Transcript Never Miss an Opportunity to HAVE FUN and say THANK YOU!

Heather Sprandel
Sam M. Walton College of
Business
Career Development Center
Present Your Best Self!
Social Etiquette Basics
How do you have presence in a room of
people?
• Wear clothes that make you look competent,
successful and capable and have a finished
appearance defined as:
• Clothing that is comfortable but
appropriate and well-coordinated,
• Clothing that is clean, mended,
pressed and neat,
• Neat hairstyle, and
• Cared-for nails.
Social Etiquette Basics
Know how to make a good entrance into a social
setting.
•Present a solid, self-assured hand shake.
•Know how to properly introduce yourself and others.
•Stand tall. Have good posture.
•Use your eyes. Have direct eye contact with people.
Remembering Names
• Stop telling yourself you don’t remember names and start telling
yourself, “I’m good at remembering names.” This statement,
repeated often enough, can counteract any negative message
about not remembering names.
• Slow down, listen carefully, and pay attention when you meet a
new person. Deliberately take the time for more than an
exchange of names.
• Use the person’s name in conversation. Use it often. Repetition
builds memory. For example: “Did you grow up here in
Arkansas, John?”
• Look at the person’s face. Most of us can recall faces better than
names. Associate names with faces.
• Use a personal connection such as someone else you know with
the same name. “My very best friend is named Rebecca!”
Remembering Names
• Tell the person what you’ve heard about them. “I have heard so
many great things about you. I understand that you’ve made
quite a contribution to the RFID lab serving as their intern.”
• Be conscious of your body language. Let the other person know
that you are happy to meet them.
• Be focused when meeting someone and saying goodbye to
someone.
• If you recognize that someone doesn’t remember your name,
rescue them! Immediately shake their hand, smile and
reintroduce yourself.
• What do you do if you can’t remember someone’s name? Put
them at ease by focusing on your own embarrassment. Extend
your hand, smile and say your name. They are likely to say their
name, too.
Proper Introductions
Making introductions is not complicated; rather, it is a logical
process. You properly introduce a less experienced
(subordinate) to a more important, senior person. For example:
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A younger person to an older person
A peer in your company to a peer in another company
A junior executive to a senior executive
A fellow executive to a customer or client
An unofficial person to an official person
A fellow U.S. citizen to a peer from another country.
Making an introduction
The key to making a proper introduction is explaining who people are:
• “Dr, Cronan, I wanted you to meet Sue and Scott. They’re both interns at our
organization and are spending the summer working on the database project. Sue and
Scott, this is Dr. Paul Cronan from the University of Arkansas.”
The Perfect Handshake
A quality handshake feels:
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Firm, strong, represents a decisive person who may take
risks and is in control.
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Warm and enthusiastic, especially if you like or are
happy to see the person.
When do you shake hands?
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When introduced or saying goodbye to someone.
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When someone comes into your office or home to visit.
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When you meet someone outside of your home or office.
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When entering a room where you see people you know
and are introduced to people you’ve never met.
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When leaving an event (i.e., meeting, reception, dinner,
party) and saying goodbye to friends and associates.
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When you congratulate someone for winning an award,
giving a speech or receiving recognition for an
accomplishment.
Making Small Talk
How do you make small talk that leaves a good
impression?
– Have depth and breadth of knowledge. Be well-informed.
– Focus more on the person you are talking to rather than
focusing on yourself.
– Don’t interrupt or finish people’s sentences.
– Listen intently – with your eyes and ears.
– Think before you say something.
Making Small Talk (continued)
Bring closure to your conversation before talking to the
next person in the room. Statements to bring closure to
your conversation might include:
– I know there are many other people you’d like to visit
with here. Thank you for taking the time to visit with me.
It’s been a pleasure. (Shake hands)
– It has been so nice seeing you and getting to know more
about what you do. I’ve given you my card, so please
don’t hesitate to call me if there is anything I can do for
you. I’ve enjoyed visiting with you and hope we see each
other soon. (Shake hands)
Making Small Talk (continued)
Subjects to avoid:
• Money (i.e., how much money you make, how much
something costs, how much land or cattle someone
owns.)
• Personal, intrusive questions (i.e., How old are you? Are
you married?)
• Ugly comments about other people (i.e., gossiping)
• Controversial issues (i.e., religion, politics)
• Inappropriate jokes
Making Small Talk: What do you talk about?
Making Small Talk: What do you talk about?
• Talk about big things going on in your life
Examples:
• Home improvement project
• Your favorite volunteer activity
• A new addition to your family (i.e., child, puppy)
• Nature
• Your surroundings
• Favorite books
• Recent movie you’ve seen (non-controversial)
Making Small Talk: People like to talk about
themselves
Examples:
• “I read the paper this morning, what do you think about “xyz”?”
