Slide 1

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor

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In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 2

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 3

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 4

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 5

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 6

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 7

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 8

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 9

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 10

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 11

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 12

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without content

30

(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 13

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 14

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 15

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 16

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor

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In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 17

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 18

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 19

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 20

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 21

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 22

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 23

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 24

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 25

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 26

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 27

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 28

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 29

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 30

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 31

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 32

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 33

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 34

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 35

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 36

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 37

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 38

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 39

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 40

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 41

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 42

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 43

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 44

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 45

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 46

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 47

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 48

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 49

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 50

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 51

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 52

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 53

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 54

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 55

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 56

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 57

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 58

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 59

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 60

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 61

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 62

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 63

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 64

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 65

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 66

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 67

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 68

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
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Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor

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In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 69

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 70

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 71

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 72

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 73

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 74

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 75

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 76

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 77

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 78

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 79

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 80

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 81

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 82

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

(C) C Raimundo - R Ruthven. No part of this presentation may be copied or reproduced without permission

31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 83

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor

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In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.


Slide 84

COACHING
WITH
CLARITY

Distance Education

Coaching Accreditation Course

3D SIMULATION TECHNOLOGY
Module 1
Communication & Engagement
www.neuro-learning.com

A division of Active Learning Centre International
T: 0243413049 E: [email protected]

Welcome!
Welcome to the Coaching with Clarity Accreditation Program. Use
this power point to guide you through the pages of your student
manual. Click the space bar to move forward.
When you see this icon, click on it with your mouse to watch the
video of Dr. Carlos explaining the theory behind what you are
learning. Click
if you use Windows or
if you use Mac.
When you see this icon, it is time to reflect and write in your manual.

When you see this image, take the time to read through the
information on the page(s) of your manual.

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Module 1
Communication
and
Engagement

Module 2
Individual
Transformation

This is Module 1 of the Coaching with Clarity
Program. We invite you to continue your studies
with us to become an accredited practitioner by

Module 3
Coaching
Families &
Teams

Module 4
Cultural
Transformation

completing the following:
6 course modules in total
30 hours of logged case-study work using the techniques

Module 5
Coaching for
Effective
Leadership

Module 6
Coaching for
Conflict
Resolution

10 hours of peer supervision
10 hours of professional supervision
Evaluation of professional competency by Dr Raimundo

Peer &
Professional
Supervision

Accredited
Practitioner

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Take the time to read pages 3 & 4 of your manual. When you’re ready, click
on the camera to meet Dr Carlos A Raimundo.
When the movie is finished, click the X at the top right hand corner of the
screen to return to the course.

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The Coaching with Clarity program consists of :

3d Simulation
Method

Play of Life®

THEORY

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Take some time to peruse the outcomes for Module 1 on page 5 of your manual.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Communication links individuals and enables them to relate effectively as a group. Effective
communication is essential in creating unity in group consciousness, corporate
direction and pace.
Dialogue is part of communication. Dialogue is not a monologue. Monologue is the “telling” of a
message without incorporating a reply whereas dialogue needs at least two engaged participants
playing complementary roles; alternating the sending and receiving of information. It’s a key tool
for accessing corporate wisdom, testing agreed-upon assumptions and for coming up with
definitions. Through dialogue people discover higher-order systems and link cause and effect
within those systems. Dialogue establishes and strengthens interpersonal
relationships and creates rapport between people who use these systems to achieve
a common purpose. Effective dialogue is essential for the learning and transformation of both
individuals and groups.

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The Core Components of Effective Communication
Diagnosis is crucial for clear communication to occur. It’s the basis for understanding and a
platform from which to move towards appropriate solutions.

Giving and receiving accurate feedback is vital in order for a relationship of trust to

begin. People need to be confident that what they are communicating is being
understood by others.

Which of the aspects on page 6 have the most impact on your profession? Are there any
other influences that come to mind?

