Transcript Raising Resilient Kids - MyVLink

P s y c h o l o g y
F o r
A l l
Putting psychology into as many hands as possible to enhance lives
Raising Resilient Kids
Kelley Bolton, Psy.D.
[email protected]
Resiliency is…
• the ability to… bounce back from adversity
stronger, wiser, and more self-confident.
• Temperament
• Learned
What does research show??
James Heckman
•research on success
•Perry Preschool Project
•cognitive vs. noncognitive
skills
The Search Institute
• 1958 - founded
• 1990 - first Developmental
Assets research published
• more strengths = greater
chance of growing up
successfully
Protective Factors are…
• strengths that help individuals bounce back from
adversity
• Developmental Assets
– External
– Internal
• Developmental Relationships
Protective Factors are not…
I’m a shoe-in for
mom of the year!!
External Assets
• Support
– to be surrounded by people who love, appreciate, and
accept them; spend time in places where people care
about them
• Empowerment
– to feel valued and valuable; this happens when youth feel
safe and respected
• Boundaries and Expectations
– clear rules, consistent consequences, and encouragement
to always do their best
• Constructive Use of Time
– opportunities outside of school to enjoy themselves,
develop new skills, and build positive relationships with
other youth and adults
Internal Assets
• Commitment to Learning
– commitment to the lasting importance of learning and
a belief in their own abilities
• Positive Values
– develop strong guiding values or principles to help
them make healthy, faithful, and moral life choices
• Social Competencies
– skills to build positive relationships, put their values
into action, and cope with new situations
• Positive Identity
– sense of their self-worth, power, purpose, and
promise
Building Assets, Developing Resilience
(www.parentfurther.com)
• Support Assets
– family support; positive family communication; other adult relationships;
caring neighborhood; caring school environment; parent involvement in
schooling
• Tips
– Involvement at school - promotes learning and can affect teacher attitudes
toward your children
– Look at children when you speak to
them, it is a simple way to let them
know you care
– When you and your child disagree, be
respectful and let her or him know it’s
okay for people in families to have
different opinions.
Building Assets, Developing Resilience
(www.parentfurther.com)
• Empowerment Assets
– community values youth; youth as
resources; service to others; safety
• Tips
– Include your children in family
decisions (i.e., what to serve for dinner,
assigning chores, family trips and
activities)
– Kids are proud of what they can do, but
they don’t always need to hear praise;
Acknowledge what they have done and
how they feel about their
accomplishments
– Support personal expression through
special interests (i.e., drawing, telling
detailed stories, building model cars)
Building Assets, Developing Resilience
(www.parentfurther.com)
• Boundaries and Expectations Assets
– family boundaries; school boundaries; neighborhood boundaries;
adult role models; positive peer influence; high expectations
• Tips
– Be clear about family expectations (e.g., working hard even at tasks
you don’t like; being friendly to others; sharing household chores)
– Be firm with boundaries, even when
your kids are being cute
– Engage your children in conversations
about behaviors you see in public or
in entertainment (such as movies and
television). Ask them what they think
is appropriate and inappropriate
and why.
Building Assets, Developing Resilience
(www.parentfurther.com)
• Constructive Use of Time Assets
– creative activities; youth programs; religious community; time at
home
• Tip
– Monitor your kids’ schedules. Beyond organized activities, children
need family time, homework time, playtime, and quiet time
– Continue to play together—no matter how old your kids are. Ride
bikes. Take a class. Fix or build something.
– Monitor where your children go, who they are spending time with,
and what they’re doing.
“Time stays long enough for those who use it.”
Leonardo da Vinci
Building Assets, Developing Resilience
(www.parentfurther.com)
• Commitment to Learning Assets
– achievement motivation; school engagement; homework; bonding
to school; reading for pleasure
• Tip
– Be available when children have questions, but don’t be an “answer
person”
– Encourage your child to discover and deepen special interests (ex:
music - learn more about musical instruments or attend a concert
together (that your child picks).
– Help your child understand his or her
learning profile, and find ways to
promote learning strengths.
Building Assets, Developing Resilience
(www.parentfurther.com)
• Positive Values Assets
– caring; equality and social justice; integrity; honesty; responsibility;
restraint
• Tip
– You are both teacher and role model of positive values. The ways in which
you talk about values and live by them will strongly influence your children’s
development of them.
– Teach children about integrity in simple ways. For example, explain, “When
someone thanks you for doing something you didn’t do, it’s important to say
so. You can say, ‘Thanks for thanking me, but my brother did it.’”
– Realize that in order to learn from mistakes, children have to make mistakes.
Try to avoid blowing up when they
make a poor choice, but don’t rescue them
from natural consequences.
Building Assets, Developing Resilience
(www.parentfurther.com)
• Social Competencies Assets
– Planning and decision making;
interpersonal competence; cultural
competence; resistance skills; peaceful
conflict resolution
• Tip
– Talk about what you and your children
think makes a good friend. (e.g., good
friends care about each other; listen to
each other; help each other)
– Teach your kids that friends who
pressure them to do things they know
they shouldn’t do are not true friends.
– Involve them in planning activities (e.g.
create an invitation; make a list of
supplies needed, etc.)
Building Assets, Developing Resilience
(www.parentfurther.com)
• Positive Identity Assets
– Personal power; self-esteem; sense of
purpose; positive view of personal future
• Tip
– Let children do things their own way
sometimes, even if it doesn’t make sense
to you (e.g., washing and drying each dish
one at a time)
– Collect inspiring quotations. Hang them on
bathroom mirrors, doors, refrigerators, and
hallway walls. Have children collect and
post their favorites, too
– Use labeled praise – “You are so kind to
help your sister find her stuffed animal.”
– Help your children understand the
difference(s) between what we can and
can’t control. (e.g., we can control what we
say and do; we can’t control what other
people say and do.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=3rUWDvuBOHY#t=14
References and Resources
• Search Institute
– www.search-institute.org
– www.parentfurther.com
• Tough, P. (2012). How children succeed: grit, curiosity, and
the hidden power of character. New York: Houghton
Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company.
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpag
e&v=3rUWDvuBOHY#t=14
• Reaching In… Reaching Out: Promoting Resilience in Young
Children
– www.reachinginreachingout.com
• Devereux Center for Resilient Children
– www.centerforresilientchildren.org
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