Transcript The Bell Curve - John Mallison

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© John Mallison
Welcome
Skills And Tools For
Effective Mentoring
Today’s Program Will Cover:
1) Understanding mentoring - an introduction
2) Some guidelines for mentors
3) Asking good questions and listening
4) Setting boundaries
5) The role of prayer
6) Using the bible
7) A design for mentoring - role play
8) Mentoring and small groups
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© John Mallison
Skills & Tools for
Effective Mentoring
Today’s program will cover:
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An Overview Of Mentoring
Some Guidelines For Mentors
Setting Boundaries
The Role Of Prayer
Using The Bible
Peer-Mentoring
Finding Those To Mentor
Finding A Mentor
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Welcome
Strategies For Mentoring
Today’s Program Will Cover:
1) An overview of mentoring
2) What to look for in mentors
3) When to mentor
– Life stages
4) Mentoring beginners in the faith
5) Equipping mentors
– How adults learn
– Using this resource
6) Implementing a mentoring system
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Please form into
Pairs
2/1
© John Mallison
Share with your partner…..
• Four interesting things about yourself
• Your hopes and expectations for today
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Share with your partner…..
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What do you enjoy doing most?
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What’s the nicest thing that has happened to you
in the last 12 months?
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What are your hopes and expectations for
today?
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For what would you appreciate prayer in order to
get the most out of today?
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© John Mallison
Share with your partner…..
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In what way has God surprised you recently?
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God is frequently presented in the Psalms as our
Helper.
How has this been true for you?
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What can you celebrate about your ministry?
2/7
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Prayer Needs
• What is a personal need for which you would like
prayer?
• What is a need in our own ministry for which you
would appreciate prayer?
2/8
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In Silence
• Thank God for what your friend and you
shared
• Pray for your friend that this seminar
will be an enjoyable, encouraging
and growing experience
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© John Mallison
Mentor
It’s Origin and Meaning
(In Greek mythology – Odysseus)
• The name of the wise & trusted companion &
friend of Ulysses
• Guardian of Ulysses’ house during his 10 year
absence at Trojan wars
• Teacher and advisor of Ulysses’ son Telemachus
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© John Mallison
Definition
Christian mentoring is a dynamic, intentional
relationship of trust in which one person enables
another to maximise the grace of God in their life
and service
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© John Mallison
Significant Words, etc (in definition)
• Dynamic
- Active, Growing, Flexible,
Stimulating, Empowering
• Intentional
- With Purpose and
Direction - Orderly
• Relationship
- Connection, Bond, Affinity,
Mateship, Concern, Commitment
• Trust
- Rely Upon, Put Confidence in
• Enable
- Give the Means to Make Possible
• Maximise
- Make the Most of
• Grace of God
- All God Freely Offers Us in Christ
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© John Mallison
Mentoring - Part Of The Fabric Of Life
• The value of having a friend and adviser………..
‘Two are better than one’ (Eccl 4:9)
• Parents/children
• Artisan/apprentice relationship
• Coach of a sportsperson or team
• Mentoring at all levels of commerce, industry,
education and public life
• Mentoring was a way of life in Bible Times
• Jesus, with his disciples, provides our prime
mentoring model
• The New Testament is full of ‘one another’ and
‘together’ passages pointing to Christianity as
relational
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‘Two
are better than one,
because they have a good reward for their toil.
For if they fall, one will lift up the other;
but woe to one who is alone and falls
and does not have another to help.’
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
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© John Mallison
It’s better to have a partner than go it alone.
Share the work, share the wealth.
And if one falls down, the other helps,
But if there’s no one to help, tough!…
By yourself you’re unprotected.
With a friend you can face the worst.
Can you round up a third?
A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped.
- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 , The Message
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‘One another’ ‘together’
We are Christians not only for our own sake
but also for the sake of others
“Pious Particles” - Moffatt
“The Bible knows nothing of solitary religion”
... Wesley
“We are to watch over
one another in love”
Partners
Spiritual Mates
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The “ONE ANOTHERS”
Love one another –
as Christ loved His disciples
John 13:34-35
1 John 3:11
Restore one another –
carry each other’s burdens
Galatians 6:1-2
Bear with and forgive one another
Colossians 3:13
Build up one another
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Encourage to believe…
protect from sin’s deceitfulness
Hebrews 3:12-14
Stir one another to love and
good works…encourage to hope
Confess sin to one another
Pray for one another
1 Thessalonians 5:11
James 5:16
9/4
© John Mallison
‘Watch Over One Another In Love’
• John Wesley’s ‘General Rules for Methodist
Fellowships’
• Released in 1743.
• Key to his success in retaining those
who were converted through that revival.
• In class meetings and one-to-one,
they cared for one another.
9/5
© John Mallison
‘Let us consider how we may
spur one another on towards
love and good deeds.
Let us not give up
Meeting together,
As some are in the habit of doing
But let us
Encourage one another...’
Hebrews 10:24,25
9/6
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‘To Spur One Another On . . .’
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To call forth
Summons
Invite
Beg
Urge
Appeal to
‘. . . Towards love and good deeds’
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‘Encourage One Another’
• Inspire with courage, faith and hope
• Console, comfort, cheer up
• Support, assist
• Inspire to press on, persevere
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
˘
- To Encourage
‘Holy Spirit’ (paraklete) – from the same root
The Supreme Encourager
When we encourage, we share in
the ministry of the Holy Spirit
- channels of grace
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The Context Of This Passage
• A personal relationship with God
through Christ’s Death
• Direct access into his presence
• Make full use of this privilege
“Draw near to God”
“With confidence”
To receive all the grace he has for us
Mentoring essentially is
encouraging others to do the same
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- Context • Confidently use our direct access to God’s
presence through Christ’s completed work (v. 19-21)
• Keep seeking after holiness, righteousness (v. 22)
• Maintain a strong hold on the hope we have in
Christ (v. 23)
• Rely upon God’s utter faithfulness (v. 23)
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‘Keep each other on your toes
so sin doesn’t slow down your reflexes’
Hebrews 3:13 (The Message)
9/12
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“Your words
have kept people on their feet”
Job 4:4
9/13
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'We all blossom in the presence of one who sees
the good in us and who can coax the best out of us.'
……..Desmond Tutu
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GOD
Mentor
Me
Co-mentor
Mentoree
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Mallison
© John
John Malison
GOD
Father/
Mother
Me
Brother/
Sister
Son/
Daughter
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GOD
Receiving
Me
Sharing
Giving
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GOD
Barnabas
Paul
Barnabas
Timothy
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Receiving and Giving
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I often think of the genuine faith of yours
- a faith that was alive in Lois your
grandmother
and in Eunice your mother before you,
and which, I am confident, lives in you also.
2 Timothy 1:5
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Women Mentors
in the New Testament
Priscilla
Apollos
(and Aquila)
Lois
Eunice
Timothy
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Jesus - Our Prime Model
His Being:
• Who he was as a person - his character, his integrity, his
credibility, his uniqueness.
His Words:
• What Jesus said indeed proved to be words of life (John
6:68).
• He spoke plainly so all understood, always enabling the
practical application.
• He never compromised the truth - sometimes meant offence
and loss of supporters.
His Deeds:
‘We have never seen anything like this’ (Mark 2:12).
All Jesus’ ministry was motivated by divine love.
Jesus entrusted his ministry to the disciples with remarkable
results.
They were instrumental in changing the course of history!
© John Mallison
10/1
JESUS - OUR PRIME MODEL Cont...
‘All biblical mentoring then is under-mentoring.
Jesus Christ is the real
and decisive agent
in Christian mentoring.
He claims our wholehearted trust in him
as present enabler.’
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Jesus - Our Prime Mentoring Model
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Involvement with people
Patience
Pure motives
Personal integrity
Nobody insignificant
Human need was above the law
One on one training of disciples
Teaching - method - known to unknown
Set boundaries
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Jesus - Our Prime Mentoring Model cont.