▫

We cannot know everything, but what we do know has to be true. If what we do
know is true and relevant to the situation, it can be enough; the platform from which
to start creating positive change.
Carlos A Raimundo

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The limitations of verbal communication

Verbal communication relies heavily on:
Memory of the progressive use of words and their context and
Previous encounters with the same person or situation.
Verbal communication is linear and relies on words and information being delivered sequentially,
One word after the other
In complex matters, the chance of error; that an incorrect or distorted image or concept could be
introduced, is very high.
This is because culture, language, background, gender, education etc, all contribute to the
selection, articulation, hearing, and interpretation of the words used.

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Let’s look at Lisa’s situation
“I am the project manager of a team of 25 people. The $20 Million
project I am overseeing is behind schedule and over budget. There’s
low team engagement and a high level of employee turnover. I have
repeatedly complained about this to my boss but I feel like I’m
operating alone. I can’t continue working like this. I have an
uncooperative team and no support from management. Nobody
really cares; apart from Joanne, who’s an absolute gem.”
From the knowledge you have been given about Lisa’s
situation at work, from her verbal communication, list
Lisa’s concerns on page 7 of your manual.

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Three-dimensional communication
Lisa was asked to use the Play of Life to communicate her current situation and then her ideal
situation. Lisa made a pipe cleaner into a circle to represent her workload.
How is the picture Lisa created here
different from her verbal
description?
Record on page 8 in your manual.

Lisa’s Present Work Situation

The Play of Life communicational method allows people to use symbolic images that
display all the relevant pieces of information and people involved in a situation
simultaneously. This three-dimensional ‘picture’ is not reliant on the person’s level of
articulation, cultural framework or intellectual ability; it is a universal language of
communication more closely associated with the way humans think. Very simply, The
Play of Life makes communication more immediate, effective and efficient.

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How is Lisa depicting herself in her “ideal” work situation?
Record on page 8 of your manual.

Lisa’s Ideal Work Situation

Substantial changes in the way we behave and act towards other people come from shifts of
insight and/or perception of the “problem” between us. The Play of Life creates a space for
discovery; giving back some measure of control to the individuals in a practical, non-judgmental
way. It allows us to look at the situation or dilemma from the outside, objectively, and in a safe
environment. It gives us the time and space to do some lateral thinking and encourages us to
find solutions that otherwise may have been difficult to see.
Play of Life Communication is simultaneous and three-dimensional.

The Play of Life provides creative and innovative ways of relating
by making communication clear.
Carlos A Raimundo

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others

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Who am I? The Concept of Self in Relation to Others.

I told Freud he put people on a couch and isolated them. We don’t live on a
couch; we live in groups from birth to death.
J.L. Moreno

“The Power is between us”
Carlos A Raimundo

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17

Describe the two different paradigms for looking at the concept
of self on page 9 in your manual.

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Humans are mammals. Like every other mammal,
humans rely on being connected to other humans in order
to survive and thrive. We are physically hardwired to
be interconnected.

Innate to humans is the ability to assess whether an
encounter with another is safe or dangerous. The
assessment may be correct or erroneous but never-theless we are programmed to protect ourselves and
retreat from what we perceive to be unsafe.

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We learn through experience but the way we anchor
that learning into memory depends on the
conditions and context of the learning.

When we decide we want to do things differently; to
transform our behaviours and responses, we
need to feel supported, “contained”. Without
social, emotional and spiritual “containers”, sustaining
change is more difficult, if not impossible.
“You will not enjoy long-term professional success simply by
demonstrating expert technical knowledge and advice; you need
engagement-the human factor… And this can be learnt.”
Carlos A Raimundo

In your own words, on page 10, write why engagement is vital
to the coach-client relationship.

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In the Pursuit of Happiness

As humans, we seek to be satisfied; to be content. When the things we do, the environment we are
in, the treatment we receive, the way we act does not fit with who we are, we perceive there is a gap
- “something is missing”. We cannot handle “gaps”, the unexplained, the “not knowing’”. We look for
ways to self-soothe; to create the perception of “I am in control”. We search for a reason to explain
why it’s “natural” to feel the way do (“defence mechanisms”) and we also find ways to justify the way
we act in response to those feelings.

