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Drafting and Revising Effective Sentences Chapter 11 Presented By Blake O'Hare Chris McClune Outline Sentence structure Word choice Language barrier effective sentences Use lists Use bulleted lists, if allowed: TPS reports should be •3-5 pages in length •preceded by a correctlyformatted cover page •stapled within one centimeter of the top left corner of the page effective sentences Use lists Otherwise, number the list items within the paragraph: TPS reports should be (1) 3-5 pages in length, (2) preceded by a correctlyformatted cover page, and (3) stapled within one centimeter of the top left corner of the page. effective sentences Sentence organization Put important information at the end •We anticipate a delay because of the labor problems. •Under special circumstances, the joint could fail. Express parallel elements in parallel structures Awkward: Our current system is costing us profits and reduces our productivity. Parallel: Our current system is costing us profits and reducing our productivity. effective sentences Modifiers •Comma use • Restrictive modifier: Alters the meaning; no comma The office near the window is mine. • Non-restrictive modifier: Can be omitted; use a comma The window, which is broken, overlooks the park. •Don't misplace modifiers • Place as close as possible to the proper referent. effective sentences Sentence Length •Average: 15-20 words •Too long: • 35+ words per sentence, several times in a row •Too short: • Fewer than 10 words •Vary sentence length effective sentences Sentence Length • Avoid long sentences by: • Dividing the sentence in two • Extracting a list from sentence elements • Avoid short sentences by: • Using punctuation to lengthen the sentence • i.e. commas, colons, semicolons • Combining sentences effective sentences Focus on the real subject •Grammatical subject = real subject Unclear: The use of this method eliminates the problem. Clear: This method eliminates the problem. •Common errors • Using grammatical expletives • It is, there is, there are, ... • Hiding the subject in prepositional phrase • Writing in passive voice effective sentences Focus on the real verb •Nominal verb: verb changed to a noun To conduct an analysis instead of To analyze •Weaker verb replaces the original •Causes awkward and confusing sentences effective sentences Outline Sentence structure Word choice Language barrier effective sentences Level of formality •Informal, moderate, or formal •Consider • Audience • Subject • Purpose •Prefer formal to informal effective sentences Be Clear and Specific •In general, use active voice • Shorter sentence • Emphasizes the agent •Problems with passive voice • Can be used unethically to avoid responsibility • Often unclear who did the action •Possible objection to active voice • Emphasizes the person rather than the work effective sentences Passive Voice Check Microsoft Word: Tools Grammar Options Settings effective sentences Be Clear and Specific •Use precise words Automobile rather than vehicle •Provide adequate detail Vague: An engine on the plane experienced some difficulties. Clear: The left engine on the Martin 411 lost power during flight. •Avoid ambiguity effective sentences Be Clear and Specific •Avoid unnecessary jargon •Use positive constructions Difficult: Because the team did not have sufficient time to complete the project... Simpler: Because the team had too little time to complete the project... •Avoid cliches • Be original and fresh effective sentences Be Clear and Specific •Avoid long noun strings Unclear: preregistration procedures instruction sheet Clear: instruction sheet for preregistration procedures •Avoid euphamisms • It's an ethical issue. i.e. Career-change-opportunity creation instead of firing effective sentences Be Concise •Avoid obvious statements •Avoid filler •Filler words: basically, various, kind of, certain •Redundant expressions: past history, still remain, very unique •Avoid unnecessary prepositional phrases effective sentences Be Concise •Avoid wordy phrases Wordy: On a weekly basis Concise: Weekly •Avoid pompous words Pompous: Initiate Plain: Begin effective sentences Use Inoffensive Language •Use nonsexist language • Use non-gender-specific words Firefighters instead of firemen • Switch to the plural or second person • Indicate both genders (i.e. he or she) • Alternate genders from one paragraph to the next effective sentences Use Inoffensive Language •When referring to people with disabilities • • • • Refer to the person first, the disability second Don't confuse handicap with disability Don't refer to victimization Don't refer to a person as wheelchair bound or confined to a wheelchair • Don't refer to people with disabilities as abnormal effective sentences Outline Sentence structure Word choice Language barrier effective sentences Simplified English •Intended for nonnnative speakers •Follows basic grammar rules •Uses a vocabulary of about 1,000 words •Excludes • Words with multiple meanings • Complex terms and phrases effective sentences Preparing Text for Translation • Use short sentences • Average less than 20 words each • Use active voice • Use simple words • Define technical terms in a glossary effective sentences Preparing Text for Translation •Don't use words with multiple meanings Replace right with correct •Be clear when using pronouns •Avoid jokes, puns, and culture-specific references effective sentences Questions? ? effective sentences