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Compassion
Got alongside and worked with people
Took out of situation for instruction
Acceptance
Direct
Freely gave - self / possessions
Way dealt with politics and religious leaders
Simplicity of his life
Everything bathed in prayer
Creativity
Stayed focused
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© John Mallison
Jesus - Our Prime Mentoring Model cont.
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Willing to give correction (gently)
Gave clear guidance
Showed concern
Praised people
Humility (didn’t blow own trumpet)
Servanthood
Forgiveness (never wrote people off - gave
another chance
Love for people
Understands our humanity
Availability
Empowered people
10/5
© John Mallison
Go and make disciples of all nations,
baptising them in the name of the Father and the
Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to
obey everything I have commanded you. And surely
I am with you always, to the very end of the age.
(Matthew 28:19,20, NIV)
6/1
© John Mallison
'Witness' (Luke in his gospel 24:48, and in Acts
1:8, 22:15)
'My'
· Tell of one's personal knowledge and experience
of Jesus Christ.
· Be living proof of the truth of the gospel of Christ
· Testify to Jesus Christ by word and deed by who
we are, what we say and what we do.
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Mentoring or Disciplemaking
‘Disciple' (73 times in Matthew's gospel)
- 'Learner'
· Developing knowledge and understanding of
God's nature and purposes in the context of a
growing personal relationship with God in Christ
that results in gratitude for God's grace
(undeserved kindness) expressed in exclusive
loyalty and obedience to him
· New values, attitudes and behaviour which reflect
Jesus Christ
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© John Mallison
“Go and
make disciples
of all nations, baptising them in the name of the
Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and
teaching them to obey everything I have
commanded you.”
….Matthew 28:19,20
6/4
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Key Verb -
‘Make Disciples’
Other ‘doing words’
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subordinate to it
They instruct in the ‘how’ (what is involved)
– ‘GO’ – Identify with others; Reach out;
Get involved
– ‘BAPTISE’ – Publicly own Christ; Make
him heard
– ‘TEACH’ – Help develop knowledge,
understanding and application to life of
Christ’s teachings
6/5
© John Mallison
‘Go’
can also read
‘As you go’
- in the routines of daily life
- in our daily encounters
Make disciples as a way of life
6/6
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Ongoing Disciplemaking
‘And the things you have heard me say in
the presence of many witnesses entrust to
reliable people who are qualified to teach
others also’. (2 Tim 2:2)
‘Also’ is an ongoing verb.
We teach those who are able to teach others,
who are able to teach others, and so it goes on.
6/7
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Jesus’ Remarkable Promise
‘I am with you always’
Christ’s unfailing presence and
power transforms
6/8
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You Can Do It!
• Mentoring is a very significant role every
Christian disciple can fulfil ... irrespective of age
or experience.
• It is not restricted to ‘giants of the faith’.
The basic requirement is a living relationship with God
and an ability to listen and respond sensitively, and to
encourage.
If this is true of you, you can be God’s agent in
enriching another person’s life.
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You Can Do It
cont...
• Men: they often fear to share their inner struggles,
thoughts and feelings, lest disclosure erodes others’
confidence in them. But deep bonding can take place.
• Women: they are natural mentors and co-mentors.
• Busy people: some of the best mentoring is done
by very active people.
• Housebound: they can mentor by means of their
phones or by inviting others to visit them.
• Seniors: the wisdom of long experience can greatly
benefit others. Growing older as participants rather
than spectators!
5/15
© John Mallison
Discipler
Model
Spiritual
Beginning
Sponsor
Leading
Pastor
Guide
Growing
Serving
Coach
Teacher
Counsellor
Encourager
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Stages In Discipleship
Beginning
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Conversion
Becoming -
Discipleship
Ministering
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Obedience
Leading
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Reproducing
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The Heart Of Christian Mentoring
Helping The Development Of A Growing
Relationship With God
Mentoring is concerned essentially with assisting a person
to recognise and respond to the prompting of God’s Spirit
so that the mind and power of Christ
may govern all a person is and does
in order to arrive at the goal to which God is leading.
It is about enabling another
to ‘live and keep in step with the Spirit’ (Gal 5:25).
