Transcript Conflict Management And Decision Making











Which movie to go see
Cut off in traffic
Someone spreading rumors
‘Stay at home mom’ or a career
How late you can stay at a party
Spending money
How and where to spend your time
Parents disagree with clothes/ hairstyle
Can’t go to a school event because it falls on a
religious holiday
You were excluded from a group
◦ Conflict: a disagreement between people with
opposing view points, ideas, or goals.
◦ Conflicts can be an exchange of words
◦ Group confrontations can be ongoing
◦ Conflicts that involve weapons can be serious
Some conflicts are with
YOURSELF!
1. Resources: something usable, such as goods ,
property, money or time.

Examples??? Couples who fight over finances, which restaurant,
study or go mall with mom, fighting over the computer…
2. Values: your beliefs and ideas you consider
important

3.
Examples??? Browns fan, daily PE class, politics,
Emotional Needs: the need to belong and feel
respected and worthwhile
examples??? Left out, dis-respected, put down, feel it’s
unfair didn't make the science Olympiad, sports team etc…
Think of a conflict you’ve had recently
and briefly describe.
 Answer the following questions in
your notes.

 1.What
was it about?
 2. What caused it? (Resources,
Values, Emotional)
 3. Was it resolved? Explain.
If I learn to manage my
anger then…
Release frustrations of
life.
 Calls Attention to
Problems
 Helps us understand
self and other’s values
 Increases motivation to
take action
 Brings about change
 Healthier relationships

If I don’t and conflicts
get out of hand then…





Anger can build and
boil over
Can lead to violence
Irrational thinking
Not pleasant to be
around
Lead to depression
(esp.boys)





Qualities, characteristics or ideas about which
we feel strongly.
Our values affect our decisions, goals, and behavior.
Values make us feel and believe someone or something is
worthwhile.
Values define what is of worth, what is beneficial or harmful.
Values are standards that guide your action, judgments and
attitudes.
Give direction and consistency to behavior
 Values help you know what to and to make time for
 Values establish a relationship between you and
the world
 Values set the direction
for one’ life











Home
School
Society
Friends
TV
Church
Music
Books
Families
Culture


Employers
Time period you were
raised in
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
honesty ----truthful and sincere
integrity ----being consistent with beliefs
trustworthiness ---keep promises/ fulfill commitment
loyalty ---provide support and commitment based on ethical needs
fairness ----committed to justice, equal treatment, and respect for
diversity
caring ---concern for well being of an individual, self, and
environment
respect ----confidence in beliefs and values and knowledge you
understand and support the rights in others to express their beliefs
responsibility ----contribution to society in a positive way and
encourages participation of others
pursuit of excellence ----pride in work, best effort, and reflection
of work
accountability ----consider and accept the impact and
consequences of personal actions and decisions






Personal ( never curse, exercise everyday)
Family ( kids have chores, eat at table every
night)
Work
( punctuality, hard worker, loyal)
Moral
( do the right thing, i.e. find money)
Spiritual ( church every week, marry
someone same faith)
Monetary
( spendthrift, saver)

Ages 1-7------parents

Ages 8-13-----teachers, heroes(sports TV)

Ages 14-20----peers( values because of
peers or peers because of values?

Ages 21+---your values are established, but
you may test your values from time to time.

You were just presented with a check for:
$1,000.00

List all the things you would do with the
money.




HypocriteOne who subscribes to one set of values, and
does another.
Immaturity- one who has not defined their
values, flighty, drifters, uncertain
Maturity-clear values, life of purpose,
meaning and direction
Calm. It. Down.
Attack the
Problem- not the
person!
Brainstorm
Explain how you
feel; Let each
person tell their
side
Ask Questions; to
learn the other
person’s point of
view
Talk to a trusted
adult

Take a time out to cool down



Make a list
Find a middle ground
Find a creative solution

Explain how his or actions make you feel
“hmmm how would I feel”
Ask Questions

If you cannot resolve problem yourself.
Take a time out
to calm down and think through my anger.
Allow each person to tell his or her side
then paraphrase the other persons position.
Let each person ask questions
in order to view the issue from the others point of
view.
Keep brainstorming solutions
either to find the middle ground or creative
solution
1. Identify the Problem
◦ (Identify, ask yourself questions, what choices do you need to make and
who else if anyone is involved)

What are the choices

Gather Information- what’s helpful to know before making a
decision

Consider outcomes and values

Make a decision and act.

Evaluate your decision
◦ (List everything, ask for suggestions and make sure they are safe.)
◦ (honesty, respect and trust) Consequences of each options Healthful
Ethical Legal and Parent approval)
◦ (Ready to take action, choose a course that supports your values, the
impact of all choices on self and others and ask a trusted adult if unsure.)
◦ (Reach expectations, how did it affect others, how you feel about yourself
and what could you do differently)

Make a list of different ways people
communicate.




