Transcript APPLYING THE SCIENCE OF HAPPINESS IN THE CONSULTING …

Faith, Hope and Charity:
Three elements from positive
psychology that can enhance
client happiness and
satisfaction
Bill O’Hanlon
www.billohanlon.com
2
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What is Positive Psychology?
Research evidence about what works in
human life; what makes people
happier; what gives their lives a sense
of satisfaction and meaning; what
helps them function better;
Also called “Subjective Well-Being”
Happiness defined
Pleasure/positive emotions
+engagement
+meaning
=Happiness
Psychological studies are biased toward
the negative
Psychological publications
and studies dealing with
negative states
outnumbered those
examining positive states
by a ratio of 17 to 1 in a
survey done in 1995.
Myers, D. and Deiner, E. (1995) “Who is
Happy?,” Psychological Science,
6:10-19.
This comes in part from the
Freudian legacy
 Freud thought the best we
could hope for was
“ordinary misery.”
 He questioned the quest for
happiness and indeed, all
our motives, and ascribed
dark impulses and infantile
wishes to them.
There is a different way
Find, validate and nurture
strengths and existing solutions
Help people thrive and move
towards positive futures
Increase happiness and wellbeing rather than correct deficits
and pathology
A different approach
Relevant research: The broaden and
build hypothesis of positive emotions
People who are in a more positive mood are
better liked by others and more open to
new ideas and experiences.
Fredrickson, Barbara. (1998). “What good are positive
emotions?” Review of General Psychology, 2:300-319.
The benefits of being in a better mood
Negative talk shown to increase
stress hormones
A recent study shows that extensive discussions of
problems and encouragement of ‘‘problem talk,’’
rehashing the details of problems, speculating about
problems, and dwelling on negative affect in particular,
leads to a significant increase in the stress hormone
cortisol, which predicts increased depression and
anxiety over time.
Byrd-Craven, J., Geary, D. C., Rose, A. J., & Ponzi, D. (2008). “Coruminating increase stress hormone levels in women,” Hormones and
Behavior, 53, 489–492.
Seligman’s List of Virtues/Signature Strengths:
Six areas [The Reverse-DSM]
Wisdom and Knowledge
Courage
Love and Humanity
Justice
Temperance
Spirituality and Transcendence
Find this list and some self-tests at:
www.viacharacter.org
But all is not lost; one can increase
happiness (but not directly)
Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of
happiness; it is generally the by-product of other
activities. –Aldous Huxley
Estimates of contributors to happiness and
where we can influence happiness levels
Three Key Findings
Faith
Hope
Charity
Faith
Faith
Indiana Jones, Kierkegaard
and The Fool on the Hill
Faith
Positive thinking
vs.
Possibilities
The Stockdale Paradox
Jim Collins: Who didn't make it out (of the P.O.W. camp)?
Stockdale: Oh, that's easy. The optimists.
Collins: The optimists? I don't understand.
Stockdale: The optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, 'We're
going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come and
they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would
come and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it
would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.
This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you
will prevail in the end – which you can never afford to lose – with
the need for discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your
current reality, whatever they might be.
Faith
Take the first step in faith. You don't
have to see the whole staircase, just
take the first step.
–Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Parting the Re(e)d Sea
The Israelites had to prove their loyalty and faith
by plunging into the water! The first to obey
was Nachshon the son of Aminadav (later the
leader of the tribe of Judah). Nachshon
walked forward and kept walking until the
water came up to his nose. Then the sea
split! Nachshon demonstrated the act of faith
with his willingness to keep going even when
the water came up to his neck. - from the Stone
Edition of the Five Books of Moses, published by
Mesorah Publications
Faith
When you come to the end of all the
light you know, and it's time to step
into the darkness of the unknown, faith
is knowing that one of two things shall
happen: Either you will be given
something solid to stand on or you will
be taught to fly.
Faith vs. Belief
“Belief is the insistence that the truth is what one
would ‘lief’ or wish it to be . . .
