Transcript Connecting with the Inside Kid

Connecting
with the Inside
Kid
Meeting the Needs of the “Inside Child”: An Introduction to the Conflict Cycle, the
Life Space Crisis Intervention and Response Ability Pathways
Attribution
• This presentation is an overview of Life Space
Crisis Intervention (LSCI) and Response Abilities
Pathways (RAP).
• There is contained within content and graphics that
are found in the copyrighted materials used in LSCI
and RAP training modules.
• Copying of these materials is with permission only
by the authors.
Connecting with the Inside Kid
• Presented by:
• Jim Taylor, Director
of Training
• Terry Cooper,
Project Manager
Residential Services
Division, Cal Farley’s,
Amarillo, TX
Objectives
• Learn about the importance of meeting needs
rather than simply managing behavior.
• Learn about and practice the Conflict Cycle
• Overview of strength-based practices used to
break the Conflict Cycle, including:
– Life Space Crisis Intervention (LSCI);
– Response Abilities Pathways (RAP)
What we are all about:
• Finding, engaging, training, and supporting
people who are passionate about responding
to the pain of children and youth differently
than the rest of the world.
• People are disturbed not by things, but by the
views which they take of them.
Epictetus, 1st Century AD
Foundational Assumption
• There are innate strengths in children, and by
creating a healthy ecology wherein needs are
met and limits set, as opposed to an informal
culture of coercive surface behavior
management, children will have the
opportunity to develop their innate strengths
as needed to live a life-long adventure of
power and purpose.
Who is the “Inside Kid”?
Surface Behavior
Emotions
Thoughts
The Culture of Curiosity
• Wherever we are, whatever our role may be,
we should be “suspecticians” who are never
satisfied with superficial explanations of
children’s behavior.
• Our task is to move from certainty to curiosity
when dealing with challenging behavior.
The problems kids cause are not the
causes of their problems.
• Controlling behavior is not the same as meeting
needs.
• Too often, our interactions with children are limited
to the management of surface behaviors.
• Fundamental premise: behavior changes when
needs are met.
Developing Resiliency
• Resiliency is the innate human ability to
rebound from adversity with even greater
strength to meet future challenges.
• Our role is to help children develop their
natural strengths as needed for life-long
resiliency.
What are the universal needs of every
child?
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Safety
Belonging
Achievement
Power
Purpose
Adventure
Universal Needs
Purpose
Power
Safety
Achievement
Adventure
Belonging
The Challenge of Children’s Unmet
Needs
What happens when children and youth’s
needs are not met by caring adults?
• They get their needs met by whatever means
possible – often using inadequate or
destructive coping strategies.
• Children who are weakly attached to adults
are at risk for connection with negative peers.
Private Logic
• The adult brain is capable of logical and
orderly thought.
• The adolescent brain’s thought processes are
driven by emotion.
Private Logic (2)
• Unmet needs result in negative emotions
• These emotions drive thoughts and beliefs
that emerge as challenging behavior.
Pain-based Behavior
All behavior is purposeful!
Pain, whether physical or emotional, results in
purposeful behavior.
Purposes of Pain-based Behavior
Pain-based behaviors are attempts to:
• Escape from pain;
• Defend against pain;
• Relieve pain; or,
• Resolve the problem causing the pain.
Anger and Pain-based Behavior
• Acting on anger is the most common
behavior, as it appears less risky to youth
than showing vulnerability by expressing hurt
or disappointment.
Hurt People Hurt People!