12/1
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Być Jak Jezus
Sztuka Kształtowania
Uczniów I Przywódców
To Be Like Jesus
Ability To Mentor
Disciples And Leaders
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Purpose
To develop
Attentiveness (Trained, Disciplined)
and
Obedience
To
God
12/3
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The Main Roles Of A Mentor
• Roles keep changing to meet different needs and
situations.
• In practice, roles overlap one another.
• Some mentors will be better equipped to fulfil one
role more than another and will perform best
when operating that way.
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© John Mallison
Discipler
• Discipleship is a process.
• The role of the mentor as a discipler covers
every stage in the life of a disciple of Jesus
Christ.
• It undergirds all other mentoring roles.
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Spiritual Guide
Paul summarises this role,
'We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching
everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present
everyone mature in Christ' (Col 1:28).
It is essentially about keeping those we help
focusing on Christ and keeping their lives open to
his grace in the fullest possible way.
17/3
© John Mallison
Coach
Coaching is a response to Paul's challenge 'to equip
the saints for the work of ministry'. (Eph 4:12)
· Providing help in understanding and maximising
their ministries.
· The artisan/apprentice relationship or the coach of
anindividual sportsperson or team, are good
models.
· Mentors may involve mentorees in aspects of their
own ministry to observe and for them to perform
certain tasks,
· Followed by time for reflection on both the
mentor's and mentoree's performance.
17/4
© John Mallison
Counsellor
Degrees of counselling, from a word of advice
to an ongoing relationship with a highly trained
professional.
Make referrals to professional helpers when
appropriate.
17/5
© John Mallison
Teacher
· Integral to most of what a mentor does.
· People learn both formally and informally.
· Mentoring focuses more on informal learning.
· Experience based learning.
· Reviewing of life and ministry experiences, the
exploring of options for the way ahead, and
planning accordingly.
17/6
© John Mallison
Sponsor
Mentors use their position to
· benefit mentorees through their extensive
contacts, and
· protect their mentorees.
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Pastor
· Servanthood, an essential aspect of pastoring, is
best modelled by Christ.
· Peter's moving dialogue with Jesus after the
resurrection.
· Christian mentors will be shepherds to their
mentorees as they care for, protect, guide,
nourish, comfort, heal and encourage.
17/8
© John Mallison
Model
Much of human behaviour is learnt by the observation of
models
• Modelling is the greatest form of unconscious learning.
• Mentorees need models as visual aids.
• Jesus’ disciples learnt so much from just being with him.
• Paul urged his readers, ‘Whatever you have learned or
received or heard from me or seen in me – put it into
practice.
• Probably most of what our mentorees learn from us will be
learnt just being with us, from observing who we are – our
being, what we do and the way we do it, our attitudes, our
values and our behaviour.
• John U’ren – ‘Do they see your priorities and values?’
• Biographies and autobiographies of contemporary and
historical Christian leaders.
17/9
© John Mallison
Encourager
Mentors must be encouragers. If a mentoree goes
away discouraged, we have failed. There should
always be a positive and helpful outcome. There will
be times when we will speak firmly, even reprimand,
but it must always be from a gospel perspective of
hope.
Scripture is a major source of encouragement.
The ultimate encouragement found in God.
17/10
© John Mallison
Setting Boundaries
We need to know what is our task and what isn’t,
when to say ‘yes’ and when to say ‘no’.
Boundaries help us take control of our lives.
People can assume functions that in the end are not helpful,
which prevent another accepting ownership,
taking responsibility for themselves.
Christians often find this confusing.
Paul puts it well when he says,
‘Bear one another’s burdens’ (Gal 6:2)
and then goes on to say, ‘all should carry their own loads’
(Gal 6:5).
‘Burden’ - beyond our normal ability to carry.
‘Load’ - what is manageable.
24/1
© John Mallison
Setting Boundaries cont...
• Consult and be accountable
• Discuss the boundaries
• Be available - within reason
• Keep confidences
•
Avoid excessive intimacy
– Touches can be good, bad or confusing.
(Codes of Ethics)
• Allow others their freedom to develop god’s way
– Don’t try to force mentorees into your own mould
24/2
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Setting Boundaries cont...
