Transcript IHM Conference

Resolving Differences
& Tensions
Agnes Hendry
Clearwater Brookes Ltd
IHM Conference - Beardmore Hotel
10th October 2014
What is your Viewpoint ?
Where do you see the circle ?
 Lower right hand corner
of the rear panel?
 Centre of the front panel?
 Lower right hand corner
of the front panel?
 At the centre of the back
panel?
Differences
and Tensions
Conflict
?
A situation in which someone believes that
his or her own needs have been denied
Embrace
Oxford Dictionary
So
• To clasp in the arms,
• How do you embrace
usually a sign of fondness
differences, tensions and
or friendship
conflicts?
• To accept (a person) as a
• What would become of
friend; to welcome the
the ‘opponent’ if you were
services of a person
to embrace a conflict?
• To accept gladly or
• What would become of
eagerly
you if you were to
embrace the conflict?
• To adopt (a course of
action, profession, mode
of life)
What did you learn about yourself?
Conflict
Triggers
Impact
Your experience
Our Differences
•
•
•
•
Needs – Things that are essential to our well-being
Perceptions – Our view of the world
Power – Being being made to change their actions
Values – Beliefs or principles we consider to be very
important
• Feelings and emotions – Can become a major influence
over how we deal with conflict
How do you deal with
differences?
Patterns of actions, cognitions and
emotions are the primary targets for
individual change
Graham Lee - Leadership Coaching
Thought ‘Escalator’
Evaluation – The conclusions I draw which
triggers my emotion(s)
Inference - the assumption/meaning I make
(based on my filters and beliefs)
Interpretation - how I interpret that
information (without emotion)
Description - What a camera would see
Dealing with Differences
ACE Patterns
Actions
(behaviours)
Cognitions
(thoughts & beliefs)
Emotions
(feelings)
What did you do and say?
How would others describe what they
observed you doing?
What were your physical behaviours?
What were your thoughts?
What were your underlying attitudes?
What were your beliefs about yourself
and others?
What did you feel?
To what extent were your feelings hidden?
To what extent were you aware of your
feelings?
Dealing with Differences
• Empathy First – Be open to differences of opinion
and show respect, even if you don’t agree
• Listen acceptingly – find out what others see
through their window on the world
• Talk constructively – share what you see through
your window of the world
• Don’t let it get personal – Keep it professional, talk
about the issues
Seek first to understand and then to be
understood
Dealing with Differences
Accommodating:
neglecting
one’s own concerns to satisfy those of
the other party.
Collaborating:
working with the
other party to find some solution
which fully satisfies the concerns of
both parties.
Cooperative
•accepting an instruction when one
would prefer not to
•exploring disagreements for mutual
resolution
•yielding to another’s point of view
•confronting and finding a creative
solution to an interpersonal problem
Compromising:
Unassertive
is a middle
way; finding a suitable, mutually
acceptable solution, partially
satisfying both parties.
Assertive
•splitting the difference
•exchanging concessions (bargaining)
Competing:
Not addressing the conflict
pursuing one’s own
concerns at the expense of the other
party, using ability to argue, status,
position, etc.
•diplomatically side-stepping an issue
•standing up for your rights
•postponing an issue until a better time
•defending a position which you
believe is correct
Avoiding:
not pursuing one’s own
concerns or those of the other party.
•withdrawing from a threatening situation
Uncooperative
Style vs Impact:
Cooperative
Accommodating = Lose
Unassertive
Avoiding = Lose
- Win
Compromising = Low
Collaborating = Win
Win - Win
- Lose
Competing = Win
Uncooperative
- Win
Assertive
- Lose
Assume Innocence
Assumed
Innocence
Assumed
Motive
They just
don’t care
Grossly
Negligent
Leads to
Compassion
Humour
Leads to
Possible
Reaction
Leads to
Irritation
Bother
Resentment
Leads to
Intentional
Anger
Leads to
Questions