Transcript Chapter 8: Simple Assertiveness and Healthy Boundaries

Chapter 8
Simple Assertiveness and
Healthy Boundaries
“Even if you’re on the right track,
you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”
— Will Rogers
© 2006 Jones and Bartlett Publishers
The Ageless Wisdom of Assertiveness
• Although there are no division lines between
mind, body, spirit, and emotions, we need to
establish boundaries in our personal lives for
stability.
• By and large, people have poor personal
boundaries (e.g., relationships, finances, etc.)
• People who do not assert themselves make a habit
of feeling victimized--also known as “victim
consciousness.”
The Art of Healthy Boundaries
• Healthy boundaries are guidelines (rules) you
establish for personal stability.
• Healthy boundaries may be established in all
areas of one’s life: relationships, finances,
nutrition, leisure, family.
• The real art of healthy boundaries is to establish
them, but have some flexibility so they are not too
rigid.
Benefits of Healthy Boundaries
The best benefit of healthy boundaries is not
feeling like a victim.
As such, healthy boundaries provide a sense of
empowerment.
The Anatomy of High Self-Esteem
There is a correlation between self-esteem and
stress levels.
High self-esteem… low stress
Low self-esteem… high stress
These are the components of high self-esteem:
•Uniqueness
•Role models
•Connectedness
•Calculated risks
•Empowerment
The Importance of Empowerment
What is empowerment?
The opposite of empowerment is ego-based
control (the illusion of control).
Why is empowerment necessary in a rapidly
changing world?
The Anatomy of Assertiveness
Assertiveness is considered the mid-point between
passiveness and aggressiveness.
Assertiveness is establishing your rights.
Assertiveness is moving from victim to hero (e.g.,
Rosa Parks).
How to Incorporate Assertiveness into
Your Life
The following are some time-tested methods of
assertive behavior:
• Learn to say no when your feel people are taking
advantage of you.
• Use I statements (e.g., “I feel that this would not
be a good idea”).
• Use direct eye contact (a means of being equal).
• Use assertive body language (another means of
being equal).
Best Benefits of Assertiveness
The best benefit of assertiveness is not claiming
victimization (poor me syndrome).
In essence, you are trading the role of victim for
empowerment.