• Don’t be a perpetual rescuer
Repeated rescuing only reinforces irresponsible
behaviour.
Mentors help their mentorees take responsibility for
their lives.
There are consequences to all our actions - good or
bad, helpful or unhelpful, joyful or sorrowful.
• Know your own limitations - act as a bridge to
specialised resources
• Engender respect for your boundaries
• Limit the time-span of your relationship
• Learn to let go
– Endings are a natural part of any relationship.
– Use a simple closure strategy
24/3
© John Mallison
Mentoring Styles
Factors Which Determine Style
• Our temperament - affects ...the manner in which
we act, feel and think.
• Our perception of mentoring
– mentoree-centred, concerned mainly with his
or her personal development and well-being
– performance-centred, getting a task done well
Directive and Non-directive Styles
• Directive mentors can often become
manipulative, keeping the mentoree in a highly
dependent role. (Not all unhelpful.)
• Non-directive mentors act gently and
reassuringly.
18/1
© John Mallison
Mentoring Styles cont...
Functional Style
• A functional mentor responds to
the needs of the mentoree in varying situations.
• Flexible in their styles.
• Both mentoree- and performance-centred.
• Holistic in their approach
Grace-Givers and Truth-Tellers
• Grace-giving ‘ the art of empowering or
encouraging
someone in their ministry or their station in life’.
• Truth-telling ‘is the art of informing someone
about objective reality’.
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Gracegivers
Truth–
tellers
Friend
Cheerleader
Boss
Supervisor
Kind
Suggests
words
Hard
words
Assigns
Listens
Process
Tells
Product
18/3
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Personal development - Performance
Being
- Doing
Process
- Outcome
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© John Mallison
Grace-Givers & Truth-Tellers
Grace-Givers
Truth-Tellers
- Inspire
- Empower
- Encourage
- Mentoree-centred
- Inform
- Give advice
- Instruct
- Direct
- Performance-centred
18/5
© John Mallison
Jesus’ Style
Our ultimate model of style
• Jesus knew how to respond to the ever-changing
situation of his disciples
• A servant leader but authoritative
• Spoke encouraging words but reprimanded
• Listened but knew when to instruct
• Cheered on
• ‘Full of grace and truth’ (John 1:14)
18/6
© John Mallison
Peer Mentoring
A Shared relationship,
involving both giving and receiving.
It is an Equal relationship between two people
who value and respect each other
and believe each can enrich the other.
The ‘one another’ and ‘together’ passages of the
New Testament
can usually be lived out at a greater level of
intimacy
in peer mentoring relationships.
14/1
© John Mallison
Peer Mentoring (continued)
The effectiveness of these relationships is because of
unrestricted openness, trust, commitment,
sense of responsibility for each other
and mutual accountability
which is already present in good friendships. It can be
developed further
when there is an agreement to be more purposeful.
Unfortunately this so readily available,
and most effective form of mentoring
is overlooked by many
or not developed to its full potential.
14/2
© John Mallison
ASK GOOD QUESTIONS
Questions are enormously important.
The art of asking good questions is a major factor in effective
mentoring. Some say it’s the most important tool.
Spending more time asking good questions, and listening
rather than talking, is a good rule to follow
………………
Asking good questions…
• gets the mentoree thinking for themselves
• builds confidence as they have an active
and not a passive role
• gathers useful information and clarifies issues
• encourages reflection, and promotes future action
25/1
© John Mallison
Mentoring to Develop Disciples & Leaders
contains
247 Questions !!
 For reflection
 For the first or early mentoring sessions
 For ongoing mentoring sessions
- Reporting back
- Aspects of personal & spiritual life & ministry
- Thinking through issues
- Making action plans
- Appraisal of relationship
 For peer mentoring
 For spiritual director’s issues
 For spiritual formation groups
© John Mallison
25/2
Active Listening
‘Seek first to understand’
Sensitive, empathetic, concentrated listening
to discover what people are really trying to
communicate
is essential
in a mentoring relationship.
Indeed it is one of the most important aspects of
good mentoring.
