Transcript Psychology 3533 Understanding Human Sexuality

ATTRACTION, LOVE, INTIMACY ETC.
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Love
Lust
Attraction
Chemistry
Intimacy
Friendship
Romance
Passion
Marriage?
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Until about 150 years ago, marriage was not
about two people in love.
 The purpose of marriage: meet the needs of the
group by forming alliances with other groups.
 Through the ages, marriage was an economic
and political alliance: dowry, land, mutual
defence and enough people to produce wealth,
work the land, exchange goods.
 Husband and wife depended on each other to
run the family enterprise, neither could do it
alone.
 Most
important source of social security,
medical care and economic support and
survival.
 Being so important for so many people,
marriages were not decided by the man
and woman alone based on attraction.
 Love and lust were abundant, but
unrelated to marriage.
 Factors
that helped usher the love
marriage:
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industrialization: individual has more value
affluence: less dependence on family
literacy: romantic novels
later, movies
increased longevity
secularization
women financially independent
lower birth rate
 19th
century: W. Europe and N. America
accept new view: husbands as providers
and wives as nurturing homemakers. But
only by the 1950s could a family survive
on only one salary.
 Love based marriage means that if love
fizzles, the couple need not stay together:
rise of divorce.
 Expectations
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are high:
love
passion
friendship
mutual liking and appreciation
sharing many interests
companionship
intimacy
commitment
equal participation
economic partnership
 Disappointments
also tend to be high.
ATTRACTION:
 What makes us feel attracted to another
person?
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familiarity
propinquity (geographical closeness)
complementarity (opposites attract)
similarity (birds of a feather…)
income, profession, status, power (especially
for men)
common values: long term
personality: short and long term
Chemistry of attraction:
 Arousal: phenylethylamine (PEA)
 Touch: endorphins
 Touch: oxytocin
 Arousal short lived: 6-24 months
 Depletion of neurochemicals, wear and tear
 Some people become addicted: change partners
often
 Also, lack of accurate information: belief in
passionate love forever
 Historical, generational differences
Chemistry of attraction (Cont’d):
 DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone):
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secreted by adrenal glands
weak androgen
most sex hormones as well as pheromones,
derived from it.
same amount for males and females in
bloodstream
 Pheromones:
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derived from DHEA
sexual signals for both sexes
sensed by the vomeronasal organ
Chemistry of attraction (Cont’d):
 Oxytocin:
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pituitary
released when touching or being touched by
loved ones, even not in a couple relationship
seen as important for attachment
involved in parental behaviours
Chemistry of attraction (Cont’d):
 PEA (phenylethylamine):
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called “the molecule of love”
euphoria
amphetamine-like substance
produced in brain capillaries (endothelium)
and in catecholaminergic terminals
low PEA levels associated with depression
some depressions successfully treated with
PEA
some people become addicted to the PEA
“high” and change partners frequently to get
it, as it’s higher early in a relationship
Chemistry of attraction (Cont’d):
 Estrogen:
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makes women sexually attractive and
receptive
skin, lips, hair, fatty padding (curves), breasts,
hips
 Testosterone:
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increases sex drive in both sexes
too much is counterproductive
Chemistry of attraction (Cont’d):
 Endorphins:
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produced in the brain
released also in response to touch and sex
positive feelings
 Progesterone:
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testosterone antagonist
lowers sex drive
in the pill, it lowers sex drive too
mild sedative, calming effect
Chemistry of attraction (Cont’d):
 Serotonin:
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neurotransmitter
at low levels intensifies sex drive
at high levels decreases it
antidepressants elevate serotonin – decrease
sex drive
 Dopamine:
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neurotransmitter associated with all pleasures
related to substance addiction
increases sex drive, promotes action
Chemistry of attraction (Cont’d):
 Prolactin:
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decreases sex drive, especially in men
(couvade)
 Vasopressin:
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hormone produced by pituitary
antidiuretic
increases blood volume and blood pressure
“monogamy molecule”
modulates testosterone
levels extremes of feelings
increases focus in lovemaking
Chemistry of attraction (Cont’d):
 All these substances fluctuate during the
day and with age and environmental
events.
 The “high” is short lived (6-30 months).
 Cultural belief in “passionate love forever”.
Passionate love vs. companionate love:
 Passionate love: bonds in initial stages,
flares up occasionally. May or may not
lead to long-term. Not useful to weather
hurdles of life.
 Companionate love: warm, steady bond,
more realistic for long haul, friendship,
knowledge of partner, acceptance ‘warts
and all’, long-term commitment.
 Different couples have different mix of
each. In some, passionate love reawakens
in empty-nest phase.
LOVE STYLES:
• eros
• ludus
• storge
• pragma
• mania
• agape
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Eros:
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Ludus:
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logical, “shopping list”, planned choice based on logic and
practical considerations
Mania:
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friendship love, friends that over time become a couple, friends
even if they break up
Pragma:
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game-playing love, having two or more loves concurrently,
dangling on a string, not serious
Storge:
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romantic, passionate love, physical chemistry, instant attraction,
intense, satisfying
Possessive and dependent love, unable to sleep or eat, frantic if
loved one out of range, can’t concentrate on anything else.
Agape:
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Self-sacrificing love, spiritual, selfless.