Faith . . . is an unreserved opening of the mind to
the truth, whatever it may turn out to be. Faith
has no preconceptions; it is a plunge into the
unknown.
Belief clings, but faith lets go . . . faith is the
essential virtue of science, and likewise of any
religion that is not self-deception.”
–Alan Watts
Faith
“Faith is the ability to look at the world we have
created and see possibility, even as we
acknowledge our capacity for destruction. It is
the glue that holds our fractured pieces
together and allows us to continue beyond all
reason. The faith we seek is not the comfort of
having all the answers. Rather, it is the will to
keep asking the questions. Faith is the voice in
the night that says we will go on.”
—Catherine Whitney, USA Today
Faith (David Whyte)
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Hope
Optimism and Positive Psychology
What we can learn from some
psychotically optimistic dogs
Pessimistic vs. Optimistic Styles
Pessimistic explanatory style
Bad stuff is:
Permanent and will persist;
Pervasive;
Out of my control
Reflects:
My resourcelessness;
Bad qualities (“I’m such a loser”)
Pessimistic vs. Optimistic Styles
Optimistic explanatory style
Bad stuff is:
Time and context limited (“I am just going
through a rough patch”; or “This job sucks”);
Under my influence
I possess good and resourceful qualities
Good to know
Optimistic and pessimistic styles and tendencies are relatively
stable traits, but they can be affected by actions and
changed focus of attention
One study found that even naturally pessimistic people who spent one
week doing exercises in which they:
 Identified and wrote down times in the past in which they were at
their best
 Wrote down their personal strengths
 Expressed gratitude to someone they had never properly thanked
 Wrote down three good things that happened that day
Were happier when their happiness levels were measured 6 months later
Seligman, M., Stern, T., Park, N & Peterson, C. (2005). “Positive Psychology progress:
Empirical validation of interventions,” American Psychologist, 60: 410-421.
Creating or restoring hope
Rehabilitating or inviting people into preferred,
compelling positive futures
Elspeth McAdam
. . . A young girl I was working with had experienced
abuse. She walked into my office as a very large girl
with shaved hair, tattoos on her head, and I don't think
she had showered in a week. I had been asked to see
her because she was so angry. She clearly didn't want
to come and see an expletive expletive shrink. She
was very angry at being there. I just said to her,
'You've talked to everybody about your past. Let's talk
about your dreams for the future.' And her whole face
just lit up when she said her dream was to become a
princess. In my mind I could not think of two more
opposite visions–but I took her very seriously. I asked
her about what the concept of princess meant for her.
Elspeth McAdam
She started talking about being a people's princess who would
do things for other people, who would be caring and
generous and a beautiful ambassador. She described a
princess who was slender and well dressed. Over the next
few months, we started talking about what this princess
would be doing. I discovered that, while this girl was 14
and hadn't been attending school for a long time, the
princess was a social worker. I said, 'Okay it is now ten
year's time and you have trained as a social worker. What
university did you go to?' She mentioned one in the north
of England. I asked, 'What did you read [study] there?' She
said, 'I don't know, psychology and sociology and a few
other things like that.' Then I said, 'Do you remember when
you were 14? You'd been out of school for two or three
years. Do you remember how you got back in school?'
Elspeth McAdam
She said, 'I had this psychiatrist who helped me.' I said,
'How did she help you?' And she started talking about
how we made a phone call to the school. I said, "Who
spoke? Did you or her?' She replied, 'The psychiatrist
spoke but she arranged a meeting for us to go to the
school.' I said, 'Do you remember how you shook hands
with the head teacher when you went in? And how you
looked and what you wore?' We went into these minute
details about what that particular meeting was like–
looking from the future back. And she was able to
describe the conversations we had had, how confident
she had been, how well she had spoken, and the
subjects she had talked about. I didn't say any more
about it.
