Transcript LOVESICKNESS Glenn Wilson PhD, Gresham College, London CRAZY FOR YOU The symptoms of love look much like various forms of mental illness (Tallis 2005): Mania.

LOVESICKNESS
Glenn Wilson PhD, Gresham College, London
CRAZY FOR YOU
The symptoms of love look
much like various forms of
mental illness (Tallis 2005):
Mania – abnormally elevated
mood, inflated self-esteem,
extravagant gift-giving.
Depression – tearfulness,
insomnia, loss of appetite &
concentration.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder –
preoccupation, checking (text
messages), hygiene rituals,
hoarding valueless but resonant
items.
THE AGONY OF A BROKEN HEART
“My misery following the split took me by
surprise. It was intense… In tears and
blinded by anxious headaches, I imagined
him laughing at my gullibility. My
emotional pain became physical, twisting
knots in my neck and shoulder muscles
that left me in agony. I felt flat, foolish and
tormented by the thought he had deceived
me….I bored friends rigid with my
forensic analysis of our relationship and
its demise. I even rang a private detective
with a view to recruiting his services…”
(Mandy Appleyard, Femail Magazine,
31/3/11)
LOVE HURTS
Romantic breakup
activates brain areas
similar to those with
experience of pain.
Kross et al (2011)
studied fMRI responses
of people looking at
(and thinking about a
lover) who had dumped
them. Romantic
rejection hurt to much
the same degree as hot
probe pressed against
the arm.
UNRECIPROCATED LOVE IN THE BRAIN
Rejected lovers show brain
activation in areas overlapping
with those for people still “in
love” (at least if they have not
given up on winning back
their ex). These are the
mesolimbic reward and
forebrain motivational areas
involved in kicking a drug
habit.
(From Fisher et al, 2010)
R arrow = VTA
Cross-hair = NAcc + VPall
HEART-BRAKE HOTEL
Social rejection has measurable
effects on the autonomic nervous
system. When people are told
that attractive others disliked
their image there was a transient
slowing of heart-rate with a
delayed return to baseline (Moor
et al, 2010). This was greater if
the rejection was not anticipated.
This approximates to
“parasympathetic fainting or
shock”, an “I give up”
(depression) response.
THE WIDOWHOOD EFFECT
The immense grief of losing a
partner leads to many
premature deaths. 40% of men
and 26% of women die within
3 years of their partner (Boyle
et al, 2010). This is beyond
chance - suggesting it is
possible to “die of a broken
heart”.
Causes of death varied: cancer,
heart disease, suicide,
“accident”.
COPING WITH A BROKEN HEART
Recovery from a broken heart
shares many aspects with
overcoming a drug habit.
Don’t beat yourself up – you are
not to blame. Nor is your ex, so
avoid recriminations.
Call up your social support
(family & friends) but don’t drive
them away with your self-pity.
Distract yourself – keep as active
as possible with hobbies & work
projects.
Avoid old associations (photos,
love letters, old haunts – unless
going with someone new).
Look after your health – keep fit
& pamper yourself.
ATTACHMENT STYLES
Styles of attachment are
classified in relation to
two dimensions:
avoidance & anxiety.
Nearly half of the
variance in these
dimensions is genetic,
the rest down to nonshared environment.
Hence parental treatment
not critical.
Oxytocin relates to high
anxiety - may be
secreted as an anxiolytic,
to promote relationships
by increasing willingness
to take risks.
PATHOLOGICAL LOVE
Sophia et al (2009) defined
pathological love as
uncontrollable, over-possessive
caring for a partner that is
recognised by the individual
themselves as detrimental to
other aspects of their lives (e.g.,
children, career).
Compared with normal controls,
PL people were inclined to be
impulsive, reward-dependent,
spiritual and low in self-esteem.
They were also less secure/more
anxious in attachment style and
persisted in unsatisfying
relationships.
FOUR-LEGGED FRIENDS
Pet owners are on average
more attached to their pet
than their partner.
Pets emit infant signals
that arouse parental
instincts, hence serve as
child substitutes.
They don’t argue, don’t
leave home, they reduce
stress (reduce blood
pressure) and may combat
widowhood effect in
elderly people.
JEALOUSY
Jealousy is the emotion felt
when one feels threatened by
a love rival. It is normal
(unless taken to extreme) and
functions to increase mate
retention behaviours.
For men this focuses on
sexual penetration (fear of
cuckoldry).
For women emotional
involvement is a bigger issue
(fear of relationship loss).
JEALOUSY AND ATTACHMENT
Overall, men are more
concerned about sexual
infidelity and women
emotional betrayal.
Those with secure
attachment styles (whether
men or women) focus more
on emotional infidelity;
those with dismissing styles
are more distressed by
sexual infidelity.
Levy & Kelly ( 2009)
ATTRIBUTES OF THE RIVAL
Women experience
greater jealousy when
their rival is attractive.
Subliminal exposure to an
attractive female face
increases reaction to a
jealousy-evoking scenario
(Massar & Buunk, 2010).
One male equivalent is
stature (= dominance).
Short men experience
more jealousy than tall
men (Brewer & Riley,
2009). However, they are
less likely to turn to
violence.
