Transcript Mark Twain
Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens) (1835-1910)
Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
1869 Mark Twain The Books of Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
1872 The Books of Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Mark Twain
1873 Mark Twain The Books of Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
1876 Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
The Books of Mark Twain
1881 Mark Twain The Books of Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
1883 The Books of Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Mark Twain
1884 Mark Twain The Books of Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
1889 The Books of Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Mark Twain
1894 Mark Twain The Books of Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
The Books of Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Mark Twain
“Emerson, Longfellow, Lowell, Holmes -- I knew them all and all the rest of our sages, poets, seers, critics, humorists; they were like one another and like other literary men; but Clemens was sole, incomparable, the Lincoln of our literature.” --William Dean Howells at the funeral of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1910)
Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
The Funeral of Samuel Langhorne Clemens
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Mark Twain
Clemens/Twain Jekyll/Hyde
Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Watch on The Grotesque Blog Mark Twain Watch on The Grotesque Blog
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
The Comic
Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens)
Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
The Comic
Adam was but human —this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake; he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.
Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
The Comic
I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious--except he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.
Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
The Comic
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
The Comic Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
The Comic
OCTOBER 12, THE DISCOVERY. It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
The Comic
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
The Comic
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
The Comic Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
The Comic
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Mark Twain
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The Comic
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
The Comic Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
The Comic
I believe I have no prejudices whatsoever. All I need to know is that a man is a member of the human race. That's bad enough for me.
Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
The Comic Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
The Comic
When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.
Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
The Comic
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
Mark Twain
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The Comic
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.
The Comic The Comic Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Mark Twain Little Bessie Would Assist Providence Mark Twain
LITTLE BESSIE was nearly three years old. She was a good child, and not shallow, not frivolous, but meditative and thoughtful, and much given to thinking out the reasons of things and trying to make them harmonise with results. One day she said —
Bessie:
''Mamma, why is there so much pain and sorrow and suffering. What is it all for?” It was an easy question, and mamma had no difficulty in answering it:
Mamma:
“It is for our good, my child. In His wisdom and mercy the Lord sends us these afflictions to discipline us and make us better.”
Bessie:
''Is it He that sends them?”
Mamma:
“Yes.” “Little Bessie” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Little Bessie Would Assist Providence (continued) Bessie:
“Does He send all of them, mamma?”
Mamma:
“Yes, dear, all of them, None of them comes by accident; He alone sends them, and always out of love for us, and to make us better.”
Bessie:
“Isn't it strange?”
Mamma:
“Strange? Why, no, I have never thought of it in that way. I have not heard any one call it strange before. It has always seemed natural and right to me, and wise and most kindly and merciful.”
Bessie:
“Who first thought of it like that, mamma? Was it you?”
Mamma:
“Oh, no, child, I was taught it.”
Bessie:
“Who taught you so, mamma?”
Mark Twain
“Little Bessie” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Little Bessie Would Assist Providence (continued) Mamma:
“Why, really, I don't know—I can't remember. My mother, I suppose; or the preacher. But it's a thing that everybody knows.”
Bessie:
“Well, anyway, it does seem strange. Did He give Billy Norris the typhus?”
Mamma:
“Yes.”
Bessie:
“What for?”
Mark Twain Mamma
: “Why, to discipline him and make him good.”
Bessie
: “But he died, mamma, and so it couldn't make him good.”
Mamma
: “Well, then, I suppose it was for some other reason. We know it was a good reason, whatever it was.”
Bessie:
“What do you think it was, mamma?” “Little Bessie” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Little Bessie Would Assist Providence (continued) Mamma:
“Oh, you ask so many questions! I think it was to discipline his parents.”
Bessie:
“Well, then, it wasn't fair, mamma. Why should his life be taken away for their sake, when he wasn't doing anything?”
Mamma:
“Oh, I don't know! I only know it was for a good and wise and merciful reason.”
Bessie:
“What reason, mamma?”
Mamma:
“I think—I think—well, it was a judgment; it was to punish them for some sin they had committed.”
Bessie:
“But he was the one that was punished, mamma. Was that right?”