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We use Constructs to fill the gaps.

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The constructs we create to be “happy and content” affect the way we live life.
Read through the quotes below.
1.“I’m short-tempered at work because I’m underpaid.”
2.“If I don’t scream, the kids ignore me.”

3.“I stole the hotel towel because the tariff was ridiculously high.”
4.“I’m not happy in my marriage but you never get everything, it’s as good as it gets.”
5.“What else would you expect from a ___________ (You fill in the blank)”
6.“If I don’t keep my distance with my staff, they won’t respect me.”

7.“I’ll quit smoking/start dieting after I get through this rough patch.”
8.“I can’t help it, I’m an addict.”
9.“I should have waited ‘til Jupiter was aligned with Mars.”
10.“I’ll never be successful because I was abandoned/adopted/abused/bullied, ______.”

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The way we live life at any given moment can be described as the “role” we play. For
example, looking at the first quote, one could describe the role being played by that
person, in that particular instance, as a “Resentful Justifier” This is called “Role
Mapping”.
Choose one of the quotes on page 11 on which to focus. Describe the role that person is
playing using an adjective and a noun. Use the following guidelines to assist you.
What is the person doing in that instance?

E.g. defending

How is s/he feeling while doing it?

E.g. angry

Name the role using an adjective and a noun.

E.g. Angry Defender

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24

If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Begin again when you are ready.

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Brain and Mind Metaphor









































In your manual on page 12, start on
any dot and without lifting your
pen, connect 10 dots.

Dots = Brain
Line = Mind
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26

What is the difference between Brain and Mind and how is this relevant to clear
communication? Record your thoughts on the bottom of page 12.

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Comparison of the different pictures that are created illustrates that, although we
begin with the same pattern or physical layout, (eg each of our brains is
constructed the same way with the same genetic layout or structure, natural
growth), but the way we connect things is different, arising from the nurture we
have received and the environment in which we developed emotionally.
Carlos A Raimundo

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28
The Triune Brain and Implications for Communication, Engagement and
Behaviour
Brain Stem

Responsible for automatic
non-conscious responses
to external stimulation,
Knee -Jerk reactions and
behaviours.

Think of a situation when you responded
in a reactive way to someone or a time
when someone reacted that way to you.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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29
Limbic System
Limbic System

Responsible (mostly) for
emotions, memory, engagement.

Think of a situation when you needed to
be contained by someone and you were
not or of a time when you did not
contain someone who needed to be.
Write on page 13 of your manual.

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30

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31
Neo-Cortex

Neo-Cortex
Responsible for thinking,
planning and strategy.
It’s the centre for decoding
information coming in from
the senses. Language,
ideology and culture resides
in the Neo-Cortex.

Complete pages 13 & 14 in your manual.

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32
How do we bypass constructs?

Question
Verbal response

Internal reality

In order for alternative, creative
solutions to be found, constructs
have to be by-passed and other
parts of the brain, including the
Limbic System, must be
integrated.

Take a moment to read page 15.

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Now it’s time to “play”!
Take out your kit and get ready for the next technique.

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The Power of the First Step

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Use The Power of the First Step technique any time to
help you…
 Make a relationship better.
 Identify where you are, where you want to be and the
first step to making it happen.
 Make an important decision or life change.
 Get motivated when you feel “stuck” in a seemingly
paralyzing situation.

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Getting ready

Remove the template (page 16) from your
manual.
Find a comfortable place to play; one that has
a hard, stable surface to work on.
You may prefer to sit with a cup of tea or
coffee to feel more “at home”.
Allocate enough uninterrupted time to do the
play - one hour should be sufficient.

Jenny’s story

You will notice Jenny’s story at the side
of the screen.
If you wish you can read what Jenny did
(a true case) to get some insights into
how another person used the technique
to get clarity on her situation.

Jenny’s story.

