Transcript Preventing Premature Sexuality: Connecting With Our Kids
A Father’s Perspective:
Connecting With Our Kids
Michael Petrucelli
Father, Husband CFO of Uncle Wallys Coach Kids Sports Founder www.DadsForKids.org
Co-founded Fathers Club of Ridgefield Active in Community Service
Inspiring Quotes:
“If we do a poor job of parenting our children, anything else we may accomplish in our lives will mean very little. ”
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
“Hands On” Parents raise children
who are much less likely to use drugs.”
Joseph Califano, Chairman of CASA
One Dad’s Evolution…the Journey
Workaholic $ first priority: Wall Street, Ernst & Young, GE Avoided Wake up calls…till severe Lyme Disease 1995 Co-founded Fathers Club of Ridgefield in…1997 Town Meeting on Risky Teen Behaviors Nov 2002 May 2003 25 Fathers in group. Launched DadsForKids.org Quarterbacked Town Meeting - May 2003 Event
“Premature Sexuality,Health Risks & Our Children”
…..200 Dads, Moms and Teens attended ! Over 150,000 people visited site since May 2003. …..Our Goal: Bring the Best Parenting Tools to You !
Involved Father, Effective CFO, Coach, Community Service Balancing life’s demands is not easy. Learning Everyday.
www.DadsForKids.org
Mission Statements:
Becoming the best fathers we can be through education, sharing & caring for the well being of our children. Nurture, guide and empower our children to make better choices. Give our children “Roots & Wings” to make enabling decisions to reach their potential in life. Share best practices & solutions that will foster better relationships with our children & family.
Become better men along the way.
How the times have changed !
Public school teachers rated the top issues 1940
Talking out of turn Chewing gum Making Noise Running in the halls Cutting in line Dress-code violations Littering
1990
Drug abuse Alcohol abuse Pregnancy Suicide Rape Robbery Assault
Why children are in this situation…
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Balancing Life’s Demands is stressful:
Both Parents Working…less time together
Affluence…Availability…Attitudes
Single Parent Households…on the rise
Media “3 rd
Parent”…huge influence on kids Parents Doing a Lousy Job…Dr. Bradley Parent vs Friend…Not Setting Limits Our Children are too busy…Like Corporate Execs We are slowly brainwashed…to accept the Ad’s, the Media, the influence as “no big deal”
Risk Factors Facing Kids Today
It’s our job to explain the potential problems
…they are
life changing and life threatening New Challenges
Less Family Time Broken Families Media… “3 rd Internet Parent” Binge Drinking Drugs More Available Sexually Active STD’s / HIV Attitudes...
Xtreme Carpe Diem… Rapes Increasing Bullying…Hazing… STD Vaccine…
Existing Challenges
Poor Choices Unhealthy Relationships Peer Pressure Missing Family Values Teen Pregnancies Abortion Suicide We need to get involved, and help them through these tough times…and learn when to seek help.
What’s Your Plan ?
Sex, Drugs & Alcohol Peer Pressure Strength…Spirit Honesty…Kindness Good Character Respect Do Good Things
Essential Ingredients in Building a Teenager’s Character…It Starts with Love
Teen Sex & Drugs
:
More of a Link than you Think !
You've heard it before... someone goes out, gets high on marijuana, lowers their boundaries and does something they really, really regret afterwards. Unfortunately, this happens more than you think. Teens who use drugs are 5 times more likely to have sex than are those teens who do not use drugs. (CASA).
Teens who have used marijuana are four times more likely to get pregnant or to have gotten someone pregnant than teens who have never smoked pot. (CASA) More than 1/3 of sexually active teens and young adults report that alcohol or drug use has influenced a decision to do something sexual. (CASA, the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation, and the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA)).
Keeping Teens Connected
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Become & stay active in their life…Start Early Have Dinner together. Get to know your kids !
Find Common Interests, spend Quality & Quantity time together Teens are so busy – cut back & do one more thing with family.
Let them know you CARE & LOVE them. Create Trust. Encourage Teens to share their problems.
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Listen to what their going through. They will one day share their feeling & challenges. Don’t give up !
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Share information about Teen’s good & bad experiences. Compliment them as often as possible.
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Clearly explain the consequences & risk factors of bad decisions.
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Kids wants their Parents to set limits…Need to know boundaries 12.
Coach them to stay on the right path & make good choices !
Things I have Learned…
Dr. Mike Bradley:
“YES, Your Teen is Crazy”
Teens want & need limits Teach Teens to Control Themselves.
Worry when Angst stops…drugs ?
Teen Brain develops till 21 years !
Don’t forbid, tell them you can’t support them Father-Daughter Discussions important --------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Ronan:
“Raising Children in an UnGodly World”
Love, Lead, Limit Reduce “Ungodly” Influences Spiritual Path Critical
Steve & Pat Saso:
“10 Best Gifts for Your Teen”
Let your Teen “Individuate” Write a letter to your Teen Let them know your not perfect Am I using what I know ?