Tit for Tat ER Cycles
Youth reacts with
PAIN-BASED
BEHAVIOR
Adult reacts with
PAIN-BASED
DISCIPLINE
©2005 Circle of Courage
Tit For Tat
THE CONFLICT CYCLE
STUDENT'S SELF CONCEPT
IRRATIONAL BELIEFS
Thoug
hts
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STRESSFUL
EVENT
2
STUDENT'S
FEELINGS
4
ADULT/PEER
REACTIONS
3
STUDENT'S
OBSERVABLE
BEHAVIOR
LSCI Institute
The
Breakfast Club
Six Patterns of Self-Defeating Behavior
Reality Rub:
Errors in Perception
Red Flag:
Imported Problems
New Tools:
Poor Social Skills
Symptom Estrangement:
Delinquent Pride
Massaging Numb Values:
Behavior Driven by Guilt
Manipulation of Body Boundaries:
Exploitation by Peers
Response Ability Pathways (RAP)
Basic Training in Building Strengths™
RAP Goals and Outcomes
CONNECT
Trust
Respect
Understanding
Empowerment
Strengthen natural abilities to
connect with others and gain
positive support
CLARIFY
Challenge
Logic
Emotions
Actions
Results
Strengthen natural abilities to
clarify challenges and solve difficult
problems
RESTORE
Belonging
Mastery
Independence
Generosity
Strengthen natural abilities to
restore harmony and take
responsible pathways
RAP provides support to youth
as they learn to:
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respond to respectful communication from others.
express problems and pain in positive ways.
connect with caring adults and peers.
clarify problems and potentials.
restore respectful bonds and social harmony.
strengthen belonging, mastery, independence, and
generosity.
RAP provides those who care about youth the ability to:
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Respond to needs instead of react to problem behavior.
Recognize and understand problems as pain-based behavior.
Create trusting, respectful connections with youth in need.
Enable young people to clarify their problems and strengths.
Build climates of respect and social harmony.
Strengthen safety, belonging, achievement, power, purpose,
and adventure.
Emotional Intelligence
Operates from Birth
Responding
to Bids:
Accept +
Reject –
Ignore 0
The Power of Oxytocin
We are hardwired to connect!
The Ten D’s of Deviance
Theory
Problem
Reaction
Parenting
Disobedient
Scold, punish, isolate
Education
Disruptive
Reprimand, suspend, expel
Special Education
Disabled
Label, remediate, segregate
Social Work
Dysfunctional
Intake, case-manage, discharge
Corrections
Delinquent
Adjudicate, punish, incarcerate
Behaviorism
Disordered
Assess, conditioning, time out
Medicine
Diseased
Diagnose, drug, hospitalize
Psychopathology
Disturbed
Test, treat, restrain
Sociology
Deprived
Study, patronize, resocialize
Folk Religion
Demonic
Chastise, exorcize, banish
PADD -
Pessimism Antagonism Detachment Disorder
• Disturbed Reactions of Adults to Difficult Kids
– Pessimism
• Blaming – “Some kids trouble makers”
• Demeaning – “Others are just stupid”
• Assuming the Worst – “They are all losers”
– Antagonism
• Hostility – “I can’t stand kids like that”
• Intimidation – “I’ll show them who is boss”
• Punitiveness – “I’ll make them suffer”
– Detachment
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Depersonalization – “Just so they follow the rules”
Disengagement – “I’m not wasting my time on them”
Zero Tolerance – “Mess up and they’re out of here”
Assuming the Worst – “They are all losers”
One day, Mamma said:
“Conrad dear, I must go
out and leave you here.
But, mind now Conrad
what I say. Don’t suck
your thumb while I’m
away. The great tall
tailor always comes to
little boys that suck their
thumbs, and ere they
dream what he’s about,
he takes his great sharp
scissors out and cuts
their thumbs clean off,
and then, you know they
never grow again.
Mamma had
scarcely turned
her back – The
thumb was in.
Alack! Alack!
The door flew open,
in he ran, the great,
long, red-legg’d
scissor-man. Oh!
Children, see! The
tailor’s come and
caught out little
Suck-a-Thumb.
Snip! Snip! The
scissors go; and
Conrad cries out –
Oh! Oh! Oh! Snip!
Snip! Snip! They go
so fast, that both his
thumbs are off at
last.
Mamma comes home; there
Conrad stands. And looks quite
sad, and shows his hands, - “Ah!”
said Mamma “I knew he’d come to
naughty little Suck-a-Thumb.”
The Resilient Brain: CLEAR Coping
Logic
Challenge
Actions
Emotions
Results
Challenge is any event that produces stress.