Mark Twain
“Little Bessie” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Little Bessie Would Assist Providence (continued) Mamma:
“Certainly, certainly. He does nothing that isn't right and wise and merciful. You can't understand these things now, dear, but when you are grown up you will understand them, and then you will see that they are just and wise.” After a pause:
Bessie:
“Did He make the roof fall in on the stranger that was trying to save the crippled old woman from the fire, mamma?”
Mamma:
“Yes, my child. Wait! Don't ask me why, because I don't know. I only know it was to discipline some one, or be a judgment upon somebody, or to show His power.”
Bessie:
“That drunken man that stuck a pitchfork into Mrs. Welch's baby when—”
Mamma:
“Never mind about it, you needn't go into particulars; it was to discipline the child —that much is certain, anyway.”
Mark Twain
“Little Bessie” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Little Bessie Would Assist Providence (continued) Bessie:
“Mamma, Mr. Burgess said in his sermon that billions of little creatures are sent into us to give us cholera, and typhoid, and lockjaw, and more than a thousand other sicknesses and —mamma, does He send them?”
Mamma:
“Oh, certainly, child, certainly. Of course.”
Bessie:
“What for?”
Mark Twain Mamma:
“Oh, to discipline us! Haven't I told you so, over and over again?”
Bessie:
“It's awful cruel, mamma? And silly and if I—”
Mamma:
“Hush, oh hush! do you want to bring the lightning?”
Bessie:
“You know the lightning did come last week, mamma, and struck the new church, and burnt it down. Was it to discipline the church?” “Little Bessie” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Little Bessie Would Assist Providence (continued) Mamma:
(Wearily). “Oh, I suppose so.”
Mark Twain Bessie:
“But it killed a hog that wasn't doing anything. Was it to discipline the hog, mamma?”
Mamma:
“Dear child, don't you want to run out and play awhile? If you would like to —”
Bessie:
“Mamma, only think! Mr. Hollister says there isn't a bird or fish or reptile or any other animal that hasn't got an enemy that Providence has sent to bite it and chase it and pester it, and kill it, and suck its blood and discipline it and make it good and religious. Is that true, mother —because if it is true, why did Mr. Hollister laugh at it?”
Mamma:
“That Hollister is a scandalous person, and I don't want you to listen to anything he says.” “Little Bessie” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Little Bessie Would Assist Providence (continued) Bessie:
“Why, mamma, he is very interesting, and I think he tries to be good. He says the wasps catch spiders and cram them down into their nests in the ground —alive, mamma!—and there they live and suffer days and days and days, and the hungry little wasps chewing their legs and gnawing into their bellies all the time, to make them good and religious and praise God for His infinite mercies. I think Mr. Hollister is just lovely, and ever so kind; for when I asked him if he would treat a spider like that, he said he hoped to be damned if he would; and then he —”
Mamma:
“My child! oh, do for goodness' sake—”
Mark Twain Bessie:
“And mamma, he says the spider is appointed to catch the fly, and drive her fangs into his bowels, and suck and suck and suck his blood, to discipline him and make him a Christian; and whenever the fly buzzes his wings with the pain and misery of it, you can see by the spider's grateful eye that she is thanking the Giver of All Good for —well, she's saying grace, as he says; and also, he —” “Little Bessie” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Mark Twain Little Bessie Would Assist Providence (continued) Mamma:
“Oh, aren't you ever going to get tired chattering! If you want to go out and play —”
Bessie: “
Mamma, he says himself that all troubles and pains and miseries and rotten diseases and horrors and villainies are sent to us in mercy and kindness to discipline us; and he says it is the duty of every father and mother to help Providence, every way they can; and says they can't do it by just scolding end whipping, for that won't answer, it is weak and no good —Providence's way is best, and it is every parent's duty and every person's duty to help discipline everybody, and cripple them and kill them, and starve them, and freeze them, and rot them with diseases, and lead them into murder and theft and dishonor and disgrace; and he says Providence's invention for disciplining us and the animals is the very brightest idea that ever was, and not even an idiot could get up anything shinier. Mamma, brother Eddie needs disciplining, right away; and I know where you can get the smallpox for him, and the itch, and the diphtheria, and bone-rot, and heart disease, and consumption, and —Dear mamma, have you fainted? I will run and bring help! Now this comes of staying in town this hot weather.” “Little Bessie” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
"Strange! that you should not have suspected years ago - centuries, ages, eons, ago! - for you have existed, companionless, through all the eternities.
