Transcript YEAR 10 PARENT INFO EVENING

YEAR 10 PARENT INFO
EVENING
HOW BEST TO SUPPORT YOUR
MID-STAGE ADOLESCENT
~UNDERSTAND THEIR AGE/STAGE
~PARENTING STYLE
~FROM NOW ON . . .
AGE-STAGE
* Generation Z (born ‘95) and Generation Alpha (born ‘10)
emergent
* global, visual, social and technological
* largest baby boom since the Boomers post war gen, but 2.6
persons/ household
* most connected, educated and sophisticated generations ever
tweens, teens, youth and young adults
* early adopters, brand influencers, social media drivers, popculture leaders
* generationally changed – live in an increasingly ageing
population
Time of transition . . .
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Separateness Connectedness
• Issues of personal & sexual identity will arise as
hormones cascade relentlessly through young bodies
• Sexual experimentation
• Hormones will influence the emotional state of
adolescents, and act in concert with social and familial
influences.
• Body image issues are on the top of adolescent stress list
(recent stats) Anxiety about physical appearance may
emerge
• Group Identity: established
and relationships will falter
and morph – unsettling for girls and competitive for boys;
deep need for peer approval; isolation may be
experienced; reluctance to be involved in family events
• May be less welcoming of affection from parents
• Use of social networking devices – needs clear
boundaries from home; parents could become tech
savvy to understand the world of their child.
TASKS OF ADOLESCENCE
Forming a positive identity
Establishing a set of good friends
Breaking the emotional bonds that bound them to their
adult carers
Setting meaningful vocational goals (mid – late stagers)
Mid Adolescence = LAUNCHING
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“Come to the edge,” he said.
They said: “We’re afraid.”
“Come to the edge,” he said.
They came.
He pushed them . . .
. . . and they flew.
Guillaume Apollinaire
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PARENTING STYLES
(Diana Baumrind)
Degree of Demand(ingness) (control,
expectations, boundaries and
limit setting)
Degree of Involvement (close
interest, responsive to needs,
affection, active interest)
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Permissive
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Authoritative
High I
High I
Low D
High D
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1
Disengaged
Authoritarian
Low I
Low I
Low D
High D
1. Authoritarian (high demand, low involvement) parenting
is punitive, lacking in empathy, controlling and unreasoning,
and is common but ineffective. These parents ~
*have clear rules, expectations, consequences – consistently enforced &
not backed up by reasons or explanations: children must simply obey
without questioning
*high expectations for children to behave in a responsible & mature
manner
*expect children to be competent, to perform up to their abilities, to be
contributing family members
*do not have a wide or flexible experiential or emotional range; provide no
room for compromise or verbal negotiation
*do not give their children much warmth, affection, validation
*are not able to provide necessary emotional support & affection –
ambiguous security for children
*produce children who are likely to hide any signs of vulnerability (from
parents & sadly from themselves),may suffer anxiety, depression, low selfesteem, guilt, aggression and defiance
*produce children who are hard working, responsible & successful but
whose relational patterns are often conflicted.
2.
Disengaged (low demand, low involvement), sometimes known as Dismissive
Parents are doing little for their children, whether passively unresponsive or
overtly rejecting; this parent says in word and deed “Go away – just leave me
alone.” These parents:
*leave children feeling abandoned, feeling that their very existence annoys or disrupts
their parents
*have children who adapt by hiding, not making waves, often limiting their ability to
form a personal identity
*may be caught up in alcohol or drug problems, may be too self- absorbed to deal with
their children’s needs
*may be chronically depressed and unresponsive to their child who grows up feeling
invisible, unnoticed, unworthy
*may have a personality disorder
*produce children who will probably be at risk for many problems: antisocial
behaviour, drugs, early sexual activity, delinquency
3.
Permissive (low control, high affection) parents do provide warmth and affection;
however, they are not able to take a firm stance, consistently follow through and place
appropriate controls on children’s behaviour. Permissive parents:
*are indulgent and
do not consistently enforce the few rules they may set
*allow children the balance of power in the parent-child relationship
*are often loving and communicative, but their children are not expected to behave in a mature,
responsible manner
*produce children who struggle with self discipline to succeed on their own, who may have
adjustment problems and experience anxiety , insecurity and depression and other “internalising”
symptoms.
*produce children who are dependent, demanding and “spoilt”
*have children who feel they are not safe and cannot be protected by parents who cannot say “no”
to them.
*children may develop acting-out or externalizing problems: behaviour problems with school
authorities (truanting), with police (reckless driving) or involvement in drugs and alcohol
*children do not learn respect for self or others
*have children who learn that they can break rules and escape the consequences of their own
behaviour, that they do not have to take responsibility for their actions.
4.
