Transcript COLLEGE ESSAY WORKSHOP - CHAMPS Charter High School …

THE COLLEGE ESSAY
For CHAMPS Juniors and Seniors
Does every college require essays
for admission?
NO!
Except for the University of California (UC) system,
most public universities (including the California
State University (CSU) do not ask for them as part
of the admissions package. Private colleges almost
always do require them.
To those colleges who require them,
are the essays important?
Absolutely!
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If essays are required as part of the application,
you can be certain admissions officers will read
them.
More colleges are now requiring multiple essays as
part of the application. Essays are becoming more
important every year.
SERIOUSLY…..
So take the essays seriously.
They are a blank slate in which
every applicant has an equal
chance to share compelling
stories with the admissions
committees.
Why do admissions officers want to
spend their time reading essays?
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They want to see how well you write.
They want to get to know you better.
They want to gain some insight into your level of maturity and
perspective.
They want to judge applications via a more humanistic method
than that of merely crunching numbers. You are so much more
than a statistic or score!
They want to discover your uniqueness.
The 5 Most Important Rules of Great
College Essays
Follow these rules, and you’ll
already write better essays than
most of the students applying to
college this year.
Rule #1: Don’t try to impress the reader;
just be honest.
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If you try to guess what admissions officers want to
hear, you’re already on the wrong path.
Don’t inject meaning that wasn’t there, or try to
extract life lessons you didn’t learn.
Don’t be afraid to admit what you aren’t good at.
Above all, be certain you answer the question.
The Dreaded McEssay
“90% of the applications I read contain what I call
‘McEssays’ – usually five-paragraph essays that are
mostly abstractions and unsupported generalization.
They are technically correct because they are
organized and have correct sentence structure and
spelling, but they are boring”
Parke Muth
University of Virginia
More….
“If an essay starts out, “I have been a member of the
student council and it has taught me leadership,
perseverance and hard work,’ I can almost recite the
rest of the essay without reading it. Each of the three
middle paragraphs gives a bit of support to an
abstraction, and the final paragraph restates what
has already been said. A McEssay is not wrong, but
it is not going to be a positive factor in the admission
decision. It will not allow a student to stand out.”
Rule #2: Own your stories. You’ve got to
write essays that nobody else will write.
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Find a unique story (which is difficult).
Insert detail and take ownership (which is easier).
Your admissions officer would rather read an
interesting experience that is personal to you than a
droning attempt to pass along great wisdom. After
all, you are 17 or 18 years old, thus you aren’t
expected to write like a grizzled sage.
Rule #3: Don’t simply repeat
information from the application.
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Use the essay to explain what an admissions officer
doesn’t know from your application, or…
Use the essay to give more insight into things you
did list on your application.
Rule #4: Tell a good story in
your own voice.
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This is not an essay for your high school English class
– that’s academic writing. Important point – College
essays are for storytelling, thus are more fun.
You are totally obligated to entertain your reader.
Use your own voice – informal, conversational, not
stilted.
However, humor isn’t the only way to entertain.
Rule #5: Avoid cliches
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A cliché is something that’s been said or used so
many times that it no longer carries any weight. It’s
not insightful. It has no “oomph.”
Example: “It’s not whether you win or lose…it’s how
you play the game.”
Cliché college essays are the worst kind of
McEssays. They bore admissions officers and make
them roll their eyes.
Cliché essay topics likely to elicit eyerolling from readers
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How my trip to Europe broadened my cultural
horizons.
When I participated in a community service project,
I learned that it’s important to help people.
My leadership (or teamwork) position taught me to
work well with others.
Good topics gone bad (cliches)
There is nothing wrong with writing about athletics,
performing arts, travel, community service, or
leadership -- Those topics only become cliches when
you forget to follow the five rules we just covered.
Writing Tips
Colleges don’t expect students to write like Ernest
Hemingway. But every student must tell a good
story.
Writing Tip #1: Don’t tense up; be
natural.