26/1
© John Mallison
Listening in dialogue is listening more to meanings
than to words… In true listening, we reach behind the
words, see through them, to find the person who is
being revealed. Listening is a search to find the
treasure of the true person as revealed verbally and
nonverbally. There is the semantic problem, of
course. The words bear a different connotation for
you than they do for me. Consequently, I can never tell
you what you said, but only what I heard. I will have to
rephrase what you have said, and check it out with
you to make sure that what left your mind and heart
arrived in my mind and heart intact and without
distortion.
John Powell, theologian
26/2
© John Mallison
Silence of Love
This silence of love is not indifference;
it is not merely poverty of something to say.
It is a positive form of self-communication.
Just as silence is needed to hear a watch ticking,
so silence is the medium through which heartbeats
are heard.
26/3
© John Mallison
Lord, grant me
the grace of silence
that I may refrain from
hasty or prolonged speech.
26/4
© John Mallison
‘Let everyone be:
Quick to hear
- slow to speak’
James 1:19
26/12
© John Mallison
“Do not deceive yourselves by
just listening to his word
instead
put it into practice”
“… Persevere … A Doer … Blessed…”
James 1:22-25
22/1
© John Mallison
'It is never sufficient simply to have read God's word.
It must penetrate deep within us, dwell in us like the
Holy of Holies in the Sanctuary, so that we do not sin
thought, word or deed.
Just knowing Scripture does not mean that it will
change us or automatically prevent us from doing
wrong. Scripture must be believed, must come alive
for us as being important & relevant, & must be acted
upon if it is to be a power of good in our lives. The
power of Scripture lies in its ability to give the
wanderer direction; the disillusioned, hope; the
seeker, answers; the discouraged, comfort; & provide
us with the words that reflect God's heart & purpose.
'God's word must become part of the way we think if it
is to direct us.' (Dietrich Bonhoeffer)
22/2
© John Mallison
But these are written that you may
believe that Jesus is the Christ, the
Son of God, and that by believing you
may have life in his name.
John 20:31
22/4
© John Mallison
The purpose of Bible study:
• to meet God in Christ
and
• to be addressed by him through the Holy Spirit
22/5
© John Mallison
Personal encounter
with
Jesus Christ
22/6
© John Mallison
THE PURPOSE OF SCRIPTURE
IS TO
TRANSFORM
NOT MERELY TO
INFORM
22/8
© John Mallison
‘Let not Thy word, O Lord, become a
judgment upon us,
that we hear it and do it not
that we know it and love it not
that we believe it and obey it not.”
- Thomas à Kempis
22/9
© John Mallison
Our Theological House
Our Everyday House
22/11
© John Mallison
Our Theological House
Our beliefs
Our ideal values
22/12
© John Mallison
Our Everday House
Our behaviour
Our actual values
22/13
© John Mallison
Our beliefs  Our behaviour
Our ideal values  Our actual values
22/14
© John Mallison
The Crucial Role Of Prayer
• The Need For Prayer Support
The power of collective prayer
• Prayer With Mentorees
• The Need For Prayer In Effective Mentoring
Personal spirituality and mission,
Prayer and work,
Faith and action,
Withdrawal and participation
All Belong Together
Jesus said, ‘Without me you can do nothing’
(John 15:5b).
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© John Mallison
Build
Your
Prayer Base
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© John Mallison
961.2
The Model Of Jesus' Prayer Life
Through times of solitude with his Father he
maintained that intimacy which
undergirded and empowered
his whole life and ministry.
(Mark 1:35; Luke 6:12-15)
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© John Mallison
• Although Paul had great gifts and held an
eminent place in the early church,
he was dependent on the prayers of others.
• Strong example of
personal humility and
mutuality of Christian Community.
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© John Mallison
Paul Asked For Prayer
Eph 6:19,20
“Pray also for me, that...”
“Pray that I may...”
Col 4:3,4
“Pray for us that...”
“Pray that...”
1 Thess 5:25
“...pray for us”
2 Thess 3:1, 2
“Pray for us that ...”
“Pray that we ...”
Heb 13:18
“Pray for us.”
Co1 4:18
“Remember my chains.”
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© John Mallison