Transcript Engaging Fathers

Engaging Fathers
BOB BRINKER, M.A.
PARENT AND COMMUNITY
EDUCATION
SPECIALIST
“Childrearing advice has always been dispensed as if
men and women look at parenting through the same lens
– or with the basic assumption that only mothers would
be listening anyway..…. Parenting advice is really a
euphemism for ‘mothering advice.”
Why Parents Disagree
Dr. Ron Taffel
Golden Rule
“If we hope to attract, engage, and retain fathers we
must honor the differences between moms and
dads, acknowledging these differences as just that,
differences without implying that one style of
parenting should be preferred over the other.”
Parenting Styles
Dad's Style
Mom’s Style
 Stronger focus on
 Stronger focus on the
behavior
 Rough and tumble play
 Big Picture/down the
road
 Teaching about
life(problem solving
approach)
relationship
 Calmer, relaxed form
of play
 Details/here and now
 Teaching about
emotions and empathy
Father Friendly Programming
 Why – critical to program success
 Why – leads to happy, well-adjusted children and
families
 Why – you will more effectively engage fathers and
strengthen families and communities
 Why – children are less likely to engage in drugs,
drop out of school, live in poverty,
engage in sexual activity.
Father Friendly Check-Up
National Fatherhood Initiative
www.fatherhood.org
Leadership development
2. Organizational development
3. Program development
4. Community engagement
1.
Keys to Effective Father
Engagement
“What I hear, I forget. What
I see, I remember. What I do,
I understand.”
Confucius
Belief System
 Dads matter.
 Dads and moms are different
 Children want and need their fathers.
 Fathers come in different situations and
circumstances.
 Father’s role is greatly influenced by culture.
 An absent/noninvolved father does not necessarily.
indicate a lack of love towards his children.
Dad’s Matter
“One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.”
George Herbert
“Like father, like son.”
Latin Proverb
“You have to dig deep to bury your father.”
Gypsy Proverb
Dad’s Matter
“The most important thing a father can do for his
children is to love their mother.”
Theodore Hesburg
“Don’t be the man you think you should be. Be the
father you wished you had.”
Letty C. Pogrebin
Fathers
SINGLE DADS
MARRIED DADS
DIVORCED/SEPARATED DADS
INCARCERATED DADS
DEPLOYED/MILITARY DADS
FOSTER/ADOPTIVE DADS
STEPDADS
TEEN DADS
Barriers to Father
Involvement
WHAT KEEPS
DADS AWAY?
Roadblocks to Father Involvement
 Incarceration
 Mothers as gatekeepers
 Personal problems
 Lack of confidence in
 Finances
 Distance
 Deployment
 Emotional pain
parenting skills
 Children to other
relationships
 Culture/societal
expectations
 Lack of problems
Fresh Prince
PAPA’S GOT A
BRAND NEW
EXCUSE
Inadequate Fathering
Absent father
Disengaged/uninvolved father
Abusive father
Critical father
A Father’s Job
Description
DEFINING
FATHERHOOD
The Good Father
The Bad Father
Fathers
Provide
Protect
Nurture
Teach
Working with Fathers
WHAT WORKS?
Five Principles
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
The ability to parent successfully is a learned set of
behaviors.
Mothers and fathers parent differently using their
unique gifts that can be referred to as mothering
and fathering.
There all universal aspects of fathering that exist in
all cultures.
Any father, given a chance, can be a great father
and parent.
The facilitator is critical to the program’s success.
Bob’s Guide for Working with
Dads
Honor their Knowledge and Strengths
 Life experiences.
 Dealt with adversity (hear their stories).
 Use a strength-based solution-focused model (what’s




working).
Help them know that they are important.
Create a vision (“I have a dream!”).
Support them in their quest.
Celebrate their successes.
Make it Fun and
Interactive
MEN DISCLOSE AND
SHARE MORE
WHILE DOING!
It’s More than a
Parenting Program
REDEFINING
FATHERHOOD
The Great
Santini
Help Men Heal
HEALING THE
FATHER WOUNDS
SATISFYING OUR
FATHER HUNGER
Field of Dreams
“If you build it, he will come!”
“Forgiveness is giving up
your hope for a different
past.”
There’s wisdom in the wound.
Sharing Our Wisdom
Bob Brinker
ParentWISE of FSWP
211 Huff Ave., Suite 1
Greensburg, PA 15601
724-837-5410 ext. 704
[email protected]