Transcript Document

Definition of Elaboration
• Elaboration means . . .
– To tell the reader more and answer the reader’s
questions using
• Specific words
• Onion-like layering of vivid sensory details
(related to sight, sound, smell, taste, touch)
• Specific strategies, for example: being specific,
and using anecdotes, definitions, examples,
descriptions, quotations, statistics, facts, etc.
Elaboration answers questions for the reader.
My sister has many wonderful
What
qualities.
wonderful
qualities does
she have?
Elaboration answers questions for the reader.
• My sister has many wonderful qualities. For
example, she’s patient, compassionate,
curious, intelligent, helpful, athletic, caring,
passionate, and funny.
What are some things she
does (or that she has done)
that demonstrate these traits?
How do you know she has
these traits? What are some
actions she has done or that
she does that SHOW she has
these traits?
Elaboration answers questions for the reader.
• My sister volunteers with Habitat for Humanity
building houses for low-income people who
otherwise could not afford to have houses. Once,
I went with her to a build site to help out, too,
and she was joking with the other volunteers,
making everyone laugh. At one point, another
volunteer couldn’t figure out how to move a large
section of dry-wall through a narrow space and
she looked at the problem for awhile, patiently
examining all aspects of the situation, and
eventually figured out a way to do it using math.
What does elaboration look like?
• ANECDOTES – An anecdote is a short narrative
inserted into an essay that develops an idea or
argument. This sounds like . . .
Once when I was in middle school,
my mom had to …
Hey, I remember the time when my
best friend and I …
Develop your point with an anecdote.
My uncle coached my Little
League team, and he taught
me to persevere through
difficulties and to strive to
maintain a positive attitude.
I remember one time when
we were losing, and it was
the 8th inning. Everyone
was getting discouraged,
and then he said, “Time to
rally! You’ve done it before
and you can do it again
now. You know this. Dig
deep. Now get out there
and turn this game around!”
What does elaboration look like?
• EXAMPLES – provide more specific information
about an idea. This sounds like . . .
My dad is an avid hiker.
For example, one summer
we hiked up along Mount
Baker, Rattlesnake Ridge,
and Mount Si …
My friend has a lot of
interests and does a lot of
activities: playing guitar,
writing poetry/song lyrics,
swimming, running track,
building and modding his
own computers …
My brother always used
to pick on me.
For
instance, he would hide
my soccer shoes before a
game and pretend he
didn’t know where they
were …
Develop your point with an example.
My friend enjoys playing golf
because she is independent
and very spur-of-the-moment,
and she can go out and play a
round of golf whenever she
wants, unlike with sports that
require teams in order to play
them. For example, football,
soccer, and volleyball take an
entire team of people to play.
With everybody having such
busy schedules, it’s not
exactly easy to get ten friends
to go play a game of football,
soccer, or volleyball together
at a moment’s notice.
What does elaboration look like?
• QUOTATIONS – words someone says that can
help support your idea or argument.
My dad once told me:
“I live my life by one simple rule: I try
never to do anything I’d feel ashamed to
have someone else find out I had done.
And I’m not talking about, like, nosepicking or farting, but, you know, like
doing something morally wrong.”
What does elaboration look like?
•
DESCRIPTIONS – ways to create vivid images for the reader.
My brother might not be the best at everything he tries, but he does do
everything with such enthusiasm. When he was learning to skate-board, I
watched him get the board up on to a sloping metal hand rail for about a halfsecond before the board tilted to one side and he flew through the air with all
the grace of a penguin doing so and came crashing down on to the pavement
at the bottom of the steps with his arms splayed out and his palms hitting
first. He scraped up his palms and hurt his knees and elbows somewhat
despite the pads he wore (thankfully he was also wearing a helmet, sparing
his head and face from anything more than minor bruising and scratches).
The board clattered down the stairwell and skidded to a stop, upside-down.
Immediately he got up from the ground, dusted himself off a bit, checked to
make sure nothing was actually broken, grinned impishly, and said, “Well, I’d
better try that again!” and retrieved his skateboard to give it another go.
Through many such spectacular fails, he did eventually get better. He’s still no
Tony Hawk, but he definitely improved, and what he still lacks in skill, he
makes up for with gusto.
Develop your point with description.
My cousin walked across
the well-manicured green
expanse of the cemetery.
In her hands were two
yellow daffodils that she
had brought with her.
Their long green stems,
snapped from the patch in
the backyard, were slowly
drying out. She paused in
front of our grandfather’s
square marble headstone.
Show rather than tell
• Telling: My older brother’s room was a mess,
as usual.
• Showing: A rumpled bedspread, piled up
clothes, and a jumbled dresser greeted me as I
pushed my way into the room, the door
grudgingly opening against the mess piled up
behind it. The stench of sweaty old gym socks
and stale pizza crusts assaulted my nostrils.
Definition of Telling and Showing
• Telling is the use of broad generalizations.
• Showing is the use of facts, statistics,
examples, anecdotes, vivid sensory details,
quotations/dialogue, and so on, to develop,
persuade, explain, or enliven a story. It “paints
a picture” with words, or better yet, helps the
reader see a “movie” playing in his or her
mind.
Telling vs. Showing
My aunt and uncle own an organic farm; sometimes I visit them
at their fruit and vegetable stand in the Farmers’ Market.
Rows of tangerines, crisp red apples, long purple eggplants, and
succulent strawberries invite shoppers to visit my aunt and
uncle’s fruits and vegetables stand at the Farmers’ Market.
