Transcript Adjusting to Having a Child in College Dr. Michele Yovanovich, Dean of Students Dr.

Adjusting to
Having a Child in College
Dr. Michele Yovanovich, Dean of Students
Dr. Andy Cinoman, Director, New Student Programs
Division of Student Affairs
Your role is important…
A healthy collegiate-parent relationship is
positively linked to overall college adjustment,
including academic achievement
and affective health.
- Diane Austin
The dynamic relationship between
parent and college student…
Awareness of the transition is helpful.
Coaching. Communicating.
Teaching problem solving.
Partnering is the best approach.
“It’s not only the children who grow. Parents do too.
As much as we watch what our children do with
their lives, they are watching us to see what we do
with ours. I can’t tell my children to reach for the
sun. All I can do is reach for it myself.”
Joyce Maynard
Separation and Change
• The separation process is a mutual one.
• How do you know if the separation has
been successfully achieved?
Separation and Change
Successful separation is rooted in the ability to
develop an adult-to-adult relationship with your
child and to feel comfortable with
your changing role as a parent.
Diane Austin, 2001
Parents and
Millennial Children
•
This is the most “watched over” generation in history…and the
most connected to their families.
•
You have been involved in all aspects of their lives and have
worked hard to ensure their success, and they are fine with this!
•
They are used to sharing their ups and downs with you, and they
will continue to do this – technology makes this VERY easy.
•
This level of connection and involvement makes it all the more
challenging to adjust to the transition…
Parents and
Millennial Children
TMI
Too much information!
It’s easy to be overwhelmed by what they tell you when
you get that “world is falling apart” phone call.
How do you handle those anxious calls or texts??
Move over Millennials, Here’s Gen Z!
Millennials
Generation Z
More liberal
More optimistic
Service-oriented
Diversity is the norm
Confident
“Me” Generation
Tech savvy
Facebook to connect
Pre-scheduled learning
Want to learn something?
Google it
More conservative
More realistic
Social change-oriented
Diversity is the norm
Confident
“We” Generation
Tech reliant
You Tube to connect
On demand/just in time learning
Want to learn something?
You Tube it
Which set of characteristics are more like your child??
Concern
Influence
Control
The High School Parent
Concern
Influence
Control
The Collegiate Parent
Your Relationship WILL Change:
•
You will have less direct involvement and influence
in decision making, which can be very unsettling…
•
Communication will be different – they won’t share
everything…even though you might “talk” every
day!
•
They are in the driver’s seat – but they need your
unconditional support!
An observation…
The fact of the matter is that parental involvement that may be
beneficial for some students,
may actually be counterproductive for others.
Parents are probably best advised to think about how their
interactions with their college-age children can encourage them
toward healthy student development.
An observation…
…think carefully about what’s best for your
child’s development in the long run, to be a
source of support, and to resist the temptation
to solve all of their problems for them.
-Linda Sax, Associate Professor
Graduate School of Education and
Information Studies, UCLA
Over-involvement…
Parental over-involvement can rob a child of a
chance to develop resilience and self-confidence.
At this level, we see students who:
…are very quick to give up.
…often place blame rather than accept responsibility.
…are easily overwhelmed by the changes in their lives.
Fostering
Resiliency
“If parents want to give their children a gift, the best thing
they can do is to teach their children to love challenges, be
intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning.
That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise.
They will have a lifelong way to build and
repair their own confidence.”
Carol S. Dweck
It’s a Three-Way Partnership!
• You can normalize their experiences
• Help your child problem solve: take a step back,
analyze situations, and come up with solutions
• Reinforce campus resources
• Let your child follow through on their own and
learn from their experiences…good AND bad!
Enhancing
Resiliency
•
Remind them that they CAN do it!
•
Call them out on their “victim speak” – help them
think like a CREATOR of their own success…
•
If at first you don’t succeed…
•
Encourage them to seek out the advice and support of
their peers: Resident Assistants, Orientation Leaders,
Multicultural Ambassadors, PALs, Peer Advisors
Advice…
Moving from “Manager” to “Coach”
Coach resiliency. Self-sufficiency.
Moving from “Provider” to “Partner”
Level of involvement changes.
Stay connected without impeding development.
Some Resources for Parents
The Happiest Kid on Campus: A Parent’s Guide to the Very Best
College Experience (for You and Your Child)
by Harlan Cohen. Sourcebooks, Inc. 2010
Some Resources for Parents
Letting Go: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding the College Years
Fifth edition, by Karen Levin Coburn. Harper Perennial, 2009
Some Resources for Parents
I’ll Miss You Too: A Parent and Student Guide to Opening Doors and
Staying Connected during the College Years
by Margo E. Bane Woodacre, MSW, and Steffany Bane. Sourcebooks, Inc. 2006
Some Resources for Parents
Your Student’s First Year:
http://studentservices.fgcu.edu/NewStudent
Programs/your-students-first-year.html
There are two lasting bequests we
can give our children…
One is roots. The other is wings.
Hodding Carter, Jr.