Authoritative (high demand, high involvement) produces the most well
adjusted children by combining firm discipline with nurturing child care.
These parents:
*are loving, consistent and willing to listen to their children
*believe in strict discipline, physical affection and spoken approval
*invite children’s participation in the process of limit setting
*consistently enforce rules which are set
*have reasons and explanations for parental rules
*have high expectations for responsible and mature behaviour
Other styles you might
be familiar with . . .
• Helicopter parents: discourage a child’s independence; too
involved in every aspect of their life; hovering over them &
swooping in at any sign of challenge or discomfort
• Free Range: encourage children to be independent, make
mistakes & explore without always being under close supervision
• Drone: mostly on autopilot, (in contrast to helicopter); can strike
at any minute & cause tremendous collateral damage
• Lawnmower: mow down any obstacles in their child’s path
NB: When parents have differing styles, that can become an issue
and create a wedge between the parents and the children –
communication is crucial
AND – Families are not democracies: they should be benevolent
oligarchies.
What about Children’s Styles?
• Children are born with a tendency toward reacting
to people and events in specific ways => this
preferred way is called “temperament”; numerous
different temperaments can co-exist in one
household.
• Differences in temperaments can be seen in and
from infancy
Researchers have delineated three broad
styles of temperament . . .
• Easy Children – calm, happy, adaptable, regular sleepers, eaters,
positive mood, curious and interested in new experiences
• Difficult Children – fussy, irregular feeders, sleepers, low in
adaptability, fearful of new situations/people, easily upset,
highly strung, intense in their reactions
• Slow to Warm Up Children – relatively inactive, reflective, tend
to withdraw or to react negatively to novelty; gradually become
more positive with experience.
It is the mix or “goodness of fit” between parent and child that
matters most – the match or mismatch will influence harmony.
From Now . . .
•
It’s never too late to engage with your child – to engage means to build a
relationship, while understanding their age/stage tasks, realizing that you
are dealing with a “new” person in a way, not the child they once were
•
As a teenager gets older the parents become less directional and more
influencing/negotiable
•
Boundaries can be negotiated (limit setting from EC recommended)
•
Parents should model the types of behavior they expect – of their
children and their partner – productive coping strategies, fitness, healthy
lifestyle, emotional regulation, self-respect, diligence, resilience, optimistic
& hopeful thinking, taking responsibility etc
Adolescents need their parents to be parents, not best friends or buddies.
(This can come later in life when children are well and truly adult)
Parents need to be united and highly communicative with each other and
with their children – model assertiveness, not aggression or passiveness
HOME – always a soft place to fall
Rules of Engagement
• Only argue over things that matter: curfews, respect, threats to
family etc. (No one ever died from an untidy room.) Let some
things go through to the keeper.
• Keep calm: yelling achieves nothing and produces young
people who shout back and become “parent-deaf”.
• Talk while doing other things: walking dog, doing dishes etc.
• Talk less, listen more.
• Use humour
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•Don’t use ultimatums: they are a trap for you and
your child.
•Pick the right moment for both of you and focus on
the current situation and what needs to be done.
•Don’t assess their behaviour as if they are adults.
•Be your child’s greatest fan: catch them doing
something good!!
•Practice 1:5 rule of feedback (-+)
Other topics of interest:
• Protective factors for wellbeing
• Risk factors
• Mental health
• Communication – how to be assertive, how to be an active
listener
• Self care
• Family systems
• Further parenting topics
My contact details – 98440344 OR [email protected]
Surviving Adolescents by Michael Carr-Gregg
Saving Our Adolescents by Maggie Dent
Adolescence: a guide for parents: by Carr-Gregg & Shale
What to do when you children turn into Teenagers and You Can’t Make Me by Bennet and
Rowe
Growing Great Boys by Ian Grant
He’ll Be Ok by Celia Lashlie
Queen Bees and Wannabees by Rosalind Wiseman
Anything by Steve Biddulph, Andrew Fuller, Michael Carr-Gregg and Maggie Dent
Teenage as a Second Language by Greenberg and Powell-Lunder
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Websites and Helplines
Parenting WA Line - 6279 1200 (metro) or 1800 654 432
http://www.communities.wa.gov.au/childrenandfamilies/
parentingwa/Pages/ParentingWALine.aspx
Eheadspace: www.eheadspace.org.au
Headspace: www.headspace.org.au
Moodgym: www.moodgym.anu.edu.au
Reach Out: www.reachout.com.au
Youth Beyond Blue: www.ybblue.com.au
Youth Zone: www.yourzone.com.au
www.cyh.com South Australia – excellent site
KidsHelpLine: 1800 55 1800
Sane: www.sane.org 1800 18 7263
GSG Website – Counsellor Section where you’ll find this ppt
Thank you for your interest and
attention
Best wishes for a successful launch.
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