Transcript THE PARTS OF A D/s RELATIONSHIP

ELEMENTS OF A DOM/SUB and
M/s RELATIONSHIP
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DISCLAIMER
This discussion is about Dominant/Submissive and
Master/Slave relationships. We are not talking about
other forms of power exchange relationships. There are
other relationships such as Owner/pet, Daddy/babygirl
and so on, that also have elements of power exchange.
Defining a D/s Relationship
• Power Exchange
• There will be a significant amount of control
by one person.
• The exchange is typically not just during a
scene.
• There is a commitment between the people to
maintain a relationship.
Relationship Types
• Master or Mistress/slave
• Master or Dominant or Mistress/submissive
What extent?
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Part Time
Long Distance
Full time, non live-in
Full time, live-in 24/7
Consensual Slavery
The Hierarchical Role
• D/s is a question of mind over matter.
• Does not require dungeon or sex toys
• Submission depends on his/her will to fulfill
the needs of the Dominant.
• The Dominant must be able to direct the
submissive’s will with his/her own.
• It requires much more mental play than
physical.
Know What You Want
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To be served by another/serve another?
Is it fulltime?
Slave?
Exclusive relationship?
Is it just service and fun, or is a serious longterm relationship the goal?
Qualities to Look for in a Dom
• NOTE: Just because he/she is a good top does
not automatically mean they will be a good
dominant.
• Confidence without ASSHOLE
• Ability
1. To control by will
2. To use toys safely
3. If the sub must tell the Dom how to
dominant, they aren’t being
dominated
• Observant
• Creative
• Loving/cherishing/Detached – You have to be
able to “hurt” and “discipline” the sub when
needed without love getting in the way.
• Grateful, Courteous
• Honesty, Integrity
Qualities to Look For in a Sub
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Pride in him/herself – no doormats
Respectful, Courteous
Intelligent
Honesty
Attentive
Able to perform tasks
Obedient
Negotiation
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Consent, Consent, Consent
Safewords/Limits
Truth
Interrogation – Lists
Contracts
• Do you have to have one?
• What are good things to include
– Behavior/Body Functions/Interactions
– Public Behavior (Are there different
rules/expectations)
– Expectations
– Rules, Signals
– Rewards/Punishments
– Terms and amendments
The Collar
• Earning it and/or the petition
• Levels
– Consideration
– Training
– Submissive
– Slave
• Play vs. Everyday
Training(Beginning & Reinforcement)
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Living Together vs. Coming Together
Punishment
Play Time
Protocols
Rituals
– Greeting, separation, eating, play
• Diary, journal
Submissive Attitude
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Dom(me) wishes are foremost
Attentive near mind reading
Intelligent vs. doormat
RESPECT – Self, your Dom, other Doms
Common sub positions (walking, sitting,
standing, etc…)
Dom Attitude
• If you can’t control yourself you can NOT control
others.
• Recipe for failure – Making sub constantly do
things they don’t want to just because you can.
• Attentive
• HUGE responsibility
• Intelligent vs. Asshole
• Accountability (Self and Sub)
Punishment
• The scene of the crime vs. the scene of
punishment
• Reserved implements
• Not Fun and not a play scene
• Impact, humiliation, deprivation
• Should fit the crime
• Working with anger
Rewards
• Praise, Praise, Praise
• Special Names
• Special toys or scenes (even if it doesn’t turn
you on)
• Added privileges
Ending the Relationship
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May equal pain caused by death
Kindness and consideration
Returning personal items/Dividing the booty
Returning the collar and other scene accessories
Try not to bad mouth each other
Be gracious when meeting
Don’t gloat to your former partner with your new
partner
• Keep the garbage off of the internet!!!!