Transcript Islamic Marriage: essential advice

Preparation for Islamic Marriage:
Essential advice, Session 2
Academy for Learning Islam
May 17 & 24, 2009
Qur’anic passage 16:90 -91
ِ ‫ إِ َّن اللّه يأْمر بِالْع ْد ِل وا ِإلحس‬
‫ان َوإِيتَاء ِذي الْ ُق ْرََب َويَْن َهى َع ِن‬
ْ َ َ ُُ َ َ
َ
‫الْ َف ْح َشاء َوالْ ُمن َك ِر َوالْبَ ْغ ِي يَعِظُ ُك ْم لَ َعلَّ ُك ْم َ ََ ََّّ ُرو َن * َوأ َْوفُواْ بِ َع ْه ِد‬
ِ َِّ‫دُّت والَ َن ُقضواْ األَْيا َن ب عد َ و‬
ِ
ِ
‫م‬
‫يد َها َوقَ ْد َج َع ْلتُ ُم اللّ َه‬
‫اه‬
‫ع‬
‫ا‬
‫ذ‬
‫إ‬
‫ه‬
ّ‫الل‬
َ
َ ْ َ َِ
ْ َ َْ َ ُ
‫َعلَْي ُك ْم ََّفيالً إِ َّن اللّهَ يَ ْعلَ ُم َما َ ْف َعلُو َن‬
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16:90 Indeed God enjoins justice and kindness
and generosity towards relatives, and He forbids
indecency, wrong, and aggression. He advises
you, so that you may take admonition.
16:91 Fulfill God’s covenant when you pledge,
and do not break [your] oaths after pledging
them solemnly and having made God a witness
over yourselves. Indeed God knows what you do.
Today’s Agenda
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Aims of an Islamic Marriage
Rights of parents after marriage
Relation with other family
members
Rights of your spouse
Do and don’ts of a healthy married
life
Aim 1 of Marriage: Source of love and
companionship
All human need to feel loved, connected:
 Living alone is miserable prospect.
 Someone to share joy, sorrows, etc
 Spouse is the best person to share
 And from among His signs is that He
created mates for you from among
yourselves, that you may find rest in
them, and He placed between you
mawaddah and rahmah. Most surely there
are signs in this for those who reflect.
(30:21)
Aim 2: Fulfilling desires legally
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Instinct of physical desire in the human
being placed by Allah
If not fulfilled -> great corruption
Help preserve religion & morals
HP (s): Whoever wishes to meet Allah
pure and purified, must marry.
HP (s): O Young people! Whoever is able
from among you should marry, as it
prevents the sins of the eyes and the
chest, and whoever cannot marry should
fast, for the fast decreases desire.
Aim 3: Best support in obeying Allah
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May Allah have mercy on the man
who wakes up for Salatul Layl and
wakes up his wife for it, and if she
refuses [to wake up], splashes
water on her face. And may Allah
have mercy on the woman who
wakes up for Salatul Layl and
recites it, and wakes up her
husband, and if he refuses, splashes
water on his face.
Aim 4: Establishing a family
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Children greatest fruit of marriage
Procreation of servants of Allah
Great success: virtuous children
1. Marry, and increase (your numbers),
for surely I will take pride in you over the
other nations on the Day of Judgment,
even over a child who was miscarried.
2. What prevents a man from marrying?
Perhaps Allah will grant him a child who
will fill the earth with the words of La
ilaha illallah.
Aim 5: Maturing of personality
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Ayatullah Mutahhari: After marriage, the
personality of a man changes into a social
personality and he considers himself absolutely
responsible for the security of his wife and
children's future. On this account he uses the sum
total of his senses, initiatives, and abilities. . .
Marriage is the first and preliminary phase of exit
from the (shell) of personal self, and the
expansion of the human personality . . . there is
a maturity, a maturity which does not take shape
except in the shade of marriage and raising of
family. It does not get shape in school; neither
does it get formed in the crusade against the ego
Rights of parents after marriage
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Parents can never disown children,
and the vice versa is also true
Take their advices in good spirit
Do ihsaan to your parents always
Their pleasure is God’s pleasure
Avoid hurting their feelings
Imam Ali’s advice to al-Hasan
Relations with other family
members
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Never severe relations w/relatives
Those who join what Allah has
commanded to be joined, and who fear
their Lord, and fear the evil punishment..
. (13:21)
Keeping good relations with one's
relatives and doing good eases the Hisāb
and protects against sins (6th Imam)
Do good to your brothers, even if only
though Salaam and its answer (6th Imam)
What if they annoy you?
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A man came to the Holy Prophet (s) and complained,
“O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I
kept good relations but they continuously annoy me,
and I have decided to reject them”. The Holy
Prophet said to him, Then Allah will reject all of
you". "What should I do then?" asked the man. The
Prophet explained to him, "Give to him who denies
you, join [your relations] with him who cuts you off,
and forgive him who oppresses you. Then if you do
that, Allah, the Mighty and Exalted, will be your
supporter against them.
Rights of your spouse
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Reciprocal rights a salient feature
Treat him/her as human, Muslim,
Mu’min, partner & parent of yr child
Wife: protection, reasonable &
respectable maintenance & good
treatment
Husband: obedience, protection, &
congenial right
Do and don’ts of a healthy married life
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Good communication skill
Be eager to serve each other
Physical relation should not suffer
Practice taqwaa in all situations
Mutual respect, esp in front of others
Anger management: must in marital relation
Mutual pardoning & forgiveness
Spice your marriage thru Akhlaq
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1. Cheerfulness is a cause of love.
2. Humans are the slaves of those who do good to
them.
3. By doing good to others, a human being
becomes the master of their hearts.
4. A cheerful face is a gift without any expense.
5. I am surprised at one who buys slaves with his
wealth and frees them. Why does he not purchase
free men with goodness and make them his
slaves?
6. That tree which is soft and tender, its branches
are many.
7. Gentleness brings affection and closeness.