Transcript Section 10.5 Criticism and Confrontation

Criticism and Confrontation
Nurturing Parenting
Section 10.5
GOAL
To Increase Parent’s Ability to Use
Confrontation Instead of Criticism
1
OBJECTIVES
To Help Parent’s Realize Destructive
Effects of Criticism.
To Help Parent’s Learn To Confront
Instead of Criticize.
To Provide Practice in Confrontation for
Parents.
2
Differences Between Criticism
and Confrontation
a. Criticism leaves a person feeling badly
about themselves.
b. The person feels worthless, terrible,
and inadequate as an entire person.
c. Confrontation leaves a person
knowing they have done something
you don’t like, but still feels positive
about themselves.
3
Differences Between Criticism
and Confrontation (cont)
d. The difference between criticism and
confrontation is the feelings the
person is left with.
e. Criticism uses blaming “You
Messages.”
4
Let’s Practice
a. All adults form into pairs.
b. Each person will get a chance to experience
being confronted and criticism by the other.
c. Have one person identify themselves as
Person A, the other as Person B.
d. Have each pair identify an issue that is a
problem for them, as the basis for practicing
criticism and confrontation.
5
Let’s Practice (cont)
e. First, Person A should criticize Person
B.
f. The person being criticized cannot say
anything back or defend themselves.
g. The criticism should go on for 15
seconds.
6
Let’s Practice (cont)
h. When Person A is finished criticizing
Person B, switch roles.
i. Person B criticizes Person A for the
same issue.
j. Again, conduct the exercise for 15
seconds.
7
How Did You Feel?
a. How did you feel about being criticized?
b. How did you feel about criticizing?
c. Was there a position, criticizing or being
criticized, easier than the other?
d. Please relate an experience at home where
you were criticized and was criticized by
someone else.
e. Share the feelings of both experiences.
8
Let’s Practice again on
Confrontation
a. All adults form into pairs.
b. Each person will get a chance to experience
being confronted by the other.
c. Have one person identify themselves as
Person A, the other as Person B.
d. Have each pair identify an issue that is a
problem for them, as the basis for practicing
confrontation.
9
Let’s Practice (cont)
e. First, Person A should confront Person
B.
f. Remember, confrontation does not
tear people down.
g. One way to confront someone is to
use the “I statement” and to take
ownership of one’s feelings.
10
I Statements
“I statements” do not blame someone
else for the way a person feels.
“I statements” communicate a thought
or feeling that you have, that is yours
and yours alone.
You own everything you say and blame
on one.
11
Each parent fill in the missing
words by writing the Following:
I Feel _______ (state a feeling)
when _______ (describe the exact behavior)
because ______ (state the need that relates
to that feeling and any
thought or belief related to it).
What I want is ________ (describe the exact
behavior that would meet the
need).
12
Let’s Practice (cont)
h. When Person A is finished confronting
Person B, switch roles.
i. Person B confronts Person A for the
same issue.
j. Again, conduct the exercise for 15
seconds.
13
How Did You Feel?
a. How did you feel about being
confronted?
b. How did you feel about confronting
someone else?
c. As opposed to being criticized?
d. Was one approach easier or more
difficult than the other?
14
Self Growth Lesson: Criticism, confrontation,
and Rules for Fair Fighting
Use Parent Handbook, page 109.
Arguments can quickly get out of hand
when people use blaming “You
Messages.”
To ensure that neither person in the
argument emotionally hurts the other
person, follow the rules given below:
15
Rules of Engagement
Decide upon a time limit before you begin
and STICK TO IT.
Decide how many “zaps” you will permit
before you (or the other person) walk out.
Choose one problem per session.
Try to stay in the present.
Stick to the point.
Own your own feelings.
Listen to the other person.
16
If people never confront others, bad things
happen to them, such as getting walked all over,
blowing up at their kids when they are angry at
someone else, and not getting their own needs
met.
If people always confront others, bad things
happen, such as not having any friends or anyone
who even dares to be around you. So, a balance
is necessary.
PICK YOUR BATTLES!
17