Transcript Dealing With Difficult Co

Tips, Strategies, and the Golden Rules
Gigi Bell
@ SQLSpouse
Pretty, Pretty SQL Registration Princess
18 years Professional Development & Training
Acquisitions Administrator at Recorded Books
Identify Your People Network
Mary
Terry
Marketing
You
John
Edward
Accounting
Golden Rule #1:
Everyone is someone
else’s weirdo!
The Steam Roller
 Aggressive and angry
 Make cutting remarks or
throw tantrums when
they do not get their way
 Victims often feel like
they have been trampled
or flattened
The Sniper
 Makes snide comments
 King of the eye-rolls
 Is a tattle-tale
 Often considered back-
stabbers
 Very sarcastic
 Victims often feel and are
made to look foolish
The Know-it-All
 Generally competent,
but do not like to be
contradicted
 Will always go out of
their way to correct you
 Can be imposing or
condescending
 May act pompous when
it turns out they don’t
know what they are
talking about
The YES Person
 Always Agreeable
 Usually very reasonable,
sincere, and supportive
around others
 Try to placate everyone
 Often do not produce
promised projects or act
contrary to what they’ve led
other to expect
 Cannot provide good
feedback/sounding board
The NO Person
 Spreads doom & gloom
 Can completely sap the
energy of everyone around
them
 Insists projects/goals are
impossible
 Often deflate any feelings of
optimism others might have
The Waffler
 Steers clear of making
decisions that might hurt
feelings
 Will procrastinate until a
decision is made for them
 Will often just respond
with a blank stare
 Others are frustrated by a
lack of response
Why do I have to deal ???
 You do not have to LOVE your co-workers, you just
need to tolerate them enough to work effectively with
them.
 Ignoring the conflict will just make simmer – even if it
is just in your mind.
 Worst case scenario is that the conflict worsens and
becomes noticeable to other co-workers and even your
boss – and now YOU are labeled as the “difficult”
person!!
Golden Rule #2:
Someone at home loves
that weirdo!
Dealing With the Issue:
1.
Examine yourself .
2. Try not to take it personally.
3. Put yourself in the other
person’s shoes.
4. Explore the issue with a
trusted friend or colleague.
Direct Confrontation
 Is it likely to achieve
corrected action?
 Is it practical/viable
within the constraints of
the situation?
 Will the person/people
involved be able to carry
out the solution?
 Pick your battles!
Talking it out
 Communicate in private
 Ensure understanding &
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communication
Use “I” rather than “you”
Be assertive but not
obnoxious
Describe the behavior
that is difficult and what
you would like changed
Try to compromise
Reward positive behavior
Interacting by Type
Steam Roller
•Never meet them head-on
•Allow the to blow off steam by speaking for awhile
•Walk, or move closer to them, calling them by
name
•Present ideas in a friendly manner
Sniper
•Do not ignore a dig
•Ask them if they meant that seriously or were they
joking
Know-it-all
•Be certain your facts are correct
•Put communication in writing
•Do not allow them to talk on and on
•Address each issue individually
Interacting by Type
Yes Person
(Everything is great)
•Ask open-ended questions that require them to
think
No Person
(We can’t do that)
•Ask what we CAN do
•What do you feel would be an appropriate time line?
•Ask for their solutions
Waffler
•Ask to list choices so that they can try to work through
their indecision
•Help them narrow down choices
Reactions: Most people will change when you
point out the difficult behavior.
Watch for some pitfalls:
 Apparent Compliance: Changes for a bit, but
reverts back to typical pattern
 Alibis: Employees transfer responsibility for
problems elsewhere
 Avoidance: Employee absents himself from the
scene
Escalations
 Keep your composure, or walk away.
 If the situation is not resolved, you can request to meet
with your co-worker and your employer.
 Worst-case scenarios: transfer departments within the
same company or quit.
Other situations: Manager to Employee
You have an employee who does excellent work, but is:
demanding, condescending, abrupt, tearful, insecure, etc.
You don’t want to lose the good worker, but you need to
correct the action.
 Give the employee a corrective review that clearly describes
the behavior, defined expectations, and time-frame to work
within. Have a follow-up meeting, provide feedback, and
clear oversight.
 If you do not correct, other employees may start modeling
the behavior of the one who is not corrected.
Other Situations: Employee to Manager
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Know their “why”: Identify prime motivations
Work around their weaknesses.
Take the high road.
Speak up and give your boss a chance to
respond.
Know their preferences and adapt to them.
Don’t be intimidated by a bully.
Be proactive – do your research before
jumping ship.