Elspeth McAdam
About a month after this conversation she said to
me, 'I think it's about time we went to the
school, don't you? Can you ring and make an
appointment?' I asked if she needed to talk about
it anymore and she said no, that she knew how
to behave. When we went into the school she
was just brilliant. I first met that girl ten years
ago. Now she is a qualified social worker. She
fulfilled her dream–although she didn't go to the
university she mentioned.
Future-Orientation Research
 Participants in a study were asked to write down their ideal future, in
which all had gone well and they had met their desired hopes and
goals, for a few minutes on 4 consecutive days
 Control groups were asked to write about a traumatic event that had
happened to them for those minutes on 4 days; another was asked to
write about life goals as well as a trauma; another control group was
asked to write about their plans for the day on those 4days
 Results: The “future-oriented” group reported more subjective wellbeing after the experiment than the controls; the trauma and “futureoriented” groups both had less illness when followed up 5 months later
King, L.A. (2001). “The health benefits of writing about life goals,” Personality and Social
Psychology Bulletin, 27:798-807.
Expectancy talk
 When; will
 How quickly?
 Yet; so far
 After; before
Letter From The Future
 Have the client write a letter from their future self to their current self
from a place they are happier and have resolved the issues that are
concerning them now
 From [five years/two months/ten years/one year] from now; let your
intuition and their response guide the time frame; adjust as necessary
 Have them describe where they are, what they are doing, what they
have gone through to get there, and so on
 Have them write about the crucial things they realized or did to get
there or write about some crucial turning points that led to this future
 Give themselves some sage and compassionate advice from the future
Letter From The Future
Use these questions to guide their letter writing:
What have you learned and gained perspective on since back in [fill in
the present date/year]?
What things were you worried or frightened about in those days that
seem trivial or far away for you today?
What problems seemed overwhelming or insurmountable in those days
that you did eventually resolve or overcome?
What sage advice would your future self give to that present self?
What comfort or reassurance would your future self give to your present
self?
Who were you troubled by, frightened by or concerned with that now
doesn’t matter as much?
Exercise: Future Self Letter
 Try writing the future letter to yourself to find out what
it feels like from the inside out
 Try the method with one of your clients/patients within
the next few weeks
Letter to Me (Brad Paisley)
Hope comes from believing your
efforts can make a difference
Carol Dweck and colleagues gave children a fairly simple puzzle and
told half the kids a comment that told them they were smart and
the other half that they must have worked hard to solve the
puzzles. Then they offered them a choice of simple or challenging
puzzles. 90% of the kids who were praised for effort chose the
difficult puzzles; a majority of the kids who were praised for
intelligence chose the easier ones. Then all the kids were given
some difficult puzzles. Then some that were about as easy as the
initial ones. The “work hard” kids did 30% better than they had in
the initial scores, while the “intelligence” kids scores declined by
20%.
A. Cimpian et. al (2007). “Subtle Linguistic Clues Affect Children’s
motivations,” Psychological Science, 18:314-316.
Working backwards from the future

When we are done with therapy and things are better, what will be
happening in your life?

What could you do, think or focus on during the next while that would
help you move a little bit in that direction or would at least be
compatible with it?

If your problem disappeared, what would be different?

•
In your relationships?
•
In your daily life?
•
In your thinking or focus of attention?
•
In your actions?
•
In any other areas?
Is there any part of that you could start to implement in the near future?
Future Pull
“The best thing about the future
is that comes only one day at a
time.” –Abraham Lincoln
Charity
Helping Others as a Path to
Happiness
Contribution/Service,
Compassion and
Forgiveness
Giving
Blessings:
Being an angel or
mentor for
someone
Andrew Clements Blessed example
Ricky Boone Blessed story
Exercise: Finding/identifying
angels, mentors and models
• Who has taken a special interest in you and encouraged
you?
• Who believes or believed in you?
• Who has been/is your mentor?
• Who have been your inspirational models?
• Who has blessed you?
• Who has been your angel?
Gratitude Letters
In research studies, both initiator and recipient of a
gratitude letter report positive outcomes.