Strange, indeed, that you should not have suspected that your universe and its contents were only dreams, visions, fiction! Strange, because they are so frankly and hysterically insane - like all dreams: a God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave his angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice and invented hell -
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mouths mercy and invented hell - mouths Golden Rules, and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites this poor, abused slave to worship him! . . .
"You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks - in a word, that they are a dream, and you the maker of it. The dream-marks are all present; you should have recognized them earlier.
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"It is true, that which I have revealed to you; there is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream -
a grotesque and foolish dream
. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought - a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!“ He vanished, and left me appalled; for I knew, and realized, that all he had said was true.
Mark Twain
ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
1601 Mark Twain
Conversation, as it was by the Social Fireside, in the Time of the Tudors.
[
Date, 1601.
]
[MEM.
—The following is supposed to be an extract from the diary of the Pepys of that day, the same being Queen Elizabeth's cup-bearer. It is supposed that he is of ancient and noble lineage; that he despises these literary canaille; that his soul consumes with wrath to see the queen stooping to talk with such; and that the old man feels that his nobility is defiled by contact with Shakespeare, etc., and yet he has got to stay there till her Majesty chooses to dismiss him.
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1601 (continued) Mark Twain
Yesternight toke her maisty ye queene a fantasie such as she sometimes hath, and had to her closet certain that doe write playes, bokes, and such like, these being my lord Bacon , his worship Sir Walter Ralegh, Mr. Ben Jonson, and ye child Francis Beaumont, which being but sixteen, hath yet turned his hand to ye doing of ye Lattin masters into our English tong, with grete discretion and much applaus. Also came with these ye famous Shaxpur. A righte straunge mixing truly of mighty blode with mean, ye more in especial since ye queenes grace was present, as likewise these following, to wit: Ye Duchess of Bilgewater, twenty-two yeres of age; ye Countesse of Granby, twenty-six; her doter, ye Lady Helen, fifteen; as also these two maides of honor, to-wit, ye Lady Margery Boothy, sixty five, and ye Lady Alice Dilberry, turned seventy, she being two yeres ye queenes graces elder. I, being her maites cup-bearer, had no choice but to remaine and beholde rank forgot, and ye high holde converse wh ye low as uppon equal termes, a grete scandal did ye world heare thereof. In ye heat of ye talk it befel yt one did breake wind, yielding an exceding mightie and distresfull stink, whereat all did laugh full sore, and then — “1601” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
1601 (continued)
Ye Queene.
—Verily in mine eight and sixty years have I not heard the fellow to this fart. Meseemeth, by ye grete sound and clamour of it, it was male; yet ye belly it did lurk behinde shoulde now fall lean and flat against ye spine of him yt hath bene delivered of so stately and so vaste a bulk, where as ye guts of them yt doe quiff-splitters bear, stand comely still and rounde. Prithee let ye author confess ye off spring. Will my Lady Alice testify?
Lady Alice.
—Good your grace, an' I had room for such a thundergust within mine ancient bowels, 'tis not in reason I coulde discharge ye same and live to thank God for yt He did choose handmaid so humble whereby to shew his power. Nay, 'tis not I yt have broughte forth this rich o'ermastering fog, this fragrant gloom, so pray you seeke ye further.
Ye Queene.
—Mayhap ye Lady Margery hath done ye companie this favor?
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1601 (continued) Mark Twain
Lady Margery.
—So please you madam, my limbs are feeble wh ye weighte and drouth of five and sixty winters, and it behoveth yt I be tender unto them. In ye good providence of God, an' I had contained this wonder, forsoothe wolde I have gi'en ye whole evening of my sinking life to ye dribbling of it forth, with trembling and uneasy soul, not launched it sudden in its matchless might, taking mine own life with violence, rending my weak frame like rotten rags. It was not I, your maisty.