THEORETICAL APPROACHES
Sociobiology:
 The purpose of attraction is to propagate the
species, transmission of genetic material.
 Attractive characteristics are those that
maximize survival of the species.
 Women: young and healthy, physical
attractiveness highly correlated.
 Males: good providers, tall and strong and with
obvious material means.
 Speculation, no proof in favour, proof against.
SOME THEORIES OF ATTRACTION
(Cont’d):
 Byrne’s Law: more reinforcements than
punishments
Berscheid and Walster’s Two Component
Theory:
1. physiological arousal, undifferentiated,
adrenaline: heart rate, blood pressure,
respiration, etc.
2. cognitive attribution: how we explain
arousal. Influenced by situational cues.
E.g. exercise, Capilano bridge
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory:
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passion
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intimacy
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commitment
Best match: partners similar in all three
Many theorists underline capacity for
intimacy:
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physical:
non -sexual
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sensual
sexual
emotional:
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trust
self-disclosure (mutual)
vulnerability
security
Some cultures confuse sensual and sexual
intimacy, leading to touch deprivation.
 Touch deprivation can lead to:
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depression
sexual deviance
inappropriate use of sex
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intimacy:
based on early experiences.
 Erikson:
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trust vs. mistrust (1st year of life)
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Ainsworth Attachment Theory:
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secure attachment
insecure anxious ambivalent
insecure anxious avoidant
disorganized
(mothers and infants)
Plus
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Generational differences:
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innate temperament
environmental influences
historical influences
concept of love
Gender differences
Bartholomew and Horowitz (1991)
 Attachment styles:
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secure
preoccupied
dismissing
fearful
 Secure:
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see self as lovable, expect others to be
accepting and responsive
 Preoccupied:
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see self as unlovable but see others
positively, seek acceptance by them
Bartholomew and Horowitz (1991) (Cont’d)
 Dismissing:
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see self as lovable but see other negatively,
may put up barriers for self-protection
 Fearful:
see self and others negatively,
avoid relationships
 Importance of childhood, family history.
Can lead to ‘dysfunctional’ relationships.
 Ability
to have long-term, satisfying
relationships is related to identity
development.
 Four identity types:
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identity achieving
moratorium
diffuse
foreclosed
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in identity achieving:
self knowledge
ability to focus on each other (not selfabsorbed)
sensitive to partner’s feelings and needs
good communication
equal power
good conflict management
stable relationship
 Partners
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with foreclosed identity:
settled early, no search for alternatives
accept everything from older generation
rigid
stable relationships if no change
many couples who married in the 50s with
foreclosed identities are divorcing now
 Partners
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in moratorium identity:
identity in crisis
self-preoccupied, not sensitive enough to
partner’s emotional needs
alternate between avoidance and
engagement
unstable relationship
 Partners
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with diffuse identity:
mutual dependency
not trying to achieve separate identities
rely on each other for self-definition
make excessive demands on partner
threatened if one attempts independence
communication vague
repression of conflict and hostility
very susceptible to external pressures:
• adult responsibilities, finances, parents/in-laws,
arrival of children
TYPES OF INTIMACY
 Mutual intimacy:
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commit part of self to union but retain
individuality
strong degree of commitment
equal sharing of power
high levels of communication
same basic values
accurate perception of partner’s needs
good conflict resolution
 Pseudointimacy:
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interaction at superficial level
low level of true communication
conflict avoidance rather than resolution
can last if mutually convenient
can have similar values
 Merger:
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one dominant partner, one submissive
can last if values remain same
rigid roles
relate in stereotyped ways
low awareness of partner’s emotional needs
MARRIAGE:
Young adulthood (20-45)
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(Erikson):
Independence/loneliness
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Intimacy/loss of freedom
 Advantages:
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intimacy (emotional, physical, sexual)
interdependence (sharing resources and
tasks)
belongingness (Maslow)
shared parenting
continuity (memories, habits)
shared identities (partial)
men: better mental, physical health, longevity
 Disadvantages:
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constraints of shared decisions
loss of privacy
need to accept other’s habits, quirks
responsibilities
women: double shift, others come first
TYPES OF MARRIAGE:
• Traditional
• Modern (Sr./Jr. Partners)
• Contemporary
Subjective perceptions differ from objective
assessments: partners tend to see equality
where outside observers don’t.
COHABITATION:
 More common today:
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POSSLQ: Persons of the Opposite Sex
Sharing Living Quarters
Young adults: “courtship”, usually precedes
marriage
Middle-aged and old: widowed or divorced
SAME SEX COUPLES:
 Men:
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Relatively low % monogamous
 Women:
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Higher % monogamy, serial monogamy
common
SEX AND MARRIAGE:
 Enormous individual differences
 Frequency higher before children and after
empty nest
 Couples satisfied with sex report
satisfaction with marriage overall
 Actively religious women report better sex
life in marriage, more orgasms. In
decreasing order: Jewish, Protestant,
Catholic
Cultural Differences:
1. Group/family orientation: collectivistic
2. Individual orientation: individualistic
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individual wants less important than group
needs and decision
individuals more important
 Immigrants:
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intergenerational conflicts
 Arranged
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marriages:
pragmatic vs. love marriages
 Importance
of social support