Transcript LANGUAGES OF APPRECIATION

DR. GARY CHAPMAN
AND
DR. PAUL WHITE
Presented by Monique Litherland
Royal Valley High School
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Remaining fiscally solid
Biggest employee-related concerns include
retention and burn-out
Being appreciated leads to greater work
satisfaction
More employee satisfaction leads to greater
customer service
People must feel appreciated in order to feel
valued, enjoy their job and work productively
over the long-term
Consider what happens if
the physical need for water,
food, and rest aren’t
accurately perceived or
met by others.
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Way to show respect
Increases morale, makes a more positive
workplace, class or home
More likely to get others to cooperate with
you
Partners will be more productive when you
have to complete projects together
Golden rule: Do unto others…
More fun while still accomplishing tasks
Words of Affirmation
 Quality Time
 Acts of Service
 Tangible Gifts
 Physical Touch
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Which language do you speak?
Complete the quiz or complete
the MBA – “Motivating by
Appreciation” Inventory
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Must be specific
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The generic “good job” can
actually be detrimental
especially if overused
Praise accomplishments,
character traits, and
personality traits
Personal, one-on-one
 Praise in front of others
 Written affirmation
 Public affirmation
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Tone of Voice – monotone,
low volume, sarcastic
 Body Language – rolling
eyes, angry facial
expression poor eye contact
 Neglect or Procrastination
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Can you recall a time within the last week
when you verbally affirmed a coworker/
classmate? If so, what did you say? How
did they respond to your affirmation?
Have you received a verbal affirmation from a
manager/ coworker/teacher/classmate within
the past week? If so, what did they say?
How did you feel?
On a scale of 0-10, how important to you is
receiving words of affirmation?
Individual time and undivided
attention with the manager/
teacher/ leader
 Quality conversations:
empathetic dialogue of
sharing thoughts, feelings,
and desires, in a friendly,
uninterrupted context
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Maintain eye contact
 Don’t multi-task
 Listen for feelings as well as
thoughts – ask for confirmation
and clarification
 Affirm feelings even if you
disagree
 Observe body language – clues
to real feelings
 Refuse to interrupt
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Sharing Experiences: traveling
together, going out to eat,
attending events together,
retreats…
 Small Group Dialogue: more
comfortable sharing ideas in
small group than one-on-one –
less intimidating
 Working in Close Proximity with
Others while completing project
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Going through the motions –
traditions like going to dinner
to celebrate
 Must be done with positive
attitude
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If you felt that your supervisor/ teacher/
classmate really wanted to hear your
ideas, what suggestions would you make?
When you have free time with coworkers/
classmates, do you often ask about their
personal interests? Do you wish that they
would ask about yours?
Have you had a “quality conversation”
with a coworker/ classmate within the past
week? How did you feel as you walked
away?
When others pitch in and help
get things done
 “Is there anything I can do to
help?”
 Actions speak louder than
words. “Don’t tell me you
care; show me.”
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Make sure your own responsibilities
are covered before volunteering to
help others
Ask before you help
Serve willingly & voluntarily (not
because someone made you do it)
Have a cheerful attitude
Do it their way
Complete what you start or explain
your time limit for helping
Stay late to help finish project
 Offer to do menial task that will
allow me to focus on higher
priorities
 Volunteer to do something I
dislike doing
 Give computer help or clean up
equipment at end of day
 Bring food when working late
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Have a negative attitude
 Bring along feelings of stress,
reluctance or obligation
 If you serve with in a
begrudging manner or feel
resentment, you will actually
demotivate rather than
encourage.
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What is one act of service someone
has done for you in the past week?
How did it make you feel?
What is an act of service you did for
someone else in the past week? How
do you think it made them feel?
Consider asking someone “Is there
anything I could do for you that would
make your work easier?” If you can
do what they request, why not?
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Sharing company tickets
Buying tickets to events (sports & cultural)
Gift cards
Giving time off (day or leave early)
Weekend at hotel
Certificates to a spa, massage, manicure…
More often than not, the gifts most
appreciated are “experiences” rather
than “things”.
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Very Powerful
The right gift communicates
thanks, appreciation, and
encouragement for people that
speak this language
 The wrong gift can actually
offend
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Give gifts primarily to those
individuals who appreciate
them
 Give gifts the person will value
(football vs. ballet tickets)
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Thoughtless gifts – those gifts
bought quickly in response to
tradition or obligation- with no
real personal investment of
time or reflection not only
miss the mark but also give a
negative message.
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What gifts have you received in the
past year? How did you feel upon
receiving the gift?
What kind of gifts do you most
appreciate?
What gifts have you given
coworkers/classmates during the
past year? How did they respond?
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Implicit touches are subtle,
require only a moment, and
given without thought.
Pat on back
 Quick handshake
 High five
 Fist bump
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Explicit touches normally
require more thought and
time.
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Extended handshake while expressing
gratitude.
Giving a neck rub to someone that has
worked all day on a computer.
Hugs during time of personal crisis.
The type of physical touch
appropriate depends upon the
person, type of work
relationship, and
organizational subculture.
 Differing amounts of
comfortableness among
people.
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Babies who are held, hugged, and
touched tenderly develop a
healthier emotional life than those
who are left for long periods of time
without physical contact.
Residents in a nursing home that
receive affirming touches have a
more positive spirit and generally
do better physically than those who
are not touched.
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Adults also need physical
touch, but frequently it is the
least important language in
the workplace when compared
to the other four languages.
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Observe coworker/classmate to see what
physical touch they initiate.
Watch for body language to see if
coworker/classmate is irritated or
affirmed.
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If they stiffen up or withdraw, then back off.
If you are a “touchy-feely” person, ask if
your behavior irritates them.
If someone’s touch makes you
uncomfortable, tell them to make it stop.
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Different perceptions of
appropriateness – sexual
harassment or abuse
People that have or are victims of
physical abuse may react
defensively to quick physical
movements by others. They often
need more personal space.
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What types of physical touch in the
workplace or classroom do you
consider affirming?
What kinds of touches make you feel
uncomfortable?
Among your coworkers/ classmates,
who are the “touchers”? Can you
reciprocate?
If touching comes easy for you, whom
have you encountered who seemed to
draw back from touching?
Now, I dare you to go
use your knowledge
about languages of
appreciation to create a
better workplace,
school, and home.
Monique Litherland
Royal Valley High School
[email protected]
RV337.com
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