Logic is a person’s way of perceiving and thinking.
Emotions motivate behavior and prepare for action.
Actions are coping behaviors directed toward some goal.
Results are consequences or outcomes of behavior.
Connecting with Adult-Wary Kids
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Recast all problems as learning
opportunities.
“Please coach me, don’t scold me.”
Provide fail-safe relationships.
“A person like me really needs a fan
club.”
Increase dosages of nurturance.
“I need to believe that you really care.”
Don’t crowd.
“When you get too close, I will back
away for awhile.”
Use the back door.
“If you can help me do well, you are
important.”
Decode the meaning of behavior.
“I try to hide what I really think.
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Be authoritative, not authoritarian.
“Help me to control me.”
Model respect to the disrespectful.
“Your respect helps build mine.”
Enlist youth as colleagues.
“We are the only real experts on
ourselves.”
Touch in small ways.
“I watch little things you do to discover
who you are.”
Give seeds time to grow.
“Please be patient with me — I am still
learning.”
Connect youth to cultural and
spiritual roots.
“I need to know there is a purpose for
my life.”
Defensive Tactics of Adult-Wary Kids.
F
IGHT
LIGHT
OOL
OLLOW
Defensive Tactics of Adult-Wary Kids.
FIGHT: “Hurt or be hurt.”
• Threat display: “I am dangerous!”
• Power display: “I am in control!”
• Pay back: “I don’t get mad, I get even!”
Defensive Tactics of Adult-Wary Kids.
FLIGHT: “Hide or be hurt.”
• Isolate: “I’ll shut out people!”
• Retreat: “I’ll shut out painful feelings!”
• Escape: “I’ll run away!”
Defensive Tactics of Adult-Wary Kids.
FOOL: “I’ll outsmart them.”
• Deceive: “I’ll charm and disarm them!”
• Divert: “I’ll act dumb or crazy!”
• Mind games: “I’ll insult and provoke them!”
Defensive Tactics of Adult-Wary Kids.
FOLLOW: “I’ll join them.”
• Peer Power: “There’s safety in numbers!”
• Alpha Power: “There’s safety in submission!”
• Contagion: “There’s safety in anonymity!”
PROBLEMS AS OPPORTUNITY
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STRENGTHS
Attachment
trust
warmth
friendship
cooperation
acceptance
Achievement
talent
Concentration
Comprehension
Organization
Coping
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PROBLEMS
Alienation
distrust
withdrawal
detachment
antagonism
exclusion
Incompetence
Inadequacy
Disinterest
confusion
chaos
Defeat
Crisis as Opportunity
Life Space Crisis Intervention (LSCI)
A process for talking with youth in crisis.
The process uses youths’ reactions to stressful events to:
(a)
(b)
(c)
(d)
Change behavior
Enhance self-esteem
Reduce anxiety
Expand understanding and insight into their own and others’
behavior and feelings
Six Stages of the LSCI
Interview Process
Diagnostic Stages •
Drain-off
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Timeline
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Central Issue
Reclaiming Stages •
Insight
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New Skills
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Transfer of Training
Stage 1 - DRAIN OFF
Staff de-escalation skills to DrainOff the youth’s intense emotions
while controlling one’s own
counter-aggressive reactions.
Stage 2 - Timeline
Staff relationship skills to
obtain and validate the youth’s
perception of the crisis.
Becoming “suspecticians”
(use of the Conflict Cycle)
Stage 3 - Central Issue
Staff diagnosis skills to determine if this
crisis represents one of the six patterns
of self-defeating behavior.
Stage 4 - Insight
Staff clinical skills to pursue the youth’s
specific pattern of self-defeating
behavior for personal insight and
accountability.
Stage 5 - New Skills
Staff empowering skills to teach the
youth new social skills to overcome his
pattern of self-defeating behavior.
Stage 6 - Transfer of
Training
Staff consultation and contracting skills
to help the youth reenter the on-going
activity and to reinforce and generalize
new social skills.
Universal Needs
Purpose
Power
Safety
Achievement
Adventure
Belonging