Transcript Trauma Bonds Re-enactment

B3. 勝過性沉溺的掙扎
Sexual Addiction
Cause and Symptoms; Healing and Recovery
性癮-成因,症狀,治療,与复健
Copyright © 1997-2000 Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved
Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.
黃偉康博士
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
ChristianMentalHealth.com
220 Montgomery St., Suite 1098, San Francisco, CA 94104
Tel (510) 794-8898
Fax (510) 475-1473
Gender Differences in Sexual Addiction

Predominantly more males than females
– It is true that this is a “Men’s Problem” of the millennium
Men are more visually-oriented: Response
to visual cues
 Men are more Goal-Task oriented: Quick
fixes; Immediate gratification
 Reversal of “Love” with “Sex” Intimacy as
always sexual

Percentage of Those Seeking Sexual
Fulfillment on the Internet Zogby International)
(
 Focus
on the Family recently conducted
a survey with Zogby International

Indicating that 1 out of 5 American adults
may have looked for sex on the Internet
– 20.8% of respondents to a March 8-10,
2000 survey admitted they had visited a
sexually-oriented Web site
Percentage of Those Seeking Sexual
Fulfillment on the Internet Zogby International)
(
The percentage of those viewing sex sites
was higher among males and young
adults.
 31% of men surveyed said they had
visited sex sites and

– 37% of 18-24 year olds gave that response
Percentage of Those Seeking Sexual
Fulfillment on the Internet Zogby International)
(

Of interest to Focus on the Family was the
fact that
–17.8% of those who claim to be
"born again" Christians
– and 18% of those who are married have also
viewed sex sites.

In a follow-up question, nearly two-thirds of
American adults thought it wasn't likely that
sexual fulfillment could be found online
Root Causes of General Addictions

Dysfunctional-Abusive family
– Rigidity & perfectionism: Can’t fail
– Enmeshment between family members

Can’t talk about emotions
– Denial of feelings
– Re-labeling-Minimizing your feelings by adults

Ineffective, non-satisfying social relationships
Proximal Causes of Sexual Addiction
Premature Sexual-Genital Familiarization
Over-exposure to adult pornographic materials
“My dad’s Playboy magazine”
 “My uncle’s books under his bed or mattress”
 “One day I found a stash of magazine in my
neighbor’s trash”


“I watched HBO after my parents went to sleep”

“I watched mom having sex with her boyfriend”
Immediate Causes of Sexual Addiction
Child was a victim of sexual violation

Molestation-Fondling: Culture specific
(Sexual curiosity of adults in Asian ethnic groups)

Men’s sexual curiosity over self: Projected on children

Men exposed self to children: To satisfy
“something” about themselves

Servant-Maid: “Bathing a toddler”

Sexual arousal as a way to soothe a child
Direct Causes: Biology & Psychology
 Behavioral:
Stimulus-Response Cycle
– Boredom: Social-Interpersonal Isolation
– Excitation: Immediate Gratification
– Stimulus-Response: Emotional Reminders
 Habit-Forming
Behaviors
– Cigarettes smoking
– Rage: Temper Tantrums
 Relaxation
Cycles
– Physiological Arousal & Rest States
Why Sexual Addiction?
Needs for Arousal
Life is Boring
Gambling
 Sex
 Stimulant Drugs
 High-Risk Behaviors

Why Sexual Addiction?
Needs for Satiation
Life is Not Satisfying-Unhappy
Sex
 Over-Eating (Bulimia-Binging)
 Depressant Drugs (Marijuana)
 Narcotic Drugs (Anesthetic effect)
 Alcohol

Why Sexual Addiction?
Needs for Fantasy
Reality is too Hard: Need a Quick Escape
 Voyeuristic Sex: Intelligent fantasy & Routine
 Psychedelic Drugs: LSD
 Marijuana
 Mystic/Artistic
 Preoccupation
Unhealthy Signs (Mild-Moderate)

Husband demands wife to be in a certain
physical position for intercourse
– Re-enactment (replay) of pornographic materials
– Have X-Rated (XXX) video on for sex

Husband demands wife to wear a certain
kind of lingerie (“To seduce-tease him”)
– He buys specific pieces of underwear, stockings

Husband is distracted by flash backs of
pornographic images while love-making
Unhealthy Signs (Moderate-Serious)

Masturbation after marriage (Decreased desires)
– Sexual “Anorexia” “Indifference”
Very few or no male friendships
 Gets enraged easily or numb emotionally

– Polarized emotional expression vs. full-range
» Happy to sad vs. anger to numbness
» Numbness to dissociated vs. euphoria to numbness


Rigidity & inflexibility
Telling half-truths and white lies to cover-up
Unhealthy Signs (Serious)

Compulsive (Uncontrolled)“Cyperporn” use
– Chat Room visits online at work or after bedtime
– Rendezvous-meetings via chat room & email
– Sex for hire experiences: Strip joints, Prostitutes

Compulsive (Ritualistic) “Tele-Porn” use
– Astoundingly high phone bills
Unexplained hotel bills, condoms, wigs &
underwear found in storage or trunk or car
 Financial-legal problems: Bankruptcy