JEALOUSY AND SEX HORMONES
Contraceptive pills high in
synthetic oestrogen
(ethinyl oestrodial)
increase jealousy in
women. This could affect
their capacity to maintain
stable pair-bonds.
Progesterone is not
implicated.
Men with low prenatal
testosterone (feminine
finger ratios) show more
jealousy.
STALKING
Stalking = repeated, unwanted
following or harassment by
mail/phone.
Reasons vary: refusal to recognise that
a relationship is over; effort to start
one with someone unavailable/out of
reach (e.g., a celebrity); social
incompetence; revenge; planning a
sexual assault.
About 8% of women, 2% of men have
been stalked. Most stalkers are male
and their victims female, but men are
just as likely to be stalked by a woman
as a man.
Some are psychotic (deluded), others
obsessional or personality disordered
(anti-social, narcissistic, paranoid).
QUEEN VICTORIA’S STALKER
One of the first celebrity
stalkers was a teenage urchin
called Edward Jones who
habitually broke into
Buckingham Palace in the
hope of meeting the Queen.
He was discovered lurking in
her dressing room after
stealing some of her
underwear. The magistrate
dismissed it as a “daring
folly” and he became a folk
hero before several repeat
episodes led to his
deportation.
CLUMSY COURTSHIP
Some forms of stalking can be
understood as incompetent
courtship. Women put men through
rituals requiring them to
demonstrate their devotion and
persistence sometimes pays off.
Some men get this terribly wrong,
persisting despite strong cues that
their attention is unwelcome and
that they will never be successful.
Gwyneth Paltrow had a stalker who
sent her 5 love letters a day, as well
as flowers, chocolate, pizza and
pornography (perhaps not the way
to impress a lady but it might work
with some).
INTIMATE STALKING
Stalking by an ex-partner is most
common & dangerous form. Usually
“controlling”, psychopathic males.
Particularly intrusive because they know
life details & movements of victim.
Children used as additional tool of
intimidation.
Prior relationship usually abusive,
coercive & violent – so stalking is
“business as usual”. May begin while
relationship is intact but escalate &
become more dangerous after separation.
Lasts years (avge 2) - causing great
disruption, distress to victim (anxiety,
depression) esp. when threats of violence.
Actual violence occurs in about 50% of
cases (higher than non-partner stalking).
TO HAVE AND TO HIT
Around 50% of murdered women are
killed by an “intimate”.
McFarlane et al (2002) looked at
partner stalking behaviours in the year
preceding an attempted/actual murder.
Two-thirds had been stalked and twothirds assaulted prior to the murder
attempt.
Those who had been spied on or
followed were 2x as likely as other
abused women to be victims of
murder/attempted murder.
Threats to harm the children if the
women left (did not return) were
associated with a 9x risk.
DE CLERAMBAULT’S SYNDROME
Delusional belief that one is loved
by another person. Identified by
French psychiatrist in 1921. Also
called “erotomania”.
Most commonly a middle aged
woman who believes that a known,
high status male (e.g. doctor,
lawyer) secretly loves her but is
prevented from declaring himself
(e.g., because he is married).
Tenuous clues are latched onto as
cryptic signals (e.g., “he is wearing a
tie of my favourite colour”). May
lead to stalking, harassment, even
murder of the wife to clear the way.
FATAL ATTRACTION
Not all erotomania is totally
delusional. It may start with a
fling that is followed by the
woman developing an
obsession for the man. Failed
attempts to perpetuate the
relationship turn to progressive
stalking and threats to wreck
the man’s life. Again, murder
of the man, or other members
of his family, occurs very
occasionally.
“U BE DEAD”
Argentinian born Maria Marchese
(45) was jailed for 9 years in 2007
for wrecking the life of London
psychiatrist Dr Jan Falkowski. She
stalked him relentlessly, making
threats both to him and his fiancee,
causing the relationship to collapse.
Stealing a used condom from his
rubbish bin, she smeared her
underwear with his semen and had
him convicted of rape (later
overturned). The story was
dramatised in the film U Be Dead.
EROTOMANIA: CLINICAL FEATURES
Extreme cases are much publicised
but most erotomania is not
dangerous and does not lead to
stalking.
Associated with other psychotic
symptoms and responds to low-dose
anti-psychotic drug treatment.
Strong family psychiatric histories
suggest that genetic factors are
involved.
Male erotomania is less common but
often more dangerous (e.g., John
Hinckley, 25, shot President Reagan
in an attempt to impress Jodie Foster
after seeing her in Taxi Driver).
MISFIRING ADAPTATIONS
The various forms of lovesickness may
be understood as evolutionary
adaptations that are exaggerated or
misdirected.
Obsessional love comes from a
mechanism for narrowing mate choice.
Mania overrides inhibitions against
mating. Depression is a reaction to loss
in the competitive struggle (withdrawing
to fight another day).
Extreme jealousy and partner stalking are
clumsy courtship or mate retention
tactics. Female erotomania stems from
the instinct to acquire a high-ranking
long-term mate.
Drugs may help to contain these distorted
drives (e.g., SSRIs for obsession,
neuroleptics for delusions) – perhaps
additional to CBT.