Transcript Perfectionism in Gifted Children

Perfectionism
in
Gifted Children
Lauren Hardy
Summer 2009
“I have offended God and mankind
because my work didn’t reach the
quality it should have.”
-Leonardo da Vinci
What is perfectionism?
• Mosby’s Medical Dictionary: a subjective
state in which a person pursues an
extremely high standard of performance
and, in many cases, demands the same
standards of others. Failure to attain the
goals may lead to feelings of defeat and
other adverse psychological consequences.
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is often viewed on a
continuum.
• Hamachek (1978) identified two
types of perfectionists:
1). Normal Perfectionists
2). Neurotic Perfectionists
What is perfectionism?
• Normal/Healthy Perfectionists- “derive a
very real sense of pleasure from the
labors of a painstaking effort and who feel
free to be less precise as the situation
permits.”
• Neurotic/Unhealthy Perfectionists- “are
unable to feel satisfaction because in their
own eyes they never seem to do things
good enough to warrant the feeling.”
What is perfectionism?
• Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett’s
Multidimensional Model of Perfectionism
defines perfectionism by origin of the
standards:
1). Self-oriented- Originates within the
individual
2). Socially prescribed- individual
perceives that others have placed high
standards of performance on them
“ I never see what has been done; I
only see what remains to be done.”
-Marie Curie
Possible Causes of
Perfectionism:
Many theories exist regarding the
causes of perfectionism. Some
believe that perfectionism is inborn
in the individual, while others
maintain that perfectionists are
products of an overbearing
environment (Ex. Authoritarian or
perfectionistic parents).
Possible Causes of
Perfectionism:
• Birth Order- Firstborn children and the “eager beaver”
phenomenon.
• Perfect Parent(s)/Family- high expectations; teaches child
that “Our love and affection depend on your ability to do
well.”
• The “Workaholic Kid”- According to Erik Erikson, children
are more prone to be workaholics if they are rewarded only
for the things that they do vs. the personal qualities they
have been developing.
• Media/Social Messages- TV/magazines advertising the
“perfect job”, “perfect car”, “perfect marriage”, etc.
Behaviors of
Perfectionists:
Hamachek (1978) identified six specific
perfectionistic behaviors describing both normal
and neurotic perfectionists on a continuum:
1). Depression
2). A nagging “I should” feeling
3). Shame and guilt
4). Face-saving behavior
5). Shyness and procrastination
6). Self-Deprecation
Behaviors of
Perfectionists:
• Other behaviors include:
1). Riding the mood roller coaster
2). The Numbers Game-quantity of
achievements becomes more important
than the quality
3). Focusing on the future-fail to savor your
successes; worrying about future projects
4). Pining over the Past- “If only I’d…” or
“Why didn’t I….”, etc.
Behaviors of
Perfectionists:
5). Telescopic Thinking- magnify the
goals you haven’t met and minimize
your achievements so they appear
insignificant.
6). Putting your goals first
7). Getting it right
8). All or nothing thinking
Why Gifted Children
become Perfectionists:
• Inability to experience failure in the classroom
(easy elementary curriculum; no effort for
perfect grades
• Inability to handle potential failure ( more
challenging secondary curriculum; inability to view
failure as constructive)
• Perceived high demands and expectations from
parents
• Feeling that love and acceptance is based upon
achievement
Why Gifted Children
become Perfectionists:
• “Gifted” label causes student to feel
he/she must be “perfect” in all situations
• Gifted children often have older friends
and set their goals accordingly
• When work is unchallenging, students may
strive for perfect performance instead of
mastery. Grades become artificial rewards
• Perfectionistic parents, teachers, and
competitive peers
Tips for
Teachers/Counselors:
Teachers:
•
Praise efforts, not just
product
•
Refrain from over-praising: do
not make what a child
accomplishes more important
than who they are
•
Mark the correct answers on
papers
•
Allow the child to perform at
an average level
•
Reduce academic Pressure
Counselors:
• Help gifted students appreciate
the positive aspects associated
with perfectionism
• Have the student journal
instances in which he/she tried to
be perfect and what happened
before and after. Discuss.
• Allow students to set standards
for themselves, but warn them
against imposing these standards
on others
• Teach stress-relief and
relaxation techniques
Tips for
Teachers/Counselors:
Teachers:
• Praise students for their
efforts/determination vs.
being “smart” or “talented”
• Help the child break down
tasks into realistic parts to
reduce procrastination
• Help the child develop
realistic schedules
• Teach the child to prioritize
and distinguish essential from
non-essential items
• Work from outlines
Counselors:
• Encourage child to become
more aware of lack of others’
perfection
• Model and encouraging saying
“I don’t know”
• Model and encourage
admitting errors without
feeling ashamed or explaining
oneself
• Aid the student in focusing on
a positive quality in the
person he/she’s criticizing
• Avoid comparing one child
with another
Tips for Parents:
• Encourage prioritization of activities and allow child to be
“perfect” in activities that are most important.
• Model and encourage savoring successes
• Make sure that every time a child is criticized he/she is
also praised
• Praise for accomplishments other than achievement
(cooperating, sharing, remembering, etc.)
• Model and encouraging saying “No” to requests that may
cause overextensions.
• Encourage child to take risks
Tips for Parents:
• Temper tendency toward negative self-appraisal
when unrealistic standards are not met
• Model and encourage graceful acceptance of your
mistakes
• Encourage becoming comfortable with ambiguity
and uncertainty
• Have the child investigate the lives of persons
who initially failed, but later succeeded: Babe
Ruth, Louisa May Alcott, Walt Disney, the Wright
Brothers, Benjamin Franklin, etc.
• Encourage self-compassion
“Be bold. If you’re going to make an
error, make a doozey, and don’t be
afraid to hit the ball.”
-Billie Jean King
Resources:
• Adderholdt, Miriam & Goldberg, Jan. (1999). Perfectionism:
What’s bad about being too good? Minneapolis, MN: Free
Spirit Publishing.
• Harvey, V.S. (n.d.). Children and perfectionism. Retrieved
July 15, 2009 from
http://www.amphi.com/~psych/perfect.html.
• Mosby’s Medical Dictionary. (2009). 8th ed. Retrieved July,
18, 2009 from http://medicaldictionary.thefreedictionary.com/perfectionism.
• Neihart, M., Reis, S.M., Robinson, N.M., & Moon, S.M.
(2002). The social and emotional development of gifted
children: What do we know? Pg. 71-76.Waco, TX: Prufrock
Press.