Don’t take actions personally -----------------------------------------------------
Pam Stenzel:
“Sex Has a Price Tag”
If only I would have known ?
Am I Pregnant ? NO but HPV Explain what God Intended for them…they are a gift Play Now, Pay Later
Seek Learning Opportunities
Talk with your kids about respect, their rights and their responsibility for their lives.
Help them to visualize the outcome of their life choices, i.e. healthy relationships, balance short & long term thinking. Share Life’s lessons, when the opportunity presents itself, (TV, movie, in the car). Let them make their own mistakes.
Help them to understand the consequences of
their actions…Do NOT Bail them out !
Kids need structure to grow and to be healthy For children, LOVE is spelled T-I-M-E.
Survival Tips
Children connected to their family are more likely to avoid risky behaviors. Give your Children the “Essential & Enabling Life Tools” • Teach Kids to THINK on their feet • Teach Kids: Rights, Responsibility, Respect….Kindness • Explain what “True Friendship” is and what Love really means • Role Play through tough situations • Help them to Resist Peer Pressure…to have Courage • Encourage them to be Independent thinkers • A Healthy Dose of Joyful Fear Works ! Children will reflect on what we said when they are in a challenging situation. Let them know what you expect of them.
Take on the real battles involving our children’s safety. Ask is this battle worth fighting for ?
Develop a sense of humor ! Someday they will thank you !
Dads for Kids - Quarterly Check Up
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Have I set a goal to be a GREAT Dad ?
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Do I feel successful at home? What would my family say ?
What kind of father and husband am I ? Will I accept that I may not be popular for doing the RIGHT thing for my kids ? Can I say NO to my children’s requests ?
Do I accept that our kids are watching us ? 7.
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Am I a good role model ?
What actions do I need to make to move closer to my teen ? Am I spending Quality & Quantity Time with my children ?
10. How well do I know my children’s friends ?
11. Am I on the same page with my wife, in providing values & guidelines for our children ?
12. Have I Made a Difference in my child’s life ?
Keep it Simple
Children need our love, leadership and our limits It’s “our job” to parent, coach and nurture our kids Keep your antenna up for Behavioral Changes. Find out what’s going on. Check out TheAntiDrug.com – 21 things to know Give Clear Messages about Expectations Work as a Team (School, Friends, Church, Doctors, Coaches) Understand the opportunity we have to help shape our children’s future…they need us Let them know we care about them & their safety Guide & Empower them to control themselves Someday they will appreciate your love and parenting
We Need to Raise our Parenting Game to a new Level !
Get Started Today…
1. Nurture & help build their Spirit…Compliment them often 2. Do something every week with them…attend their events 3. Write your child a letter, share your feelings & love for them 4. Appreciate that our children need to "Individuate” 5. Read the book “The 10 Best Gifts For My Teen” 6. Make www.DadsForKids.org your homepage 7. Bring Best Practices into your home - Learn from others 8. Communicate with them. When we lecture we lose them 9. Understand the balancing of YES and NO to their requests 10.No one has all the answers…Listen to your spouse 11.Celebrate your life together. Trust & Love…a winning combo ! 12.Be the Best Parent & Life Coach you can be !
What our Community Can Do For Teens ?
Get Involved !
Ask Questions Contact the PTA Attend Informative Meetings Care For Our Teens Support Our Town’s Youth Leaders Don’t serve Alcohol in Your Home to minors. Sign The Partnership Pledge !
Join Forces !
Share Successes & Challenges with others Create Activities…More Fun for Teens Do Good Things !
Make a Difference !
The Bottom Line...
We all need to keep doing our job, even when our child gets mad and calls us, “The meanest parent in Town” Today’s Risks are REAL & YOU can Make a Difference ! We can create a legacy of family values & traditions for our children & their children.
Coach them through the tough times and help them make better choices….create Strong Roots & Wings Hug & Love them ! Do special things with them.
Nurture & Guide our children to be their best !
Know that
Parent Power underestimated tool
is unquestionably the
most
! They are listening to us. So Keep Talking !
Ask what values have I given my child ? Did I do my job ? We have only ONE OPPORTUNITY to be our best for our children.
Uncle Wally’s supports our Associates efforts in “Serving Our Community!”
• • • Company Sponsored: • • • • • •
MaryHaven Center Make-A-Wish Foundation American Cancer Society United Way American Diabetes Association Central Nassau Guidance & Counseling Service, Inc Long Island Cares Food Bank Of New York Virginia Regional Minority Suppliers Development Council
Associates Contributions: • •
Pro-Literacy Worldwide Communities in Schools
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National Center of Family Literacy
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Walk for Causes:
- March of Dimes - American Cancer Society - Juvenile Diabetes - Avon Breast Cancer Walk
Religious Education for Kids Coach Kids Sports Family Liturgy Volunteers Support P.T.A Efforts Habitat for Humanity www.DadsForKids.org
We support our partners concerns: •
Adult and Children with Learning Disabilities
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Leukemia Society . . . Making the World just a little bit better!