Your essay should sound like you. We’re not saying
you should use slang. A good approach is to write
like you were speaking to an adult you respect, but
also like and with whom you feel comfortable. Also,
write as if you’re brainstorming – then revise.
Spend as much time thinking as you do writing and
brainstorm!
One Way to Brainstorm
Start listing people who are important to you and, for each, a few character
traits and the way in which you’ve been influenced.
Examples:
Team Coach – Honest, demanding, friendly, constructively critical – Taught me
athletic skills, sportsmanship, good role model, gets the best from me.
Grandmother – Courageous, optimistic, patient, generous, young at heart –
Taught me by example to rise above problems, introduced me to culture,
travel, helps me with parents.
So let’s say you look at your list and decide to write about your grandmother.
You want the reader to get a sense of her, so it is necessary to describe her.
However, a detailed portrait is not required, only a thumbnail sketch.
What’s important is her character, not her appearance…..
Here’s what might result:
“To look at my petite grandmother whose gray curls are always
carefully coifed, you’d never know that she has survived the
tragedy of war in Europe, including the loss of family members.
It is hard to imagine that her neatly manicured hands labored
many hours at a sewing machine in order to provide an
education for her younger sisters when they first arrived in this
country. Yet, in spite of these struggles, she has remained
optimistic about life, an outlook she has passed on to me. She
has also introduced me to culture and the joys of travel, and
although I was a somewhat reluctant companion when I was
younger, I have learned to value her company and insight.”
Writing tip #2: Find a good opener. Your first sentence
needs to get their attention. Good sentences are
expressive.
Compare these openers
“Throughout my life, I’ve been fortunate enough to live in a
variety of different places. In each new city, I learned
something more about myself and about others.”
Wouldn’t you agree that most readers will not be eager to read
what lies ahead in that story?
vs….
I think this one’s better…
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“It’s hard to find a good steak in Loma Mira,
California. In fact, it’s hard to find a lot of life’s
essentials in a small desert town of only 1,200
people. The day before my family moved there
when I was six, my mother told me that there wasn’t
even an ice cream shop there. I did not take the
news well.”
Good openers from real essays
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“Even at age nine, I had a knack for business. That’s when the
snow cone empire first took off.”
“I think Holden Caulfield is a jerk. There, I said it. I’ve been
dying to say it ever since we read The Catcher in the Rye in my
sophomore English class.”
“I can make a mean hamburger. In fact, I’m a professional.
I’ve got four years of professional hamburger-making
experience.”
“Everything to do with horses smells bad. They smell bad.
Their saddles smell bad. All their blankets and medicines smell
bad. So, as a competitive rider, I pretty much stink all the time.
Writing tip #3: Use details
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Details make writing interesting.
Details make readers feel like they were with you
on the stage during the play, in the art class
learning to paint, or on the bridge before you
bungee jumped.
Details help you take ownership of your story. The
specifics are what make the story yours.
Example of writing without details
“I was extremely nervous before the orchestra started
playing. However, when I saw my dad in the
audience, it helped me to relax and play well.”
Example of writing with detail
“I remember how nervous I was sitting there on the stage waiting
for us to start playing. My violin was resting on my shoulder
but I could feel it shaking against my chin. I scanned across the
dimly lit crowd and somehow, I found my dad. From behind the
video camera he was holding, he mouthed those words that he
used to yell from the stands before I would go up to bat in
little league. Now, I was about to play as the first chair
violinist in my community orchestra – the biggest performance
of my life. I couldn’t hear him, but I could make out those
words – “Go get ‘em.” As the conductor raised his wand, I
smiled at my dad, nodded back at him, and started to play.”
Writing tip #4: Don’t make big
claims your essay doesn’t back up.
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If you learned a life-changing lesson, say so. But if
you didn’t, don’t say so. You don’t need a life lesson
to write a great essay.
If you claim that one community service project
taught you how important it is to help people, and
you never volunteered anywhere again, your essay
loses some credibility.