Ye Queene.
—O' God's name, who hath favored us? Hath it come to pass yt a fart shall fart
itself?
Not such a one as this, I trow. Young Master Beaumont —but no; It would have wafted him to heaven like down of goose's boddy. 'Twas not ye little Lady Helen —nay, ne'er blush, my child; thoul't tickle thy tender maidenhedde with many a mousie-squeak before thou learnest to blow a harricane like this. Wasn't you, my learned and ingenious Jonson?
Jonson.
—So fell a blast hath ne'er mine ears saluted, nor yet a stench so all pervading and immortal.'Twas not a novice did it, good your maisty, but one of veteran experience —else hadde he failed of confidence. In sooth it was not I. “1601” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
1601 (continued) Mark Twain
Ye Queene.
—
My Lord Bacon?
Lord Bacon.
—Not from my leane entrailes hath this prodigy burst forth, so please your grace. Naught doth so befit ye grete as grete performance; and haply shall ye finde yt 'tis not from mediocrity this miracle hath issued. [Tho' ye subjoct be but a fart, yet will this tedious sink of learning pondrously phillosophize. Meantime did the foul and deadly stink pervade all places to that degree yt never smelt I ye like, yet dare I not to leave ye presence, albeit I was like to suffocate.]
Ye Queene.
—What saith ye Master Shaxpur?
Shaxpur.
—In the great hand of God I stand and so proclaim mine inocence. Though ye sinless hosts of heaven had foretold ye coming of this most desolating breath, proclaiming it a work of uninspired man, its quaking thunders, its firmament-clogging rottenness his own achievement in due course of nature, yet “1601” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
1601 (continued) Mark Twain
had not I believed it; but had said the pit itself hath furnished forth the stink, and heaven's artillery hath shook the globe in admiration of it. [Then was there a silence, and each did turn him toward the worshipful Sr Walter Ralegh, that browned, embattled, bloody swashbuckler, who rising up did smile, and simpering say] –
Sr. W.
—Most gracious maisty, 'twas I that did it, but indeed it was so poor and frail a note, compared with such as I am wont to furnish, yt in sooth I was ashamed to call the weakling mine in so August a presence. It was nothing —less than nothing, madam —I did it but to clear my nether throat; but had I come prepared, then had I delivered something worthy. Bear with me, please your grace, till I can make amends. [Then delivered he himself of such godless an rockshivering blast that all were fain to stop their ears, and following it did come so dense and foul a stink that that which went before did seem a poor and trifling thing be-side it. Then saith he, “1601” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
1601 (continued) Mark Twain
feigning that he blushed and was confused,
I perceive that I am weak to-day and cannot justice do unto my powers
; and sat him down as who should say,
There, it is not much yet he that hath an arse to spare, let him fellow that, an' he think he can.
By God, an' I were ye queene, I would e'en tip this swaggering braggart out o' the court, and let him air his grandeurs and break his intolerable wind before ye deaf and such as suffocation pleaseth.] Then fell they to talk about ye manners and customs of many peoples, and Master Shaxpur spake of ye boke of ye sieur Michel de Montaigne, wherein was mention of ye custom of widows of Perigord to wear uppon ye headdress, in sign of widowhood, a jewel in ye similitude of a man's member wilted and limber, whereat ye queene did laugh and say widows in England doe wear prickes too, but betwixt the thighs, and not wilted neither, till coition hath done that office for them. Master Shaxpur did likewise observe how yt ye sieur de Montaigne hath also spoken of a certain emperor of such mighty prowess that he did take ten maidenheddes in ye compass of a single night, ye while his empress did entertain two and twenty lusty knights between her sheetes, yet was not satisfied; “1601” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
1601 (continued) Mark Twain
whereat ye merrie Countess Granby saith a ram is yet ye emperor's superior, sith he wil tup above a hundred yewes 'twixt sun and sun; and after, if he can have none more to shag, will masturbate until he hath enrich'd whole acres with his seed. Then spake ye damned windmill, Sr Walter, of a people in ye uttermost parts of America, yt copulate not until they be five and thirty yeres of age, ye women being eight and twenty, and do it then but once in seven yeres.