Instructions: Write a gratitude letter to a person you
choose, expressing your gratitude and for what and
why, specifically, you are grateful.
If at all possible, deliver it personally and ask the
person to read the letter in your presence.
If personal delivery is not possible, mail, fax, or email
the letter and follow up with a phone call.
Source: Chris Peterson, A Primer in Positive Psychology
Contribution/Service
When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty
small package. –John Ruskin
The Dead Sea (no outlet) vs. The Sea of Galilee
(outlet)
Relevant research
Life satisfaction was shown to increase 24%
with the level of altruistic activity in the
person’s life.
Williams, A., Haber, D., Weaver, G. and Freeman, J. (1998).
“Altruistic activity,” Activities, Adaptation, and Aging, 22:31.
Contribution and Compassion
It’s Not About You!
“We make a living by what we
get. But we make a life by what
we give.” –Winston Churchill
Albert Schweitzer
You must give something to your fellow
men. Even if it is a little thing, do
something for those who have need
of help, something for which you get
no pay but the privilege of giving. . .
The only ones among you who will be
really happy are those who will have
sought and found how to serve.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Rings and jewels are not
gifts, but apologies for
gifts. The only gift is a
portion of thyself.”
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Life's most persistent and urgent
question is: What are you
doing for others?
Contribution
U of Michigan study by Stephanie Brown
•423 older couples- 5 year study
•Couples who reported (unpaid) helping someone else even
as little as once a year were between 40 and 60% less
likely to die than those who reported not helping anyone
else during the previous year
•Examples: volunteering, babysitting for grandchildren;
assisting family members
Brown, Stephanie; Nesse, Randolph; Vinokur, Amiram; and Smith, Dylan. (2003). “Providing
Social Support May Be More Beneficial Than Receiving It: Results From a Prospective Study of
Mortality” Psychological Science, 14:320–27.
I, Me, Mine as a clue to suicide
 About 300 poems from the early, middle and late periods of nine
suicidal poets and nine non-suicidal poets — from the 1800s to
the present — were compared using the computer text analysis
program, Linguistic Inquiry and Word Count (LIWC)
 Textual analysis of poets who committed suicide shows more use
of the words “I,” “me,” and “mine,” when compared with poets
who died of natural causes.
Shannon Wiltsey Stirman and James Pennebaker. (2001). “Word
Use in the Poetry of Suicidal and Nonsuicidal Poets,”
Psychosomatic Medicine, 63:517-522.
Laura King, U of Mo.
“People who want to live a more
fulfilling life should quite reading
self-help books and start helping
others.”
(quoted in Biswas-Diener, R. and Dean, B. (2007).
Positive Psychology Coaching, NY: Wiley.)
W.H. Auden
We are all here on earth to help others;
what on earth the others are here for I
don’t know.
Developing Compassion
Compassion
Passion=Feeling
Com=with
Compassion Research
 Brain scans (fMRI) of long-time meditating Tibetan Buddhist
monks who practice compassionate meditations compared
with controls noted:
 Decreased stress
 Increased activity in brain areas related to empathy
 Increased baseline activity in left pre-frontal cortex
(associated with happiness in other studies)
Lutz A, Brefczynski-Lewis J, Johnstone T, Davidson RJ. (2008). “Regulation of the
Neural Circuitry of Emotion by Compassion Meditation: Effects of Meditative
Expertise.” PLoS ONE 3(3): e1897. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0001897
Forgiveness
"Forgive," according to Webster's New World Dictionary, means:
"to give up resentment against or the desire to punish;
pardon; to overlook an offense; to cancel a debt.”
For more on this subject, visit:
http://www.loveandforgive.org/
http://www.forgiving.org/
Self-Compassion
One study found that people who are unable to
forgive themselves or others also have an
increased incidence of depression and
callousness toward others.
Pargament, K.L., et al. (1998). Journal of Scientific Study of Religion, 37:710-724.
Forgiveness
Robert Enright, Ph.D., an educational psychologist at the
University of Wisconsin-Madison, stresses that true
forgiveness is not:
･Forgetting. If the hurt wounded you enough to require
forgiveness, you may always have a memory of it.