Writing tip #5: Don’t ask yourself or
anyone else “What should I write
about?”
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The appropriate question really is, “What should I
tell them about me?”
Don’t ask, “Do you like it?” but rather “What do you
think it says about me?”
Ask yourself, “If college deans were to place me
with roommates based on this essay, would they be
able to choose compatible people? Would it give
them enough to go on?”
UC Essay Prompts
Instructions
Respond to both prompts, using a maximum of 1,000 words. You may allocate
the word count as you wish. If you choose to respond to one prompt at
greater length, we suggest your shorter answer be no less than 250 words.
Stay within the word limit as closely as you can. A little over – 1,012
words, for example – is fine.
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Prompt #1: Describe the world you come from – for example, your family,
community or school – and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams
and aspirations.
Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment,
contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality
of accomplishment makes your proud and how does it relate to the person
you are?
General Tips for UC Essays
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Find your best story and consider which UC prompt
it will fit.
Read the prompts carefully, and make sure that you
address every part of the prompt.
Strong answers to UC prompts often address how
you’ll bring these talents, experiences and lessons
with you to college, and how that will impact other
students in the campus community
They stress clarity
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UC admissions officers stress the importance of
clarity in your essay. In the case of the UC
application, it is more important to be clear than it
is to be entertaining.
Tips for UC Prompt #1
Prompt #1:
Describe the world you come from…
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You don’t necessarily have to write an essay that’s entirely
about your family, community or school. You have to choose a
story that lets them see one part of your world, whatever that
part may be.
Most good stories relate to your world in some way. So find a
story you want to tell, and identify from what part of your
world this story hails – family, community, school, etc.
Examples of essays that describe a
student’s world
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If you work at Burger King and share the money
with your parents to pay bills, you’re writing about
the world of your family.
If you volunteer at a local homeless shelter right
down the street from your house, you’re writing
about the world of your community.
If you write about your experiences in student
government and what you’ve tried to accomplish to
improve your school for other students, you’re
writing about your world at school.
Don’t forget to address how this experience has
influenced your dreams and aspirations.
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“Dreams and aspirations” don’t necessarily have to
be big and lofty, like a career goal or what you
expect from your life after college. They just have to
be true.
You can describe short-term goals or plans, like what
you want to study in college, or how you’re hoping to
play the lead role in the play next year, or that you’ll
likely be promoted to manager at your job next year,
which will give you experience and a pay raise.
Those things are all dreams and aspirations.
Tips for UC Prompt #2
Prompt #2 :
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment…..
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Don’t necessarily use this essay to recount your most impressive
accomplishment. Instead, select something that is/was very
important to you.
If sticking with AP Euro and fighting through the D you got first
quarter meant a whole lot more than getting the top spot in
the fall talent show, consider sharing your AP Euro experience
and why it was so important to you.
More…
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Make sure to address the part about why this
experience makes you proud.
Remember that your story must explain how this
experience relates to the person that you are. If
you simply recite your accomplishments without
putting in the kind of details that helps you own
your stories, the reader won’t learn anything about
you.
Misc. Pointers…
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Watch spelling – there is no excuse for errors.
Don’t repeat lists of activities.
Don’t let mom or dad or anyone else write the essay.
Think small – anecdotes and rich details work.
Be free with format – the traditional five-paragraph essay
may not be the most appropriate to use.
Don’t write about writing, SATs or the college process.
Accentuate the positive – even in a painful experience.
Don’t be intentionally provocative, and try not to state opinions
about controversial subjects.
Final thoughts…
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Application essays are the best way to help
admissions officers get to know who you are beyond
grades and test scores. Make the most of the
opportunity by starting now and spending the time to
write thoughtful, revealing stories.
Don’t be afraid; be confident. Have the guts to tell
the stories you want to tell. Write something that
makes you proud when you read it. If you do,
admissions officers will probably enjoy your stories.