Skills don’t just happen…Need to practice!
Start and Keep Relationships strong
Help people grow closer( shared interests..)
Vital to many areas of your life( work place,
marriages)
 What
is communication?
 What
is body language and why should I care?
 How
can I communicate better?
 Identify
ways of being a good listener
 Communicate
using “I messages”
Communication:
The exchange of thoughts, feelings, beliefs and
wants between two or more people.

Non Verbal
(without words)
Body Language
Gestures
Facial
expressions
posture
Tone of Voice
How you say
something as
important as
WHAT you say.

Sometimes verbal and non verbal messages
can send two different messages. For that
reason, be aware of the non verbal messages
you send=
MIXED MESSAGE:
occurs when your words say one thing but your
body language says another.
(i.e. “sorry” while grinning)
 What does that tell the other person? Other examples??????



You Messages: (blame /aggressive)
“You can’t do anything right!”
I Messages- A statement that presents a
situation from the speaker’s personal
feelings/viewpoint:
“I’m mad because I wanted to work on the project together”








Effective Verbal Communication:
Speaking Skills
Be clear
Use “I messages”
Stay Calm
Stick to the point
Choose the right time/place
Be aware of tone and B Language
Listening Skills
Active Listening
Pay attention
Use correct BL
THINK first
Ask open Questions
while they are telling you story, look at
the clock, tie your shoes, don’t talk
fiddle with your paper. Roll your
eyes…in other words don’t pay
attention!

Listen attentively. Make eye contact. Nod
head approvingly. Lean forward. ask open
ended questions such as, ’then what
happened?’ ; “how did that make you feel?”
Partner A:
Describe in full detail, your last family
vacation- where you went , who, fun? Why…


Describe your most proud or embarrassing
moment thus far in your life.

Complete the work sheet by converting the
following sentences from You Messages to I
messages.


1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Active Listening is hearing, thinking about
and responding to the other person’s
message.
More Listening Tips!
Concentrate on what the other person is saying. Don’t be thinking
about what you are going to say next or interrupt.
Nod your head to show you are listening- give feed back”(then what
happened?”
Let the person finish speaking!
Stay calm- even if you’re hearing something you don’t like
Keep an open mind; Listen even if you disagree accept that others
won’t always think the same way you do.


While sitting at lunch with your friends
everyone starts making fun of another friend.
You…
Pressure

pushed toward making a certain choice.
A Peer
is someone in your own age group.


Peer Pressure
someone your own age, is pushing you toward
making a certain choice

Spoken vs. Unspoken
Spoken:
Something said to you directly
Unspoken:
When you feel you are supposed to do
something
 Sometime
the pressure we
put on ourselves can be the
hardest!!

Examples of
Positive
•Honor Roll
•
•Make a team/club
• Follow the rules
• Respect others
• Group Fitness
• Running group

Examples of
Negative
• Underage drinking/smoking
• Gossiping
• Stealing
• Fighting
• Bullying
•Ditching a friend

I ….
… want to be accepted and liked by people my
own age.
… are afraid of being rejected
…don’t want to lose a friend
… want to appear grown up
… don’t want to be made fun of
…don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings
… aren’t sure of what they really want
… don’t know how to get out of the situation

(

Spoken Pressure)
PUT

DOWN
Insulting or name calling to make someone feel
bad
REASONING

Giving reasons to do something or why it
would be OK

(Spoken pressure)


Threatening to leave someone out or end a
friendship
(spoken pressure)

A GROUP STANDS TOGETHER LAUGHING OR
TALKING, WITH THEIR BACKS TO OTHERS

(UNSPOKEN)
 Popular
kids simply buy or wear
something, because they set an
example, others want to follow

(unspoken)

Kids who think they’re cool give a look that
means: we’re cool, and you’re not”

(Unspoken pressure)
S.T.O.P.
 Say
no in a firm voice
 Tell why not
 Offer other ideas
 Promptly leave
“Everyone’s Doing it”
 You’re wrong… I’m not doing it”
 “ A real friend would do it”
 “A real friend wouldn't ask”
“Are you afraid?”

“No, just smart”


Aggressive:
Overly forceful, pushy, hostile
Passive
Giving up, giving in, backing down, easy to
persuade.



Assertive
Confidence and clearly stating your intentions

Learning how to take charge of your own emotional and
physical safety, how to act safely and respectfully towards
others even if you feel frustrated or upset, how to set
boundaries and respect the boundaries of others
Steps to reduce cyber bullying
1. Do not respond or reply electronically
2. Save the evidence
3. Tell a trusted adult
4. Report the issue to the cite
◦ Conflict is a normal part of most relationships
because people have different perspectives and
priorities
◦ People can also be hurtful to each other because of
thoughtlessness, annoyance, poor boundaries, and
experimenting with negative uses of their power
without realizing the impact

Bullying – a more powerful person who picks
on a less powerful person or group of
persons.
◦ Forms of bullying
 Including physical threats or violence; name-calling and
teasing; ostracism; and social attacks on someone’s
reputation
 People can bully others directly, in person; indirectly, such
as by gossiping or ‘badmouthing’ by voice to others; or
through any form of communication technology including
talking on the phone, writing, texting, emailing, tweeting,
facebook (and other social media), and recording