Parents in the Know: Love, Bodies and Relationship Talks with Your Middle Schooler

Mears Middle School Parent Series May 2006

Presenter:

Katherine Huffman, MAT Education Trainer and Advisor Planned Parenthood of Alaska 4001 Lake Otis Parkway Anchorage, Alaska 770-9702 Ed. Office, 563-2229 Clinic

PPA’s Mission

Through reproductive health care , education , and advocacy , the mission of Planned Parenthood of Alaska is to support the

lifelong sexual health

of all Alaskans and ensure that

every child is a wanted child

.

Objectives



Increase knowledge

about adolescent development, sexual behavior trends and issues 

Explore

awareness of how own learning impacts effective message delivery and

clarify

the values you wish to convey to your children 

Improve

communication skills and

increase comfort level

about discussing sex and sexuality issues with your children 

Accept invitation to apply

new learning by utilizing structured activities and resources at home

Increasing the Competency of Sexuality Educators: 

Examine

own learning, experiences, values 

Learn

about sexual development through lifespan 

Become comfortable

with the language of sexuality 

Analyze

media for messages about sex, masculinity, femininity, and family life 

Practice

answering sensitive questions.

-Peggy brick,

the sexuality education challenge: promoting healthy sexuality in young people,

ETR assoc., 1994.

1. Increasing Our Knowledge…

•Human Sexual Development •Timeline Activity •Myths and Facts

Holistic Sexuality

Sexual Development

“Sexuality is a healthy, lifelong part of being human.”

Biological sex Sexual response system Gender Identity Touch and closeness Gender Roles Self-Pleasuring Learn how to Give and Receive Affection Breast Development Voice Changes Self-Conscious Penis Grows Pubic Hair Identity Issues Experimentation Menarche Sexual Orientation marriage, co-habitation Spermarche Condoms and Birth Control Intercourse Dating, Lifestyle Choices like monogamy, Pregnancy Parenting, Prenatal Care, Abortion, Adoption Communication Values Body Image Access to Health Care Menopause, Andropause

Timeline Activity!

Average Ages of Some Sexual Milestones for U.S. Teens

MEN AGE 10 WOMEN 15 20 25 30 35

Myths and Facts

1.

Talking with children, including school-based comprehensive sexuality education programs, increase a child’s curiosity and sexual risk-taking.

(myth) 2.

The average age of first sex in the U.S. is around 16.5 years old.

(fact) 3.

About half of American 9 th -12 th graders have had sex. Alaska 2003 YRBS data cites 40% of high school students have had sex.

(fact)

Myths and Facts, cont.

4.

Teens who are gay or lesbian know this about themselves by age 15.

(true) 5.

Alaska’s chlamydia rate is twice the national average.

(true) 6.

Most Alaskan’s who have HIV, were diagnosed when they were 25-35. Most were likely infected in their teen years.

(true) 7.

Condoms are 86-98% effective in preventing transmission of disease and pregnancy.

(true)

Myths and Facts, cont.

8.

Alaskans teens have statutory confidential access to reproductive health care including birth control and pregnancy options.

(true) 9.

It’s ok for a 14 year old to have sex with a 17 year old if their parents say it’s ok.

(false) 10.

(true) Research shows American parents are commonly uncomfortable talking about sexuality with their teens but these conversations are protective factors for those teens.

Many U.S. teens experience pregnancy and STDs

 900,000 women younger than 20 become pregnant each year  80% of these pregnancies are unintended  Four million teens acquire an STD each year  Two young people every hour become infected with HIV

Other health connections with unintended pregnancy:

Young teens and older partners (coercion, abuse, low contraceptive use) Tobacco, alcohol, drugs and unsafe sex Poverty Intimate partner violence Gay and lesbian teens – risky behaviors, unsafe sex, suicide, drop out rates, violence Suicide Dropping out of school

The teenage pregnancy rate is going down

Both abstinence and contraceptive use are responsible for the decline in teenage pregnancy

25% Increased abstinence More effective contraceptive use 75% Cause of decline

2. Exploring Our Own Learning and…

 What do you remember about when you first learned something about sex and sexuality?

 Consider which messages were helpful/healthful and which were not….

Describe a sexually healthy adult…

2…Clarifying Values

What messages about sexuality do you want to communicate to your children?

3. Improving Skills and Comfort Level….

What makes some parents uneasy about talking with their children about sex and sexuality?

A Bit of Advice for Parents

      Be clear about your

own sexual values

and attitudes Talk

early and often

and be specific

Supervise

, monitor! Ask where they are!

Encourage

group dating

over early, steady dating Help your teenager

have options for the future

are more attractive than early pregnancy and parenthood.

that Help

balance

what your kids are watching, reading, listening to with healthy messages and information about more realistic consequences!

      

Advice for Parents (cont…)

Be “

askable

” – seize teachable moments!

It’s ok to

not know

the answer!

Decide you will talk with them – choose topic, research,

PRACTICE

! Leave

reference materials

around the house….

Don’t

lecture

– simple answers. Don’t assume sexual activity when they have questions about it… The

interview

game!

Pick a few

websites

to look at together…(for example, www.teenwire.com)….

Now what do I do?

  

Why is he or she doing that?

What message do I want to teach about this?

What response will give the message I want to share?

4. Practice Interviewing

  A model for conversation starters… Ground Rules…    Listen without comment Ok to pass or to draw boundaries about what YOU want to share Try to set it up so it feels you’re on equal footing with teen…make a “date,” check with their schedule, begin with a compliment or acknowledgement of recent maturity…

What are your hopes for your children?

Your hopes for the health of his or her body, experience of love and relationships… Or the messages about sex and sexuality you hope to explicitly communicate.

Closure – Revisiting Objectives 

Increase knowledge

about adolescent development, sexual behavior trends and issues 

Explore

awareness of how own learning impacts effective message delivery and

clarify

the values you wish to convey to your children 

Improve

communication skills and

increase comfort level

about discussing sex and sexuality issues with your children 

Accept invitation to apply

new learning by utilizing structured activities and resources at home

Important resources: www.agi-usa.org

, www.siecus.org

, State of Alaska public health sites, www.cdc.gov

, www.teenwire.com

.

Contact information: [email protected]

“… ensuring that sexuality is understood as an essential, lifelong aspect of being human and that it is celebrated with respect, openness and mutuality.

” - PPFA, Goal One, Vision 2025