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Clarify the topic

Just relax. This is your time.
Close your eyes and breath deeply three times.
Think of a relationship you’d like to make
better.
Try to focus on one relationship for now. You
can always come back with other relationships
and situations in mind next time.
Refer to Jenny’s story if you get stuck,
otherwise just continue.

Jenny’s Story

“Where do I start? I’m not getting along
with my husband or my son.“
Jenny decides to focus firstly on her
relationship with her 19 year-old son.
She’s noticed he’s been hanging out
with a bad crowd and she believes he’s
using drugs. She tries to confront him
almost daily but they just end up
screaming at each other. Jenny feels
unsupported by her husband because he
just leaves the room or stays silent
during the confrontations.

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Let’s play!

Place the template in front of you on a
hard surface.
This becomes the “stage” on which you
will represent the issue or relationship
you want to clarify.

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Choose a figure from the kit that could
represent you.
The choice of figure is symbolic.
It is not meant to look like you but to
represent how you are feeling in this situation
or relationship.

Place the figure in the box marked
“PRESENT” in a location that represents
how you are feeling.
(e.g. centre, back, front, side)

Bend and shape the figure in a way that
shows your current feeling.
Use both hands to do this.
(e.g. sitting, standing, laying down, hands up, head
looking to the side).

Jenny places herself facing the corner with her
hands in a lifted position signaling frustration
and despair.

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Choose a figure to represent the other person
in the relationship.
Looking at the stage, place the figure in a
location and in a position that best represents
the relationship he/she has with you.

Jenny places her 20-year-old son in the corner
facing away from her.

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Looking at the stage, choose a figure to
represent anyone else who is relevant in this
relationship.
Locate him/her in a place and in a position on
the board to represent how each one fits into
the relationship.

Jenny places her husband, the father of her son,
beside her on the stage but facing him away
from them.

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Looking at the stage, think about who else is
relevant who is not represented in this
situation.
Consider the possibility of there being
someone whose “presence” is noticeable or
felt, even though he/she does not live with
you? This person may even be deceased but
his/her beliefs and messages are very much
alive in your mind.
Choose figures to represent any other
significant others in this relationship. Locate
them in a place and position that shows the
role they play in relationship.

Jenny places a figure on the stage. to
represent her deceased mother. Even though she
died three years ago, her criticisms of Jenny
as a parent still plague Jenny.

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What else is relevant?
Looking at the stage, think about any issues
that are impacting the relationship.
Using props from the kit, represent those
issues on the stage e.g debt, emotional
separation, an addiction.
When you are sure the most significant people
and issues are represented on the stage, look
at the picture you have created from different
angles.
Make any adjustments necessary until you are
sure that the stage accurately portrays your
present situation.

Jenny places a circle using a pipe cleaner
around herself, representing the way she feels
trapped in her situation. She also places a ball
in front of her husband to represent his “work”
which she feels is of higher importance to him
than the family.

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I feel…
Looking at the figure that represents you on
the stage, what are you feeling in that
situation?
Record the feeling on the template.
How long have you felt like this?
Have you felt like this before?

Jenny feels “alone, fearful and trapped”.

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Rotate the template so that you are looking at
others from the view point of the figure
representing you. What does that figure see
from that position, literally?
What are you doing? If this were a movie,
what role are you playing? E.g. pleader,
helper, accuser. Record the role on the
template.
Think of a word that describes the way you
are playing the role. E.g. angry, powerless,
desperate.
Record the description of the role on the
template.

She writes that she is playing the role of a
“Frustrated Nagger.”

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I feel…
Looking at the scene from different angles,
focus on the most relevant person to you in
this relationship?
Imagine you are that person. Put yourself in
his/her shoes and look around the stage. This
is called Role Reversal.
What are you feeling, as that person?
Just keep that thought in your mind as you
continue.
When Jenny role reverses and views the
scene through the eyes of her son, she feels
isolated, out of control with no place to go.”
When she steps into the shoes of her
husband, she feels disconnected; not able to
see what’s happening and not really
wanting to turn and face the conflict.

