Transcript Resolving Conflicts - Saint Paul Preparatory School

DO
DON’T
explore each other’s stories. There is no truth – only
perception
argue about who is right or wrong
be curious to find out what you might not know
assume you have all the facts
try to find out what everybody involved contributed
to the conflict and look at what each party could
have done differently to avoid escalation
blame
try to stay open-minded
judge
disentangle intent from impact – look at it
separately. Inquire about their intentions and reflect
on yours
assume they meant it or had bad intentions
explain how the action made you feel without
blaming the other person
ignore the impact someone’s behavior has on you
DO
DON’T
listen past the accusations for the feelings
get defensive if someone makes accusations
describe your feelings carefully – express them
without judging, attributing or blaming (start with “I
feel…”)
ignore or hide your feelings and avoid venting
acknowledge their feelings
ignore the other person’s feelings
be a persistent listener. Listen from the inside out
and give feedback on what you have heard
focus solely on getting your point across
ask clarifying and open-ended questions starting
like: Do you believe that…What do you mean
by…What caused you to…What stopped your from…
make statements disguised as questions
Give the other person room to change
exaggerate with “Always” and “Never”


In order to be accepted to St. Paul Prep, students
must have sufficient English skills to understand
basic English and participate in conversations.
However, some students may not be very
talkative when they arrive in the U.S.
Communication in a foreign language is
extremely tiring and can be frustrating. Regional
accents and faster speech might make
understanding language harder. Depending upon
the student’s cultural background or personality,
he/she might feel embarrassed or too shy to ask
people to repeat what they have said.

In most cases a supportive environment can help students
become more comfortable with the English language.
Below are suggestions for how you can support your
student:
◦ Speak slowly and ask your student if he/she understands.
◦ Occasionally ask your student to summarize a conversation
in his/her own words from what they understood.
◦ Allow your student to take breaks and don’t take it
personally if they need to withdraw from conversations.
◦ Encourage your student to communicate openly.
◦ Assure your student that it is okay to make mistakes, as
mistakes are some of the best way to learn.
◦ Compliment your student’s efforts to communicate in a
foreign language and if you notice improvements, let them
know!

If your student's ability to communicate in
English does not improve despite a
supportive environment, please contact the
school to voice your concern. They will help
determine what additional steps can be
taken in order to overcome communication
barriers.


Spirituality is a deeply personal matter and
religion may or may not be an important
part of a host family or student's life.
If a student does not want to be involved in
the host family’s religious activities, it is
important to discuss his/her concerns, and
respect their beliefs.

The following are examples for possible concerns. If your student:
◦ Is coming from a secular society and is not used to active religious
practices, be patient and allow the student to develop curiosity
about different ways of living.
◦ Seems to have pre-conceived ideas about your religious affiliation
that are based on inaccurate information, talk about this and give
the student an opportunity to learn.
◦ Is concerned about being pressured into changing beliefs,
reassure them that you have no intention to do so and remind
them that life-changing decisions are against program rules.
◦ Is concerned about not being able to continue with their own
religious practices (if different from yours), try to find ways for
them to connect with their own religious affiliation.
◦ Is worried that they are expected to be involved in all of your
church activities, have an open discussion and come to an
agreement that works for everybody.



Internet dangers for teenagers include sexual
exploitation or enticement.
Teenagers can be the target of cyber stalking or
harassment that includes repeated and unwanted
contact through the internet. There is also the risk
of computer viruses that can cause great damage.
Other dangers include overuse of technology in
general.



In most cases, an open conversation about
expectations and setting ground rules regarding
computer use will help to prevent problems.
Keep in mind that your student might come from a
family with a different set of rules than you have.
The student’s cultural background might also have
an impact on what he/she perceives as
appropriate.

Here are some suggestions:
◦ Limit time on the computer to an appropriate length daily.
If applicable, limit time used to Skype, stream movies in
their language, or playing video games.
◦ Spend time with your student online, and have them teach
you about their favorite online destinations.
◦ If they are using the family computer, make sure they
understand not to download anything from strangers or
open spam or junk e-mails that may contain viruses.
◦ Ask your student to immediately let you know if they
receive offensive e-mails, chats or other communications
and notify law enforcement if necessary.
◦ Teach your student to never provide personal information
about him/herself or others online.
◦ Establish an agreement to never meet an online
acquaintance in person.
◦ Consider using filtering or monitoring software for your
computer or turning of the internet if necessary.


If you suspect that your student is accessing
inappropriate materials on the Internet, try not to
overreact. Many teenagers have a curiosity about
sexuality which is normal. However, this doesn’t
mean that you should ignore the behavior.
Your response should depend on the behavior, how
often he/she exhibits this behavior and your own
values. An isolated peek at soft pornographic
material might not warrant an angry reaction but the
student still should know how you feel about
pornography and his/her behavior.


Address the issue in a sensitive way without making the student feel
they have done something wrong. If the problem becomes more
severe, or the viewing of pornography becomes obsessive, it needs
to be addressed by the host parent.
The following behaviors might indicate that your student has a
problem with pornography on the Internet:
◦ Spending an inordinate amount of daily time on the computer
◦ Withdrawing from host family and friends
◦ Hiding of CDs
◦ Use of computer files that end with the letters GIF, JPG, AVI, BMP,
TIF, PCX, DL, GL as these may contain pornographic images and
therefore are worth looking at
◦ Quickly changing the computer screen when you enter the room
◦ Changes in behavior (secretiveness, inappropriate sexual
knowledge, etc.)




Have a conversation with your student pointing
out that repeated access of pornographic
materials is not acceptable behavior.
Create a penalty such as limiting his/her
computer privileges and increase the
consequences if the offenses become repeated.
If the problem can not be resolved, please
contact your SPP Coordinator for support.
If you are interested in learning more about
Internet dangers and what (host) families can do
to protect their family, go to the following
websites:
◦ http://www.protectkids.com
◦ http://www.safekids.com


This completes the Potential Problems &
Coping Strategies module.
The next module will cover culture shift – the
signals, phases, and intercultural transition.