Habit #5 notes
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Transcript Habit #5 notes
Seek First to Understand, THEN to be Understood
See things from another point of view before
sharing your own point of view
Listen first, talk second
Everyone wants to be respected and valued for
who they are
People won’t expose their “soft” middles unless
they feel genuine love and understanding
Five Poor Listening Styles
Spacing out
Pretend listening
Selective listening
Word listening
Self-centered listening
Spacing Out
When someone is talking to us but we ignore them
because our mind is wandering off into another galaxy
Being caught up in our own thoughts
Daydreaming
Focusing on things other than the task at hand
Pretend Listening
Pretending we are listening by making insightful
comments at key junctures:
“yeah”
“Uh-huh”
“Cool”
“Sounds great”
Speaker feels as if they are not important enough to
be heard
Selective Listening
Paying attention to only the part of the conversation
that interests us
Starting your own conversation based on what
interests you in the other person’s conversation
Focus becomes on you
The other person is not being heard and feels
unimportant
Word Listening
We actually pay attention to what is being said, not
how it is being said
Missing out on body language, tone of voice, and
facial expressions
Missing out on the emotions behind the words
Self-centered Listening
Seeing everything from our own point of view
Instead of standing in someone else’s shoes, we want
them to stand in ours
Leads to:
Judging—making judgments about what is being said
Advising—giving advice based on our own experiences
Probing—digging up emotions before someone is ready
to share them
Genuine Listening
Listening with your eyes, heart, and ears
Stand in their shoes
Practice mirroring—repeating meaning, using your own
words to sum up what the other person just said, acting
warm and caring
Giving Feedback
Will this feedback help this person, or am I doing it just to
fix them and suit myself
Send “I” messages
“You” messages sound condescending and threatening
The poor listening style I struggle with most:
What poor listening style annoys you the most
when you are trying to say something you think
is important?