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Looking again at the present situation you
have represented on the stage, imagine this is
a movie or a sculpture.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title, “NO
CONNECTION!”

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Leave the figures as they are on the left
“Present” stage.
Now it’s time to dream!
What type of relationship would you like
to have?

Picture the ideal in your mind and then
choose a figure to represent you in your
ideal. It does not have to be identical to
the figure you used previously.

Jenny chooses a figure like the one she used
previously to represent herself.

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In the “IDEAL” box, create a picture that
represents your ideal relationship.
Don’t hold back. Imagine everything is
possible.

Jenny places herself in the centre; her
husband besides her and their son in
front of them. Her mother’s negative
messages are in the corner, facing away
and separated by a barrier. For Jenny
the negative messages are blocked and
no longer have power over her .

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal again, focus on the
figure representing you.
What do you feel?
Write the feeling in the space provided
on the template.
Then, describe the role you’re playing
and record it on your template.

Jenny likes this situation. She feels calm,
happy and fulfilled.
Jenny describes her role as: Calm Fulfilled
Relater.

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I feel…
Looking at your ideal, step into the shoes of
the other most significant person in the
relationship. How are you feeling as you look
at this Ideal scenario?
If you’d like to, step into the shoes of another
person in the ideal scene and think about
how you are feeling in his/her shoes.

Jenny steps into the shoes of her son first
and then her husband. They both feel
included and happy.

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Looking at the ideal situation you have
represented on the stage, imagine this is a
movie.
What title would you give it?
Write the title in the space provided on the
template.

Jenny chooses the title ””REAL

COMMUNICATION”

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Look at both the present scene and the ideal
scene on the stage and the titles for each.
Your movie could now be called,
“From……….. (Present) to ………… (ideal).
Looking at the ideal situation, How much
do you want this?
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you
want your ideal to be a reality? A goal can
only be attained when there is a strong
desire to reach it.

Jenny’s title reads From: “No Connection To Real
Connection.”.
On a scale from 1 to 10, Jenny chooses 10. She wants
this ideal to be a reality with all her heart. .

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You are now the director of your own
movie!
You have the beginning of the movie on your
left and the happy ending on your right.
Keep looking at the “PRESENT” scene on the
left. What is the first small movement needed
to get to the final scene? Make that
movement now.

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If you moved a figure other than your own,
ask yourself, how long have you been waiting
for this to happen? What is the likelihood of
this happening?
The Play of Life promotes personal
responsibility. In reality we can’t change
others but by changing our actions, even
slightly, we may be able to motivate a positive
response in those around us.
What action could you take to move yourself
towards your “ideal”?
Now, make that one small move using the
figure you chose to represent you. This one
small move, as small as it may seem, is the
most important and critical first step towards
making your ideal a reality.

Jenny realizes the first step she needs to take is
to put her hands down.

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Repeat the movement several times.
Make a note of the first step and what it
means to you on the template.

Jenny lowers the hands of the
figure representing her. In other
words, her first step is to stop
despairing and calm down. It
was difficult to do but looking
at herself through the eyes of her
son and her husband, she
realizes her constant nagging is
pushing them away, and
draining her own energy.

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How difficult is this movement for you?
1 easy
2 difficult
3 very difficult, almost impossible.
If your response is 1, you have discovered that
you may be closer than you thought to finding
a solution to your problem; to making the
situation better.

For Jenny, lowering her hands is a 3; very difficult.

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If your answer is 2 or 3, you have a
challenge in front of you.
In situations like that you may:
Try to make the first step a smaller
one; a movement that is easier.
Draw upon whatever belief system
you have to give you strength.

Delay any action while you create a
better platform and support system
to face this situation.
For Jenny the movement is a 3.
Even a smaller movement was too difficult.
She found out she needed to be still until she was able to
find the strength to take the first step.

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You have finished the First Step Technique. You may like to take a photo of what you’ve
created.
Some people use the ideal picture as a screen saver to focus on what they want in life.

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When I don’t know what to do!
If you don’t know what to do as a first step, don’t worry.

