Transcript Revising Your Writing - ACOT -

Copyright © 2015 Cengage Learning
Chapter 5
Revising Your Writing
Copyright © 2015 Cengage Learning
Revising Your Writing
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Principles of Style
Words
Write clearly.
Write concisely.
Sentences
Use a variety of
sentence types.
Use active and
passive voice
appropriately.
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Use parallel
structure.
Paragraphs
Keep paragraphs
unified and
coherent.
Tone
Write confidently.
Use a courteous
Control
paragraph length. and sincere tone.
Use emphasis and
subordination.
Use positive
language and the
“you” attitude.
3
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Revising Your Writing
Words
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Write Clearly
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• Be accurate and complete
• Use familiar words
• Use specific, concrete language
• Avoid dangling expressions
• Avoid clichés, slang, unnecessary
jargon
ALBERTO ZORNETTA/SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
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What Is a Simpler Way to Say This?
BUT:
NOT: The impending study will
ascertain the feasibility of our
obtaining conciliation.
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BUT:
NOT: Deciding on an internship with a
particular conglomerate may be of
immense consequence to your
potential livelihood.
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What Words Are Simpler?
Long
Short
modification
endeavor
substantial
enumerate
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termination
initiate
utilization
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Arrange These Terms from Most to Least Specific
western
seaport
seaport
place
San
Diego
Pier 45
sport
jump
ball
activity
basketball
team
sport
ignition
failure
situation
problem
engine
trouble
car
problem
country
neighborhood
street
state
city
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What Is a More Specific Way to Say This?
BUT:
NOT: The report is
very sloppy.
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BUT:
NOT: You never finish
work on time.
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How to Avoid Dangling Expressions
Make the subject of the sentence the doer of
the action expressed in the introductory clause.
Move the expression closer to the word that it
modifies.
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Make sure that the specific word to which a
pronoun refers is clear.
Otherwise revise the sentence for coherence.
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Fun with Dangling Expressions
Words
Abraham Lincoln wrote
the Gettysburg Address
while traveling to
Gettysburg on the
back of an envelope.
I had been driving for
about 40 years when I
fell asleep at the wheel
and had an accident.
Two cars were
reported stolen by the
Groveton police
yesterday.
Dr. Ruth to talk about
sex with newspaper
editors.
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How Can You Fix These Modifier Problems?
BUT:
NOT: After an hour of sitting,
the chairs become
uncomfortable.
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BUT:
NOT: Distracted by the music, a rabbit
ran in front of the car, and I hit it.
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How Can You Clarify These Pronoun References?
•
Bananas seem to have the highest
turnover. But the staff is not able to keep
up. Most of the time, they run out.
•
Although the owners and partners have
changed, they continue to expand.
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What Is More Natural, Original Language?
BUT:
NOT: It is with great enthusiasm that I am
responding to your job advertisement.
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BUT:
NOT: Enclosed please find the
proposal for the schedule for the
training session.
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What Do These Slang Expressions Mean?
• Win-win situation
• Synergies
• Low-hanging fruit
• By COB tomorrow
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• Paradigm shift
• Best practices
• At the end of the day
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Write Concisely
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Avoid
redundancy
and wordy
expressions
Words
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Avoid hidden
verbs and
subjects
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How Can You Eliminate the Redundancies?
BUT:
NOT: The end result will be that
we are completely unanimous.
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BUT:
NOT: Each and every one of us is
exactly the same.
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How Can You Eliminate Wordiness?
BUT:
NOT: The tiles on the floor will
reflect the lighting on the ceiling.
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BUT:
NOT: Our benefits for employees
are at the top of the list for
companies in our competitive set.
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How Can You Reveal the Hidden Verbs?
BUT:
NOT: A reduction in the price
is essential.
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BUT:
NOT: I have made a decision that
the product faces elimination.
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Which Is the Best Choice for What
Audience and Purpose?
Clunky
expletive
• To increase the number of candidates, it is
recommended that Alta use an online recruiting system.
“I/We” as
subject
• To increase the number of candidates, I/we recommend
that Alta use an online recruiting system.
Phrase as
subject
• Using an online recruiting system will increase Alta’s
number of candidates.
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“Alta” as
subject
“Candidates”
as subject
Words
• To increase the number of candidates, Alta should/can
use an online recruiting system.
• More candidates will apply to Alta if we use an online
recruiting system.
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Use Track Changes in Word
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Revising Your Writing
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Writing Effective Sentences
Use a variety of sentence types.
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Use active and passive voice
appropriately.
Use parallel structure.
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How Can You Make These Active Voice?
Past Tense
ACTIVE:
PASSIVE: Too many lobsters have
been ordered by the chef.
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Future Tense
ACTIVE:
PASSIVE: Our quarterly sales numbers
will be confirmed by the auditors.
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How Can You Improve Parallel Structure?
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We used the following food criteria for our
restaurant evaluation: taste, variety, and
how it was presented.
Gwen will do the following:
• Meet with Mark
• After her meeting, give a presentation
• She will follow up with Accounting
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Parallel Structure
Before
Agenda
• What is independent research?
• Costs of conducting independent
research
• Conducting independent research
has benefits
• Process
Agenda
• What is independent research?
• What are the costs of conducting
independent research?
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• What are the benefits of conducting
independent research?
• What is the process for conducting
After
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independent research?
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Revising Your Writing
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Developing Logical Paragraphs
Paragraph
Unity
Paragraph
Coherence
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Paragraph
Length
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Write a Unified, Coherent Paragraph
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Read all of the
sentences on the
next slide, and
delete the one that
does not belong to
the unified topic of
the paragraph.
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Rearrange the
sentences in a
logical order so
that they flow
appropriately.
Sentences
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Paragraphs
Use transitions,
repetition, and
pronouns to
"cement" this
structure and make
it seem natural.
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Write a United, Coherent Paragraph (cont’d)
● It is only a matter of time before diseases like witches' broom and
black pot rot endanger the global cocoa supply.
● Increased international shipping has made it a very real
possibility, and the consequences of that would be close to
catastrophic.
● The only solution to the dwindling cocoa supply is for scientists
from all the producing regions to collaborate and find ways to
make cocoa trees more resistant.
● Chocolate lovers beware: the seed of love, the cocoa bean, is
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threatened by disease.
● The witches' broom, a deadly white fungus that deforms the
trees, was responsible for almost destroying Brazil's cocoa crop in
the early 1990s.
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Source: Adapted from: http://english.ttu.edu/kairos/3.1/news/paradigm/revifrms.htm,
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Revising Your Writing
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Conveying an Appropriate Tone
Write confidently
Use a courteous and sincere tone
Use appropriate emphasis and subordination
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Use positive language
Stress the “you” attitude
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How Can These Sound More/Less Confident?
BUT:
NOT: If you would like to set up
an appointment, just ask.
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BUT:
NOT: I know that you’ll like our new
delivery schedule.
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Revise for a “You” Attitude and Positive Language
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