• “We are so fortunate to have you visiting our organization. Have
you ever been to Arkansas before?”
• “Please forgive me. I should know, but what is it that you do?”
• If someone is new to town, ask about their move and whether
they have gotten settled yet.
• If they have children, ask about their school situation or
extracurricular activities.
• When someone travels a lot, sympathize with their being away
from home.
• “Isn’t this a beautiful party? Our host (name) has done a
fabulous job decorating.”
Good Conversationalists
The bottom line is this . . . a good
conversationalist:
– Makes people feel good about themselves and feel
important;
– Allows people to learn about new and interesting
things; and
– Helps the time pass quickly.
Basic Table Manners
Basic Table Manners: Beginning
When should you seat yourself?
• Wait until your host signals to sit down. If the hostess does
not signal, take the chair nearest you.
• If you are the host, invite guests to specific chairs by saying,
“please sit here.”
• There are two common approaches to determining when to
begin eating your meal. Whichever method is used, it should
be followed at the start of each course of the meal.
• At smaller events, it is common to wait to take a bite until
everyone at the table has received a serving and the hostess
has begun eating.
Basic Table Manners (continued)
Posture -- "Elbows, elbows, if you're able -- keep your elbows off
the table!"
Proper posture at the table is very important.
• Sit up straight, with your arms held near your body.
• You should neither lean on the back of the chair nor bend
forward to place the elbows on the table.
• It is permissible to lean forward slightly every now and
then and press the elbows very lightly against the edge of
the table, if it is obvious that you are not using them for
support.
When you are the Host
Take note of the way you offer additional servings
to your guests:
• Urging someone to "have another (or a second
or third) helping" can be seen as an unpleasant
insinuation that the guest has eaten too much.
• It is best to phrase each offer of food as if the
dish has just been brought out for the first time.
The Napkin
• Using the napkin at formal occasions, as with much
else associated with etiquette, should be a delicate
affair.
• It is meant only to be dabbed at the lips and should not
get dirty in the process.
• It might seem that the napkin is provided precisely so
that it can help the diner clean up any mess that might
occur during the course of the meal. Of course, this was
its original use, (once the tablecloth itself ceased to be
used as a napkin), and at an informal occasion such as a
barbeque, it still performs this service.
The Napkin
To Start
• As soon as you are seated, remove the napkin from your place
setting, unfold it, and put it in your lap.
• At some very formal restaurants, the waiter may do this for the
diners, but it is not inappropriate to place your own napkin in
your lap, even when this is the case.
• If your napkin falls on the floor during a very formal event, do
not retrieve it. You should be able to signal to a member of the
serving staff that you need a fresh one.
• If you leave the table during the meal, place your napkin on your
chair or to the left of your plate to signal you have left the table
but will be returning.
The Napkin (continued)
To Finish
• When you leave the table at the end of the meal,
place your napkin loosely next to the right of
your plate.
• It should not be crumpled or twisted, which
would reveal untidiness or nervousness,
respectively; nor should it be folded.
• The napkin must also not be left on the chair.
What Does an 8 Course Meal
Look Like?
• 1st Course: Carpaccio of Pepper-Crusted Venison
with Tangerines, Chiogga Beets, and
Walnut-Mint Jus (appetizer)
• 2nd Course: Roasted Garlic and Bloomsdale Spinach
Soup with Fresh Herbs and Parmesan (soup)
• 3rd Course: Warm Sweet Prawn Salad with
Shell Beans, Chicory and Salsa Verde (salad)
• 4th Course: Sorbet (to clear the palate)
• 5th Course: Sage-Crusted Medallions of
Veal Tenderloin with Sautéed Pears
and Crispy-Creamy Potato Galette (entrée)
• 6th Course: Garden Salad (salad)
• 7th Course: Fresh Fruit and Imported Cheese
• 8th Course: Warm Caramelized Apple Tart
with Vanilla Crème Fraîche Ice Cream
and Black Currant Coulis (dessert)
Using Your Utensils All with the “Right” Hand
Forks, Knives, Spoons and More
Holding a Utensil
• In general use, both spoon and fork
are held horizontally by balancing
them between the first knuckle of
the middle finger and the tip of the
index finger while the thumb
steadies the handle.
• The knife is used with the tip of the
index finger gently pressing out
over the top of the blade to guide as
you cut.
The Zig Zag Method
• By American custom, which was brought about partly by the
late introduction of the fork into the culture, all three utensils
are intended for use primarily with the right hand, which is the
more capable hand for most people.
