Transcript Agreeing to Disagree

Agreeing to Disagree
… without being Disagreeable
C.O.L.E.
Markham Woods Presbyterian Church
February 8, 2014
The Argument Culture
• Much discourse is cast in an
adversarial framework
• To accomplish anything, approach it
as if it were a fight … or a war.
• Those in power ridicule, marginalize,
and even demonize anyone who
voices a different opinion than what
is “correct” – and consider
themselves “open minded”
• We have few – if any – uniters
Breaking the Cycle
• You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.'
But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the
right cheek, turn the other also ... You have heard that it was said, 'You shall
love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, Love your enemies
and pray for those who persecute you ... [Matthew 5:38,39,43,44 (NRSV)]
• Jesus’ point: someone needs to break the cycle of violence that exists within
the world
• If the church is not going to model how to have civil discourse, who will?
The Presbyterian Cycle
• Ever since Presbyterians have been
in this part of the world, we have
been disagreeing about something
• Our sad legacy is one of
disagreement and division, and
sometimes, reunion
• In the current season of
disagreement, can we find a way to
stay together despite our
disagreements?
Presbyterian Disagreements
… in my lifetime
• Confession of 1967 (1965-1967)
• Angela Davis (1972)
• Ordination standards (1978 Definitive Guidance)
• Trust Clause made specific in FOG (1980-1982)
• WCC/NCCC issues, Reader’s Digest (1982) – per
capita withholding (?)
• Reimagining Conference (1993)
• G-6.0106b and Amendment 10-A (1996-present)
• Abortion, Israel-Palestine, Definition of marriage,
Jesus and salvation, boycotts (Nestle, Taco Bell),
etc.
Sad result of conflict …
Weariness
Division
• No doubt there have to
be differences among
you to show which of
you have God's approval.
• 1 Corinthians 1:19 (NIV)
Workshop Title Inspiration
• College religion professor:
“Perhaps it is time for us to
agree to disagree, without
being disagreeable”
G-2.0105, footnote
1758 (End of Old Side/New Side split)
• That when any matter is determined by a major vote, every member
shall either actively concur with or passively submit to such
determination; or if his conscience permit him to do neither, he shall,
after sufficient liberty modestly to reason and remonstrate, peaceably
withdraw from our communion without attempting to make any
schism. Provided always that this shall be understood to extend only
to such determination as the body shall judge indispensable in
doctrine or Presbyterian government.
Basic Affirmations
Historic Principles of Church Order (1788)
• God alone is Lord of the conscience (F-3.0101a)
• Inseparable connection between faith and practice, truth and duty (F3.0104)
• Truths and forms with respect to which [people] of good character and
principles may differ – mutual forbearance (F-3.0105)
• All Church power … is only ministerial and declarative – and all synods
and councils may err (F-3.0107)
Guidelines for Presbyterians
During Times of Disagreement
• Adopted by the 204th GA (1992)
• Address conflicts within congregations, as well as in presbyteries, GA
• Guidelines only have “authority” at GA level – is a “ministerial and
declarative statement” to the rest of the church
• Sessions, congregations, and presbyteries are free to use them, or not
Begins with a Promise
• In a spirit of trust and love, we promise we will …
• Echoes G-1.0102: “The polity of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.)
presupposes the fellowship of women and men with their children united
in covenant relationship with one another and with God. The organization
rests on the fellowship and is not designed to work without trust and love.”
• Add: accountability: for how we relate to one another, use our polity, etc.
+++++++++++Ordination Vows
• Will you be governed by our church’s polity, and will you
abide by its discipline?
• Do you promise to further the peace, unity, and purity of the
church?
Three Broad Principles
• Give them a hearing … listen before we answer (John 7:51, Proverbs
18:13, James 1:19)
• Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15)
• F-1.0301 – The Church is the Body of Christ
• A community of faith, hope, love, and witness
• Maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:3)
• Platform on which guidelines are built
1. Respect
• Respect builds trust
• Remember that others desire to
be faithful to Jesus Christ
• Remain open for candid and
forthright exchange of ideas
• Do not intimidate or judge others
2. Learn
• Learn about the various positions
on the topic of disagreement
• Others feel like being heard,
taken seriously
3. Ask for Clarification
• State what think heard
• Ask for clarification
• Make effort to understand (and
be understood)
• Reminder: guidelines are
intended to be a two-way street
(or multi-highway interchange)
4. Direct Communication
• Jesus’ teaching: Matthew 18:15f.,
Galatians 2:11f.
• No “meetings” in the parking lot
• Today, we have multiple ways of
being indirect!
You’re still missing the cut-off …
5. Focus on Ideas, not People
• Do not question motives,
intelligence, integrity
• No name-calling or labelling
• The reasons why people hold a
certain position may be multiple
and diverse
6. Share personal experiences
• Matthew 5:41 – go the second
mile?
• We do not make policy on the
basis of anecdotal evidence
• It does help build greater
understanding
7. Indicate agreement/disagreement
• Keeps the focus on ideas, not
personal matters (#5)
• Silence all other voices other
than those with which we agree?
Baseball season?
8. Stay in community
• If it is possible, so far as it
depends on you, live peaceably
with all. -- Romans 12:18 (NRSV)
• We are all part of Christ’s body
(even if we forget)
9. Decision-making
• Listen to various points of view
• Seek conclusions where
agreement exists
• Be sensitive to those who
disagree with the majority
• When disagree, follow the 1758
guidance, and these Guidelines
10. Pray
• Don’t have to wait to 10!
• Modelled after Lord’s prayer:
“your will be done …”
• Presbyterian belief: we can hear
God speaking through our
deliberations
Final Thought
• When facing disagreements …
• Imagine self 5-10 years in future
• Will you feel good – or not so
good – about how you handled
yourself in response to the
conflict?
You made a time machine … out of
a DeLorean?!?!
Closing Prayer
Gracious and Loving God, You have called us together to do the work of
Your church. Be present with us … and guide us that we may make
decisions that will reflect Your loving presence in this world. Create
within us open minds and hearts, that we will not fear conflict or run
from it, but embrace it, knowing that it is an opportunity for growing in
faith and a fuller understanding of Your will for us. Help us to listen to
each other, share our thoughts in loving, honest ways and do all we can
to maintain the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace. Through Jesus
Christ we pray. Amen.