Transcript Building a Marriage with a Mission

Building a Marriage with
a Mission
FORGIVENESS
Thinking Biblically…
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The GOAL: Gen 2:24 For this reason a man will leave
his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they
will become one flesh. (NIV)
For what reason …
Gen 2:23 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my
bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,‘
for she was taken out of man.“ (from New International
Version)
What stands in the way of this?
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Lack of repentance/ forgiveness / bitterness.
Thinking Biblically… Repentance –
Mark Driscoll
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Repentance is putting to death our sin by the power of the
Holy Spirit.
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We can put to death our sin, or sin will kill our marriages.
Repentance is not
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Getting caught, but rather coming clean.
2 Cor 7:8-11 Even if I caused you sorrow by my
Worldly sorrow
letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it-I
Denying our sin.
see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little
Diminishing our sin
while- 9 yet now I am happy, not because you
Managing our sin
were made sorry, but because your sorrow led
you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as
Blame-shifting our sin
God intended and so were not harmed in any
Not excusing our sin
way by us. 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance
About someone else’s sin
that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but
Manipulating God or people forworldly
blessing
sorrow brings death. (NIV)
A BIBLICAL VIEW
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How we are wired.
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Forgiveness matters to God
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Ps 9:16 The LORD is known by his justice; the wicked are
ensnared by the work of their hands.
Sense of justice.
Heb 12:15-16 See to it that no one misses the grace of God
and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile
many. 16 See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like
Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the
oldest son.
Why is a bitter root a big deal?
Forgiveness matters to God
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Matt 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how
many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up
to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but
seventy-seven times.
Matt 18:25-27 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered
that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to
repay the debt. 26 "The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be
patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' 27 The
servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
The punch line …Matt 18:32-34 "Then the master called the
servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of
yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn't you have had mercy
on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' 34 In anger his master
turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay
back all he owed.
Homework – Read Matt 18:21-35
Forgiveness matters to God
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God’s view of forgiveness – it is all about HIS forgiveness.
We nurse bitterness thinking we are holding something
over someone …
The reality – we are the ones in prison
This drives God to discipline us …
I am the way, and the truth, and the
life; no one comes to the Father,
except through Me.
Rom 10:8-9 That if you confess
(John 14:6)
with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord,"
and believe in your heart that
God raised him from the dead,
you will be saved.
Man
Man
God
Rom 5:6 You see, at just the
right time, when we were still
powerless, Christ died for the
ungodly.
God
Gen 1:26-31 Gen 3:6-11 6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food
and"Let
pleasing
to the in
eye, and
also desirable for gaining wisdom,
shethe
took
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26 Then
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AllGod
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and
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of image,
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birds of the air,ate
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atethe
it. ground."
7 Then
glory of God. (Rom 3:23)
Almighty, who was, and is, and is to
the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they
27 So God created
manfiginleaves
his owntogether
image, and made coverings for themselves.come. (Rev 4:8)
sewed
For the wages of sin is death.
in the image of God he created him;
8 Then
the 6:23)
man and his wife heard the sound of the
Godtoo
as pure
he was
(Rom
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approve
male and female he created
them.
in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid evil,
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9 "Be
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28 God blessedtrees
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saidgarden.
to them,
and increase
in number;
fill man,
the earth
and
subdue
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wickedness
with
favor.
1:13)over the
10 He
youevery
in the
garden,
andthat
I was
afraid
because
I was naked;
fish of the sea and
the answered,
birds of the "I
airheard
and over
living
creature
moves
on the
ground."
Sin
…
so I hid."
31 God saw all11
that
he had
made,"Who
and it was
evening,
andyou
there
was morning--the
And
he said,
toldvery
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that And
you there
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Have
eaten
from the sixth day.
tree that
I commanded
you not
to nearly
eat from?"