･Excusing or condoning. The wrong should not be denied,
minimized, or justified.
･Reconciling. You can forgive the offender and still choose
not to reestablish the relationship.
･Weakness. You do not become a doormat or oblivious to
cruelty.
Forgiveness research
The act of forgiveness can result in:
Less anxiety
Less depression
Better health outcomes
Increased coping with stress
Increased feelings of closeness to God and others
Worthington, E.L. (ed.) (1997). Dimensions of
Forgiveness: Psychological Research & Theological Perspectives.
PA: Templeton Foundation Press.
Forgiveness steps/process
R.E.A.C.H.
Recall the hurt
Emotional shift
Altrusitic gift of forgiveness for the transgressor
Commitment to emotional shift
Hold onto the forgiveness
Worthington, E.L. (ed.) (1997). Dimensions of Forgiveness: Psychological
Research & Theological Perspectives. PA: Templeton Foundation Press.
Forgiveness research
20 women who had been emotionally abused in relationships
were assigned to either forgiveness training or training in
anger validation, assertiveness and interpersonal skill
building.
Women in the forgiveness group showed significantly greater
improvement in trait anxiety, PTSD, self-esteem, amount of
forgiveness, environmental mastery and finding meaning in
suffering.
Reed, G.L et.al (2006). Journal of Clinical Psychology, October, 920-929.
Forgiveness Letter
Think of the people who have wronged you whom you have
never explicitly forgiven, although you would like to do
so.
Write a letter, not necessarily to be sent, to one of these
individuals describing in concrete terms why you forgive
him or her.
Do not send this letter unless you really want to do so and are
sincere in your forgiveness.
Derived from Chris Peterson’s A Primer in Positive Psychology. NY: Oxford
University Press, 2006.
One way to think of forgiveness
“Turning the other cheek turns out to have selfish
advantages. Someone who does you an injury hurts you
twice: first by the injury itself, and second by taking up
your time afterward thinking about it. If you learn to
ignore injuries you can at least avoid the second half. I've
found I can to some extent avoid thinking about nasty
things people have done to me by telling myself: this
doesn't deserve space in my head. I'm always delighted to
find I've forgotten the details of disputes, because that
means I hadn't been thinking about them. My wife thinks
I'm more forgiving than she is, but my motives are purely
selfish.” –Paul Graham
Fred Luskin’s idea on forgiveness
 It moves the person from a victim story to a hero story
 Some has been active rather than passive
 They have chosen to forgive a wrong; that involves
seizing their power back from the other person or the
situation
Forgiveness
“Never does the human soul appear so
strong and noble as when it forgoes
revenge and dares to forgive an
injury.” –E.H. Chapin
Forgiveness
“Always forgive your enemies;
nothing annoys them so much.”
–Oscar Wilde
Compassion
This is my simple religion.
There is no need for temples;
no need for complicated
philosophy. Our own brain,
our own heart is our temple;
the philosophy is kindness.
–Dalai Lama
Egyptian Afterlife Entry Questions
Have you found joy in your life?
Has your life brought joy to others?
Source: The Bucket List, starring Morgan Freeman and Jack
Nicholson
Best Summary Books
Martin Seligman, Authentic Happiness
Chris Peterson, A Primer in Positive Psychology
Sonja Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness
Eric Weiner, The Geography of Bliss
Dan Gilbert, Stumbling On Happiness
Resources
Journal of Happiness Studies
www.authentichappiness.org
www.pos-psych.com
www.ppc.sas.upenn.edu
www.bus.umich.edu/Positive
www.viastrengths.org
www.centreforconfidence.co.uk
www.psych.uiuc.edu/~ediener
people.virginia.edu/~jdh6n
www.faculty.ucr.edu/~sonja
89.234.4.50/cappeu/index.aspx
Bill O’Hanlon’s info
Websites:
http://www.BillOHanlon.com
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