10 Types of Sex Addicts
(After Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.)
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Fantasy Sex
Seductive Role
Sex (dress)
Voyeuristic Sex
Intrusive Sex
(obscene calls)
Exhibitionism
Sex Trading
7. Anonymous
Sex
8. Paying For Sex
(Prostitution)
9. Pain Exchange
10. Exploitive Sex
6.
Some Theories Explaining
Addiction Dynamic
To Follow
The Physical Intimacy-Orgasmic Cycle
Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. 1997-200 All Rights Reserved
“Intimacy Always Feels Good!”
“Emotional Intimacy Leads to Physical Intimacy!”
“Physical Intimacy Can Lead to Orgasm!”
“Orgasm Always Feels Good!”
“Orgasmic Feeling is Intimacy?”
Physical Intimacy is an Antidote for
Loneliness, Low-Self Worth, Boredom,
Aggression, Anger, Despair, Abandonment
“H.A.L.T. Defeated”
The Addiction
(After Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. & Steven Arterburn, M.S.)
1.
Craving to get emotionally intimate with
others
2.
Mental-Emotional-Visual Triggers
Repression of Pain with Immediate
Sexual Longing
Fantasy Development-Planning
Begins (Thrilling)
The Hunt (The Intrigue)
3.
4.
5.
The Addiction
(After Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. & Steven Arterburn, M.S.)
6.
The Connection (“Rush” Altered state of awareness)
7.
The Act (Under-Control: Impulsivity: Binge)
8.
The Fulfillment (Orgasm: Feeling Dissociation)
9.
The Let-Down (Self-Blame: Numbness)
10.
The Vow (Over-Control: Compulsivity:
Rigidity)
11.
The Cycle Returns again (Deprivation Sets-In)
Developing Intimacy Through Effective Communication
Copyright © Melvin Wong, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved
The Final Stage of
Intimacy Achieved!
Increases
Trust, Intimacy
Sex
Vulnerability
Commitments
Courtship
begins
Exchange Feelings
Exchange of Judgments
Exchange of Facts
Small Talk & Clichés
Friendship
Acquaintance
s
The Physical Intimacy-Orgasmic Cycle
(Copyright © Melvin Wong, Ph.D. 2000)
“Intimacy Always Feels Good!”
“Emotional Intimacy Leads to Physical Intimacy!”
“Physical Intimacy Can Lead to Orgasm!”
“Orgasm Always Feels Good!”
“Orgasmic Feeling is Intimacy?”
Physical Intimacy is an Antidote for:
Loneliness, Low-Self Worth, Boredom,
Aggression, Anger, Despair, Abandonment
(Applies to Heterosexuals and Homosexuals)
“Addiction-Acting-Out Cycle”
Copyright © Melvin Wong, Ph.D. 2000
Compulsivity
Deprivation
Abuser-Victim
Blame-Shame
Guilt
Impulsivity
Satiation
From Over-Control, UnderControl to Recovery
 Binge-Purge
Cycles
– Impulsiveness vs. Compulsiveness
 Over-Control:
The Victimizer
– Power Position: “A Mouse Click Away!”
 Under-Control:
The Victim
– Not Responsible for what happened
– Don’t blame me! I can get away with it
– Rationalization & Justification: Maintains the addiction
From Over-Control, UnderControl to Recovery

Taking Control: The Survivor
– “I don’t have to dominate to succeed!”
» “I admit I am powerless over my addiction” Step 1
– “I don’t have to be a victim anymore!”
» “I will take responsibility for myself!”
» “I will not stay in the ‘blame mode’ of helplessness!

How to broker, balance this Power Dilemma?
– Avoid extremes by identifying feelings accurately
– Form effective intimate relationships
Healing Compulsions & Addictions

Interpersonal: Healthy-Bonds (Safe People)
– Experiential not only rational Non-sexual intimacy
– Spiritual: Paradigm shift: Enlightenment

Intrapersonal: Mourn loss, Spiritual renewal
– Rediscover goodness in self (false guilt)
– Rediscover meaning & significance (Help others)

An Element of “A Loving but Firm
Structure” (Live-In programs, 12 step groups)
Change and Recovery
After a crisis then comes a paradigm shift
First Order Change
 Control: Try More
 Alienation
 Secret Keeping
 Hides Full Story
 “No one is Hurt”
Addiction is a 1st order
problem: The harder you try
to control, the worse it gets
Second Order Change
 Powerlessness
 Community
Involvement
 No Secrets
 Disclose full Story

Accepts Self as Hurt
Getting Help
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)
P O Box 119, New Town Branch, Boston MA 02258 617-332-1945
Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA)
P O Box 3038 Minneapolis, MN 55403 612-339-0217
Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA)
P O Box 1585, Old Chelsea Station, NY, NY 10011 212-439-1123
National Council on Sexual Addictions, Inc
P O Box 20249, Wickenberg, AZ
602-684-7919
Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
P O Box 300 Simi Valley, CA 93062
805-581-3343
Self-Help Group Resources
SA: Sexaholics Anonymous
www.sa.org (615)331-6230
SLAA: Sex Love Addicts Anonymous
EA: Emotions Anonymous
(510) 471-8864
CODA: CoDependents Anonymous
(415) 905-6331
www.ChristianMentalHealth.com