• This leads to some complicated maneuvering when foods, such
as meat, require the use of knife and fork to obtain a bite of
manageable size.
• When this is the case, the fork is held in the left hand, turned so
that the tines point downward, and hold the meat in place
while the right hand operates the knife.
• After a bite-sized piece has been cut, the diner sets the knife
down on the plate and transfers the fork to the right hand, so
that it can be used to carry the newly cut morsel to the mouth.
• Do NOT cut all of your food at one time before eating. One bite
at a time!!
Typical Dinner Setting
"Please Pass the Salt"
• The proper response to this very simple sounding request is to
pick up both the salt and the pepper and to place them on the
table within reach of the person next to you, who will do the
same, and so on, until they reach the person who asked for
them.
• They are not passed hand-to-hand, nor should anyone other
than the original requester sprinkle her food when she has the
shakers in her possession.
• The reason for this, as Judith Martin points out more than once,
is that American etiquette is not about efficiency. Often, the
most refined action is that which requires the greatest number
of steps to carry it out (as in, for example, the zig-zag method of
handling a fork and knife).
Eating Soup
• Dip the spoon into the soup, moving it away from the
body, until it is about two-thirds full, then sip the liquid
(without slurping) from the side of the spoon (without
inserting the whole bowl of the spoon into the mouth).
The theory behind this is that a diner who scoops the
spoon toward himself is more likely to slosh soup onto
his lap
• It is perfectly fine to tilt the bowl slightly -- again away
from the body -- to get the last spoonful or two of soup.
Foods to Avoid
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Spaghetti
French onion soup
Buffalo wings
Ribs
Bony fish
Shellfish
Big sandwiches
Cheesy food
Foods requiring special utensils
Unfamiliar foods
Table Manners: Specifics
What happens if stray food comes off your plate?
• Use your fork to pick it up and put it back on your
plate
• If it is impossible to pick up with your fork or spoon,
use your fingers when no one is looking. Remember to
wipe your fingers on your napkin after doing so.
Seasoning your food
• Taste your food before seasoning.
• Don’t overdo it – even if you are accustomed to doing it
at home. Don’t drown your potatoes in salt or your
steak in ketchup. Think about the chef and what will
complement his/her presentation.
Table Manners: Specifics
Toothpick or no toothpick?
• Do not use a toothpick at the table. If you have something stuck
in your teeth, drink lots of water to get it to move. If it is
hopeless, go to the bathroom to remove it.
• When you are eating an appetizer that has a toothpick that has
been served by a waiter from a tray, don’t put a used toothpick
back on the tray. If the waiter does not have something special
for you to place the used toothpick in, find a trashcan or
ashtray.
The Bread Basket
• The French Loaf – tear what you want, place back in basket and
pass the basket.
• Tear into bite-sized pieces as you eat the roll or piece of bread
Table Manners: Specifics
Alcohol – To Drink or Not?
• There are many different theories on this. Should you drink
alcohol or not?
• Some say no, never, especially if you are on a job interview.
• Others say that if the other people at the table have ordered a
drink to feel free to order one as well.
• Moderation is key. Limit yourself to no more than two drinks.
• Always check to see what your company policy is regarding
alcohol use. Your company may have a cocktail limit per person
or request that you do not drink when doing business with
clients or each other.
Table Manners: Specifics
Once-Used Placement
• There are numerous rules and prohibitions regarding the proper
placement of eating utensils once they have been used.
• Essentially, used flatware must never be allowed to touch the
surface of the table, where it might dirty the cloth.
• It is not proper to allow even the clean handle of a knife or fork
to rest on the cloth while the other end lies on the plate.
• At the end of a course, a utensil must not be left in any dish that
is not flat -- the soup bowl, for example, or a shrimp cocktail
dish, a teacup or a parfait glass.
• All these items are usually presented with a plate underneath
the bowl or cup, on which the utensil must be placed after use.
Table Manners: Specifics
What if you are left-handed?
• If you have a chance to say something to the
host in advance, feel free to let him/her know
you are left-handed and would appreciate
sitting at an end seat.
• If you don’t have a chance to say something,
tuck in your elbows and do your best not to hit
the person next to you. You may want to alert
the person sitting next to you that you are left
handed sitting in an awkward position.
Etiquette References
• The Art of the Table, Suzanne Von Drachenfels
• The Little Book of Etiquette, Dorothea Johnson
• Commonsense Etiquette, Marjabelle Young
• New Complete Guide to Executive Manners,
Letitia Baldrige
• The Etiquette Advantage in Business: Personal
Skills for Professional Success, Peggy and Peter
Post
Present Your Best Self!
Questions?
Contact: Heather Sprandel –
[email protected], 575.3824