Even knowing that we can’t do anything at the present moment is “doing” something.
This may be a time to be still which sometimes is a difficult place to be.
You can leave the scenes you have created on the template just as they are for a while and come back to
them later to continue your search for the first step.
Stay with the pictures in mind; especially the ideal one. Take a photo of it if you like and put it on your
Desk Top.
The mind works in unexpected ways so trust that the first step and the courage to take it will come to
you.
In situations like this it helps to:
Draw upon your belief system
Rely on people you trust

Create a strong emotional platform based on how you have been strengthened and
triumphed in the past. A good technique to help you do this is “Pillars of Life” which will be
introduced in Module 2.

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Belief systems that sustain you
Every one has belief systems and values; something that gives them a foundation for living better
- A foundation of wisdom, strength and peace. These may or may not be religious beliefs. They
could simply be a set of core beliefs about the best way to live in order to be happy with ourselves
in relationship to others.
Just pause! Look at the picture you’ve created and the movement you’ve chosen to be your first
Step. Draw on the beliefs and values you hold dear.
If you find that your current belief system is not enough, seek out a wise mentor or coach;
someone whose life is an example to you. Ask people you love and respect what sustains them.

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Post-Technique Reflection
Complete Page 17 in your manual)

What did I learn from doing the Power of the First Step technique?

I will be able to use this technique with my clients/ staff in the following ways:

Questions I need answered before I practise this technique:

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change

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Being “In the Hinge” of Change
To be “In the Hinge” we must have:
•Insight into the way things are in the present
•Awareness of a goal in life, - a destiny of true prosperity and well being that enables hope
•Awareness of a past history – role models and patterns of behaviour that have to be changed
•Insight into what is necessary as a first step that “I” must do to start the journey towards the goal
•A support system “container”; a mentor/coach/ group of people and a safe (non-critical and nonjudgemental) environment, in which to be at peace and to enable rational choices to be made.

But can people sustain behavioural change?
Yes they can! The brain is capable of creating new neuro-pathways.
This is called Neuro-plasticity.

Let’s look at Richard’s story.

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When Richard needs to confront his associate
about her work performance he finds himself
Familiar Behaviour

yelling or
avoiding
Either way the situation stays the same.
Richard wants to be an effective leader but he
defaults to behaviours familiar to him.
These behaviours follow a known and familiar
path in the brain, represented by the black
arrows in the figure.

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Can Richard Change?

Personalised Insight and Visualisation are key to the process of change
but they’re not sufficient.
Can Richard change? And can he sustain the change in behaviour longterm?
Can he become an “engaged motivator” instead of continuing to play the
role of a “preoccupied avoider”?

Richard can …. but only through Simulation.

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From Simulation to Transformation - Neuro-plasticity

Using 3d Simulation Richard
creates a new constructive
relational role which in turn
forms a rudimentary neuropath
(blue arrow)

With repeated, consistent
practice over time (simulation),
the neuropath becomes better
developed. The new behaviour
becomes imprinted.

Eventually, other associated
constructive behaviours are
incorporated; further reinforcing
the flow of the role,

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Young animals engage in “play” in order to learn and
develop necessary life skills.

Athletes repeatedly simulate necessary plays to
improve their game.

Musicians know the importance of practising off
stage before performing on stage.

Actors analyse their roles, plot their actions, and
rehearse their lines before going in front of an
audience.

But where can we practise the new roles we want to
exercise and develop the constructive behaviours
needed to improve personal and professional
relationships?

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71

In real life personal and professional situations, it is not so easy to
find places we can safely practise behaviours and roles not familiar

to us. The Play of Life gives people the opportunity to simulate new
relational behaviours on a “stage” in preparation for real-life
personal and professional interactions.
Carlos A. Raimundo

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Neuro-Plasticity is that
function of the brain able

Insight into

to reconstruct new neuro

personal

pathways through

behaviour and

activation of the

mirror-neuron
system. This requires

its effect on

Visualisation of
alternative,

Simulation of new

desired

behaviours

behaviours

others.

insight, visualisation
and simulation.