Watermelons larger than basketballs jostle for position with
cantaloupes. The dried leaves of the ears of corn rustle as
shoppers pick them up and examine them, looking for just the
right ones. The potatoes look rough and dirty, and smell of the
soil in which they grew, but once rinsed and scrubbed, they’ll be
perfect. The carrots still have their stems on, and they are not
just orange, but also yellow and purple. There are several
varieties of cauliflower, including purple, yellow, and orange. The
Romanesco cauliflowers particularly shock people with their
intense green color and strange, almost alien shapes.
Be specific.
• Your word choices do not have to be
– big words
– fancy words
– words from a thesaurus
(although those can help improve word choice)
• Remember, to elaborate powerfully and
effectively, you need to be SPECIFIC.
• Use concrete, specific details.
Elaboration within a Sentence
• Sentences can be expanded by adding
elaboration.
• Sentences can be combined to provide
elaboration.
TELL ME MORE . . .
Appositives
Add information to a single sentence.
Appositives
• An appositive is a noun or noun phrase that follows
another noun or pronoun that renames it or adds
information.
• An appositive is usually set apart from the sentence by
commas.
My friend Joel made the goal.
Add an appositive and it becomes:
My friend Joel, the star of the team, made the goal.
Appositives answer the reader’s questions.
Mom---my friend
Natalya is coming
over tonight.
Who is Natalya?
My friend Natalya, the
girl who sits beside me
in band, is coming over
tonight.
Some Samples
• My dad, the expert chef, cooks wonderful dinners for
us.
• Lisa, my best friend since first grade, likes to rope me
into her crazy adventures.
• My brother’s car, an ancient jalopy he bought when
he saw it parked on a hill with “$300” soaped on its
windshield, is a piece of junk, but I still appreciate
when he lets me practice driving (around empty
parking lots) in it.
Combine sentences to form an appositive.
We can combine the two following sentences into one powerpacked sentence and delete unnecessary words.
• My friend John plays basketball for the Glacier Peak
Grizzlies.
• He is a senior and the point guard for his team.
My friend John, the senior point guard, plays
basketball for the Glacier Peak Grizzlies.
Prepositional Phrases
• A prepositional phrase adds information and
elaboration by answering questions a reader may
have.
• Prepositional phrases are often used to answer
questions about position, place, location, or time.
(examples of prepositions - by, of, for, on, in, to, under, with, through, beside,
before, after, during…)
Prepositional phrases add elaboration
Example
• My friend Susie, a senior at Glacier Peak, runs the
concession stand.
When does Susie run
the concession stand?
Why does she run it?
• My friend Susie, a senior at Glacier Peak, runs the
concession stand for every basketball game this year
to raise money for school sports and activities.
Layering Elaboration
A thoughtful writer layers one sentence after another.
Each new sentence adds to or develops the thought
. . . like rings around
a bull’s-eye.
Every sentence and detail fits with the rest of the topic
. . . like a set of nesting dolls.
Listing vs. Layering
• Don’t add boring, list-like sentences just to
make the paragraph longer.
• REMEMBER – length doesn’t always mean
quality elaboration.
THIS IS LISTING
My sister has lots of interests. She likes to play
tennis. She enjoys learning to code and making
web pages. She likes learning about science. She
enjoys playing video games. She is currently
helping our dad restore a ’57 Chevy.
TOPIC
Layering sounds like
My sister has many talents and interests.
Her interest in science and computers has led her to using free online resources to teach
herself how to code. She’s already made a number of personal web pages just for fun,
including her blog. She blogs about her experiences learning to code and build web pages,
but also about the scientific breakthroughs she finds fascinating and exciting, and about her
favorite video games. She often plays war simulation games (like Call of Duty, Modern
Warfare, and the like) with our dad, enjoying it a little too much when she kills his character
a bunch of times in a row. But those two are not always being competitive with each other.
Sometimes they play cooperatively where they’re on the same team. They cooperate in real
life when they work together on restoring a classic 1957 Chevy my dad got a couple of years
ago. They’ll go into the garage and work on it as they talk for hours. And our dad--and our
mom--get to as many of her tennis games as possible to cheer her on, just as they have
always shown up to as many of my lacrosse games as they could to cheer me on. I have no
interest in video games or restoring cars, but she’s been teaching me to code and build web
pages, too, and I appreciate her taking the time to do that, and I do read her blog, too. I also
think science is quite interesting, and I enjoy reading her posts about new breakthroughs,
discoveries, and inventions that are changing our world and our lives.
TOPIC
Another layering example
My sister influenced me when she invited me along on a ski
trip she was taking and I decided to start skiing, too; at first it
was mainly just based on my wanting to be as good at it as
she was because we’re both very competitive with each other,
but now I ski just because I enjoy it. Although at this point, I
have to say, I am almost as good as she is. Skiing down a Black
Diamond run gives a rush like no other. What appears like a
peaceful sport is really a contrast to the 50-mile-per-hour feel
of the wind in your face, waist-high moguls to weave in and
out of while your thighs scream, “Stop!” With a wind chill of
minus 10, you still have sweat dripping under your long johns
as your adrenaline pumps through your veins. You can’t wait
to get to the bottom of the run and do it again. I wouldn’t
know the exhilarating joy of skiing if my sister hadn’t invited
me to go along with her on that trip three years ago.
Remember … layering looks like
• Sentences thoughtfully placed with the one
main topic threaded through them
. . . purposely
explaining with the
needs of the
audience in mind.