• It is O.K. to check up on your child’s online
activity with their password, or by having
them show you themselves.
• KEY: do enough to keep them honest and
safe.
Motivations of Relational
Aggression
Fear
Power
Security
Control
Popularity
Old Lady or Young Girl???
What can the school do?
• The Good News letter
– Guidance will create a separate newsletter for ONLY for good
things that HCC students have done.
• Emotional Literacy
– Many girls lack the vocabulary to appropriately express how they
feel.
– Curriculum
– Role Plays and/or literature writing
• Teach relationship building skills
– Teach empathy
– Explore normative beliefs
– Encourage involvement in extra curricular activities
• Positive Empowerment
What can parents do?
• Involve girls in activities outside of school so they are exposed to
different groups of people.
• Always be available to listen and talk to your child about what is
going on in their life. Do not downplay the importance of an incident.
Empathize with your child when they share something they see as
important.
• Teach kindness and model this behavior. Be aware of your own
inadvertent behaviors in relationships.
• Remember that while girls may tell you about being the victim of an
incident, they often won’t tell you about being the aggressor (queen
bee, bully).
• If your daughter is the girl “in the middle,” firmly but lovingly
encourage her to take the high road and support the victim, or at
least not take part in the aggression.
• Be a positive role model by helping your child understand what
makes a healthy relationship.