72

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Repetition

Three conditions
must also be present
for new behaviours
to be imprinted

For a period of
time

Consistency

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How Do People Sustain Behavioural Change?
Neuro-Plasticity is that function of the brain able to reconstruct new neuro pathways through
activation of the mirror-neuron system.
This requires insight , visualisation and simulation.

For a new behaviour to be imprinted, the action needs to be:
Repetitive and Consistent for a Period of Time.
Fill in the blanks on page 18.

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Core Components and Guidelines for Play of Life Implementation.
Take the time to read the course notes from pages 19 to 21.

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If you haven’t already, this would be a good time to take a break. Think about what you
have learned up to this point. Continue when you are ready.

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Am I Interpreting or Reading?

Describe what you see in
this picture on page 22.

Are you reading or interpreting?
Never Interpret, Just Read!
Describe what you see on the stage again in the space provided. Be sure you are
“reading”, not interpreting.
E.g. A female figure is in the corner, bent over holding a round object. A male figure is in the
middle of the stage with one arm raised.

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Your own personal experience with an issue being
presented by someone else can provide you with
important background knowledge but it can also prompt
you to make false assumptions. Don’t confuse projection
with “intuition”. Be acutely aware of, and avoid “the
push”; the tendency for professionals to lead their clients
through their questioning. This can cause clients to come
to inappropriate or unsatisfactory conclusions.
Carlos A Raimundo

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ROLE THEORY
Constructive Roles:
When you play a Constructive role it enhances
your life and brings a sense of fulfilment.

It ultimately makes you a better person and
positively affects the people around you. Playing
this role makes you feel good and remembering
past experiences of being in the role is also very
satisfying.

Describe a role you play that is
“Constructive”.
Record it on page 23.
Use an adjective and a noun.
E. g. Encouraging Mentor
Guideline for naming roles: What am I
doing? How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Fragmenting Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

When you play a Fragmenting role it weakens

“Fragmenting”.

you as a person; preventing or even stopping

Record it on page 23.

personal growth. It can impact negatively on

Use an adjective and a noun.

your relationships with others. This role often

e. g. Demeaning Critisiser

results in frustration and conflict for all parties
involved. It can impede opportunities for new
challenges and further development in life.

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?
How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

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ROLE THEORY
Ambivalent Roles:

Describe a role you play that is

This is a combination of a Fragmenting and a

“Ambivalent”. Record it on page 23.

Constructive role.

Use an adjective and a noun.

Eg. A mother who reads a book to her child every

E. g. Resentful Book Reader

night may play the role of Resentful Book Reader,
especially if she feels her husband should be helping

Guideline for naming roles: What am I doing?

her. The book reading is constructive but the effect of

How am I feeling while I’m doing it?

the role is weakened by the way she reads it. Hence
instead of being a Willing Reader she is a Resentful
Book Reader.

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Now it’s your time to practise.
Invite a friend, family member or colleague to be a “client”.
Refer to the directions on page 24 of your manual. Don’t be afraid to read the instructions step by
step as you practice the technique.
Use the Practitioner Recording Sheet on page 26 to record the information from the session.
You will need to download and print additional copies of the First Step working template from the
internet for any additional practise by going to this link:
http://www.neuro-learning.com/downloads/m1_2/m1_2.html
Keep this link for future downloads of templates for the techniques you learn in Modules 1 and 2.
Allow the client to take his/her completed template home after the session.
After the session, evaluate your implementation using the Practitioner in Training Log & Self
Evaluation sheet on page 27. Keep these in a safe place as a record of your practise hours. More copies
of these can be downloaded from the same link above.

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Take some time to read Kathy’s story, a transcript of an individual coaching session
using the First Step.
Also read chapters 1-3 in Relationship Capital by Dr Carlos A Raimundo. Click on
the book image to download a complimentary PDF copy of the book.

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Congratulations, you have completed Module 1

Please take a few moments to reflect on your learning on page 32.