Transcript What is love Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. Attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt.

What is love
Strong affection for another arising out of
kinship or personal ties.
Attraction based on sexual desire :
affection and tenderness felt by lovers.
Affections based on admiration,
benevolence, or common interests.
Unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for
the good of another
Love at first sight?
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
Then it requires knowledge and
effort.
Or is love a pleasant sensation,
which to experiences is a matter of
chance, something one "falls into"
if one is lucky?
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
Not that people think that love
is not important.
They are starved for it;
yet hardly anyone thinks that
there is anything that needs
to be learned about love.
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
Most people see the problem of
love primarily as that of being
loved , rather than that of loving,
of one's capacity to love.
Hence the problem to them is
how to be loved, how to be
lovable.
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
Many of the ways to make oneself
lovable are the same as those used to
make oneself successful, "to win
friends and influence people."
As a matter of fact, what most people
in our culture mean being lovable is
essentially a mixture between being
popular and having sex appeal.
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
In pursuit of this aim they follow several
paths.
One, which is especially used by men, is
to be successful, to be as powerful and
rich as the social margin of one's
position permits.
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
Another, used especially by
women, is to make oneself
attractive, by cultivating one's
body, dress, etc.
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
Other ways of making oneself
attractive used both by men
and women, are to develop
pleasant manners, interesting
conversation, to be helpful,
modest, inoffensive.
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
There is nothing to be learned about
love is the assumption that the
problem of love is the problem of an
object, not the problem of a faculty.
People think that to love is simple, but
that to find the right object to love - or
to be loved by - is difficult.
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
Our whole culture is based on the
appetite for buying. Modern man’s
happiness consists in the thrill of
looking at the shop windows and in
buying all that he can afford. He/she
look at people in a similar way.
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
There is another error leading to the
assumption that there is nothing to be
learned about love lies in the confusion
between the initial experience of falling
in love, and the permanent state of
being in love, or as we might better say,
of "standing" in love.
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
This miracle of sudden intimacy is
often facilitated if it is combined
with, or initiated by, sexual attraction
and consummation.
However, this type of love is by its
very nature not lasting
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
This attitude - that nothing is easier than
to love - has continued to be the prevalent
idea about love in spite of the
overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
There is hardly any activity, any
enterprise, which is started with such
tremendous hopes and expectations, and
yet, which fails so regularly, as love.
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
So what to do?
The first step to take is to become aware
that love is an art, just as living is an art;
if we want to learn how to love we must
proceed in the same way we have to
proceed if we want to learn any other art,
say music, painting, carpentry, or the art
of medicine or engineering.
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
The process of learning an art can
be divided conveniently into two
parts: one, the mastery of the
theory, the other, the mastery of the
practice. If I want to learn the art of
medicine, I must first know the
facts about the human body, and
about various diseases. When I
have all this theoretical knowledge,
I am by no means competent in the
art of medicine.
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
But, aside from learning the theory and
practice, there is a third factor
necessary to becoming a master in any
art - the mastery of the art must be a
matter of ultimate concern; there must
be nothing else in the world more
important that the art. This holds true
for music, for medicine, for carpentry and for love.
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
Affectionate Maturity
Immature love says: 'I love you because
I need you.'
Mature love says 'I need you because I
love you.'
Is Love an Art?
Erich Fromm
Love has to be free.
If you love something,
set it free.
If it returns to you,
it is yours.
If it doesn’t,
it never
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder
than words.
If this is your love language,
unsolicited compliments mean the
world to you.
Hearing the words, “I love you,” are
important—hearing the reasons
behind that love sends your spirits
skyward.
Insults can leave you shattered and
are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time,
nothing says, “I love you,” like full,
undivided attention.
Being there for this type of person is
critical, but really being there—with
the TV off, fork and knife down, and
all chores and tasks on standby—
makes your significant other feel truly
special and loved.
Distractions, postponed dates, or the
failure to listen can be especially
hurtful.
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for
materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives
on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort
behind the gift.
If you speak this language, the perfect
gift or gesture shows that you are
known, you are cared for, and you are
prized above whatever was sacrificed to
bring the gift to you.
A missed birthday, anniversary, or a
hasty, thoughtless gift would be
disastrous—so would the absence of
everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be
an expression of love?
Absolutely!
Anything you do to ease the burden
of responsibilities weighing on an
“Acts of Service” person will speak
volumes.
The words he or she most want to
hear: “Let me do that for you.”
Laziness, broken commitments, and
making more work for them tell
speakers of this language their
feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the
bedroom.
A person whose primary language is
Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very
touchy.
Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands,
and thoughtful touches on the arm,
shoulder, or face—they can all be
ways to show excitement, concern,
care, and love.
Physical presence and accessibility
are crucial, while neglect or abuse can
be unforgivable and destructive.
Gottfried von Liebnitz
To love
is to place our happiness
in the happiness
of another
To love is not to find what you lack in
order to fulfill your life.
To love is to give what you have in
order to contribute to another’s life
fulfillment.
Jesus
Greater love
hath no man than this,
that a man lay down his life
for his friends.
(John, 15,13)
Happy Valentine Day