Seeking Wholeness in a Fragmented world Mass Bay District Spring Conference April 25, 2009

Rev. Dr. Terasa Cooley

Context - Fragmented Lives

Feel forced to choose between work, family, congregation One area of life doesn’t seem connected to others Disconnected from families of origin, sense of place, foundational values Increased choices leading to paralysis

Context - Fragmented Culture

Isolation among “thought” groups Political polarization Identity divisions Distance between “haves” and “have-nots” Generational divisions

Context - Fragmented Congregations

Uneasy peace among theologies Don’t know how to openly address conflict and disagreement Feel torn between serving those already with us and being open to growth Unclear about ultimate mission and purpose

Leadership Challenges

From Fiduciary to Strategic to Adaptive Technical solutions no longer suffice Transparent yet effective decision-making “Responsive / Decisive / Inclusive”

Adaptive vs. Technical

Technical • Clear Problem and Solution • Protect from outside threats • Restores Order • Clear Authority • Defined time frame Adaptive • Seeks right question • Both problem & solution require learning & experimentation • Shared leadership • Generates Disequalibrium & Challenges Values • Surfaces Conflict

Polarity Management

• Individual Choice Freedom Creativity Self-actualization + + Community Connection Growth Complementarity Spectrum of skills New perspective Narcissism Selfishness Lack of cohesion Loneliness Group think Homogeneity Compromise Power imbalance -

Assumptions

That adaptive behavior requires self-awareness That we seek to overcome polarization Addressing fragmentation is a spiritual effort Answer to busyness is meaning-making

Assumptions

Being liberally religious requires great effort Conflict among perspectives is healthy The purpose of the church is to serve a mission, not to make people happy Leadership demands the awareness of a larger vision

We Find Ourselves at the Center:

I

Who am I? What do I need? How am I responsible? What do I feel called to? What is innate in me? What are my patterns?

We

How do we stay connected? What can we ask of one another? How do we disagree?

Thou

Who or what do we serve? How do we place ourselves in service of something larger?

We Find Ourselves at the

Faith

Center:

Theology Institution Spiritual Practice Lived Experience Surrounding Culture Tradition Family Community Work

The Enigma of the Self

Is the “self” a figment of our imagination?

Are we a vehicle for genetic transportation Nature vs. nurture Overcoming “shoulds” and “oughts” Csikszentmihalyi: “A trait of the transcendent self is the mastery of wisdom and spirituality”

The Self in Balance

Gratitude

For what / whom am I thankful?

What do I need to let go of?

Humility Accountability

What do I need to claim?

Exercise

• Spend ten minutes utilizing your spiritual practice dwelling with these questions: •

For what / whom am I particularly grateful right now?

•

What do I need to take responsibility for?

•

What do I need to let go of?

•

How do these questions comes together for you

?

The Spiritual Self

What are your “convictions for good”?

Hope Calling

What gift can I offer the world?

Powerlessness

What have I learned when I realize I’m not in control of the world?

Exercise

• In pairs: • What would you do if you could take six months and do whatever you desire?

• What is calling to you within this desire?

The Polarities of Community

Maintain Self ------------------------ Connect to Others Allow Freedom ---------------------- Help One Another Take Risks --------------------------- Maintain Safety Sacrifice --------------------------------- Benefit Comfort -------------------------------- Challenge Stranger --------------------------------- Friend

Balance of Community

Can we embrace the inevitable change that takes place within a community?

Evolution Growth

What do people gain in community that could never be found alone?

Sacrifice

How do we learn to give up some of what we want for the good of community?

Exercise

• In pairs, describe an experience you had within your congregation which helped you grow, even as you had to give something up?

Balance of Community

Covenant Self- Knowledge

What do I bring (expectations, assumptions) to this experience?

How do we want to be together as a community?

Group Awareness

What have we learned about ourselves as a community?

Exercise

• Within congregational groups: explore a time in congregational life when you felt this balance was achieved, or not achieved.

Moving toward “Thou”

The purpose of our religious communities is to move us to something beyond ourselves Each community has a particular calling, not about being all things to all people Developing a relationship with “our neighbors” grows our calling Vision grows out of being, doing, and then perhaps seeing

The Balance in “Thou”

Discernment

How do we know what to pay attention to?

Mission

What is the calling of this congregation?

Transparency

Are we letting purpose come through us?

Exercise

• In pairs representing two congregations, explore a time that has been life-giving to your congregation.

Attending to “Thou”

Making Sacred

How do we get in touch with the sacred quality of our work?

Listening

How do we create a space for telling our stories?

Values Centered

What are the inherent values we want to bring to life?

Exercise

• • • One congregational team: Tell the story of a time when your congregation faced a very complex set of decisions. What were the values you were trying to embody?

How can we honor them?

Religious Community can:

Help us understand ourselves more deeply: our loves and longings, our potential and our limitations,

AND

Help us live in community: finding both affirmation and challenge through giving and receiving,

AND

Help us understand ourselves as part of a larger whole in which we live and find our being.

• • • •

The Purpose of Unitarian Universalism

At our best, Unitarian Universalist congregations provide a balance in seeking what is meaningful in the lives of individuals how we come together in healthy community to serve a larger purpose in our communities and in the world

Resources

Margaret Benefiel,

Soul at Work: Spiritual Leadership in Orgnanizations

, Seabury Press, 2005.

Mark Lau Branson,

Memories, Hopes, & Conversations: Appreciative Inquiry and Congregational Change

, Alban, 2004.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi,

The Evolving Self

, Harper Perennial, 1994.

Barry Johnson,

Polarity Management,

Resource Development Press, 1992.

Human

Resources, cont’d

Marty Linski and Ron Heifetz,

Leadership on the Line

, Harvard Business School Press, 2002. Gerald May,

The Awakened Heart,

Harper Collins, 1991.

Kathleen Norris,

Amazing Grace

, Riverhead Books, 1998. Parker Palmer,

A Hidden Wholeness,

Jossey-Bass, 2004.

Charles M. Olsen,

Transforming Church Boards into Communities of Spiritual Leaders,

Alban Institute, 1995

Resources, cont’d

Parker Palmer,

A Company of Strangers,

Crossroads, 1983.

Parker Palmer,

Let Your Life Speak,

Jossey-Bass, 2000. Martyn Percy & Ian Markham, eds.,

Why Liberal Churches are Growing

, T & T Clark, 2006.

Paul Rasor,

Faith Without Certainty

, Skinner House, 2005.