In fact,
the law requires
that
everything be cleansed with blood,
(from New International
andVersion)
without the shedding of blood
there is no forgiveness. (Heb 9:22)
5 Languages of Apology – Gary Chapman
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Expressing regret.
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Godly regret …
Accepting responsibility.
Making restitution.
Genuinely expressing the desire to change your behavior
Requesting forgiveness
Ok, guys give this a try… apologize for something in the
last week…
Granting Forgiveness –
Gary Chapman/Mark Driscoll (MD)
Forgiveness is not a feeling.
a)
a)
b)
c)
d)
e)
f)
g)
I don’t forgive because I feel like it…
Forgiveness is not denying, approving, or diminishing sin
that is committed against us. (MD)
Forgiveness is not naivety or enabling sin. (MD)
Forgiveness does not destroy our memories.
Forgiveness does not remove all the consequences.
Forgiveness does not rebuilt trust (necessary but not
over night)
Forgiveness does not always lead to reconciliation – to
bring back into harmony. (Both)
Granting Forgiveness –
Gary Chapman/Mark Driscoll
h)
i)
Forgiveness is not neglecting justice. (MD)
Forgiveness is not waiting for someone to acknowledge
sin, apologize, and repent. (MD)
How do you know?
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3 tests
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The overflowing cup.
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The math of relationships
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Rate the offense
Rate the reaction
Above the ground – Below the ground
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What was said …
What did it trigger – emotions etc.
Action plan – part A
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Keep poison from seeping in to our foundation
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Using the Bible’s language of apology:
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I DID X ----- Name the sin …
I was WRONG …. Admit
I am SORRY ….. Real remorse vs. false remorse
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2 Cor 7:10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and
leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
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Will you please forgive me?
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Response: Yes, I forgive you?
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ONCE FORGIVENESS IS GRANTED, DON’T PICK AT THE SCAB.
Action plan – part B
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Phase 1 – Forgiveness with your will –
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Make the list
It hurt me when ….
I choose to forgive – not feeling based
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Phase 2 – Forgiveness with your heart
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Col 3:12-14 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe
yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear
with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one
another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on
love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (NIV)
Pray for God to heal your heart
Stay active in prayer until God finishes the job
Phase 3 – Reconciliation
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The primary burden for reconciliation is on the offender
You can trust God whether reconciliation happens or not
Other important disciplines
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Three antidotes to bitterness
Practicing Thankfulness
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The root of bitterness is focus on me …
The easiest way to move the focus off me is to be thankful
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Encouragement
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Pouring yourself out for your spouse
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Phil 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by
prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
1 Thess 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other
up, just as in fact you are doing.
Communications
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Re-look at what Grant Stenzel did 2 weeks ago…
Group Discussion
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Do you remember the last time you apologized? If so,
what did you say?
Think back to the last time someone apologized to you.
How did it go? Did is seem sincere? Did you forgive the
other person?
Is there anyone you need to apologize to today?
Have you already seen pain from your past affecting your
relationship?
What was the most meaningful thing that you heard
today?
A similar model…
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The Three Steps to Forgiveness
After you have decided to forgive, you may experience the wrestling and turmoil of
emotions. Follow these three steps:
Recite Forgiveness Scripture
“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in
Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32) Forgiveness starts with God; the first step is the
declaration of truth.
Personalize the Forgiveness Scripture
Now make this truth your own, by inserting personal facts into the verse: “Help me
Lord to be kind to my husband, forgiving him for his sin against me, because you have
forgiven every one of my sins!”
Pray for an Un-Saved Loved One Needing Forgiveness
Now we pray for another person (always pray for the same person—until the prayer
is answered!).“Lord Jesus, I also pray for ______; I’m asking you to reveal yourself to
him, so that he can experience the forgiveness of all of his sins too!
These three steps provide a way of conquering all of the negative and contrary
emotions that fight against forgiveness. Learning how to forgive includes
implementing a strategy to think properly.
http://www.the-intimate-couple.com/how-to-forgive.html