Transcript Friendss - Counseling Services Northern Virginia |In Step

BFFs
Navigating the Middle
School Social Scene
Cathi Cohen LCSW, CGP
Director – In Step
www.insteppc.com
703-876-8480
Email: [email protected]
Power
Separation
Individuation
Control
Hormones
Middle
Schooler
Fitting
In
Bullying
Self
doubts
Popularity
What You See
The Downside
Self-absorption
Girls fight; Boys
withdraw
Moodiness
Push and pull
Inside = Self-doubts
Outside = Know it all
What You Also See
The Upside
Empathy
Perspectivetaking
Abstract
thinking
Independence
Resilience
What You Also See
The Upside
Empathy
Perspectivetaking
Abstract
thinking
Independence
Resilience
The Middle School Social Jungle
Birds of a Feather Flock
Together
Jockeying for Position
Pops vs. Non-Pops
Pro-Social Popular
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Helpful
Affiliative
Comfortable with their social status
Academically engaged
Well-liked
Optimistic
Good social skills
Populistic
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Popular but NOT well-liked
Relationally aggressive
Academically disengaged
Influential
Arrogant
Bullies or henchman
Socially rejected
Rejected
Aggressor/Victim
• Low social status
• Bully to defend
• Reactive to
perceived threats
• Easily angered
• Rule breaking
Rejected
Victim
• Low social status
• Sensitive and
reactive
• Interpret social cues
inaccurately
Neglected
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Shy
Anxious
Withdrawn
Insecure
Invisible
Remain on the periphery
Floater
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Moderate social status
Comfortable with self and others
Quality friendships
Move easily among different groups
What’s a Parent To Do?
You Influence More Than You Think
Parental
Warmth
Indirect
Influence
Coaching
Modeling
Positive
Reinforcement
Get Used to
Entering Through
the Side Door
#1
#2
#3
Show By Example
Socialize Them
Encourage extracurricular interests
Keep in Mind…..
If your teen is happy all
the time, you are working
too hard.
Kids aren’t seeking your
advice
They are seeking your
belief in them
“ When I was a boy of 14, my
father was so ignorant I could
hardly stand to have the old man
around. But when I got to be 21,
I was astonished at how much
the old man had learned in seven
years.” Mark Twain
Get Help When……
Cathi Cohen LCSW
Director In Step
www.insteppc.com
703-876-8480
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