Transcript The Personal Statement - Vista Unified School District

AGENDA Thurs 5/3
Ticket in: Notes Summaries
Mind Mover #36: Would you accept this student?
Calendar
Personal Statement Overview
Draft of Personal Statement #1
HW: Tutorial Request Tues 5/8 & AVID Stu Profile
Personal Statement Draft #1: Due Thurs 5/10
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Calendar / Announcements
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Notes Checks:—3rd Grading Period
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Scholarship Applications
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Thurs5/3
Thurs 5/17
2 each grading period:
3rd 2 applications Due: Thurs 5/24
Mind Movers (15) Due: Thurs 5/24
Community Service Proof (10 hours): Thurs 5/24
Personal Statements (2) DUE: Thurs 5/24
3A. ESSAY:
IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR
COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT,
BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE
FOLLOWING QUESTION:
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ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR
ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE
YOU AS A PERSON?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and
crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train
stations on my lunch breaks, making them more
efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate
ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write awardwinning operas, I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike
trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe
inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook ThirtyMinute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert
in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I
once single-handedly defended a small village
in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious
army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was
scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of
numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I
build large suspension bridges in my yard. I
enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays,
after school, I repair electrical appliances free
of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a
ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my
original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't
perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan
mail. I have been caller number nine and have won
the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New
Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force
demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral
arrangements have earned me fame in international
botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with
deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby
Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had
time to refurbish an entire dining room that
evening. I know the exact location of every food
item in the supermarket. I have performed several
covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week;
when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on
vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a
group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.
The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all
paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in
full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the
meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have
made extraordinary four course meals using only a
mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning
clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving
competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the
Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed
open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to college.
The Personal Statement
How To Make It Personal
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Your Information on your transcripts will tell the
colleges if you meet the minimum requirements for
acceptance.
However, it is the personal statement that is your
one chance to let them know who you are as an
individual and to explain things that are not seen by
your transcripts.
Therefore, there is a need to WOW them if you are
to be in the running of a competitive university.
Steps to an Awesome Admissions Essay
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Find your own style and tone
1. Strive to write in a style that reads like a conversation with a friend,
(w/o all the “uhms” & “like’s”).
2. Don’t try too hard to be funny. It’s ok to be lighthearted and show
some subtle humor, but don’t specifically write a humorous essay. – No
Puns!
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Be forceful and opinionated, but don’t offend.
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Avoid whining, complaining or appearing bitter, sarcastic, angry or
aggressive.
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Avoid coming across as overly humble. Do show some confidence.
The All-Important Opening Sentence
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Remember 1st impressions are important.
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1. Don’t introduce yourself, “Hello, my name is..”
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2. Don’t ask the reader’s permission to tell him or her about yourself, “
Please permit me to discuss my…”
3. Stay away from term-paper style introductory paragraphs. Don’t
reiterate the topic or question.
4. Don’t itemize the points in a list.
5. In other words, break all the rules you learned in English class for
writing term papers.
Ending Your Essay (not conclusion)
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Do provide closure- full-circle approach
Do use the final sentences to end any suspense end any
suspense and answer all questions
Do use short, forceful sentences to end your essay.
Don’t address the admissions committee or ask them to
admit you.
Don’t use words like; “finally”, “in sum”, in “conclusion”.
Don’t repeat or sum up in any way- it should stand alone.
Don’t end your essay with a quotation.
Stylistic Do’s:
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Do use analogies (metaphors & similies) to convey your message, just
don’t overdo it.
Do incorporate dialogue, but think twice about using a screenplay
approach.
Do use more short sentences than long ones. Don’t take it to an
extreme though. Mix things up a bit. It should flow when read aloud.
Do use logical paragraph breaks. No one sentence paragraphs.
Do use the active voice instead of the passive voice.
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(active) The applicant wrote an outstanding essay.
(passive) A less-than-outstanding essay was written by the applicant.
Stylistic Don’ts
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Don’t tell the reader explicitly, “I am a unique,
interesting person.” Let it show from your essay.
Don’t mimic or parody a well-known writer or literary
work.
Don’t be a dummy and dabble in dumb alliterations.
Don’t start too many sentences with “I”.
Don’t use the phrase “a lot of” a lot of applicants use
“ a lot of” a lot of the time.
California State University
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No Personal Statement requirement
www.csumentor.com
Scholarships may require statements
University of California
Instructions and Prompts
 Respond to both prompts, using a maximum of 1,000 words
total. You may allocate the word count as you wish.
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If you choose to respond to one prompt at greater length, we suggest
your shorter answer be no less than 250 words.
Stay within the word limit as closely as you can. A little over — 1,012
words, for example — is fine.
Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)
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Describe the world you come from — for example, your family,
community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your
dreams and aspirations.
Prompt #2 (all applicants)
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Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution
or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or
accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person
you are?
University of Southern California
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The 18th century French philosopher Denis Diderot said, "Only
passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great
things." Describe one of your passions and discuss its
contributions to your personal growth.
Thomas Edison failed many times before successfully
inventing the modern electric light bulb. He said, "If I find
10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not
discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is
another step forward." Reflect on an accomplishment you
achieved in an unlikely way.
Newton's First Law of Motion states that an object in motion
tends to stay in motion in the same direction unless acted
upon by an external force. Tell us about an external influence
(a person, an event, etc.) that affected you and how it caused
you to change direction.