Ye Queene.
—How doth that like my little Lady Helen? Shall we send thee thither and preserve thy belly?
Lady Helen.
—Please your highnesses grace, mine old nurse hath told me there are more ways of serving God than by locking the thighs together; yet am I willing to serve him yt way too, sith your highnesses grace hath set ye ensample.
Ye Queene.
—God’s wowndes, a good answer, childe.
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1601 (continued)
Lady Alice.
—Mayhap 'twill weaken when ye hair sprouts below ye navel.
Lady Helen.
—Nay, it sprouted two yeres syne; I can scarce more than cover it with my hand now.
Ye Queene.
—Hear ye that, my little Beaumont? Have ye not a little birde about ye that stirs at hearing tell of so sweete a neste?
Beaumont.
—
'Tis not insensible, illustrious madam; but mousing owls and bats of low degree may not aspire to bliss so whelming and ecstatic as is found in ye downy nests of birdes of Paradise.
Ye Queene.
—By ye gullet of God, 'tis a neat-turned compliment. With such a tong as thine, lad, thou'lt spread the ivory thighs of many a willing maide in thy good time, an' thy cod-piece be as handy as thy speeche.
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1601 (continued) Mark Twain
Then spake ye queene of how she met old Rabelais when she was turned of fifteen, and he did tell her of a man his father knew that had a double pair of bollocks, whereon a controversy followed as concerning the most just way to spell the word, ye contention running high betwixt ye learned Bacon and ye ingenious Jonson, until at last ye old Lady Margery, wearying of it all, saith,
Gentles, what mattereth it how ye shall spell the word? I warrant ye when ye use your bollocks ye shall not think of it; and my Lady Granby, be ye content; let the spelling be, ye shall enjoy the beating of them on your buttocks just the same, I trow. Before I had gained my fourteenth year I had learnt that them that would explore a cunt stop'd not to consider the spelling o't.
Sr. W
—In sooth, when a shift's turned up, delay is meet for naught but dalliance. Boccaccio hath a story of a priest that did beguile a maid into his cell, then knelt him in a corner to pray for grace to be rightly thankful for this tender maidenhedde ye Lord had sent him; but ye abbot, spying through ye key-hole, did see a tuft of brownish hair with fair white flesh about it, wherefore when ye priest's prayer was done, his chance was gone, forasmuch as ye little maid had but ye one cunt, and that was already occupied to her content. “1601” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
1601 (continued) Mark Twain
Then conversed they of religion, and ye mightie work ye old dead Luther did doe by ye grace of God. Then next about poetry, and Master Shaxpur did rede a part of his "King Henry IV," ye which, it seemeth unto me, is not of ye value of an arsefull of ashes, yet they praised it bravely, one and all.
Ye same did rede a portion of his "Venus and Adonis," to their prodigious admiration, whereas I, being sleepy and fatigued withal, did deine it but paltry stuff, and was the more discomforted in that ye blody bucanier had got his wind again, and did turn his mind to farting with such villain zeal that presently I was like to choke once more. God damn this windy ruffian and all his breed. I wolde that hell mighte get him. They talked about ye wonderful defense which old Sr. Nicholas Throgmorton did make for himself before ye judges in ye time of Mary; which was unlucky matter to broach, sith it fetched out ye queene with a
Pity yt he, having so much wit, had yet not enough to save his doter's maidenhedde sound for her marriage-bed.
And “1601” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
1601 (continued) Mark Twain
ye queene did give ye damn'd Sr. Walter a look yt made hym wince-for she hath not forgot he was her own lover it yt olde day. There was silent uncomfortableness now; 'twas not a good turn for talk to take, sith if ye queene must find offense in a little harmless debauching, when pricks were stiff and cunts not loathe to take ye stiffness out of them, who of this company was sinless; behold, was not ye wife of Master Shaxpur four months gone with child when she stood uppe before ye altar? Was not her Grace of Bilgewater roger'd by four lords before she had a husband? Was not ye little Lady Helen born on her mother's wedding-day? And, beholden were not ye Lady Alice and ye Lady Margery there, mouthing religion, whores from ye cradle? In time came they to discourse of Cervantes, an of the new painter, Rubens, that is beginning to be heard of. Fine words and dainty-wrought phrases from the ladies now, one or two of them being, in other days, pupils of that poor ass, Lille , himself; and I marked how that Jonson and Shaxpur did fidget to discharge some venom of sarcasm, yet dared they not in the presence, the queene's grace being ye very flower of ye Euphuists herself. But behold, these be they yt, having a “1601” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
1601 (continued) Mark Twain
specialty, and admiring it in themselves, be jealous when a neighbor doth essaye it, nor can abide it in them long. Wherefore 'twas observable yt ye queene waxed uncontent; and in time labor'd grandiose speeche out of ye mouth of Lady Alice, who manifestly did mightily pride herself thereon, did quite exhauste ye queene's endurance; who listened till ye gaudy speeche was done, then lifted up her brows, and with vaste irony, mincing saith,
O shit!
Where at they alle did laffe, but not ye Lady Alice, yt olde foolish bitche. Now was Sr. Walter minded of a tale he once did hear ye ingenious Marguerite of Navarre relate, about a maid, which being like to suffer rape by an olde archbishoppe, did smartly contrive a device to save her maidenhedde, and said to him,
First, my lord, I prithee, take out thy holy tool and piss before me;
which doing, lo his member felle, and would not rise again.
“1601” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
1601 (continued) Mark Twain References Sir Francis Bacon
: (1561-1626) Writer, philosopher, lawyer. He became Lord Chancellor of England under James I. Much of his literary work is incomplete, as he tried write while dealing with the day to day pressures of holding public office. The writings that exist are held in high esteem, and he is considered to have contributed to the 17th century scientific revolution.
Sir Walter Raleigh
: (1554?-1618) Historian, Politician, Soldier, Explorer and Poet. A favorite and rumored lover of Queen Elizabeth. The legend has it that he gained her favor by placing his cloak over a muddy spot in the Queen's path for her to walk on without soiling her shoes. He was heavily involved in the development of the new world, and introduced tobacco and the potato to Ireland. He was arrested and imprisoned in the Tower of London in 1603, after an unfair trial for conspiring the against the King's life. It was there he began his
History of the World
. He was beheaded in 1618, noting, as he touched the edge of the ax, that "This is a sharp medicine, but it is a sure cure for all diseases.”
Ben Jonson
: (1572-1637) Jacobean poet, critic and dramatist generally considered second only to Shakespeare for plays in late 16th and early 17th century England. He is thought to be one of the prime models for dramatic characterization in in Restoration and 18th and 19th century comedy. “1601” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
1601 (continued) Mark Twain References Francis Beaumont
: (1584-1616) Jacobean Playwright and Poet. Attempted to study the law at Oxford, never getting a degree, devoting more time to enjoying the hospitality of the Mermaid Tavern than to pursuing his legal studies. He collaborated with John Fletcher on many works, but is probably best remembered for the ribald and farcical
The Knight of the Burning Pestle
(1607).
William Shakespeare
: Need I say more?
Sir Nicholas Throckmorton
: Queen Elizabeth's chamberlain of the exchequer and ambassador to France and Scotland. He was imprisoned for a time at Windsor Castle during the intrigue around the attempt to marry Thomas Howard to Mary Stuart.
Elizabeth Throckmorton
: Sir Nicholas Throckmorton's daughter, who was seduced by and later married to Sir Walter Raleigh.
John Lyly
: Author of books and plays performed by the court's children's theater. He wrote
Euphues
, which was published in two parts in the late 1500's, and this work created a fad for flowery language and conceits by his followers, the Euphuists.
“1601” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque
Mark Twain
Mark Twain, “The Facts Concerning the Recent Carnival of Crime in Connecticut”
“The Fact Concerning the Recent Carnival of Crime in Connecticut” ENGL 2020 Themes in Literature and Culture: The Grotesque